hev Report post Posted June 1, 2008 thought stevens alcohol phase was well and truly behind him,oh no its not i thought he was at mums,got a phone call to say he was paraletic on my bro in laws floor i went down there,i was banging on the door i saw someone look out of upstairs window and they still didnt open door anyway i kept banging,no answer so there was some hardboard covering the door so i pushed that in to let myself in,wrong persons door though in my temper i got wrong flat went to right flat eventually and steve in hallway,kept trying to wake him up so i called ambulance,worry about epilepsy,as i was talking to them on phone he woke up and after doing what they said they cancelled the ambulance because he could walk and talk,got him upstairs and he fell asleep then started screaming f off heather at top of his voice over and over this is a different bro in law by the way,im going to police today to report the off licence for selling him alcohol when hes underage,anyway there was no moving him so bro in law said he could stay there to sleep it off and k was here with a neighbour,im so upset with him,i hate the way he treats me,hes going to have a strong punishment for this one but i dont know what it is yet Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted June 1, 2008 Hev <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 1, 2008 Oh Hev, wot a nightmare, its propably only due to him being upset about his dad, but lots of teens get drunk, am dreading it with ds as he is on resperidone, my oldest ds was 19 at the weekend and was drunk for the first time, that I am aware of! by drunk I mean sick, all over living room carpet He was very embarrassed when he got up, but was so ill all day I`d calmed down by the time he was better, I told him if it ever happens again ihe can move out. Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted June 1, 2008 (edited) Oh hun <'> I would be asking what on earth your bro-in-law was doing letting him drink in his flat... Bid Edited June 1, 2008 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 1, 2008 its so true when they say you cant choose your family isent it...... steven phoned me just now saying mum you meeting me in town as though nothing happened i phoned him 54 times yesterday,im not joking and each time he cut me off without talking to me i refuse to be treated like a bit of dirt anymore,i want some respect and i will get respect if it kills me,normally i would just be so grateful that he phoned today i would meet him but im going to get him to realise i wont be treated like it any more Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 1, 2008 Sorry, hen I think at that age if they can get hold of alcohol in quantity it's pretty much par for the course that they'll not know when to stop... still happens to me occassionally and I'm well into my thirties (not paralytic screaming 'eff off' heather' (why would you need to be paralytic for that? but enough for a nasty hangover the next morning - though those tend to come easier & last longer these days... no fair that you get a hangover even when you haven't drunk enough to get drunk! ) I'd be cautious about that offy, hev - it may be that he got someone else to buy it for him or something. I'd check out the 'hows' before getting the police involved, just to make sure you're not barking up the wrong tree. One other quick observation on that. You're absolutely right to feel angry and let down etc at the adults involved in these scenarios and they should be taken to task for it, but you shouldn't let that divert you from the fact that Steve needs to be taking more personal responsibility too. I know you're planning on punishing him too, but you need to be careful that he doesn't feel he's been 'led astray' in your eyes rather than held to account, which could be the case if you tackle the others involved in the wrong way. The most important lesson is that Steve learns to identify 'wrong' situations and say no, rather than depending on the adults in his life to help him avoid them in the first place. Tough lesson for a kid, and in an ideal world the adults involved would be helping rather than hindering, but there are some right daft 'adults' doing the rounds these days BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted June 1, 2008 Oh, Hev, what a trial for you! Still got all this to come with my 2, but well do I remember my tipsy teenage years...(well....I dont remember ALL of it, but was reliably filled in later, the shame!!) With you all the way on not letting him get away with it,I have the funniest feeling I'll be rather tough on this kinda thing when it doubtless occurs with mine. Hope tomorrows a better day for you. Esther x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 1, 2008 Well Hev what was your punishment, I need to know for future reference as I seem to be following a couple of years behind you!!!! Had a wierd night here as was off line and spent lots of time talking to broadband man, who had a very tricky accent if you know what I mean so ds didnt do his normal routine, well, he was wailing and crying, so we started and did it all again! oh god, sometime I dont want to play anymore. But all in bed, asleep, I`m online Have just poured a glass of red <'> so alls well for now, but I`M dying to hear WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!! <'> Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted June 1, 2008 Eek hev what a fright! I'm dreading having to deal with anything like this; so far all of my kids (even the teenagers) are against alcohol although lately my dd