NTs (not) understanding ASDs

[Mumble]

I've had enough trying to explain so I'm giving up. I've tried to explain what I want, what I'd like, what I'd be comfortable with. I haven't made any unreasonable requests, I've tried things I've been told will 'help' and I've gone along with meeting person after person, agency after agency after group who, full of NTs, all think they know autism and therefore know me.

 

They say 'this will help' or 'this person knows about autism' because they've worked with other autistic people. You never hear of an NT saying to another NT, I will definitely get on with you and be your friend and enjoy the same activities as you because I've worked with other NTs. NTs are individuals so why can't people ###### see that I am too, being autistic doesn't take my individuality away.

 

I'm not playing this game anymore. I've tried to cope alone, I've tried the various support that 'will work' and been criticised when it didn't because 'it worked for other autistic people', I've cried out for help when I couldn't cope any more, I'm losing the support of people who care about me because the system has turned me against others so it leaves me with no one. I feel totally and utterly alone.

 

I hate who I've become. I was a successful teacher. I had a successful relationship. I had a lovely house. I won a university prize for being the top student in my year. Then I got a diagnosis of autism and all the stereotypes and prejudices colluded to hit me and batter me and tie me down and gag me and not allow me to go out and infect the world with my autistic being. I was gagged and bounded by the attitudes attached to my label.

 

As far as I can see, there is nothing I can try any more; people who I thought would understand don't because, however hard they try, NTs see autism as a singular way of being and make me feel like I'm in the wrong for daring to question. I've gone along with support that doesn't work. I've tried challenging the system. Crying out for help made people listen ... for about a week. There is nothing left, I can't get through whole days, I can't get myself heard, and I, under the prejudices, have nothing to give this world because no one will let me give it.

 

I know this post is going to upset people, but it's how I feel.

[loobylou2]

<'> Mumble <'> Don't know how to help, but have some <'> <'> hun.

[dooday24]

im so sorry u r feeling like this but i can understand why to some extent as we r goin through alot with reece at the mo

 

sending u loads of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

love donnaxxxxxxxx

[bid]

I hate who I've become. I was a successful teacher. I had a successful relationship. I had a lovely house. I won a university prize for being the top student in my year. Then I got a diagnosis of autism

 

OK, I'm going to be logical here, Mumbley <'> <'>

 

What has changed? You achieved all this before your dx. You are still the same person after your dx.

 

Did you have coping strategies then that you have abandoned/lost now? Or some other external support? Because when you achieved all these things it was without any AS-specific support because it was pre-dx.

 

Would it be helpful to go over how you managed these things before, to see if you can employ anything that worked then to help you now?

 

Hang in there, Non-lipsticky Aspie!! <'>

 

Bidx

Edited July 15, 2008 by bid

[oxgirl]

Hi Mumble,

 

What has happened today to make you feel like this and what is it that you WANT to be happening? Nobody can be totally understood, I know I'm not, everyone is different, whether NT or AS or whatever else, and no-one can really be expected to understand us totally. Sometimes it's just a question of people doing the best they can to help. Are you able to tell people what it is that you need and expect?

 

Good luck. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[sadie]

Some of us do try you know, but you are entitled to your feelings. You can rant on here as much as you need and we will still be here, will sympathise even if we can never fully understand. <'> >< <'>

 

The despair can sometimes seem insurmountable (even for us NT's) but given time the worst will pass and maybe tomorrow the sun may shine a little. <'> >< <'>

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm certainly not upset by this. In fact, I think it's quite insightful for NTs!

 

My son is nearly 7 and has AS and we've met a lot of so-called specialists (that are NTs) who profess to know what's best (not all of them I should add). I think that a lot of them have the theory, but not the practical knowledge and experience to handle certain situations. Hearing what you have to say is important and I'm glad you've been able to express how frustrated you are.

 

Hope things improve for you.

 

Caroline.

[NickyB]

<'> <'> Mumble <'> <'>

[billabong]

We're hearing you, Mumble. Thank you for giving that honest and clear insight into how painful things are for you at the moment. I'm new to this but I think this is a virtual hug: <'> >< or at least it's meant to be. Keep posting.

 

Billabong

[Sooze2]

I was a successful teacher. I had a successful relationship. I had a lovely house. I won a university prize for being the top student in my year.

