Laughing when something really bad happens.....

[edith simon]

Hi all,

My son is 23 ASD + severe learning diffs.Since early childhood when something bad happens like car goes wrong on the side of the road,food is burnt,somebody is very ill or dies,somebody from family or on TV have an accident or the cat drops the pots from window....endless list ....his reaction is a bad laughing as if he really would be happy on others bad luck.

I knoe it is not true but I cannot or have not managed to discover why is his reaction like this.

I do not have to say that he upsets other people even his brothers and I am very sad would like to know why it is so and how can I help????

Thanks

Edith

[purplehaze]

Hello, I haven't much advice really-but just wanted to let you know my son who is 15 with ASD and some learning diffs does this or gets really annoyed. I came home a few months ago after having my hair cut & hated it (silly I know) but I got upset (it was cut complely wrong) my son just was in fits of laughter & kept saying it was horrible (I know he hates change & always says my hair is different when I get it cut) he has never laughed, (but I havent got upset before) the thing is he doesn't laugh that much really in fact he shows extreme emotions from one end to the other he doesn't laugh at things that we may find funny and he gets angry at small things. I think it's something to do with him not knowing what to do-he has no idea about empathy at all, I use to have a friend when I was younger that laughed when her family members died because she didn't know what to say or do! My son just got angry when my mum died bacause we canceled the cinema trip and the cinema was the one place he loved going!

 

 

 

[Alexandra]

My son does this he's 10 nearly 11, I don't understand why he does it and he can't

 

explain either. It must be a social skill thing, not very helpful am I, just so you

 

know others are out here doing the same xx

[Karen A]

Hi.I think laughing when something bad happens in ASD might be related to lack of social understanding.Young children may laugh at anothers misfortune but as they get older they learn that is not acceptable in most situations.In the same way some comedy can involve having a laugh at others expense but as long as a certain boundary is not crossed most people feel it is ok in that context.Some people with ASD may not naturally learn that laughter when bad things happen is not appropriate socially and may need specific help to learn.Some people suggest a Social Story might help in teaching what is considered appropriate in a particular situation so that might be worth considering.Karen.

[edith simon]

Hi.I think laughing when something bad happens in ASD might be related to lack of social understanding.Young children may laugh at anothers misfortune but as they get older they learn that is not acceptable in most situations.In the same way some comedy can involve having a laugh at others expense but as long as a certain boundary is not crossed most people feel it is ok in that context.Some people with ASD may not naturally learn that laughter when bad things happen is not appropriate socially and may need specific help to learn.Some people suggest a Social Story might help in teaching what is considered appropriate in a particular situation so that might be worth considering.Karen.

Thanks a lot to all of you who answered.

It is really good that it is a problem for others too and it is not only"US".

Have a good day.

Edith

[bikemad]

My lad does it a lot aswel n he has no idea why n on times has no idea he is even doing it.

[lisac]

edith, my 21 yr old son is exactly the same, he laughs a lot when anything goes wrong. I once had a car crash with him in the car and he was beside himself in hysterics. He also gets very excited when someone else is told off, and also gets very interested in someone with one arm or one leg,this has to be down to no social understanding, and they are reacting to what is there in front of them.

[Flibs]

It is perfectly "normal/usual" in a person with autism .too tired to go into it any further at momenbt as just of to bed .will return to explain

[pookie170]

Oh my, yes, my 11 year old laughs at the most inappropriate moments.......and he ALWAYS laughs when he's in trouble. He just cannot seem to control it, he clutches his face in an effort to repel the smirk but cannot seem to do so.....

It seems to be a kind of nervous reaction, like when I go on scary funfair rides I laugh like a drain....and I can't help it then either.

Its not easy to convince others that he's really not trying to be 'wide', though I've managed to get his school on side, and it does push my buttons rather so it can be difficult to deal with......

Looking back though, its did taake quite a while for me to grudgingly accept this facet of his condition, so I suppose I can't reasonably expect others to do so any quicker.....

I just hope he learns to curb this as he matures- could you imagine the reaction he'd get if it was a policeman he was giggling at??????

[Blp]

Hi

 

My 12yr old son laughs when he gets told off and if he does something that he knows is wrong!

