Dumping by text

[warrenpenalver]

I got dumped by text message a few days back and have been a bit annoyed ever since as i always thought to dump someone by text showed little respect by not having the curtesy to even phone/say it to thier face.

 

Ive talked to a few people and opinions vary so im confused.

 

Whats your views on it???

[Flora]

I think it's a terrible way for someone to end a relationship ! It's the sort of thing you'd almost expect a younger teenager to do but not an older teenager or an adult.

 

Flora

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Sadly this does seem to happen. Breaking up with someone isn't an easy thing to do and unfortunately some seem to favour texting as an easy option. I personally think it's a rather cowardly way of not dealing with an awkward situation ? ending a relationship should be done in person/face-to-face in my opinion.

 

Caroline.

[Enid]

Warren anyone who is so crass! as to dump you by text is not anyone you would want to spend time with anyway, it maybe "acceptable" these days but only by people with no standards, god I sound like Mary Whitehouse!!. sorry. Enid

[Jannih]

Warren anyone who is so crass! as to dump you by text is not anyone you would want to spend time with anyway, it maybe "acceptable" these days but only by people with no standards, god I sound like Mary Whitehouse!!. sorry. Enid

 

Wasn't it Phil Collins who dumped his wife of 11yrs by fax !

 

I agree with most that it is unacceptable becasue it does not allow the other person to say how they really feel. It's certainly the coward's way out but so much more easier for the one doing te dumping.

 

Jannih

[bid]

I am sorry, Warren <'>

 

But TBH, if she is the sort of person who can do this, you are probably better off with someone else!

 

You have got such an exciting time at the mo...new house, new civvy life...hope you can enjoy it to the full <'>

 

Bid <'>

[ScienceGeek]

That is awful Warren! I don't think it is acceptable at all.

[Tally]

Dumping someone by text is rude, lazy and cowardly. I'm very sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that!

[warrenpenalver]

this is whats so confusing is she also says she still wants to be friends. surely a friend would have the decency to talk about things and why it went wrong etc??

 

then she says she wont talk to me on phone incase i convince her to change her mind and i should respect her decision and not try to if i respect her.

[Tally]

Oh . . . that's always a hard one . . . I think that it is only possible to stay friends if you have treated each other well during the relationship. Ending it by text is not treating you well, but ending a relationship is always a really hard thing to do. If she is normally good to you and this is out of character, then maybe you can forgive it and remain friends. Or maybe you can't, I dunno. Right now it would be understandable if you feel hurt and angry, so maybe you need to give yourself some time before you decide whether you can remain friends.

 

Maybe you should just leave her alone for a week or two, or just ask her to let you know when she feels ready to talk to you. I know it was horrible for her to text you like that, but maybe she feels sad about it too and needs some time to come to terms with her decision.

 

I don't know whether you should respect her decision, but you might have to accept it.

[tjw]

hi warren

sorry to here about the way you have been treated by this person, no i dont think it is the way to split up with someone, i think it was very cowerdly and cruel, but as a few have already stated if they can do this to you then they are not worth your time, i know this is easy said than done when you realy like a person , i hope you are ok,

take care

theresa

[warrenpenalver]

Im ok because im pretending to be ok because i dont know how im supposed to feel nor what i do feel!! Confusing isnt it??

[Tally]

Yes, it is confusing! When I got rid of the ex I felt sad even though it was what I wanted. It must be even harder when you didn't want or expect it.

 

You just have to take your time and go easy on yourself. Sometimes it helps to keep yourself busy, but other times you need to think it through.

[natwood]

God that's awful! Happened to me once.

 

I resisted the urge to reply with a torrant of abuse by saying That's a shame, oh well you were never the love of my life anyway. Hope we can say hello if we ever pass each other.

 

Well he obv hated that cause he was round my house a few days later with his tail dragging. LOL!!

 

If she rude enough to split by text at least you have a while to construct a suitable answer. How heartless tho.

[warrenpenalver]

Thing is i dont think she thinks shes done anything wrong!! When i have managed to get text replys from her theyve been perfectly civil and seemingly normal, no nastyness.

 

Is it possible that shes just that unaware of others feelings she just hasnt considered the impact of her actions and the way she did it?

[Tally]

I think she probably thought it was an easy way out. I don't think she has any excuse for not realising it was a bad way to go about it, because it is so commonly talked about as a rude and cowardly thing to do.

[warrenpenalver]

Am i a bad person if i text her and tell her how angry and upset i feel over being dumped by text??

[pookie170]

Hmm......I wouldn't drag this out- TBH, I feel that when she said she still wanted to be friends, she may have said it because it's like a standard break-up phrase.....I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if she won't talk to you on the phone, that speaks volumes to me.....

