How do I break my shoplifting habit?

[Charlie C]

I've always had thieving tendencies since being a child, I was brought up in orphanages so had no boundaries as such and we were allowed to do what we wanted most of the time, I started stealing small things and that multiplied into stealing everyday food items somethings even thinks I don't need like 13 electric scented smelly things that cost £12 each... I don't know why I do it....... I need help.....

[A-S warrior]

read a bible

[Special_talent123]

read a bible

 

that makes no sense. and read a bible not quite sure about that in my eyes. some people don't believe in the bible. someone needs to teach charlie right from wrong.

 

Charlie -i made a mistake a long time ago as a kid i had no concept from right and wrong, so i would get into trouble someone from my special school was forcing me into stealing a rubber from a shop which teacher caught me and was challenged and i dropped it behind the boy because he told me what to do, but i didn't understand what he was doing to me.... he was doing things to me sxually against my will i was 15 he was 16 but also he was forcing me to steal which i didn't want to do.

[LancsLad]

Charlie you have my respect for coming onto the forum and putting up this post.

 

When I was younger in my teens I got into a shop lifting habit. At the time I was desperate to develop my artistic skills which my parents had no real interest in supporting. I didn't have the financial resources at the time to support my talents, and unfortunatly neither did my school. I thought long and hard about what was right and wrong and came to the conclusion that a large department store in my town wouldn't go out of bussiness if they lost a few tubes of paint. Over time I lifted a lot of art stuff including large canvasses by firstly asking had the staff any spare cardboard boxes going spare, I would flaten them and then when no one was looking place framed canvases inbetween them and even thank staff as I walked out of the shop saying is it ok if I come back agian for some more which thewould say yes to. I was ethical in my mind as I spread my habit through a number of stores to even out their losses.

 

What I found was that at first shop lifitng was a very frightening experience and then I realised that I was pretty good at it, I hadn't got caught. The honest truth is I could see the validity in what I was doing. If in a similar position today if I walked into Hobby Craft and explained my situation that I have a lot of ability and talent but no money could they give me some free stuff what do you think the answer would be from a store manager?

 

In a very similar way I see your own reasons for starting this behaviour far more valid than my own. I have since these times fostered kids from similar backgrounds to your own and this has been an issue in their lives. I was very lucky in that I did try shoplifitng a few things which were not art related and can remeber walking home looking at them and thinking what was the point of that and simply left them in the nearest rubbish bin, the issue kind of stopped for me after that.

 

I would question yourself am I shoplifitng for a valid reason where there is no other alternative in respect to the objects I am stealing. If there is no valid reason and scented smelly things don't sound like a neccessity in life then what is at the root cause to the behaviour these days. Are you hitting out against an establishment,are you trying to have ownership of things your position in life could not justify at this moment in time. Its really hard living in a consumerist society when you have no real opportunity to participate in a legal way.

 

You have my thoughts and I am not sure how you get help on this one, you would think large shopping centres would offer a therapist free of charge for a couple of hours a week but they don't! All you can do I guess is explore your own behaviours looking for reasons. Try not to be too judgemental on yourself, I am not, and re look at you ethical beliefs. Some people might quickly say your ethical compass is pointing in the wrong direction but that is hard to say unless you live life in your shoes, I know I wouldn't make judgements because i feel there are some very strong underlying reasons which you have sarted to address in your post.

 

Charlie you have my best wishes on this it is not easy and guilt is often counterproductive in finding answers to problems such as this.

Edited May 26, 2012 by LancsLad

[robert7111a]

Charlie - I learnt a valuble lesson in my teens. One night in BORSTAL. Scare the s*&* out of me and I never did it again

 

Will this convince you to stop?

[A-S warrior]

that makes no sense. and read a bible not quite sure about that in my eyes. some people don't believe in the bible. someone needs to teach charlie right from wrong.

 

Charlie -i made a mistake a long time ago as a kid i had no concept from right and wrong, so i would get into trouble someone from my special school was forcing me into stealing a rubber from a shop which teacher caught me and was challenged and i dropped it behind the boy because he told me what to do, but i didn't understand what he was doing to me.... he was doing things to me sxually against my will i was 15 he was 16 but also he was forcing me to steal which i didn't want to do.

 

 

he was asking for help to stop commiting a sin, it seemed the obvious choice!

