Found the perfect school

[Flora]

I visited a residential school for kids with AS today. It's the perfect school for my son. If I'd had to design a school specifically for my AS DS this would be it.

 

It was a great visit; there was no part of the school not open to inspection, I got to see the houses where they live out of school hours, I observed lessons, talked to some of the pupils and generally was given carte blanche to spend as much time as I wanted to get a feel for the place. They had even put my visit on each student's schedule, so lots of the kids came up and greeted me by name and they were so happy and relaxed and polite; I had to go off and have a discrete cry at one point. I was invited to stay for lunch but had to get back for the boys.

 

So the gloves are off now for my fight to get him statemented and funded for admission to this school.

 

I am waiting for a tribunal date from SENDIST, and we have a meeting with the school, LEA and ed psych next week to review his case. It's going to be a long hard battled (isn't everything for our kids?) but I'm certainly up for it and will give it my best shot.

 

Lauren

[Clarkie]

Good Luck

 

You're probably aware we've been going through this process so if there's anything we can do to help, then let us know.

 

Be strong.

 

Clarkie

[Kathryn]

Good luck Lauren. We're all behind you. <'>

 

K x

[loulou]

Hi Lauren,

 

 

I'm so pleased you liked the school and i have everything crossed for you that you get your son in.

 

Loulou x

[Hectorshouse]

Good luck Lauren, you know you have all our support.

 

HHxx

[Suze]

Does,nt seeing what provision is out there, and how it can positively affect our kids , really fire you up for a fight.You,ve seen your first prize now ,...........we,ll all get behind you to help your son get his statement and suitable provision, All the best Suzex.

[Flora]

Thank you for your lovely replies. It's great to know that there are people out there to cheer you on when you need it.

 

Thanks

 

Lauren

[Flora]

Got my estimated date for tribunal which is going to be some time in the last two weeks of March. As this is just to try and get them to assess him it's obviously going to be a long hard slog. Even if we win the whole process and get him in to this school it's probably not going to be until 2007 with the potential for more tribunals along the way!! I'll not let that put me off though

 

Lauren

 

Although there's a slim chance they might agree to assess him after the review meeting on Tuesday doing away with the need for the March tribunal

Edited December 3, 2005 by Lauren

[Tez]

Lauren,

 

Good Luck for Tuesday's Review meeting.

[Malika]

Lauren GOOD LUCK !!! <'>

 

Hope things will go the way you want.

 

Take care. <'> <'>

 

Malika.

[Hectorshouse]

Good luck for tuesday Lauren, don't take any prisoners, stand by your points and make sure they get in the minutes for the annual review.

 

We're all here to support you, HHxx

[bid]

Lauren,

 

Good luck with everything!

 

Let's hope they don't underestimate the power of an 'L-S A'!!

 

Bid

[nellie]

Lauren,

 

Good luck, I hope you get a positive result.

 

Nellie xx

[annie]

Lauren,

 

Good luck for Tuesday. I will be thinking of you.

 

Annie

<'>

[Kathryn]

Lauren - just wondering how it went today?

 

K x

[Flora]

Kathryn, thanks for asking <'> . It couldn't have gone worse.

 

It lasted for 2 hours and 20 minutes. I turned up with a brief case with my laptop and some papers; very professional and business like.

 

I managed to hold it together for about the first hour and a half. There they were; his teacher, the HT, the EP and LEA officer, all agreeing with each other that he's fine and doing well and in no way meets their criteria for a statement, and me heckling in the background .

 

When the EP (who hasn't even met him!) said 'well with a condition as mild as Aspergers.....'... I finally flipped. I burst in to tears Got up to leave. Sat back down. Slammed my laptop on to the table, switched it on and showed them all the video footage I have of him wrecking his room, attacking members of the family, screaming, shouting, crying, and generally having melt downs. I had 13 separate movies. Believe me, there's nothing mild about them, more like a horror movie, The Shining comes to mind

 

The EP began frantically writing (hiding his writing with a cupped hand ), while the LEA woman droned 'bad as it is, I still haven't seen anything to make me think he needs a statement'.... To which I said 'yeah, but if he was doing it at school he'd be expelled'.

 

She then said she thought they should work with CAMHS; to which I replied that we already were, and that CAMHS had tried to ring her several times but she hadn't returned the calls; so they'd sent letters instead, and she hadn't replied to the letters. She was adamant that she had not had contact from CAMHS, but I have letters where she's cc'd on them so something must have gone to her. She didn't like that. (this is the same LEA woman I described as 'nice' some time ago, obviously I was wrong, she's just a b**** with a nice voice )

 

I'm not sure what happened after this . I have a vague recollection of the EP trying to talk me out of going to tribunal but I told him there was no question of that; I would see him there in March and he told me that it would only bring misery and heartache to all involved. The next thing I knew the only people left in the room were me and the HT. I think they sneaked out while I was crying in to my big hanky!!! The HT and I had a bit of a chat, but nothing very substantial then I came home.

 

I'm absolutely shattered and really don't know what the right move is next. I feel like I've made an absolute fool of myself and achieved nothing at all. There was me thinking I was tough enough to discuss my son in a professional manner What should I do? I think I should go to tribunal in March; but they were so convinced that he doesn't meet the criteria for statement; was it tactics? Or do they really think that? Would I just be setting us up for knock backs, frustration and heartache? Perhaps I should sleep on it.

 

Any views would be most welcome.

 

Lauren

[phasmid]

By the sound of it you need to do exactly what you suggest, sleep on it. You sound like your emotions have been through a wringer today.