 

You're not a bad person if you text her and tell her how her behaviour made you feel, what she's done is completely devoid of manners, totally bad form and without consideration for your feelings. And Tally's right, she can't NOT know that it was a low way to do it.

 

Just be careful how you word it, and once you've sent it, I wouldn't send any more texts, unless she replies and wants to discuss it with you..... You also need to be prepared for the fact that she may not respond at all, and if that's the case, try to leave it at that.....difficult to do, but a clean breaks better than a messy one, I think.

 

Hope you're feeling okay, it's a lousy thing to happen to you. <'>

 

Esther

[Flora]

Am i a bad person if i text her and tell her how angry and upset i feel over being dumped by text??

 

Not at all. Sometimes you've got to get these things off your chest so you can begin to feel better. Being dumped is horrible and one day when the hurt and anger at how she's done it is gone you will realise she's not worth the time and effort it takes to text her, BUT the way you're feeling right now it might help you get over it if you speak your mind first.

 

Flora

[warrenpenalver]

So knowing what i say may upset her its still ok??

[bid]

I think it's fair to say that you found being dumped by text hurtful and rude. You don't need to make any unkind personal comments.

 

Bid

Edited September 2, 2008 by bid

[warrenpenalver]

I sent: "I was very hurt by you dumping me by text which i thought was a low cowardly thing to do when you could have phoned. Dont you think i deserve answers to why? What went wrong? what changed to mean you dont love me? What did i do wrong?? saying its not my fault is a cop out. YOu expect me to respect your decision yet you dont show me any simple respect or even common decency answering my reasonable questions?? Do you really want to remain friends or was that just a "saying" to be nice?? Your not acting like a friend. Friends dont cause deliberate avoidable hurt to each other. "

 

I dont do text speak either so i wanted to say more but it already got to 8 texts long.

 

So far no reply as i guess shes asleep.

 

Ive also found out she has blocked me on MSN!!

[Flora]

Ive also found out she has blocked me on MSN!!

 

If that's the case then, apart from the text you've already sent, I would think it best to not contact her anymore. Nothing good can come from it. You've shown her that you can see through what she's done (cowardly etc) and there is nothing more to be said. She really isn't worth it.

 

Floz

[pearl]

Sorry Warren. Rotten thing to happen to you <'>

[bid]

Thinking about some of the things you've said about her (the ciggies, the Red Bull, the designer clothes for her kids) it sounds as though she is pretty immature...and that's probably why she dumped you by text

 

Bid <'>

[Tally]

I'm sorry Warren. I don't know if you are going to get any answers from her. Sometimes it's best to shut the door on things and walk away. Trying to keep in touch can just drag it out and you never get over it. It doesn't sound as though she wants to hear from you at the moment.

 

It's possible that you didn't do anything wrong as such. She may simply have found that she doesn't feel the way she thought she felt about you, or that she just stopped feeling that way. As I understand it, she has been having a lot of problems lately, that can mess with your head and confuse you.

[warrenpenalver]

so i guess thats it then.

 

Oh well i guess it was too good to be true that someone wanted me longterm anyway!!

[pearl]

<'> I know its tough, but there will be someone more suited to you out there I'm sure. Having met you, I thought you were a lovely guy with lots to offer the right person.

[ScienceGeek]

so i guess thats it then.

 

Oh well i guess it was too good to be true that someone wanted me longterm anyway!!

 

Hey Warren. You really are a nice guy, she just wasn't the right person. You'll meet someone that is right <'>

[warrenpenalver]

I guess its time to learn some social skills as i dont know anyone in my area so i havent got a social circle to use to meet people.

[pookie170]

so i guess thats it then.

 

Oh well i guess it was too good to be true that someone wanted me longterm anyway!!

 

Now then, if you don't love yourself, you can't expect someone else to!! And all that!!!

 

SG's right, just because this particular relationship hasn't worked out, doesn't mean that none will.

Take a while to reflect on what qualities you're looking for and bear them in mind when next romance crops up-and it will, y'know.

 

Don't put yourself down, one of the things that I think comes across in your posts is that you're a warm and affable person- other people will see that too.

Take care,

Esther

[warrenpenalver]

Now then, if you don't love yourself, you can't expect someone else to!! And all that!!!

There lies a big part of my problem!! I value others well above myself. I have desires and wants but i view myself as unimportant.

 

From what i understand the subconcious body language in the dating game is such that in most cases a male needs to appear confident and assertive (but not gobby or over confident).

 

Don't put yourself down, one of the things that I think comes across in your posts is that you're a warm and affable person- other people will see that too.

I know but it doesnt seem to work for me either through bad luck or im in the wrong social circles to meet people ot the right age/background to want that. Doesnt help on a number of occasions ive been told im too nice which i dont understand. I know some males state the phrase "be mean to keep them keen" but i refuse to accept thats commonly needed nor would i want to be mean!

