just need to off load and very lonely

[lisa35]

not really looking for answers, just need to off load

Ive just flipped big time and said some awful stuff to my 12 yr old son, he has aspergers

I dont feel Ive got anything left to give him , or our fight.

Hes on fifth exclusion since april, we should hear in the next week or so if LEA will give a statement, we want him moving to a school with an autism base- the one we want we would need lea to fund travel, its about 2o miles away. At school at mo he has ful ltime 1;1, is in hardly any lessons, he has no ofriends, well, maybe 1 at school

All weekend, every weekend, its just our son, me and his dad, we are wrung out

Cos of school situation he is more and more demading, has noone to play with, so we are everything to him, friend, parent,etc

He s awake until midnight, and shouting us whenever we re not in the room with him

Why do I resent him so much, hubby having to lie at work and take sickies this week because son is off again, this time he was only back one day before he was excluded again.

He wasnt allowed on end of term day trip, or school trip to Germany

Since Jan we have 22 meetings , ot, salt, camhs, school, list is endless. we only just got diagnosis in april ,after demading 2nd opinion

I feel so lost, we fit in nowhere, we took him to local autism group, all the kids there so much less higher functioning, but he liked it, maybe it s cos they didnt judge and he could relax, but then I feel bad for judging the ability of the other kids and thinking at least my lad isnt that bad

My heads a mess, dont even tell people any more hes been excluded,

I think Ive just answeerd my own questions, he needs us, more now than ever, if we give up he has noone

Does anyone else feel like this, especially parents with kids with aspergers.Hes not obviously "disabled" but his social/communication ability is so scewed and hes almost like some one with schizophrenia, he totally misreads people. comments,etc

If lea dont give us the placement I really dont know what we will do

xx

[llisa32]

Hiya - I don't know what to say that might be helpful <'> you're definately doing all you can at the moment and it must be really really draining for all of you <'>

 

Have a good blow out today...maybe if you are able to take a day or so off from chasing up appts etc it might give you a bit of breathing space to relax a little <'>

 

Hopefully it will all work out soon for you <'>

[thebuzzer]

Hi Lisa35

 

Believe me you are not the only one who feels like this! We too are going through the battle with school, my son is just 6. He has been excluded 4 times since April. He is only doing 1 hour a day! He will have 1:1 in Sept until 1pm and we have applied for stat assessment. He is a high functioning Aspie as well and an only child - had that one 'thrown' in my face in meetings with the school as if we are to blame for his condition!!

 

Are there any support groups for ASD parents in your area? I have a couple in my area, only just realising I need to meet people face to face who are going through the same.

 

I will try and reply again later, but I am cooking tea! keep coming on here an venting, you are not alone!!!!!!

[Cat]

I gave up fighting and trying to get my sons to fit into the system and home educated. The relief was immediate and intense for all of us and has remained that way. We asked ourselves if what we were fighting for exisited and realised that it did not.

 

Taking my son out of school actually helped him to make friends because he was no longer seen as that 'strange' kid. I also started my own ASD support group where many of the families have High Functioning kids and we do meet up. However as long as my kids are happy I do not care who they are mixing with. You might worry about not being educate your kids yourself but again we asked what are sons were learning in school - very little.

 

Cat

[NickyB]

Hi, Lisa35

 

I've just read your post and really feel for you <'>

 

My DS is 5 and high-functioning autistic. He's had a few problems at school recenty (hitting, spitting etc.) and I'm finding it hard to cope with. I can really understand your feelings of loneliness.

Is there any chance of respite care for your son - in my area the council have details of places that can look after ASD children for a few hours or even a weekend to give parents a break.

 

I hope things get better soon <'> <'>

[bikemad]

<'>

[JsMum]

Is there any chance of a change of scenary, a few days away, near the beach or the countryside, this is what me and J do sometimes, we run away, we walk, cycle, go visit musiems, build shelters in the woods, and just breathe in some good old fresh air.

 

It sounds like you all need a break, to recharge your batteries, to get away from the LEA and agencies who are obvoulsy doing your heads in, what are they all on, 22 meetings, that is disgraceful, I would really advise you to get away for a short break, do something together that is fun and relaxing, that gets you laughing again, it sounds like that might not have happened for a while, and laughter is a healing act.

 

I would really look at this, for us when things get where there is no more hope, no fight left I get out and mingle with nature.

 

Hugs and loads of TLC.

 

JsMum

[Enid]

Lisa <'> Read my posts and you`ll see I know just what you are going through, my son was excluded at 11, permantly, dx followed this, out of school for a year, than when he started secondary he had 1-1 but was sent home every day, by 11am and was rarely in lessons, finaly got him into a special school 20miles away, not ideal as it EBD. But like yours he is a nightmare at home, I keep thinking he has a mental illness, cos when he "goes off on one" he`s like a stranger. totally beyond my control, as I type he is reading a bedtime story to his younger brother, and this morning did a reading at Mass, where his younger sister made he 1st communion, this time last night he was missing and there was a big drama with the police and he attacked me and said some terrible things to me, and I said some terrible things back! He is like a Jekyll and Hyde and I walk on eggshells as I never know when he`s going to change. No help I know but I soo understand where you are coming from. <'> <'> <'> <'> Enid

[justamum]

Cat

 

I gave up fighting and trying to get my sons to fit into the system and home educated. The relief was immediate and intense for all of us and has remained that way. We asked ourselves if what we were fighting for exisited and realised that it did not.