 

As the replies have said I also think it is a lack of understanding/social skills and in our case it seems to be a nervous reaction.

 

It is very frustrating though when something goes wrong or I've just given him a row and he laughs in my face!

[Special_talent123]

i feel he doesnt understand what is right or wrong. i was like that when i was a child and i needed help to know what was appropriate and not appropriatte.

[edith simon]

Oh my, yes, my 11 year old laughs at the most inappropriate moments.......and he ALWAYS laughs when he's in trouble. He just cannot seem to control it, he clutches his face in an effort to repel the smirk but cannot seem to do so.....

It seems to be a kind of nervous reaction, like when I go on scary funfair rides I laugh like a drain....and I can't help it then either.

Its not easy to convince others that he's really not trying to be 'wide', though I've managed to get his school on side, and it does push my buttons rather so it can be difficult to deal with......

Looking back though, its did taake quite a while for me to grudgingly accept this facet of his condition, so I suppose I can't reasonably expect others to do so any quicker.....

I just hope he learns to curb this as he matures- could you imagine the reaction he'd get if it was a policeman he was giggling at??????

Dear Pookie,

Thanks a lot for reassuring me.

Son is 23 and unfortunately he has already done that with the police as he took 3 innocent photoes in a shopping centre.Security stopped him he could not answer so ran.Security called police and a plain clothed pc started to wrestle him to the ground was handcuffed and taken to Police station.

Police has not found 3 id on my son to inform me at once.

He would have recognised a uniformed policeman but he was taught that run away if strangers wants to stop you so he was obedient.

After 3 hours I managed to find him....and took home a wet and soiled and suffered injuries from selfbiting and wrestling with a plainclothed pc.

He was not laughing at that time but he laughs now at the event...........

Anyway it just came to my mind when you mentioned the policeman..............

Son and family survived but we had all a terrible 3 months of day and night stress and about 35 meetings with police and shpopping centre to clear our son`s name.

We had no idea that in a shopping centre you cannot take decent pictures as the centre was new and a very nice inner building.

I wish you a goodnight and thanks again.

How old is yours??

[pookie170]

Oh my god, your poor lad!

What an traumatic thing for him to go through......

Can you get things similar to medical bracelets that our kids could wear to try and avoid such awful events?

My son is 11, and I suspect he's very close to the onset of adolescence (argh!!) so a lot of such reactions are heightened with him at the moment. My partner and I have resolved to ignore the laughing for the forseeable future....I don't think theres any point in making an issue of it when he has poor understanding and self control, and/or no wish at present to change this for himself. I don't want to make him ashamed of something I genuinely feel he can't help.

Have you met with the Chief (if thats the right title!!) of your local police station? Surely they could get something on file that would straightaway highlight your sons condition?

Heck, all that for a few photos......I wouldn't fancy being a shoplifter in that centre-what would they do to you then? Attack you with nightsticks??

Im just sorry I don't have any answers, but its reassuring to know that you're not alone, eh?

Night,

Esther x

 

[Sooze2]

Another one the same here! Mine stands there and smiles when his teacher and I are talking to him about why he was shouting and arguing about a certain teacher doing a dance routine! He can;t see that he was in the wrong and just started arguing about it again with both of us! He laughs when people hurt themselves but screams the place down when some minor thing happens that no one else notices. I got bitten by a dog while he was standing next to me once - it drew blood - and he just said "don't matter, whats the big deal" and walked off!!!

 

Mind you dh is a bit the same!

[edith simon]

Oh my god, your poor lad!

What an traumatic thing for him to go through......

Can you get things similar to medical bracelets that our kids could wear to try and avoid such awful events?

My son is 11, and I suspect he's very close to the onset of adolescence (argh!!) so a lot of such reactions are heightened with him at the moment. My partner and I have resolved to ignore the laughing for the forseeable future....I don't think theres any point in making an issue of it when he has poor understanding and self control, and/or no wish at present to change this for himself. I don't want to make him ashamed of something I genuinely feel he can't help.

Have you met with the Chief (if thats the right title!!) of your local police station? Surely they could get something on file that would straightaway highlight your sons condition?

