i dont understand my feelings

[hev]

steves just phoned me from school and he said i dont want to keep it a secret from you mum but im meeting my dad at the weekend so i said oh how did that happen steve and apparently he rang the inlaws from school to ask his dad to phone him and he asked his dad to meet him which they are weekend.

 

my worries are will the ex turn up?

why has it made me feel shaky?steve knows none of how im feeling,i said oh thats good love but i know the ex dont care about him at all,but do people change do you think?im not sure if f im jealous,i dont know

[Enid]

Jealous, I would be! scared, in case he gets hurt, angry in case he gets hurt, surprised, that he still contacted him after last week, fear, alll of the above I bet, its because you love him soo much, its because youre his Mum, sending you loads of <'> <'> <'> <'> . Enid

[hev]

im annoyed cos it took steve to ring him again even though the ex had his number and im annoyed with myself cos i was fuming that he didnt want to know steve and now hes agreed to meet him im still annoyed,i dont think he will turn up to be honest,in an ideal world i would love it to work out,im just going to see how it all works out and be there for steven

[JsMum]

Or hev here some hugs, I would insist that the meet up be arranged somewhere there is support, could the school in anyway be involved in maybe a meeting place with staff around, surely after all these years of no contact the best start would be some supervised visits or at least in a place steve feels safe.

 

Mediation may be a good idea, and some councilling if the contact fails as the disapointment will really hurt your son emotionally, in some ways its really nice the relationship with his father may be the beginning but from the sounds of it its going need a really slow and supported start.

 

JsMum

[jo jones]

hev big, big hugs to u,,,, i know how u are feeling and it is heart wrenching to go through,,,i always pushed for the ex to see my eldest but i always told him that it was his choice to go with him,, he is now 17 and says to me that he understands why i didnt marry him but why did i stay with him for soo long?(11 long years),,jarrad says he is selfish,, and still now when jarrad goes there his dad spends most of the weekend in the pub!!!!!!!,so no time spent with him!!!!! everyone says he is a credit to me in the way i have brought him up on my own,, leit him make the choices,, and i have let it take it's natural course,,, ###### hard i know but steve will make a choice and will definately have an opinion on his dad after they meet up,,, try not too worry too much,, i dont think people change that much but the ex will suddenly realise that at 14 steve is gona be questioning him and will need answers,,they do forget that kids do grow up,,,,,,,and are not to be palmed off with ###### excuses,,,,,love to u all ,,your emotions are gona be all over the place but try and be strong for you and steve ,,,,,,,,,, <'> <'> <'>

[pearl]

Hope it goes ok hev. I'd be worried too. <'> Think its something he has to go through though.

[soraya]

This is obviously something steve really wants to do, l expect as he has got older, he wants to see what his Dad is like, fingers crossed for you both, you neverr know it might be ok. Sending lots of <'> <'>

[warrenpenalver]

Hope it goes ok and he doesnt get hurt. <'> >< <'> >< <'>

[Bagpuss]

I think what you are feeling is perfectly natural Hev given the circumstances and what has taken place in the past <'> <'>

[mossgrove]

<'> <'>

 

There are all kinds of contradictory feelings going on inside your head at the moment, so it is completely understandable if you don't understand them all straight away.

 

Take care.

 

Simon

[oxgirl]

I can understand how anxious you'd be, hev. Is it possible, do you think, that after Steve's request to change his name that it got the ex thinking about his lad and what he'd missed out on over the years? The fact that he's agreed to meet Steve shows there must be a bit of interest there and it's natural that Steve would want to meet him after all this time. I can't really imagine how scary it is for you, not having been there myself, but I really hope it works out well and that they at least have a pleasant meeting whether anyhing comes of it afterwards or not. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Frangipani]

Only natural to feel anxious hun as you didn't get a chance to prepare yourself.

 

Could you do some swimming to help you relax, help you relax a bit.

 

Hope it all works out for Steve's peace of mind.

 

<'> <'> <'>

[Suze]

BIG HUGS Hev <'> ..................my worry for you is that this could unsettle Steve when things at the moment are going o.k. for him.I,d hate for this to upset him and then he gets himself in trouble at school again .Is it possible to contact his dad and instill in him how Steve has been emotionally over the last few years and how he really needs to do this right for Steve.If he c*cks this up it could have dire effects on Steve,s wellbeing, and cosequently yours.Hope it can be worked out so he and you don,t get hurt , love suzex.

[baddad]

<'> <'>

[hev]

well the meet is saturday in town,steve wants to go on his own and hes very capable of that so im going with what steve wants really,if it works out thats brill but if it doesnt i will be here for him as always,its something he feels he wants to do so i am not going to stand in his way.

 

this parenting lark is very painful though

[smiley]

<'> <'> <'>

[Enid]

Sure is Hev, blumming painful. will be watching for your posts on saturday, keep strong. <'> <'> Enid

[Clare63]

Hope its all works out Ok.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[hev]

dreading saturday,i know he dont love him like i love him and im not treating it like a competition its just how could you not contact your child for 11 years even though you know where they live,even though ive never denied access,steve had to contact him,he dont deserve that boys love the way he treated him,oh well hopefully it will go ok saturday,

[Enid]

good luck for tomorrow, keeping everything crossed for you both <'> <'> Enid

[Kathryn]

You must have so many mixed feelings about this, hev, and it must be so hard to keep a lid on them all for Steve's sake, and to stand back and let things take their course. I think you're handling this brilliantly and I hope tomorrow goes OK for Steve.

 

<'>

 

K x

[elun1]

<'> Hope tomorrow is ok hev

xx

[Tally]

Thinking of you all today Hev.

 

T xx

<'> ><

[hev]

steve got his days mixed up hes meeting him tomorrow at 3,im hoping he will turn up but if he dont we have got a little holiday on monday so that will take his mind off things,bit nervous today i am