[CEJesson]

A very rude way to end a relationship - to be condemned!

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I think you have every right to seek answers as to why you were dumped. The fact she's not responded says much more about her than you - it really is a cowardly way of dumping someone.

 

I think it's incredibly admirable that you're looking to improve your social skills. As an NT, I found the whole dating thing incredibly nerve-wracking and from having observed friends, etc, I would conclude that it's actually much better to simply be yourself. It seems that when someone is looking for a relationship, it's never seems to be forthcoming, but that they only stumble into one when they're not looking IYKWIM.

 

Best wishes

 

C

[warrenpenalver]

well despite her ringing me for advice on a legal matter (WTF she has some cheek!) and me being too nice to tell her to **** off, she still hasnt answered my questions and got angry at me for asking!!! Now she wont even reply to texts so i think i should Block her number!!!!

 

Im kind of stuck with social skills at the moment because i dont talk to anyone here apart from college staff and a social worker. The only no professional people i know at the moment are the nieghbours and the people in the corner shop. Ive talked to the neighbours quite a bit but its got to the stage now where i havent asked thier names yet they invite me round for cups of tea and stuff sometimes which is awkward and im stuck. Can i just ask thier name or will i look a prize idiot because i should know it by now and offend them?????

 

Also being unemployed makes it hard to afford to go out to potentially meet people so im stuck there at the moment.

 

Plus i need to learn how to initiate friendships which i dont understand how to do it at the moment, it just "happens" by accident randomly and its useually people making friends with me. Im then confused for ages as if they are a friend or not and have to wait until i hear them say "friend" in conversation before i know. Im not confident to ask "am i your friend??" as i think i should already know but i dont!!!

 

And then theres the whole close relationship thingy too which im still pretty clueless about!!! I have no idea how to work out if someone likes you or not unless they say and as a bloke im supposed to make the first moves which im clueless about. I guess i could go up and say "hello I like you" but that doesnt seem right for some reason.!!!!!

[chris54]

Hi

 

The name thing, I cant ever remember names, One of the first things I will say to someone new is that, that they must forgive me if I need reminding of their name from time to time.

You can always say something along the lines of, "You remind my so much of someone I used to know that I have you muddled up with them" and use that as an excuse for forgetting.

 

Next time you speak to the neighbors introduce yourself, "I don't Know If I said but I'm ..." that will prompt them to tell you their name.

 

I write down people's names when told , "No.7 John& Mary No.14 Fred & Joan." that sort of thing. And you could always ask the People at "No.7" the names of the people at "No14" and vice versa.

 

"What is a Friend" I wish I knew. You get to know people on all different levels.

 

You may have a friend that you never speak to, just a nod across the road.

 

The neighbours you chat to over the garden fences.

 

Then there are friends who would do anything for you.

 

And the friend that you trust with your life.

 

And everything in between.

 

This friendship thing is no easy.

 

I wont do what prince Charles did and admit to not knowing what Love is ( the Misses is in the room).

 

Best of luck.

 

Chris.

[Tally]

Plus i need to learn how to initiate friendships which i dont understand how to do it at the moment, it just "happens" by accident randomly and its useually people making friends with me. Im then confused for ages as if they are a friend or not and have to wait until i hear them say "friend" in conversation before i know. Im not confident to ask "am i your friend??" as i think i should already know but i dont!!!

 

This is something I really struggle with as well. If I find I get on well with someone at work for example, I would never have the confidence to say, "do you fancy going for a drink sometime?" Everyone at work seems to have each other's mobile numbers, but I wouldn't know how to ask or give my number. I always wait for the other person to initiate friendships, which often results in other people assuming I don't want to be friends (because I don't initiate anything), and I don't know how to get over that. I don't have any answers so this is really not any help to you!

 

As for names, I think it might look funny if you ask their names after so long. If you're friendly with your neighbours both sides, you could try to find out their names from each other. Christmas might be a good opportunity if you give them a Christmas card and just sign your name, they might give you one back with their names in it. You'll be stuck if they just drop it through the door though!

 

A class might give you the opportunity to meet some people. If you're unemployed, you might be entitled to reduced rates on a class. If it's a short course, you could suggest going out for a drink or lunch after the last class.

[something_different]

I would say its not always wrong to dump by text, it depends on many factors.

 

How u met, how long u have known eachother, how long u have been a couple for, how well u are able to communicate with eachother verbally, how well u are able to express thoughts views and feelings verbally and in person. How difficult u find it to use a phone to talk rather than text.

 

Also @ least she did tell u that she wanted the relationship to end, though i do feel she should have given reasons why it wasn't working. Be worse if she had just cut you off completely without saying anything.

[caz2007]

i think it very rude to send you a text and dupling you like that it more nasty it like they never card for youl sorry mate