Losing stuff!

[lizj]

AAAAAAAAARGH!

19 year old DS loses stuff all the time. This week it has been his mobile phone, 2 security passes, a watch, a pencil case and a data stick! He has always been like this, he never has a clue where anything is. I used to spend every evening trolling around school finding things he had lost during the day.

It is SO inconvenient and can be expensive to keep replacing things.

Is this typical of ASD teens? Might he grow out of it? Any tips on how we can stop so much stuff going missing? He already uses belt clips for wallets and keys.

[flappyfish]

No real advice but lots of sympathy. My son loses everthing and my only solution is to buy very cheap things in the knowledge that they will inevitably get lost!

Edited January 7, 2011 by flappyfish

[oxgirl]

Does he have his own money? I'd suggest getting him to buy things to replace lost items out of his own money. It could help to focus his attention a bit more if he knew he would have to fork out for replacements himself. If he loses things and replacements just turn up, maybe he doesn't have an incentive to look after his things a bit more.

 

~ Mel ~

[lizj]

Does he have his own money? I'd suggest getting him to buy things to replace lost items out of his own money. It could help to focus his attention a bit more if he knew he would have to fork out for replacements himself. If he loses things and replacements just turn up, maybe he doesn't have an incentive to look after his things a bit more.

 

~ Mel ~

Well, he has his own money but it comes from us, as he is at that awkward stage of being an adult student and entitled to absolutely no benefits, grants or support. I do take the money from him, he doesn't seem to care, it's less effort than taking care of the stuff in the first place.

He is supposed to look for work later this year: God help us all.

[chris54]

My son does not lose a lot of stuff manly because we preempt the loss. (not that he has a lot to lose).He has just started wearing glasses so we went right through a routine of what to do when he needs to take them off etc, things that maybe you would think you would do without thinking.

I myself will forget were things are so always (at least I do when I remember) put things in their right place straight away. Which is basically what I try to drill into my son..

[lizj]

My son does not lose a lot of stuff manly because we preempt the loss. (not that he has a lot to lose).He has just started wearing glasses so we went right through a routine of what to do when he needs to take them off etc, things that maybe you would think you would do without thinking.

I myself will forget were things are so always (at least I do when I remember) put things in their right place straight away. Which is basically what I try to drill into my son..

Oh, glasses. He had to start wearing them at the age of 3 and we had 19 pairs in the first year. The optician was sick of the sight of us.

He just stopped wearing them in the end, he can't see what he's doing but it's less hassle all round.

[smiley1590]

i always losing stuff or break it one or the other thing it disorganistion skills tha lead to this situation now leaves me feeling anxious OCD about where i have put something or whether i put it away so have to keep checking over and over i have lost so much stuff over the years i get really annoyed frustrated and upset so can fully sympathise with your son mine also has to do with short term memory loss due to dyspraxia ..... XKLX

[jollypig]

dd misplaces stuff all the time mostly its pens /erasers , but the data stick issue was solved by getting one from amazon that has a key ring attatched ,the stick screws from the key ring and although it isnt fool proof so far so good ! her glasses well im not even going there !!!

[ScienceGeek]

I'm really bad for misplacing things. I'm getting better at it, but I do have to really search at times to find things that I need before I leave the house.

[DameBeverage]

Hello,

 

I do lose things too, but it is usually somewhere in the flat. I lost so many debit cards in a short space of time once because I put them somewhere 'safe' that my bank warned me about it, which worked a bit to make me more organised where to put things. I lose my keys in the flat all the time, so it means I am locked in the flat until I can find them, even with a designated area and two sets.

 

what has helped is to have a specific order of doing things from the time I get up to the time I go to bed, so when I come in the flat I put my coat and keys in the same place every time. I have my keys on a rope round my neck and have a specific tiny bag that I keep on me all the time under my jumper when I am out. I never take it off until I am back in the flat. I also write a to-do list if I am finding things difficult to manage and find things. Not sure if this triggers any ideas.

[trekster]

I think it is a memory or distraction thing tat means he can loose stuff.

Can he tolerate fish oils? Is he willing to change his diet? gluten and dairy

free meant I could remember things better.

 

My loosing stuff problem tends to be worse when im stressed out about something.

However it's more of a "where did I put my keys" when I have forgotten they are

in my coat pocket.

[anewman]

I am like this too. I guess the simple solution is that important things (keys, passes, wallet) are all kept in one place and to make 100% sure they are put there. For example in a dish on a bedside cabinet. Assuming they are always put there then they can always be found.

[jollypig]

although he has no medical reasons for it my oh misplaces keys/wallet/bank cards all the time so for christmas a got him a "gentlemans" valet from lakeland , it sits on the unit and he puts his stuff in it as soon as he come in. its either that or a divorce cos im fed up with a panicked search for his damn keys !

Edited January 8, 2011 by jollypig

[Mumble]

AAAAAAAAARGH!

