I am so upset...

[bid]

I went to visit my elderly aunt this afternoon, who lives next door to my old childhood home. This was built for my parents when they got married in 1954, and the field had been a wedding present from my granny who had originally bought it when my mum and aunt were kids. They had a traditional Romany caravan in the field and they spent their summer holidays there throughout the war.

 

My dad had designed the house and drew up the architect's plans, and over the years it was extended. I was born there too. My mum had to sell it two years ago after my dad died as she couldn't cope there on her own, and I wasn't sentimental when it was sold as I knew it had to be done for her safety, and none of us could afford to buy it

 

My SIL warned me that work had started on the house, but I never imagined it would just be gone, nothing left but a hole in the ground. Poor B was with me, and we just cried all the way home.

 

I know most people won't understand, as most people move house at least once, but we never did. It's hard to explain what the house meant to us all, as it wasn't even very comfortable (always cold, and very old-fashioned bathroom!). But it was out in the country, down a lane and on top of a hill...even as adults we still say when it's certain weather 'It's a Greenacre day!' We always gathered back together there with our own kids for holidays and family things. And my dad loved the house so much and was so proud of it.

 

When my ex left me with a 10 month old I went back to live with my parents, and I can still see my dad standing in the hall holding his arms out and saying everything was going to be fine because I was home

 

I'm so sorry to be self-indulgent, and I know we were very lucky to have quite a privileged childhood (not so much money, more such a beautiful place and a huge garden and the countryside literally the other side of the lane). I have had such a rubbish couple of years, with personal loss after loss...I feel as though I have been crying just about solidly for two years so this feels like the last thing

 

Bid

Edited June 29, 2008 by bid

[Flora]

bid <'>

[Bard]

Oh bid, I'm sorry.

I never had a childhood home, only army quarters that you weren't even allowed to paint or change in any way.

And army furniture and crockery and soft furnishings. And occasionally a garden that you weren't allowed to alter either.

I'm sorry about your childhood home, but in a way, I envy you.

[hev]

bid before i got married i lived with mum and dad,they still live in the house,theyve been there 40 years now,anyway theyve got to move as all the houses which were built before a certain time are being knocked down to make way for a new housing development i cannot bear the day when their house gets knocked down,that house is like my little safety blanket if you know what i mean,so many memories,i hope you ok love <'>

[elun1]

<'> <'> <'> That's just terrible - such a loss to learn to cope with. My mum and dad sold our family home a couple of years ago - it was horrible but I know it was necessary. At least I know it's still there though, that's really horrible for you

Sending lots of love xxx

[smiley]

<'> ><

[Suze]

<'> , oh Bid thats such a shame, I can understand how you feel , I think the way you feel now is a testament to your mum and dad, who obviously gave you a lovely childhood with some wonderful family memories, they will never be taken from you <'> , .................you sound fragile at the moment, hope your o.k., I know its been so tough, how is Auriel?

 

........take care mate <'> suzex.

[oxgirl]

I can understand your sense of loss, Bid, and the pull that a childhood home can have on you. When my mum died six years ago and I had to sell the house that I'd grown up in, it was a terrible wrench. I remember wandering around it for hours trying to drink in every corner before I was finally able to leave for the last time and, even though it's over 70 miles away, I still feel a yearning to go back and visit, but I know that it is not available to me anymore and that the new owners have probably already changed it past all recognition. I still dream about that house and the alleyways at the back and it still has a tremendous hold over me, so I know what a big loss this is to you. Do you have many photos of the house? Could you make a montage of them and put them up on the wall so that you can always see them. Or maybe you could choose a fav. photo of the place and get an artist to paint it and hang it on your wall so it will always be with you. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[baddad]

So sorry

[pearl]

It must have been an awful shock, as you were only expecting alterations, not total demolition, so no chance to say goodbye to it.

 

My mum still lives in the bungalow my parents bought new in 1967, we used to go up every week & watch it being built, the first & only home they ever owned, the thought of not being able to go there one day makes me

 

Big <'> for you

[Bagpuss]

Bid <'> <'>

[aro]

(((((bid)))))) it is a bereavement for you and the loss of a link to your dad too. I'm so sorry.