Heck, all that for a few photos......I wouldn't fancy being a shoplifter in that centre-what would they do to you then? Attack you with nightsticks??

Im just sorry I don't have any answers, but its reassuring to know that you're not alone, eh?

Night,

Esther x

Hi Esther,

Yes we had to see the MP who then contacted the Chief Constable and then he was removed from the criminals list after the loads of meetings.......he has a card now from police but my problem is that he had his disabled bypass,his disabled leasure card and a mobile phone with Mom,Dad,Home and police "could not find any of these!!!!!!" disgusting.

The good outcome that our auti support group leader and a policeman /who has an aspi/ made cards taht police should accept /IF THEY ARE WILLING TOO!!/ so I hope lots of other youngsters are going to be saved from sg similar.

But we are not afraid only a LITTLE /so very much/ but we do not take away his independence.

Anyway almost all of the walking auties were arrested from time to time and they survived too.Only in my son`s case it was very unfortunate and with lots of injuries and but we can just hope.

Of course there was no knowledge by security or police what is autism.They resented the fact that he was fighting strongly against the officer as he did not know that he is a ppoliceman.They removed him from criminal list but they never apologised from him or us.

We all need a lots of courage and not giving it up and balance well between safety and independence as far as we can.

With the laughg the problem is that lots of people interpret it that they are vicked ,ungrateful ets as they look really normal and you cannot see the signs that sy is an auti or aspi.

Thank you for letting me share this.

Wish you a nice day.

Edith

 

[oxgirl]

Hi Edith, we also experience this situation. I think the line between laughter and tears is a very fine one and intense emotions can trigger a kind of reflex giggle reaction, that's certainly the case with myself and also my son. There are times when I'm having a very serious discussion with someone and the emotions inside me bring on a smile that I can't control and sometimes I feel a giggle bubbling up inside me, it's almost a nervous giggle, like others have said. Jay's teacher was telling me quite sternly about how rude he'd been that morning to a member of staff and the embarrassment and emotions it was triggering in me caused me to smile but the more aware I became of the fact I was smiling just made the situation worse and could easily have led to an uncontrollable fit of giggling if I hadn't taken several deep breaths and looked away. Intense eye contact with people, despite what they are saying to me, can cause me to smile with embarrassment and discomfort. Jay is the same. He often giggles and laughs when he's in trouble or if he's telling me something serious and it's very hard for me sometimes, when he's laughing inappropriately, to stop myself from disolving into laughter as well, it takes a great deal of effort on my part sometimes to control it, usually I have to walk away now or we'd both be cackling like loons at something quite serious.

 

~ Mel ~

[edith simon]

Hi Edith, we also experience this situation. I think the line between laughter and tears is a very fine one and intense emotions can trigger a kind of reflex giggle reaction, that's certainly the case with myself and also my son. There are times when I'm having a very serious discussion with someone and the emotions inside me bring on a smile that I can't control and sometimes I feel a giggle bubbling up inside me, it's almost a nervous giggle, like others have said. Jay's teacher was telling me quite sternly about how rude he'd been that morning to a member of staff and the embarrassment and emotions it was triggering in me caused me to smile but the more aware I became of the fact I was smiling just made the situation worse and could easily have led to an uncontrollable fit of giggling if I hadn't taken several deep breaths and looked away. Intense eye contact with people, despite what they are saying to me, can cause me to smile with embarrassment and discomfort. Jay is the same. He often giggles and laughs when he's in trouble or if he's telling me something serious and it's very hard for me sometimes, when he's laughing inappropriately, to stop myself from disolving into laughter as well, it takes a great deal of effort on my part sometimes to control it, usually I have to walk away now or we'd both be cackling like loons at something quite serious.

 

~ Mel ~

Thanks a lot Mel.

all the best

Edith

You know it is funny because I also find myself laughing nowdays when sg is bad...maybe I am also aspi or I have learnt it from my son??!!

Don`t know.

[edith simon]

Thanks a lot Mel.

all the best

Edith

You know it is funny because I also find myself laughing nowdays when sg is bad...maybe I am also aspi or I have learnt it from my son??!!

Don`t know.

or maybe life would be very difficult if instead of laugh we would always cry??!!

