Help- who do I ask?

[av16]

Hi, I don't know where to start at the moment. My son started secondary school last week, everything appears to be fine- he was well prepared and so was the school. He has not been sleeping well but this is not unusual. Last night he got very worked up over several small things, again not unusual and I was expecting some sort of outburst/outlet as he has no doubt had to work very hard to keep on top of things this week. He was asked to go to bed at 10.00 (he's 11), kept on putting it off, eventually at 10.45 I dragged him off the pc & sent him upstairs. He kept coming back down & I did shout at him(I'm tired too). Eventually I went back upstairs after a few mins to see him in the bathroom standing on a stool with the light pull cord tied into a noose around his neck. (I feel sick & shaky typing this)

 

I got him down & he ran into his room & refused to talk - initially he said he wanted to die but later said he didn't mean it. We had a long talk, about how much we loved him and tha\t even if he didn't mean it it was a very dangerous thing to do. Eventually he went off to sleep. This morning he asked me not to tell anyone. I said I wouldn't tell anyone at football(where he is now).

 

Who do I speak to? After diagnosis 3 yrs ago he has not been seen by CAHMS consultant, he has some sessions with a psychiatrist last year but she left. Had a letter(today!) to say the Ed psych has left, no s.w. involved. GP doesn't really know him - physically very healthy.

 

Any help gratefully received

[Kathryn]

av

 

<'>

 

The poor lad. He needs help as soon as possible, and you need support as well.

 

As it's the weekend I think the best thing to do would be to get in touch with your GP ASAP and try and get an emergency appointment- they will have an out of hours service if you can't get through to the surgery. The GP should then refer him on to whatever mental health crisis support is available in your area- CAMHS usually have something like that.

 

In an immediate emergency you can go to A and E where there will be an on call psychiatrist.

 

I think your next priority should be to contact the school on Monday and arrange an early appointment with the Senco and form tutor to talk about this and find out where the pressures are arising and what can be done to support him there.

 

Look after yourself too. I can't imagine what a shock it must have been.

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

Edited September 6, 2008 by Kathryn

[oxgirl]

Oh, av16, what a frightening situation for you, I really feel for you and your lad. If I were you I would talk to someone at school about what happened and ask for their advice or input. They may have a counsellor at school who could become involved or be able to suggest where else you could go or at least they might just be able to keep an eye on your lad to make sure that he is coping day to day. Take care. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Flora]

Hiya

 

That must have been a horrible experience Kathryn's advice is spot on.

 

I think some of kids, because they've been so well prepared by everyone involved, do make huge efforts to cope and quite often they 'hide' the lack of coping because they feel guilty (this is what happened with my son for a couple of months at secondary school). Eventually they can't deal with internalising those feelings and reach a crisis point.

 

Let us know how you get on.

 

Flora <'>

[Cat]

Even if the change over went according to plan and as expected that does not mean that internally your son coped with this Moving from Primary to Seconday is one of the hardest transitions for children with autism to make.

 

My son let everything build up inside of him until he did have a massive breakdown so I would be seeking help asap. I would hope that CAMHS would see this as an emergency. I think that I would also be speaking to someone at the school about this but making it very clear that if they feed any of what you are telling them back to your son they could tip him over the edge.

 

It is scary when kids act like this. Having been on suicide watch on more than one occassion with my eldest I really do know how you feel At the moment I think that this is a definite cry for help even though your son can neither verbalise or posibily even understand where it is all going wrong. With my son it came down to having to cram on the school bus, having to rub shoudlers with the 1500 kis in the school everytime they changed lessons, the crowds and the noise in the dinner hall and just having to change classrooms for every lesson. None of it had anything to do with the actual school work he was doing. It took six weeks for his breakdown to become complete and at the time I had no idea it was coming until it happend.

 

Cat

[JsMum]

I would get immediate support, NHS, Private, but it needs to be instant.

 

 

GET HELP TODAY.

 

JsMum

Edited September 6, 2008 by Kathryn

[JsMum]

In an immediate emergency you can go to A and E where there will be an on call psychiatrist.

 

I would recommend this route if you are still concerned about your son after football or if you are concerned about a further attempt.

I would record this incident and write to the CAHMS service and express your concerns, espeially as you are not involved in any service provider.

 

Good luck, and I so want to give you one of these. <'>

 

JsMum

[stressedmumto2]

I think you need to get some help ASAP as others have stated, what a horrible situation for you and your son. But it sounds to me like he really needs some help. Everybody's advice is spot on and there is not much I can add to it but I just wanted to give you some hugs <'> <'> <'>

 

A sad thing happened a few years ago and a youngster, friend of my bro and sister took his life, please get some help now, I know your son doesn't want you to tell anyone and that is probably quite normal of adults/children who self-harm or have tried to commit suicide but he obviosuly has a lot going through his mind which he needs to be able to talk about. CAHMS would be a good idea as I am sure they would make something like this a priority.