[Tally]

Charlie doesn't need to read the Bible to work out that this is something he doesn't want to be doing. He already knows this and clearly feels guilty about it. Compounding that guilt isn't going to help anyone. He's asking for help with the how, he's already worked out the why for himself.

[KezT]

Go see your GP - explain it is a compulsion and ask for counselling...

[Sally44]

I can't offer anything over what has already been posted.

 

Most kids go through a stage of stealing things - I know I did. For me [and I assume the other kids at the time], it was for the thrill of doing it and getting away with it. But there was always the guilt afterwards, and often the things you had taken were opportunistic and therefore not even what you wanted. And if you did really want the thing you have stolen, you always felt the guilt when you saw it, wore it etc, and so that took away the enjoyment of actually having something you liked and wanted.

 

For me I just kind of grew out of it. I had a couple of near escapes, when I nearly got caught, and I just thought it was not worth it. And so I stopped. I know that I did not go into certain shops for a while to kind of wean myself out of the 'environment' where I would usually take things from. So I don't know if you could start with something like that.

 

But if it is taking small items of food, it is kind of hard to avoid shopping for food isn't it.

 

I think that talking to the GP may help. But you would need to ask for a referal to a professional that has experience in working with adults with your diagnosis and behaviour like stealing. And the referal may take some months. But it would be worth going to your GP just to get this on record because IF you are caught it would help your defence if you had been to the GP and asked for help about this.

 

My son [who is 11], also goes through phases of taking things from shops. He too feels very bad about it. But it is the impulsivity of it. He sees something and gets such powerful emotions about having to have it, that he does sometimes take things. We and school are working with this by going over and over the 'right way' to shop and reminding him before he gets into the shop that he is going to be shopping the 'right way'. We've also noticed that it happens when he is feeling bad about himself. So I wonder if there is something else in your life that is making you feel very bad because sometimes that can be a trigger to stealing.

 

There is a huge 'habit' part of this behaviour, so you might want to think about things you could use to help you get through those times eg. only going to shops when you need a specific item/s, and only staying long enough to get them. Having something in your pocket that you can hold onto which you feel helps you. It could be anything, a lucky charm, a photo etc. My son decided on a pokemon figure, and this strategy did appear to help.

[darkshine]

I used to shoplift when I was younger - it started because some "friends" forced me into it - then I found out I was good so I carried on - I didn't do it very often to start with but I soon increased that a lot and when I did it was mainly just cuz I could.

 

I used to get a rush knowing I could get away with it.

 

Until I got caught

 

That didn't stop me either...

 

Eventually I just got bored of it - it was too easy - then everywhere started getting cameras and barcodes and scanners at the door and I just figured it was best to quit.

 

That was a few years ago now - it is possible to stop - but you really have to want to - and I think its important to recognise why you do it in the first place.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

Edited May 27, 2012 by darkshine

[oxgirl]

How old are you, Charlie? I think compulsive shoplifting is similar to hoarding in that they are both psychological problems which stem from insecurities and loss. It sounds like you need some counselling to help you with this problem. On a practical level, you should probably avoid the shops where you are most likely to shoplift or else make sure you go with someone else so that you are unable to do it. Have you ever been caught? I would go to your GP in the first instance and ask to be referred for counselling.

 

~ Mel ~

[robert7111a]

Is this an addiction?

 

What is the motive? Is it the fact you don't get caught so you get a buzz out of it? Or do you steal to hoard?

 

The reason I got into trouble was not the shoplifting itself, but I admitted to something else as well to get away from a horrible situation. I was a juvenile then and realised the serious nature of my actions. What happened next put me off stealing forever

[Charlie C]

I'm definitely finding it hard to quite stealing, I really need some help with the problem as its become an everyday occurrence, predominantly the co'op where its easy to steal from especially febreze plug and refresh and ice cream as its at the back of the store, I don't even need the stuff....

 

I'm 26 and never been caught stealing....... I live in a close community and I procent myself as a good pard of the community, I'm not very good at small talk so I come across as simpler them I am and people think I'm thick to be honest and don suspect I'm capable of stealing..

[Sally44]

Who do you think would be the best person to tell about this?

If you find it hard to talk about this, what about if you wrote it down?