has happily drank wine on a couple of occasions (in the house and mixed with cranberry juice I hasten to add). I'm sure you've already done this, but if not it would be a good idea to mention to all adults involved with Steve that he is not allowed alcohol and to not drink in front of him. Then after a while he could maybe have a can or two, but under your superversiion so that he learns what the limits are. The trouble with total embargos and teenagers is that as soon as something is 'not allowed' they tend to want it all the more! Hope he had a horrible hangover , although he probably didn't because younguns don't get hangovers as far as I recall! Flo' <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 2, 2008 well steve kept phoning me yesterday trying to get me to buy him some new trousers and meet me in town for mcds,big fat no to that one!!so i just kept saying no then i ignored phone few times so he would know how i felt yesterday being ignored do you know what i realised yesterday though,im always very eager to please steven,over keen really,i dont know if its through years of trying to prevent a meltdown but its gone too far now anyway then he text me to say if you dont meet me in town i wont be home for a week and no school tomorrow that would have normally sent me rushing in town just so i didnt have worry of him not going to school tomorrow,it sounds pathetic when i write down how soft i am but im trying to change so thats a start,i ignored the text and couple of hours later i got a sorry and he appeared at my front door stevens main focus in life is money so we had a good chat and instead of pocket money he has to ask me to buy him what he needs in case he buys alcohol,i asked him if he feels he has alcohol problem,he dont drink here at all,just in that certain environment,he said no but he dont know what else to do when other people are drinking,so under no circumstances is he allowed down there,ive explained that the bro in law not well due to his own probs and as steven idolises the man hes wanting to stay away to let him get better,hes gone off to school nicely today itr all needed to conme to a head reallt to be honest,oh steve rang his dad up when drunk and the dad rang him yesterday to ask if he ok and say its best if he dont drink again which i think has helped,i was cringing a bit thinking about the ex and his lot talking about my parenting skills but then i thought stuff it i do my very best,so today is calm and i feel surprised how easy it was saying no to steve,it was actually easier than saying yes if you get what i mean!! oh my sister not talking to me cos i went ranting down the ex flat but she was with the ex for 14 years and is now with his brother who lives in the flat below her ex and she heard everything and never came out and help me with steve,so she sent me a nasty text so i just sent her one back which began with b and ends in s,thats all i put,i think she got the point!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted June 2, 2008 Well done, hun!! Just something else to think about...when my DS was Steve's age, he never stayed out overnight unless it was a properly arranged sleepover with a mate. I think Steve is still young enough that you need to know where he is all the time? Keep up the good work, hun, you're doing brilliantly. As you said, it was actually easier to say 'no' to Steve. I think teenagers want strong boundaries because it makes them feel safe, however much they moan about their parents! Bid <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 2, 2008 steve is only allowed to sleep at mums or close family,he slept at bro in laws cos he was too drunk to get in taxi,couldnt move him!! im sort of getting hang of boundaries bid,its just something i have trouble with as you know,the soft option defo dont work does it for that ten minutes extra peace i used to say yes to most things but that 10 minutes of peace then turns into a whole other set of probs!! onwards and upwards though,things can only get better Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted June 2, 2008 You go, girlie!! <'> <'> Bidx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 2, 2008 (edited) Well done hev, I know what you mean about wanting to please, I find myself doing it to avoid meltdowns, its like youre always trying to keep them happy, but then they are sort of bullying you to get what they want. My ds sometimes says, I`ll run away and hide then, he has done this on 2 occassions and it was very worrying, I find myself giving in then to save all the hassle of looking for him, reporting him missing. etc etc. well done you Enid Edited June 2, 2008 by Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 2, 2008 do you know what i realised yesterday though,im always very eager to please steven,over keen really,i dont know if its through years of trying to prevent a meltdown but its gone too far now anyway then he text me to say if you dont meet me in town i wont be home for a week and no school tomorrow that would have normally sent me rushing in town just so i didnt have worry of him not going to school tomorrow,it sounds pathetic when i write down how soft i am but im trying to change so thats a start,i ignored the text and couple of hours later i got a sorry and he appeared at my front door Seeeee .................. Well done you (and S too, in a way, for swallowing his pride, but don't tell him I said so!) i asked him if he feels he has alcohol problem,he dont drink here at all,just in that certain environment,he said no but he dont know what else to do when other people are drinking Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The other thing too is that learning when to STOP doesn't come easy when you're young, does it? I rarely set out to get paralytic when I was a young buck (I was once, honest!), But 'cheerful', slips into 'drunk' slips into 'my legs aren't working properly' very easily if you keep supping, and if 'cheerful' is where you're at at 8.30 and the beer doesn't stop until eleven you've got a problem... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 2, 2008 Well done Hev for saying no, it is so hard to to this when you are afraid of what they might do. Nick gets very angry and violent when l say no, but l am trying to stick to it at the moment and it is very challenging to say the least. At least we may be able to help those of you who do give in for a bit of peace, it is not worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Steve and Nick are both big lads and at 15 very strong, it is much harder to say no when they are teenagers, so all of you with younger kids, dont give in!!!!!!!!!! Sorry Hev l am rambling, glad everything turned out ok in the end Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 2, 2008 hello soraya!!hope you ok,was quite pleased with myself,got to keep it up though,thats the hard bit isent it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted June 3, 2008 (edited) Hi Hev, Well done, to saying no..... it feels strange but it still works with my gentle giant. A few things that helped me, was like you have mentioned earlier, only give pocket money enough for food. Make them take a bottle of water with them. Set a curfew, my daughter has a curfew in place till 11.30pm, I told her it still stands until she is 21 as long as she lives in this house. Its an important boundary for girls. She needed to be reminded about it the other night. I sent her a text message saying, I thought we had an understanding of an 11.30pm curfew, it was midnight. She came home straight away no questions asked. Shes 18. Well I dont know how much longer until she starts kicking off about it, but we are sticking to it. I always believe the kids that get into trouble with drugs and alcohol are the ones where their parents give too much pocket money, and don't have firm boundaries on your expectations. It doesnt always work, but, my motto is 'if at first you dont succeed, try, try, again'. Its proven the best for my two, it takes a while for it to sink in, but, they respect it and know its because I worry about the other idiots out their, and emphasise that part, I know they are good, but its to protect them from those out there that are not so good. <'> xx Edited June 3, 2008 by Frangipani Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted June 3, 2008 Set a curfew, my daughter has a curfew in place till 11.30pm, I told her it still stands until she is 21 as long as she lives in this house. Its an important boundary for girls. ? I thought I was retro! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted June 3, 2008 steve is only allowed to sleep at mums or close family,he slept at bro in laws cos he was too drunk to get in taxi,couldnt move him!! im sort of getting hang of boundaries bid,its just something i have trouble with as you know,the soft option defo dont work does it for that ten minutes extra peace i used to say yes to most things but that 10 minutes of peace then turns into a whole other set of probs!! onwards and upwards though,things can only get better Thinking of you Hev, it can't be easy <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted June 3, 2008 ? I thought I was retro! ssshhhhh..... don't tell my daughter that, its working fine, for now. And no, I am not a control freak, just kept this rule going, so far, so good. I know many would laugh, but, it works for us. I know many parents here with the same rules too, and this is a fixed one too. So my daughter doesn't feel she is the only one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted June 3, 2008 Frangi, I have specific bedtimes, curfews, rules on communication and how to live in a shared house. It's just the idea that I should treat my girl and boy differently that I found amusing. It's the sort of concept that my father would understand, but the boundaries are, and will be the same for both of my children. It's the chronological age and emotional maturity that I take into consideration, not their sex. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 3, 2008 parents give too much pocket money, i have been giving steve way too much money,pocket money of 7 pound a week and quids here and there whenever he asked,thats stopping!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 3, 2008 i have been giving steve way too much money,pocket money of 7 pound a week and quids here and there whenever he asked,thats stopping!! What I do for J is I have his pocket money go straight into a childrens account, that way every week the money is taken from my money straight away and so you get use to it leaving the account, then if he hasnt nessasarily asked for much its saving up, 7 pounds a week, plus a quid here and there can add up to a lot a month, just the 7 is 28 quid, could do the same for clothes and trainers ect.... just a thought, incase its difficult to keep a track on what he spends, using just the card for his pocket money, obvously keep the card safe, but for us its a really good way to ensure J gets the right allownce, plus he can see it increase if he doesnt spend it. He once saved up to �50. Just a thought???? JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
