bit of a moan

[brooke]

Ive been feeling quite down recently dont really know why i just feel useless i know i cant work because i want to be here for my boys and i dont even want to work really but i just feel well i dont know really

Ive been trying really hard recently to be positive and my son has improved so much recently i really am pleased but just as he is making good progress my youngest who i think is asd he is 2yrs is just going through a difficult patch and i just feel like noone understands. I feel selfish even writing this as i know im lucky to have my 3 boys and family. Ive just had a lock fitted to my bedroom as he kept going in and trashing my room but he has just started using the bathroom now instead i feel like im a prison gaurd constantly saying no or dont do this or that. Sorry for moaning but i just feel i need to get this of my chest i normally bottle things up.

Brooke

[forbsay]

Oh. please don't be hard on yourself. You are doing a good job but sometimes life is hard eh? It can be a total rollercoaster.

 

You are not selfish writing what you did - hope it helped telling us. And I am positive you will get lots of support and encouragement from the forum,

 

Sending you lots of hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> .

 

PM me anytime.

 

Take care

 

Forbsay

xx

[brooke]

thanks forbsay <'>

[ASue67]

DOn't be so hard on yourself! Life is hard enough bringing up children especially with the added issues that come with asd.

We all feel like giving in and hiding sometimes and then I think it is quite normal to feel guilt about how we are feeling.

 

You are not on your own hun even if it may feel that way.

 

Sending you a big hug and hope you feel a bit better in the morning <'> <'>

[Bard]

You've got three high-energy boys, and a home to run. So sometimes it must feel as if there's not enough space for you to have a life too.

Several years ago, a doctor asked me what my hobbies were.

And I thought...and thought...

And I couldn't think of a single activity that I did that I hadn't given up as my children grew up and became all-absorbing. Judo, drama, karate, scuba-diving, cubs, guides.. my week was filled with my children's needs, they were happy and I was disappearing.

I'd even lost my name along the way, Muuuuum, Miiiissss, I was someone's mother, someone's wife and someone else's teacher.

It's a very difficult phase to go through, but it does pass.

You need to find a small place, a small time that is your own. A huge space would be better, but it gets eroded by all the tiny pieces of you that other people take, like being nibbled to bits by loving little pirahna.

Find yourself a breathing space, and keep it free.

I started with a half hour walk, at the weekend, on my own. Sometimes I'd take a book and sit and read for a while.

I do Tai Chi, one hour a week, very close to home. I don't make it every week, but my space is written on the calendar, so my family know that it's my time for me.

You're not moaning or grumpy. I once yelled at my OH 'What I need is a wife!'

[hev]

broe it is very draining when its all about looking after other peoples needs and our needs seem to get lost somewhere,dont ever feel like you cant offload on here,we all know exactly how you feel and understand <'> <'>

i hope you feel better tomorrow

[elun1]

<'> <'> You ARE working, every single day you are with your boys. Bard's right - you need to carve out a little bit of 'me' time - I really do know that's easier said than done but you need a bit of time that just belongs to you. I'm a teacher and it's so true in Bard's post - when my boys are not shouting 'muuum' the children at school are shouting 'miiissss' and sometimes I really could just scream and run - it just gets too much. You are doing well - it's such a difficult time - when O (ASD) was 2 my head was all over the place - OKish one minute and a total mess the next.

Take care xxx <'>

[brooke]

thank you all for your kind words it really does help <'> <'>

[pragmatic]

Brooke, <'> >< <'> >< <'>

 

 

Glad you are feeling a bit better, please please don't beat yourself up- life is doing this already--- you are working every single minute- it is weired how the society regards mums who are working every minute inside their home as 'not working' and how this is transfered to our subconscious minds-- I remember a post in this forum a month or so ago (sorry can't remember who said that) about mothers being research associates and grans being senior research associates-- it is actually very true and more.

 

 

<'> >< <'> ><

 

 

Please cheer up and as a lot rightly said a little regular 'me time' can go a long way.

[welshie]

bringing up your three is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but i understand how you feel i often wanted something outsiede of the caring role and family life especailly when my 3 were small life seems to swallow you up in children and housework.It does get a little easier when there older there's little bits of escape i try and do something for me 2 or 3 times a week when the children are in school.

Good luckfor you and your boys take care

Rachel xx

[sash]

Please don't be hard on yourself. Although you may not be 'going out to work' you are doing the hardest and most valuable job of all (only without the pay to go with it )

 

If its any consolation some days I sit down at the end and cant think of one positive thing Ive said to my boy all day...only nagged

 

<'>

Sash

[brooke]

i think part of my problem IS that my youngest is going to be starting playgroup in sept so i will have 4 mornings a week where i dont have the boys but while most people say make the most of it i feel im losing part of my job and i will feel very lazy like i should be doing something, but again i cant work around school hrs I am going to volunteer to help out at school.

 

I think a lot of it is society one minute they're on the news saying mothers should work the next mothers who do work are being told their children will suffer if they go back to work too soon we cant win.

 

I think though what im trying to say is i feel guilty when i have time to myself and im sad that soon all my boys will be at full time school and il be sat in the house feeling judged by everyone for not working even though im happy to be a housewife. Sorry if that doesnt make sense, and sorry for feeling sorry for myself!

[forbsay]

Brooke, you do what is right for you. Does not matter what anyone else thinks or says.......................