[LancsLad]

Charlie at one point in your life you might have started shoplifting for a reason I can understand that in many ways. You are now 26 years of age and the items you have lifted are not a neccessity in life so this is a behavioural habit which might be at levels that it is adictive.

 

The next question is do you want to define yourself as a shop lifter or not? You have a choice in ceratainly how you want to think about yourself. To get caught or not would do nothing in that area, you either want to be a shop lifter or you do not!

 

If you do not want to carry on this way then you need to get out of this destructive behavioural pattern and the easiest way to do that is to focus on more possitive behavioral patterns to replace it. Looking through your last post I am not sure if there might be a problem here. My initial advice along with others who have said this would be to not use the same stores. If you live in a small community there might not be a choice in this. I agree very much with Sally that if you have to go shopping then you need to put in place things for your hands and brain to work on as an alternative. Have something in a pocket to hold, pick up a basket even if it is for one item, have a list in the other hand. Try and get in and out of the store as quickly as possible and then move away from it. Having your hands free, browsing and going into areas of the shop where there is nothing you need is like putting a row of drinks in front of an alcoholic.

 

Charlie you might feel you want to try and do this on your own, you might feel you have reached a point and time in your life where you are able to deal with this issue by yourself. If you have do not dwell on the past whats done is done what you do today and tomorrow is far more important.

 

If you feel you can not do this on your own then go and see your GP and ask them to sort out some professional help. If it has got to a fully adictive stage which ever way you decide to go it will not be easy and I suspect the pull might always be there in your life. You might take some steps forwards in the next few weeks only to steal something again. If you do please don't see this as a disaster rather see things as you are still moving forwards and working towards a position of being free of this issue in your life. A lot of people might think this is easy 'simply stop it', but I suspect the behaviour and the emotions attatched to it are so deep they are hard to put to one side. Again a natural reaction might be that you get a buzz out of this, I do not read it like this, I think you do it because there is a massive amount of guilt attatched to this behaviour. If this is the case my gut reaction if you do live in a small community and the local co-op is owned by a well known member of that community would be to go and tell them what you have been doing and appologise, it might be the best way of dealing with some of that guilt. If I were thay store owner I would be anoyed, but would want you to stop what you are doing and remain a customer to the store. As people have said it is important that we all try and live life the right way and that requires a level of honesty. In my mind being brought up in an orphanage is not the right way to deal with young people, but as they say two wrongs do not make a right. Charlie you can sort this out, you might need professional help, coming to the forum and opening up about this issue is a large first step, you now need to take the next few either on your own or with professional support.

 

You have my best wishes.

[SidiousUK]

Why not go the local police and tell them what you have been doing?

 

I don't see that having AS is a justification for stealing.

Why should I and others work hard to get the things we want when someone can steal and then get support to quit like a "good little criminal"

 

You don't sound like you need help more of a wake up call to the consequences for your actions.

Should the forum moderators step in as someone is admitting to a crime?

[chris54]

It says something in the bible about he without sin should cast the first stone. I know that won't be me.

Edited May 28, 2012 by chris54

[LancsLad]

I think at times we have to look at the source of the behaviour and why it comes about.

 

When I was a foster carer we took in two girls who had in effect been removed from a drugs den of heroin adicts. This came to light when the oldest one age 11 got up one morning and found one of the houses inhabitants dead on the floor and she contacted the police to report the body.

 

She along with her younger sister were shop lifters simply because they had no money whatsoever, they would go around the local takeaways asking for free food at the end of the night and as a result had a very alternative lifestyle which did not include normal things such as school.

 

As an adult I had to ask myself what would I have done in a similar scenario and the answer is to try and survive.

 

As I said before I have not walked in Charlies shoes and as such feel I am in no real position to question how and why this behaviour started. I think it is fair to say that there might not be a justification in the present day but we should be carefull to label the past with the same brush stroke. In the example I have used knowing the lifestlye of the two girls involved would the best approach have ben to treat then as a couple of shop lifters and school truants or to see them as victims of circumsatances outside of their control?

 

Just a few thoughts.

[robert7111a]

I have my reservations about going to the police and admitting to a crime (or several in your case). They may well take the hard line and throw the book at you and then you are tarred as a common thief with a criminal record to boot.

 

Although LancsLad has good intentions, I also have my reservations about admitting your crimes to the Co-op store manager. He might just call the police on the spot and may very well have you on CCTV which can be used in evidence.