 

[bid]

I often struggle not to laugh when someone hurts themselves

 

It's not a conscious decision.

 

Bid

[Diane]

My son used to do this a lot well all the time. We have over a long period of time taught him not to laugh. It all comes sown to understanding what you have seen is upsetting and what upsetting means. We have had to teach him about the feelings which go with such events. This will be forever ongoing and he is much better now. It is jolly hard work as are most things when teaching our children.

 

There is no answer to this and what works with my son may not work with yours as from reading your post your son has learning diffculties that mine does not.

 

Sorry i do not feel I have been much help.

[edith simon]

My son used to do this a lot well all the time. We have over a long period of time taught him not to laugh. It all comes sown to understanding what you have seen is upsetting and what upsetting means. We have had to teach him about the feelings which go with such events. This will be forever ongoing and he is much better now. It is jolly hard work as are most things when teaching our children.

 

There is no answer to this and what works with my son may not work with yours as from reading your post your son has learning diffculties that mine does not.

 

Sorry i do not feel I have been much help.

 

[Mumble]

I haven't read through all the replies so apologies if I repeat what has already been said.

 

I have huge problems with this and I hate myself for it. I think it's important to note that I'm not actively choosing to display the emotion I do (however right or wrong) - it just 'happens'.

 

My emotions and emotional states come on and change very very quickly - almost instantaneously - making it very difficult to think rationally at all about what it appropriate or to have any control. I want to have control, but attempting that adds to the stress and almost makes it worse. When emotions change, because my emotions are quite 'extreme' (as in I don't do subtle emotions) the change can seem extreme.

 

The NAS have a very useful (but quite long, and I can't find the link to it now) leaflet on mental health and ASDs. It's actually one of the best publications of their's I have read and it has really helped me and my GP recently. In it, it talks about inappropriate emotions:

 

"There is an inability that some people with ASDs have in expressing appropriate and subtle emotions. They may, for example, laugh or giggle in circumstances where other people would show embarrassment, discomfort, pain or sadness. He stresses that this unusual reaction, for example after a bereavement, does not mean the person is being callous or is mentally ill. They need understanding and tolerance of their idiosyncratic way of expressing their grief."

 

So, it doesn't say why it happens, but foes seem to be an issue. I would speculate that it's linked with mind reading difficulties and mis-understanding/mis-using body language, perhaps?

 

[edith simon]

I haven't read through all the replies so apologies if I repeat what has already been said.

 

I have huge problems with this and I hate myself for it. I think it's important to note that I'm not actively choosing to display the emotion I do (however right or wrong) - it just 'happens'.

 

My emotions and emotional states come on and change very very quickly - almost instantaneously - making it very difficult to think rationally at all about what it appropriate or to have any control. I want to have control, but attempting that adds to the stress and almost makes it worse. When emotions change, because my emotions are quite 'extreme' (as in I don't do subtle emotions) the change can seem extreme.

 

The NAS have a very useful (but quite long, and I can't find the link to it now) leaflet on mental health and ASDs. It's actually one of the best publications of their's I have read and it has really helped me and my GP recently. In it, it talks about inappropriate emotions:

 

"There is an inability that some people with ASDs have in expressing appropriate and subtle emotions. They may, for example, laugh or giggle in circumstances where other people would show embarrassment, discomfort, pain or sadness. He stresses that this unusual reaction, for example after a bereavement, does not mean the person is being callous or is mentally ill. They need understanding and tolerance of their idiosyncratic way of expressing their grief."

 

So, it doesn't say why it happens, but foes seem to be an issue. I would speculate that it's linked with mind reading difficulties and mis-understanding/mis-using body language, perhaps?

Dear Mumble,

Thanks a lot for explaining to me in details how you feel.

It helps a lot to undestand my son and to know that it does not happen on purpose.If you find that article you mentioned ,please do write where to find it.