 

Take care and hugs <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Forbsay

xx

[allie]

Stop saying sorry, you are entitled to feel that way. My youngest starts full time in reception in september and I keep feeling that everyone expects me to go out and find a job. I've been helping in the schools for the last couple of years which does help, but come september I also know that we will have a hard time with C (eldest with ASD) settling back into school and all my energy will be used up by helping him!!!

 

Keep your chin up, I'm sure you are doing a fab job. Bring up 3 boys is more than most could cope with

[Pets74]

my son is 13 and obviously at school full time. i get called by my own family for not getting a job, but how do you hold down a job on 2 hours sleep a night? who will give me a job when he comes down with one bug after another.

 

yes i feel like a complete sponger and i would love to be something other than someones mum for a couple hours a day but how is it possible. my brothers solution was to "put it in a home then you can get a job and pay back society for everything you have sponged off us".

 

anyway enough about me. i think the most important job in the world is raising your family, and special needs children need a lot more help than most and then there is the worry etc etc. it's a 24/7 job. i forced myself to take time out for me, whether it be a bath with no one banging on the door, or half hour sat outside with a book and a brew. it's like trying to claw back who you are.

 

big hugs to you and hope you feel a bit better about everything soon. <'>

Edited August 24, 2007 by Pets74

[dooday24]

sending u loads of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

u work really hard lokking after yr kids 24 hrs aday for not even the minimal wage i think that is brilliant.

dont worry wat other people think

love donnaxxxxxxxxxxx

[Pets74]

I think a lot of it is society one minute they're on the news saying mothers should work the next mothers who do work are being told their children will suffer if they go back to work too soon we cant win.

 

I think though what im trying to say is i feel guilty when i have time to myself and im sad that soon all my boys will be at full time school and il be sat in the house feeling judged by everyone for not working even though im happy to be a housewife. Sorry if that doesnt make sense, and sorry for feeling sorry for myself!

think if society had our job they may think twice about the twaddle they spout. you don't have to justify your life to anyone.

[Kathryn]

i think part of my problem IS that my youngest is going to be starting playgroup in sept so i will have 4 mornings a week where i dont have the boys but while most people say make the most of it i feel im losing part of my job and i will feel very lazy like i should be doing something, but again i cant work around school hrs I am going to volunteer to help out at school.

 

I think a lot of it is society one minute they're on the news saying mothers should work the next mothers who do work are being told their children will suffer if they go back to work too soon we cant win.

 

I think though what im trying to say is i feel guilty when i have time to myself and im sad that soon all my boys will be at full time school and il be sat in the house feeling judged by everyone for not working even though im happy to be a housewife. Sorry if that doesnt make sense, and sorry for feeling sorry for myself!

 

Don't feel guilty. Take at least a term to be purely self indulgent and do stuff that makes you happy without pressure. You deserve it! After that if you want to do a job - paid or unpaid, there's plenty of stuff around - but don't feel forced into it.

 

It's hard to fit in a job around children - there are just so many holidays to work around and find childcare for. I enjoy my part time job but I only started when my youngest was 7 - I couldn't have done it before then.

 

I think many (paid) working mothers who appear to succeed in both roles have a mum in the background ready to help out in emergencies when necessary.

 

K x

[brooke]

think if society had our job they may think twice about the twaddle they spout. you don't have to justify your life to anyone.

 

That made me laugh pets74!! thank you again for all your kind reply's i am feeling better it might have something to do with a certain someone going to visit grandma though

[Bagpuss]

Glad things are looking up Brooke. Don't feel bad about being home when the kiddies are at playschool/school. Try and fill your time with things you enjoy <'>

[hev]

glad you feeling bit better today brooke <'> <'>

[pepper]

definately dont EVER feel that you are not working when my children ( 3, eldest AS/ADD ) were younger i had 6 p/t jobs, all was fine if they were well......but as we all know - nothing ever runs smooth - i never want the amount of stress in my life like that again. I'm amazed im sane ( alledgedly PMSL)

 

Im happy to hold one small p/t job now, i can get cover for if any child is ill, the fact we have very little disposable income is my choice, on balance, my children have 100% of my time ( ok 50% as im on the pc a fair bit LOL) and i'm happy and more relaxed and hopefully so are they - mine are all older now and it does get easier - ALOT easier - just hang in there chanting that mantra to yourself - and go see if a family member / good freind - could mind the kids for an hour now and then? even if its so you can have a long peaceful soak in the bath - ( something im still waiting for as only one loo here and my bathroom can be like paddington train station! )

 

xx pep

[elun1]

<'> Hi Brooke - really glad you are feeling a bit better today. Don't feel under pressure when little one goes to playgroup. I didn't have a job when mine were pre-school and used to spend the morning recovering from the night (O didn't believe in sleep even back then!) and perhaps tidying round a bit and ironing, anything to take the pressure off later in the day. Always remember you ARE working - there is absolutely no harder job than being a mum, especially to our special children. Funny thing is I never actually made a decision to go back to work, it kind of crept up on me with a few hours here and there on supply and was then offered a permanent 2 day a week job share with a really good friend of mine who has always supported me. It's only since my hours have crept up and next year I'm job sharing with the boss that things have become overwhelming. I didn't take on this job though until both boys at school all day. You are doing so well with your boys. There is no harder job in the world

Elun xxx <'> <'>