 

This seems clearly to be an addition and in the absence of a "Shoplifter's Anonymous" support group, I agree with others that you should go to your GP (who in turn should treat your information as confidential)

 

At the end of the day, you are committing crimes/offences and the police will not use your AS as an excuse unless you have an official diagnosis.

[LancsLad]

Robert you make such a good point, I have my reservations about owning up to the store manager as well,only thing that swayed me that way was if it was a local community store and that people might be more tollerant of someone from the imediate community, I kind of hope so, but I suspect you are right and was glad when you balnced my point with your remarks.

 

The point here is how do you offload so much of the guilt when that might be the issue stopping you moving forwards. Its a really difficult situation and one full of risks because we simply can not predict other peoples reactions.

 

The stupid thing is if they did throw the book at Charlie at the end of the process there might not be much in the way of an imediate punishment other than a criminal record which could have negative consequences for a few years, its going through the process which is the damaging part in many ways.

[SidiousUK]

"At the end of the day, you are committing crimes/offences and the police will not use your AS as an excuse unless you have an official diagnosis"

 

I have an offical diagnosis and as much as I would like to go out and shoot the stupid carbon based lifeforms I can't as it is unlawful.

 

Are all offically diagnosed AS suffers criminals in the making? No I think is the answer to that.

 

If you are compeled to steal then you are suffering from kleptomania and should be treated for that.

 

Going to the police may help face the consequences of their actions and if that means a prison then the following facts will be taken into account

 

1 - They turned themselves in

2 - Are seeking help for the condition of kleptomania

 

If the sentence is custodial, then so be it.

[robert7111a]

Thanks LancsLad. I know you are trying to be positive and maybe years ago, the local shopkeeper might well have been more tolerant/understanding

 

Just to add to SidiousUk's comments, firstly I have learnt something...I have never heard of kleptomania.

 

Also, something for Charlie to consider: if you are unfortunate enough to get caught/get done/get a criminal record etc...prospective employers will do a CRB check and therefore you will need to declare you have a criminal record - otherwise your employer will deem you untrustworthy and dismiss you for lying.

[Tally]

Should the forum moderators step in as someone is admitting to a crime?

 

Personally, I would call the police regarding something I saw on the forum only if I felt a person were in immediate danger of severe harm. Charlie really does not sound like a menace to society.

 

Quite a number of people have admitted on this thread to having shoplifted. I really do not think the police would be interested in this.

 

Charlie has asked for help to make a positive change. I really don't understand why so many people feel that insulting him is an appropriate response.

[robert7111a]

With respect, I don't think anyone has insulted Charlie (or not intentionally anyway). I for one am trying to get him to visualise the consequences if he gets caught in the vague hope that a "shock tactic" might work.

 

Clearly there is not an easy answer. Charlie was brought up in an environment where he didn't know right from wrong at the time - however he certainly knows its wrong now. We just need more ideas thrown in the mixing pot

[SidiousUK]

A crime has been commited and someone has admitted to said offence.

Charlie has made the first step by admitting here and if he want's help he must admit it to the authorities before he is caught and ends up in a worse situation

.

In general, as a society, we spend too much time pandering to offenders and worrying about their rights or their well being.

 

The police may not be interested but I (and others) are fed up with the high price of goods and a lot of this increase is due to shoplifting and not just an increase in inflation.

 

AS is not an "licence" to commit crime and should not be regarded as an excuse otherwise the real reason sill never be found and treated.

[robert7111a]

It's just like the high price of motor insurance to pay for the b**&%$£*s that drive around without insurance and cause accidents to innocent victims. Don't get me started on that one

 

Apart from the authorities, who else is there to report Charlie's habit/addition? How can Charlie get help if there is nobody to report to? I doubt his GP would be interested, they have far more pressing issues to deal with.

[Tally]

A crime has been commited and someone has admitted to said offence.

Charlie has made the first step by admitting here and if he want's help he must admit it to the authorities before he is caught and ends up in a worse situation

you seem to know a lot about this. What will happen to Charlie if he goes to the police and how will that help him move firward with his life? How will it help him more than a doctor would?

 

AS is not an "licence" to commit crime and should not be regarded as an excuse otherwise the real reason sill never be found and treated.

i haven't seen anyone encourage Charlie to continue stealing or say that his AS makes it acceptable. In your anger you seem to be making up stuff to justify your anger.