 

A x

Edited June 29, 2008 by aro

[aro]

double post

Edited June 29, 2008 by aro

[pookie170]

Aw, Bid, I totally understand. I have to keep going past my old family home when I take the littl'un to school, and its changed so much that I feel sad sometimes. Can't imagine how I'd feel if it wasn't there any more- all I can do is send you a <'>

 

Just keep hold of the precious memories created there.....I'm so sorry!!!

 

Esther x

[bid]

I think it didn't help that when I visited my mum in hospital today she was on the ward where my dad died two years ago on July 2nd...then the shock of seeing the house gone

 

Thank you so much everyone, I didn't think anyone would understand so thank you <'>

 

Bidx

[smiley]

Oh hen <'> what a horrible day.

 

[Kathryn]

Bid

 

 

<'> <'>

 

You took me to see the house, remember, and I raved to S later about what a wonderful house it must have been to grow up in. I'm glad I got a chance to see it.

 

Your house reminded me a bit of my own childhood home - which was built for us when I was 7, and surrounded by wild grassland and rocks. Strangely enough I had a nostalgic and very emotional time revisiting the area on Google earth the other night - probably the closest I'll ever get to going back to Zimbabwe. I've no idea what state the house is in or who lives there now. I've been feeling the loss a lot since then, so I do understand a bit about yours.

 

K x

[mossgrove]

Bid

 

I know where you are coming from.

 

My father is still living in what all of us think of as the family home, on his own since Mum died last year. They bought the house in the seventies for what now seems a very small sum for a large house in the country, but none of us will be able afford to buy it when the time comes for Dad to sell and he is not getting any younger.

 

<'> >< <'>

 

Simon

[Sallya]

<'> Bid, what an awful shock,

s

xxx

<'>

[Karen A]

<'> <'>

I understand a bit.We sold the family home four years ago after mum died.I only ever lived in one house growing up.Even now I have to remind myself that home is where I live now .

I can hardly believe it has been two years since your dad died.Two years is not so long really....I still expect mum to phone at the weekends. <'> <'> Karen.

[Frangipani]

I can understand your sense of loss, Bid, and the pull that a childhood home can have on you. When my mum died six years ago and I had to sell the house that I'd grown up in, it was a terrible wrench. I remember wandering around it for hours trying to drink in every corner before I was finally able to leave for the last time and, even though it's over 70 miles away, I still feel a yearning to go back and visit, but I know that it is not available to me anymore and that the new owners have probably already changed it past all recognition. I still dream about that house and the alleyways at the back and it still has a tremendous hold over me, so I know what a big loss this is to you. Do you have many photos of the house? Could you make a montage of them and put them up on the wall so that you can always see them. Or maybe you could choose a fav. photo of the place and get an artist to paint it and hang it on your wall so it will always be with you. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

 

I was going to suggest this.

 

I know it isn't the same, and you have felt a huge loss all round with your mum in hospital and your dad and now the house, it does choke you up, it is a huge huge loss. Just take it slowly. <'> it will take some time to process. Especially as you say, all those memories flooding back. Its your whole life. It may be very hard to even look at photo's at the moment, because the grief is soooo overwhelming.

<'>

 

But, in time, when you are ready. Having an artist paint the house for you so you can put it on the wall in a special place would be a heart-warming solution so you can look at it whenever you want so that you can think of the happy times, and process your thoughts.

 

I would be happy to paint your house for you if you would like to pm me a copy. I dont promote this but I am an artist. I have a painting I did of a terrace house similar to a house I grew up in and looking at it helps me process a lot of the past. Good and bad. Happy and sad.

 

If you like what I paint I will post it to you for free.

 

Fran x

Edited July 1, 2008 by Frangipani

[bid]

Thank you for your generous offer, Frangipani, but we have already organised something

 

And thank you to everyone who has replied <'>

 

It has really helped to hear that others of you feel the same way about your family homes

 

Boho

[loobylou2]

<'> bid <'>