19 year old DS loses stuff all the time. This week it has been his mobile phone, 2 security passes, a watch, a pencil case and a data stick! He has always been like this, he never has a clue where anything is. I used to spend every evening trolling around school finding things he had lost during the day.

It is SO inconvenient and can be expensive to keep replacing things.

Is this typical of ASD teens? Might he grow out of it? Any tips on how we can stop so much stuff going missing? He already uses belt clips for wallets and keys.

I think it's typical of teens, not just ASD teens!

 

However, he may be having specific difficulties related to memory issues, so it's worth trying some strategies in case they help - they can't do any harm.

 

Most of the things I do have been mentioned here, and yes, being responsible for the cost of items IS a big motivator not to misplace them!

 

Also, when people see my room, organisation of things, etc. they don't believe I'm dyspraxic, mainly because I am hyper-organised to the extent of having all sorts of things labelled!! What many don't realise is that I have to do this or I wouldn't know where anything was (including myself! ). Everything has a specific place where it lives and everything goes back into its place rather than just being put down to be put away later. The good thing is that I never have to tidy my room, because everything is always in its place! :clap:

 

If I have to take lots of things into uni or bring lots back, I always write a list - I have a notebook I keep with me for this purpose and a time I always check it before coming home so I make sure I have everything which really helps. I also have reminder lists laminated inside my locker at uni - does he have a locker he could have a list in? Would he feel okay about having a laminated list, perhaps attached with a keyring to say his pencilcase (of course, he'd have to not lose the list!)

 

Attaching small things to bigger things works well for me. Data sticks are really small now and easy to lose or forget about when you get up from the computer - however, I have mine attached to a giant soft keyring - maybe not suitable for him, but he may find something. Also, if he is leaving it in the computer, the college may be able to help - our computers now come up with a warning when you log-off if you've left in a CD or memory stick which is really helpful - I'm sure this must be quite easy for the college to put on the system.

[Lenny_Toucan]

I have struggled with working memory problems for as long as I can remember. My parents weren't all that sympathetic and I just got shouted at, which knocked my confidence and made it worse for some time - I started believing I was useless for not being able to do something that was apparently so simple and it became a downwards spiral as I stopped trying.

 

I'm not sure what happened (ha, memory problems again), but I realised I had to be pro-active about it and started taking steps much like those mentioned in the above posts. I'm by no means infallable, but I'm able to live independantly and a lot of it has started to be 'natural' to me now.

 

I have a friend who is incredibly forgetful - her family just blame it on her memory problems and roll their eyes whenever she slips up. If my family had done that, I'd probably just be as rubbish today as I was when I was younger. I'm not saying you should shout at him of course, but don't let him use his DX as an excuse not to try. I think it would be good for him to be shown how important it is to accept his flaws and put measures in place to overcome them, otherwise he will really struggle to live an independant life - and an independant life is what all teenagers yearn for!

[zenemu]

I am never sure if it is a Male thing or an Aspie thing, but whenever I put something down it may as well have vanished. Looking for the car keys for 10 minutes this morning - my GF spotted them within seconds right under my nose. I bought a small torch the other day because I take the dog for a walk through an unlit park at around 10pm every night and you can't see a thing in there. I keep this torch in my inside coat pocket - absolutely no reason for it to be anywhere else, when I get out of the park it goes straight back in there. Got to the park last night - no torch. Happens all the time.

[DameBeverage]

....whenever I put something down it may as well have vanished. Looking for the car keys for 10 minutes this morning - my GF spotted them within seconds right under my nose...

 

I must say, it does feel like a form of blindness, because in some situations when I have lost something I look for colours of the object I have lost rather than the object itself. If I have a black object that falls on a dark surface, can take me ages to find it and it would be in a simple visible place.

[BaffledOwl1970]

OMG I thought it was just me who endlessly lost things! Whenever I visit my mum she goes through a list of my important possessions before I leave because otherwise I always get home and find I've forgotten something. My partner gets annoyed at the number of times I lose my phone, purse, bank card, important bits of paper etc. Even being careful in order to avoid a telling-off doesn't always work. All ideas welcome.

[Shrinking Violet]

I lose stuff all the time - I'm not the tidiest in the world, let's put it that way (my mother's concerned I'm turning into Dad's dad! 15 skips they had to hire when it came to cleaning out his parents house! Granny, OTOH, was anal about tidiness and cleanliness. How they managed 65 years of marriage before she died, I've not the foggiest! What is it about love and turning a blind eye...?)

 

I've currently lost 3 bottles of minerals. They're in my room SOMEWHERE, but where...? Pass, next question (as my best mate would say!)

 

I'm on my 5th mobile in the past year, I've lost 3 disabled railcards, bank cards, purses, etc.

 

My room looks like a bomb site. I despair of me!