[SidiousUK]

I happen to know a lot as I have been a son of a policeman for 40 years

 

Admitting guilt (or addiction) is the first step in getting help as is facing up to the consequences to ones actions

 

If you read the posts you would see one from Robert:

"At the end of the day, you are committing crimes/offences and the police will not use your AS as an excuse unless you have an official diagnosis"

 

Seems to imply AS (with a diagnosis) is an excuse. It is not.

 

No one is encouraging Charlie. He has a condition that is a b iproduct of AS (possibly)

 

And don't presume to know how I am feeling!

[robert7111a]

Seems to imply AS (with a diagnosis) is an excuse. It is not.

 

Yes you're right SidiousUK. Although AS was unheard of when I was growing up, my actions then didn't prevent me from feeling the full force of the law

 

(sorry first time using "quote" button...hope this works out)

[A-S warrior]

Seems to imply AS (with a diagnosis) is an excuse. It is not.

 

Yes you're right SidiousUK. Although AS was unheard of when I was growing up, my actions then didn't prevent me from feeling the full force of the law

 

(sorry first time using "quote" button...hope this works out)

 

 

[darkshine]

I just don't see what good the police will do? What will they actually do? They could laugh and say don't waste our time. They could arrest and caution him. They could even charge him and he could end up with a fine, community service or a sentence inside...

 

How exactly is any of that going to help someone to stop stealing....

[robert7111a]

This sounds like an impulse-compulsive disorder where Charlie's mind feels detached from his body - i.e. an altered state of conciousness (such as seen with mind-altering drugs or substance abuse). Occurs in tandem with OCD, anxiety and depression where the person always feels shame and guilt.

 

Other than anxiety drugs (which themselves can be mind-altering), insight-orientated therapy or CBT seems to be the only treatment for this disorder.

 

More research is needed...

[darkshine]

You could be right Robert but I think there can be other things involved that don't necessarily mean a person has an illness because they do something like that.

 

For myself, once the habit started it was just something I did, because I could, because I got in the habit of it, just to see if I could get away with it, cuz it gave me a buzz, because I didn't care any more - things like that - although it may all be futile talking of this anyway because if I was charlie I probably wouldn't even bother reading this post any more - if that is the case we could be wasting energy talking about it - but I still maintain my previous question to the people saying the police are the solution

 

I just don't see what good the police will do? What will they actually do? They could laugh and say don't waste our time. They could arrest and caution him. They could even charge him and he could end up with a fine, community service or a sentence inside...

 

How exactly is any of that going to help someone to stop stealing....

[SidiousUK]

@ Darkshine

 

Action and consequence.

Action and reaction.

You said:

"For myself, once the habit started it was just something I did, because I could"

 

If he goes to the police before he is caught, they will most likely by kinder to him and if he is grabbed by some over zealous store detective (do they still exist by the way?)

Only takes someone to grab him whilst he is doing it and for him to lash out and then he would be up for assult as well as shoplifting

[darkshine]

Yes some stores have security people going round them or watching on cctv - mainly bigger stores from what I've noticed and some towns have a scheme where when a shoplifter is caught they are refused admittance to the stores on the scheme. Also some towns and cities have plain clothed people watching for shoplifters (they are very obvious by the clear wire running behind one ear).

 

It would take balls to go to the police, it would take responsibility for one's actions and self-awareness and understanding for why the problem is there in the first place and why it has continued for so long, and it would take resolve to change and to stop stealing.

 

If those things were present then that person wouldn't need to admit the stealing for they would be in a position to stop stealing already.

 

The only useful thing I can see for going to the police while a person still feels they may continue steal otherwise - is to make themselves known to the police so that the knowledge of knowing the police know your face as a known thief - and may have passed a photo around for people to be more vigilant when you are in the stores.

 

That's more like negative reinforcement and presents a greater challenge for someone who likes to shoplift.

 

As far as I see it - skills like honesty, self-awareness, understanding etc are far more useful in dissecting a behaviour in order to correct it (in this case of stealing) because once you know why you do it - you can begin to sort that out and then stop. There's lots of reasons why a person shoplifts and I don't think those reasons should be overlooked - even when the items stolen are useless - that indicates all the more that there is an underlying reason for it.

Edited May 31, 2012 by darkshine