 

I second that. On the whole I believe inclusion is not working not because it can't but because our education system doesn't want it to despite what the Government want

[lisa35]

inclusion is a joke, even our autism outreach said our son will never cope in %100 mainstream, so what happens to kids like ours!? Hes bright, doesnt need ebd, or special school, there are only 12 specialist autism places in 2 schools in our area, one school is masquareding as autism speciality too, we went to look, and i found out thro certain sources that this one doesnt even use speech and language services, despite this being identifiedin the autism plan

It sucks, it really does

x

[Suze]

Not much to add apart from hugs <'> , my son is the same age and I do feel that these are the most difficult years we have faced yet , however I feel that my boy will come through these tough years and find his niche in society.I hope your boy will too, I do feel it,ll get worse and then getr better as they reach adulthood, hugs suzex

[lisa35]

thanks all, feel better

Js mum- Im ringing in sick tomorrow, I just said to son we re going to run off for the day,

Enid, I know what you mean, other day he said to me itd be better if you were dead, yet hes sat downstairs watching WallE-the film, and like a little lost boy x

[elun1]

<'> <'> Sorry Im not much help - just wanted to say you're not alone

Elun xxxx

[Sooze2]

<'> <'> <'> Mine gets a mouthful from me every so often or very often as it is at the moment. He just seems to enjoy being difficult at the moment. I can honestly say that I don't have the energy left to make the effort with him at the moment and I feel resentful about the fact that he has stopped me from spending quality time with my daughters for a very long time. Sorry to moan on your thread

 

I feel lonely too, very lonely indeed at the moment when everyone seems to be enjoying themselves with freinds and family and Ive got so little to say because my head has been full of DS for so long that I've forgotten how to be a human being rather than fighting for help mummy.

[Bagpuss]

Lisa <'>

[Imelda]

Fight for the statement. Surely to god they must realise he needs one? If there are no groups in your area, why not start one? There must be other people in your position that you can get together with and share problems and solutions.

Good luck <'>

[soraya]

When will the LEA sort out schools for our poor kids, l know just how you feel, my son is very high functioning, but socially is awfull, he is at an EBD school which is totally unsuitable but there is nowhere else for him to go. We have had the police out loads of times, so l really do know how you feel. Have a lovely day off today, but please dont give up the fight, getting a statement is the first hurdle. sending lots of <'> <'>

[SarahSH]

Hi Lisa

 

really feel for you, it's so hard and lonely isn't it <'>

 

My son (16, aspergers) has struggled through mainstream, just about.

But didn't make any friends there, and was in bottom stream classes with kids who were really struggling in other ways, so didn't have appropriate level education really. But it did mean the groups were smaller, so that's why I accepted the compromise.

 

He doesn't have any friends at home either, so like you it tends to be just him and me, especially now school has finished because he's done his exams. Don't know where you live - we live in the midlands and I haven't been able to find much. Every now and then there's a hope of something, but it has not materialised into anything that he can join in with.

 

The sad thing is he does want to find a friend now I think, other than me and his dad, but there just doesn't seem to be anybody. We are checking out chess clubs... well I say we.. he's not keen but I feel I want to give it a bit of a push because if it works he'll be so glad.

 

Take care, hope you have a good day out today

 

love Sarah

[bikemad]

thanks all, feel better

Js mum- Im ringing in sick tomorrow, I just said to son we re going to run off for the day,

Enid, I know what you mean, other day he said to me itd be better if you were dead, yet hes sat downstairs watching WallE-the film, and like a little lost boy x

 

That sounds like my lad-we often call him the little lost boy in his own little world.

[lisa35]

thanks all, we re all much calmer today, school want us to go in again on thurs, for a meeting with autism outreach9shes v good) Ive said I dont think I can, not cos I dont care, but cos his dad and I hanging onto our jobs by skin of teeth! Shes going in anyway, and hopefully panel will have meeting thurs re statement

She gave me cryptic clue that they may agree to the dsp place, I so hope so, I feel so disheartened, we really need a break xxx

chin up t us all xxxx

[NickyB]

Glad you're feeling better - best of luck for thursday <'>

 

Nicky x

[lisa35]

thanks all x

[oxgirl]

Lisa, so sorry, I seem to have missed this before. <'> I didn't have time to read through everyone's posts, so maybe someone else has said what I'm going to say already.

 

I really understand what you're going through, it's just the same for us, we are ALL Jay has and it's an enormous strain on us. The thing is, I think, that at this age, 13/14, it's a time when teens start to pull away from their parents and want and need them less, they want to be independant and get away from mum and dad, but it's not like that for us. We've been there for them for so many years, and they've been so much more dependant on us than other kids and I think we, as parents, start to feel that it's time for that pulling away period to start but they're not doing it, iyswim.

 

I said to someone the other day that I feel more irritated with Jay at the mo, and it's almost like, because he isn't pulling away from US, it's as if we are doing it for him and starting to withdraw ourselves from him, not in a rejecting way, but as a natural way of starting to separate ourselves a bit. Do you know what I mean?, it's like birds I guess, if the fledgling doesn't get out of the nest quick enough, the mum starts to shove it out and I feel that that's what we are doing mentally with Jay, although we're not able to do it physically. Don't feel guilty, I think it's natural to feel like you do, or at least I hope it is, because I feel exactly the same. Go easy on yourself. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[NickyB]

How are you doing, Lisa? <'>