[jokatodo]

My teenage son has AS and ever since I can remember he has been losing things. Have now resorted to putting sticky labels on his drawers and have gone through each one with him so that there is a 'theme' to each drawer. Helps for a while..... He's so heavy handed with everything, I've lost count of the number of things that have broke! He's been wearing glasses ever since he was 4-5 years old and we were always seeing the opticians to get them mended. No idea what he does with them! He's in 6th Form now and it's so hard for me as he needs this routine to get himself out of the door in a morning..and if he's lost something, I'm always the one to blame

[Archie]

Was watching QI last night and apparently us male type humans are programmed to spot larger and/or moving things better than smaller stationary things. This is likely because the females of the tribe were the gatherers, and therefore are predisposed to finding small objects that don't move, like my glasses, and my house keys.......... anyway, thats what steven fry's QI elves reckon anyway

[smiley1590]

i always losing bank cards or forgetting pin numbers i now paranoid/obsessive checking my bag all time for house /work keys mobile phone, ipod the list endless as i know have tendency to just put things down and not pick them up or forget where i put things drives me wild! wonder when i'm elderly how much worse my short term memory is just going to get! dread to think as really bad already in early adulthood! i slighty OCD about checking my important objects are with me all time causes alot stress panic dread in me! sometimes for nothing as find the object i was worrying/panicking over but until i found it i start rushing round like mad thing trying to find object! grrr.....

 

XKLX

[Archie]

I have mental checklist thats being played over and over, keys, wallet and phone over and over it helps but i will forget something, i'm easily distracted is all. keeping focused on one thing is difficult at best

[Shrinking Violet]

Was watching QI last night and apparently us male type humans are programmed to spot larger and/or moving things better than smaller stationary things. This is likely because the females of the tribe were the gatherers, and therefore are predisposed to finding small objects that don't move, like my glasses, and my house keys.......... anyway, thats what steven fry's QI elves reckon anyway

 

 

Wrong - it was the MEN who did the gathering; the women couldn't. They had to look after the little cavepeople. Then for once they're wrong (unless they're talking modern tribes rather than prehistoric).

[Tally]

Wrong - it was the MEN who did the gathering; the women couldn't. They had to look after the little cavepeople. Then for once they're wrong (unless they're talking modern tribes rather than prehistoric).

WHere are you getting this from? It goes against everything I have ever read about early hominids.

 

WHat did the women and children eat while the men were away hunting?

 

Childcare could be shared and children could be brought gathering. Many women today strap their infants to their backs and go and work in the fields, not tied to the home.

[tom'smom]

OMG this is such an eye opener. I have always lost everything and have had to cancel bank cards, library cards, passports etc more often than i care to think about. It used to drive my parents nuts when I lived at home, and I was always blamed for being lazy and irresponsible and having my head in the clouds. Now it drives my husband nuts instead, he is very much of the 'a place for everything and everything in its place' brigade (quite OCD actually) and just doesn't get it that I can still lose my keys several times a week even though I have trained myself to *always* put them on the rack when I come through the door. He is starting to get used to having to ring up to replace the cashpoint card at least twice a year..only for me to find it 24 hours later in a coat pocket.

Tom is just as bad, at school he regularly loses his shoes and coat, even his underpants (after PE/swimming I hasten to add ); we've given up entirely on pencil cases, dictionaries and other stuff he's supposed to bring in, and his homework disappears between school and home at least once a week (not because he doesn't want to do it as he gets quite anxious when he can't find it). Everything he owns goes missing at home, he is very messy but even when we enforce tidiness he will still be unable to find what he needs. He has certain objects that he is very attached to and wants to carry/play with all the time, but even loses these within the house regularly and then becomes anxious and upset (especially if it's the teddy bear). Every day we spend time going over "where did you last have it", "where did you go after that", "did you go to the toilet and leave it there", etc to find each thing. Thankfully the teddy bear is quite big, so there's a lot of places he wouldn't fit, but when it comes to things like Nintendo DS game cartridges, well....

Oddly I never had this problem at work when I worked in an office, probably because it had a highly organised filing system and I only had a small area of desk with no drawers etc. But when I started working from home I'd lose things all the time, despite having set up what I thought was an equivalent filing/storage system. Hmmm.

Helen

Edited January 27, 2011 by tom'smom

[DameBeverage]

I have just found my hair brushes , which has been a real battle to find. I can now sort my hair out! Lost them for about 5 days, so had to use my fingers. I have 3 brushes to prevent this occurring, I have found 2 of them and still can't find the 3rd. I have 3 or 4 of EVERYTHING, sunglasses, gloves, etc. to try and prevent this.

 

I was washing up yesterday and lost my washing up sponge when I put it down for a second. It had fallen on the floor. I did look on the floor but didn't see it. It is almost like it deliberately blends in with the floor just to wind me up. The sponge does have some of the same colours as the floor but just specks. It is very puzzling why this happens. It does drive me crazy at times.

 

I know I am trying to look for it with my imagination of what I remember it looks like, perhaps there is an association with imagination that makes this difficult. Although it is fustrating, it is also quite interesting.

 

Thanks. It is GREAT to hear that I am not going mad (yet) off now to pamper myself for a while