 

Hang on a minute, you sound like a very very intelegent, strong, and amazing person to me. You acheived all those things before you had a "label" but you are still that person, you always were that person as far back as birth! The only thing that is different now is that you have an extra piece of paper in your drawer saying you have Autism.

 

You still a teacher, a university graduate, a prize winner etc etc etc, you are far more than I have ever been that is for certain!

 

 

Have some of these <'> <'> <'>

 

Mwah xxx

[wasuup]

Your just you the same as any other NT is just them, not a textbook you, not a stereotype you, just an individual, that is all you ever where and ever will be. Your just so boringly Human, sorry mate.

[Enid]

Mumble, you still are that person, never mind what that piece of paper says, try to get back to how you felt then, powerful and in control, your posts are valuable and insightful to us, and your sense of humour is fantastic! sometimes its the only times I laugh all day!!! sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'> Enid

[Shnoing]

I hate who I've become. I was a successful teacher. I had a successful relationship. I had a lovely house. I won a university prize for being the top student in my year. Then I got a diagnosis of autism and all the stereotypes and prejudices colluded to hit me and batter me and tie me down and gag me and not allow me to go out and infect the world with my autistic being. I was gagged and bounded by the attitudes attached to my label.

 

As far as I can see, there is nothing I can try any more; people who I thought would understand don't because, however hard they try, NTs see autism as a singular way of being and make me feel like I'm in the wrong for daring to question.

 

Am I reading this correctly that your problems started when you made your dx public? That you had been regarded as someone 'a bit weird, but ok' before and you're not accepted any more since the others know it's called autism? Oh, my!

 

May be a bit late, but there's a piece of advice (by George Mikes):

When you feel in your relationship that the moment has arrived where you have to tell the truth and nothing but the truth ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

... lie, lie, lie!

[Mumble]

Thanks all - went on a bit of a rant there . I'm feeling really down at the moment and finding it difficult to cope with 'whole days' if that makes sense. There's a lot going on and I'm finding it really hard. I cried out for help because I knew I couldn't go on, I got the help - great - but then they all thought, well she's better now, but of course that was just back to how things were with the same problems

 

OK, I'm going to be logical here, Mumbley <'> <'>

 

What has changed? You achieved all this before your dx. You are still the same person after your dx.

This is exactly the problem Bid. To me, in me, nothing has changed, but the people in my life who have the power to facilitate/block what I want do think something has changed. They see Autism, not Mumble, and in their eyes, because it's not been done before and they're uncomfortable, autism doesn't equal what mumble wants or is/was capable of. Before the dx I had support to persue what was my dream career and what I was told I was highly suitable for and qualified for. I have now been told I cannot have that career, or go back to what I was trained for before (teaching) because of my dx. This may be blatent discrimination but I'm one person against an old, set in its way system, and I just don't have the fight to change it.

 

I'm sorry if I upset anyone, it wasn't my intention. I just feel that I've spent so much time trying to explain and yet still people see the stereotypical autism and not me.

[bid]

Glad to see you back on the forum, Mumbles <'>

 

Are you saying that you have been categorically told you will not be able to return to classroom teaching because you have a dx of AS?

 

Is this allowed?

 

Bid <'>

[loobylou2]

<'> So pleased to see you back Mumble <'>

[darky]

Mumble don't be so hard on yourself. You have just described very well what a lot of parents go through with their children. Your "ranting" I am sure will make a lot of sense, and there will be a lot of people who sympathise with you. <'> <'> You can still do all these things!! You are still the same person, you just have some unique qualities and individuality, nothing at all to feel ashamed of or worried about. <'>

[Lucas]

I realised long ago the only thing I can protect myself with are the secrets I keep. I keep my diagnosis secret and if someone doesn't need to know or they are not so experienced with Autism that they can't spot an Autistic, they won't be told.

[Frangipani]

Mumble don't be so hard on yourself. You have just described very well what a lot of parents go through with their children. Your "ranting" I am sure will make a lot of sense, and there will be a lot of people who sympathise with you. <'> <'> You can still do all these things!! You are still the same person, you just have some unique qualities and individuality, nothing at all to feel ashamed of or worried about. <'>

 

Ditto <'> <'> <'> <'> Darky just said it better than I could.

 

<'>