 

Take care, thinking of you <'> <'> <'>

[JsMum]

I have linked the MIND leaflet of Suicide, and there is Young Minds too.

 

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklet...is+suicidal.htm

 

JsMum

Edited September 6, 2008 by Kathryn

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'll be watching this thread with interest. My son self harms, etc and we've been seen by CAMHS on a number of occasions. I'm afraid I don't have a good word to say about them. They seem to have a whole load of theory, but not practical and are very quick to try and point the finger at me rather than look at the person that really matters. Hope you get help with this soon.

 

Caroline

[Enid]

Hi, my son also became much worse after starting secondary school, he made it, on half-days, and most days sent home by 11, tiil early december. Just before xmas he too had an out of control outburst, where he went completley mad and attacked us all and trashed etc etc, thats when I first posted on here. I did take him to A AND E, no help, but he continued to threaten both us and to kill himself, its too long a story to tell but you can read my thread. It seems to be a typical age for the behaviour to escalate, puberty starting and moving on from primary. It got to the stage where we were scared to open our mouths and walked on eggshells all the time, we are going through a good ish patch at the mo but he is now on medication and I still cant leave him, even in another room, I am always on red alert, very very wearing. My <'> <'> <'> to you, lots of brilliant advice in other posts, I couldnt have made it this far without following it, so take heed!! Enid

[JsMum]

I understand that there is parents here that have been ignored and not adequate care given from cahms but I would still advice parents to seek proffessional help if there child has or is seeking to commit suicide.

 

I understand totally how hard it is to get the proffessionals to listen, understand and take action but if we are too scared because we fear been ignored then nothing at all can be done to help your child.

 

 

Never be too scared to ask for help.

 

JsMum

Edited September 6, 2008 by Kathryn

[Kazzen161]

You could try speaking to your health visitor (they cover children of all ages) - your surgery will be able to tell you who your health visitor is.

 

They are more understanding re: children and can arrange emergency appointments with CAMHS.

[bikemad]

Holy cow hun <'> Dont know what to advise tbh but couldnt read n run. It scares me enough when my ds says he wishes he was dead so you have major hugs flying your way. <'>

[Marion]

Just wanted to say am thinking of you, god love im, my ds is in yr 6 and hasnt gone back after the holidays-we have no cords on our dressing gowns anymore, will probably have to home ed, cant keep puttin him through it, love maz

[pookie170]

Like everyone else, I'm sending you <'> >< , and agree that getting in touch with CAMHS is a good idea- even if your GP hasn't really had to deal with the spectrum side of your son's health, get an emergency appointment with him asap, as he/she may well have more luck or be able to speed up accessing emergency mental health assistance.

 

I also think Marion's advice is sound- try and remove any objects that he might use in this way- belts, cords, etc. And it might be an idea to weaken the pull cord in the bathroom? Just in case.

 

Like yourself and Bikemad, my son has voiced his wish to die when miserable many times before, and my heart was in my mouth reading your post.

 

I hope you both get the support you need asap, and my thoughts are with you.

 

Esther x

[joybed]

Hi Av so scary for you cant imagine what you are going through right now. Last year I found M slashing his feet in his bedroom shortly after starting year 7 in mainstream school. We asked our GP for a referral to CAMHS and were seen quite quickly.. Thankfully M has never done this again I think it was just a cry for help and although this last year has been very stressful it has brought us closer I think. We spoke honestly with M about how this made us feel and tried to find a reason behind it. Take care of yourself. <'>

Edited September 8, 2008 by Flora

[Diane]

Hi Av, How awful for you.

 

I would definately get intouch with CAMHS who I am sure would see as your situation as an emergency.

My own personal experience with CAMHS has been very positive. When things are bad for my DS the psychologist sees him asap and the support needed is given.

 

I hope you get the support you need just now. <'>

[Clare63]

Av, I am so sorry to read this and truly hope that you have managed to get your child so much needed help today.

 

My son too went down hill dreadfully in yr 7 resulting in self harming and the wish to die, we did get help and support from our GP and camhs in the end, but a very scarey time.

 

Thinking of you

 

Clare x x x

[Zosmum]

Hi Av

Thinking of you at this really bad time

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[av16]

Hi everyone - It's been difficult to reply as I don't want him to see I'm on the forum. Thank you so much for all your support - it means alot.

 

We've kept a close eye on him and he seems okish - still very moody at times though. The senco has been excellent and is getting the ed psych in asap, staff have been asked to monitor him closely throughout the day - but not why. Our GP is away but I spoke to the locum who is getting on to our CAHMS and also will try to access some sort of counselling service for him; we're also going to see them on Weds.

 

We''ve had some long chats with him - I think he was shocked at how upset we all were.

 

Thanks once again for your advice.

av

[Flora]

We''ve had some long chats with him - I think he was shocked at how upset we all were.