Have a nice evening,

bye-bye

Edith

[Natbasher]

Hi Edith, we also experience this situation. I think the line between laughter and tears is a very fine one and intense emotions can trigger a kind of reflex giggle reaction,

~ Mel ~

Yeah I would definately agree with that. One day after a particularly unpleasant incident at schoopl I burst into tears , saying to my son "why do you do these things - can't you see how much it upsets people" (obviously this was before we knew he had ASD). In response he too seemed to start crying and I took this to be remorse, but then within a few seconds, his crying turned to hysterical laughter. It seemed very strange at the time, but now I recognise it as a kind of 'crossed wire' in his emotional make-up.

Also I think we sometimes assume that they are laughing at others' discomfort when they're not -eg. the other day I stubbed my toe which brought tears to my eyes and made me hop up and down on the spot. My son started laughing hysterically, and when I said that it was rude to laugh at people because they've hurt themself he said, "I'm not laughing because you've hurt yourself: I'm laughing because you're jumping up and down like they did in the old days!".(By this we worked out that he meant like an old silent comedy! Its just that the sight of me jumping up and down like a loony figured more strongly on his perceptual radar than the fact that I was in pain (if that makes sense) After I told him I was in pain he came and gave me a big kiss!

 

[edith simon]

Yeah I would definately agree with that. One day after a particularly unpleasant incident at schoopl I burst into tears , saying to my son "why do you do these things - can't you see how much it upsets people" (obviously this was before we knew he had ASD). In response he too seemed to start crying and I took this to be remorse, but then within a few seconds, his crying turned to hysterical laughter. It seemed very strange at the time, but now I recognise it as a kind of 'crossed wire' in his emotional make-up.

Also I think we sometimes assume that they are laughing at others' discomfort when they're not -eg. the other day I stubbed my toe which brought tears to my eyes and made me hop up and down on the spot. My son started laughing hysterically, and when I said that it was rude to laugh at people because they've hurt themself he said, "I'm not laughing because you've hurt yourself: I'm laughing because you're jumping up and down like they did in the old days!".(By this we worked out that he meant like an old silent comedy! Its just that the sight of me jumping up and down like a loony figured more strongly on his perceptual radar than the fact that I was in pain (if that makes sense) After I told him I was in pain he came and gave me a big kiss!

Thanks a lot.

Certainly I have got a different "attitude" towards my son`s laughing and I also made aware friends,careres etc in order not to think it is badwill.

Thanks to you all.

Have a nice day everybody

Best wishes,

Edith

IT HAS BEEN A VERY GREAT HELP ALL THAT HAVE ANSWERED THIS TOPIC SO FAR!!!!!!

 

THANKS!!!!!

[Mandapanda]

When my eldest son was young we found he would laugh just at that point where playfighting etc started to hurt him. So if he started laughing we learned to stop doing whatever. Now he's 15 and has always walked on tiptoes. When we went to the Chiropracter cos his back was hurting, the Chiro pressed quite hard at the top of his calf in the muscle. Mj laughed out loud. The Chiro was amazed and said that the muscle was so shortened and tight it should have really hurt Mj. Mj said it didn't hurt, just made him laugh.

 

Peversely when my son gets a GOOD surprise without any prior warning, he bursts into tears!!

 

 

When we had a silence at work for the 9/11 I couldn't bear the silence and standing there with everyone, just hearing their breathing, and I got the giggles and had to leave the room. REALLY EMBARRASSING. I'd been thinking of the people trapped in the wreckage and it was a feeling of extreme emotion - not humour at all. As far as I know I am NT!!

 

 

 

 

[sesley]

hi 2 years ago my son had a overnight stay on a childrens ward and during his stay he was aware of a distressed baby and when it cried in its distress,he giggled. he does that now to if something serious is happening he giggles and i think its because he does not understand the stress and how he should react,so giggling like some people do at funerals rather than cry is a emotional release ,maybe not what other people are feeling,but its still his way of understanding and not understanding concepts that are confusing and muddled in his mind.

[edith simon]

hi 2 years ago my son had a overnight stay on a childrens ward and during his stay he was aware of a distressed baby and when it cried in its distress,he giggled. he does that now to if something serious is happening he giggles and i think its because he does not understand the stress and how he should react,so giggling like some people do at funerals rather than cry is a emotional release ,maybe not what other people are feeling,but its still his way of understanding and not understanding concepts that are confusing and muddled in his mind.

Thanks Sesley

best Edith