 

This reaction could actually work to your advantage (as long as he doesn't decide that it's become a useful tool to use when he wants his own way... sorry for putting that in... but it does happen... but hopefully you'll be able to spot the difference).

 

The fact that he was shocked at your reaction can be used to make him realise the enormity of what he was attempting to do. Tbh, in those sort of situations (and I have been there with my own son) I'm all for putting a bit of fear into them about the possible consequences of their actions. I know with my son it became apparent at some point that he hadn't quite grasped the fact that 'final is final'... a successful 'attempt' would not be something anyone could undo. Until we had this conversation I honestly don't think he had quite grasped that. It hasn't stopped him still 'visiting' these ideas when he's in a temper or extremely upset... but I'm hoping with repetition of the same message these incidents will eventually be a thing of the past.

 

It's good that you are talking, communication between you and your son is the key to changing his thought patterns on this scenario on a cogntive level; the results of this might not be immediate when he loses control of his emotions... but will stand him good stead eventually.

 

Flora <'>

[av16]

Short update - went to GP yesterday; he spent time trying to engage A in conversation, A replied it was 'a joke and I didn't mean it'. Doc didn't seem overly concerned and said lots of children get upset ...blah blah; I said he doesn't say much to us, he replied again 'lots of children etc. etc. '(how many have a 'joke' like A did?).

 

He has referred us to CAHMS for a 'one off' talk so we can 'make links with someone', then if A wants to talk some more he can. (Ha Ha - as if!)

 

I think that school will be of more help, he has seen the outreach worker today - he wont say what happened though.

 

I am starting to feel more stressed each day!

AV

[jb1964]

Hi Av,

 

Hope you get somewhere soon with CAHMS - once you have a copy of the referral letter - try ringing them they may speed up the appt. especially if you mention what he did - that's what I did when my daughter was referred at 11yrs old.

 

She started Comp. really excited couldn't wait because she'd hated primary school. Two months in and she had massive panic attacks and couldn't swallow - this had gradually got worse during that 2 mth period - we had absolutely no idea it was to do with school - she never said she had any problems with anything no matter many questions we asked she would just say it was ok - we honestly thought she had something wrong with her gullet etc (as she'd had problems with reflux etc) - she'd had loads of problems prior to this but there was always a reason in our mind because she had lots of medical things going on.

 

Following from that she didn't attend school for the rest of the year - the following year part-time and home tutored and the third year full-time. It is only last year (Yr 10) that she really fully settled down - and has since been able to give some sort of answers on her feelings - she said she just had absolutely no idea of what to do or where to go - she didn't know who was who and names of teachers as everyone just looked the same - her timetable had room number like G15 or H6 which meant absolutely nothing to her and she was so scared all the time. She didn't even know when it was the end of the lesson - the bell would obviously ring but she explained that if she was listening to the teacher she would be focused and not hear it - she would only know when all the other children started packing up their bags and leaving - she would be last out of every class - also she didn't like the rush with people squashing her etc which meant she'd be late for the next class and this worried her so much especially as she didn't even know where to go - she said very often she'd just follow the rest but more often than not they would be in a different set - she struggled to make notes of anything regarding homework etc especially if the teacher talked fast or quiet - she didn't know what to do at break times, she couldn't cope with the school bus - the canteen was so loud and so 'orange' - there were so many worries on top of worries but she never said a word. Her behaviour would go up and down - but again we thought that was to do with her medical things not school.

 

I think what I'm trying to say is that I know this is not the same as what your son tried to do - but that we had no idea that she was having these feelings and neither did she know how to describe them but they were getting very very out of control and for us I can see it is starting to happen again now she's just moved into her final year (that transition period Year 11 into further education/work etc).

 

My daughter wasn't diagnosed until after she was referred at 11yrs old - our CAHMS team told us that normally if she'd been diagnosed at a younger age she would have received some therapy from them prior to her starting Comp - because they know how difficult this transition is - so I would assume they will be very tuned in - much more so than your GP seems to be.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited September 11, 2008 by jb1964

[av16]

Update:

Had meeting at CAHMS yesterday with the consultant child Psychiatrist who diagnosed DS with AS 2 and 1/2 yrs ago. She remembered us and she was very good; DS kept saying it was a joke and nothing would have happened to him. He constantly argued with her, not only about that incident but also other risky behaviour. She accurately assessed him as bright but with very poor judgement of risk. We are going to have some family sessions to help us all manage his behaviour and to help him express his problems. Things have calmed down at school at the moment so feel a bit better.

[Enid]

well done. <'> <'> Enid

[Tally]

I'm glad this consultant has been able to get the measure of your son and helped you get some appropriate support for him.

[jb1964]

Hopefully the sessions will help and glad things have settled at school also.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Kathryn]

Glad to hear that, av. I hope things carry on getting better.

 

K x

[Karen A]

Sounds like the consultant did a good job.I hope the family sessssions are helpful.Karen.