 

See whats what in the cold light of the morning.

 

Take care.

 

Phas

[Tez]

Hi Lauren,

 

<'> <'> I'm sorry that things didn't go better for you. As phasmid says sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. There's plenty of time to make a decision about the tribunal after Christmas, don't rush anything. There is no way that you made an absolute fool of yourself, you just showed yourself to be a loving and concerned mother.

Edited December 6, 2005 by Tez

[bid]

Lauren,

 

Hang in there <'>

 

You are doing brilliantly <'>

 

Lots of us have been told that our children won't get a Statement and they do, so don't give up <'>

 

Tommorrow is another day, and you can come out fighting again. Don't feel you made a fool of yourself...I have cried all over every professional ever involved with my son

 

Take care of yourself, and I think you were so brave to have done that all on your own. More than I could have done!

 

Bid <'>

[nellie]

Lauren, <'> <'>

 

Faced with those comments I think I would have flipped too. Come back soon and talk it over, it's been a tough day.

 

Nellie <'>

[Hectorshouse]

Lauren <'> <'> I hope your feeling better today, you did tremendously well yesterday don't be hard on yourself.

 

We're here to support you HHxx

[Malika]

Hi Lauren. <'> <'>

 

I feel so sorry for you, what a day what a disgrace, Lea people always nice umtil you need extra money.

 

I know it is hard but don't give up they very very rarely admit than ASD AS children needs extra support, many of them do not even beleive autism exist except for non verbal children, may be you could suggest your son to wreck the school instead of his bed room sorry to be sarcastic but I wonder sometimes as mine is well behave if I got it wrong when I put so much pressure on him to behave at school.

Surely when kids with AS are expelled because of behaviour problem lea and school start to move faster.

 

Poor you I hope something better will come they may even want to try if you stick to your gun and eventualy give up. Unfortunatly I think you have no chance you have to go to tribunal. Give yourself some rest and get ready for another fight, we will be here for support. <'> <'> <'>

 

Take care. <'> <'> <'>

 

Malika.

[Malika]

Sorry I met "you have no choice"

[barefoot wend]

Lauren

 

Big hugs to you. Cry it all out, regroup and keep going.

 

Barefoot

[Kathryn]

Lauren,

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Sorry, late to this as I didn't come on the forum last night.

 

Boy, do I know what it's like to be faced with this ignorant attitude - your frustration is entirely understandable - and you did so well without anyone else in the meeting to back you up.

 

Do you have the support of IPSEA or the NAS? Just talking it through with someone objective will help you decide where to go from here.

 

Don't let them grind you down.

 

K xx

[LittleRae]

Lauren

 

<'>

 

Don't feel bad. You were organised. You had the information you needed. You showed them the movies to prove you had a case. The very fact that the EP began to take notice is a good sign. As for losing it, I don't think that can do any harm - if you show you can cope you get nothing. It's good for them to see how hard it is for you.

 

Take a day to regroup. Then do up your own 'minutes' of the meeting, just to recap. I'd take the opportunity to forward copies of the letters you were cc'd on to the LEA lady (just in case she still can't find her copies ). Then ask them to come back to you within x days in writing to comment on the meeting and the info. With the EP I'd do the same and request an assessment giving x days to respond in writing. If these people refuse you in writing, it should give you more ammunition.

 

A

[Flora]

Thank you everybody for your words of support. <'> It does make a difference.

 

I've sprung back to life today and have started to think forward towards the tribunal. I've just had someone who might have some influence agree to come as support and give evidence.

 

Obviously the tribunal isn't until March so I won't bore you all with a blow by blow account but will post if anything significant or interesting happens!

 

Thank you again to all of you.

 

Lauren XX

[Lesley]

Hi Lauren

It sounds as if your review went exactly the same way as mine 'I'm sorry Mrs W - we just don't see it in the classroom'. (The fact that I myself saw him hitting another child for putting the farm animals in the zoo box doesn't appear to worry them...if he does this at 4 what will it develop into?...)

We went to tribunal as our son has a speech and language disorder aswell as AS and ADHD; we even went to the top of the NHS Nuffield Centre to confirm the SALT diagnosis.

Then the newly qualified LEA SALT turned up at the tribunal and told them the tests they did were unreliable, the headteacher claimed he was only on School Action, not Action Plus and they insisted there was no cause for concern. James had refused to see the EP and SALT in school for internal assessment & they decided it was cos he wasn't feeling well! (We know it was because his routine dictates that he's supposed to be in class with everyone else and can't be different )

We lost the case

My advice? Take your professionals with you to tribunal - they don't listen to parents point of view

Sorry to put a damper on things

Lx

Edited December 8, 2005 by Lesley

[Flora]

Lesley,

 

I hear exactly what you are saying, and your experience is exactly what I fear.

 

I am dealing with things at present on the assumption that I will go to tribunal. However, I do intend to do some real soul searching over the next few weeks. The reason being is that sometimes I feel quite tough and also feel like I'm well prepared for any eventuality and outcome; I really believed that before I went to the meeting on Tuesday. My reaction though towards the end of the meeting and afterwards has made me wonder how well I could cope if we lost the tribunal. I'm not looking for any extra advice on this as I think only I can work this one out; but hearing of other people's experience is a huge help and at least gives me some real food for thought.

 

I've been on prozac for over a year now and I also have temazepam for the nights my son is asleep but I'm still pacing the floors! For this reason I often wonder how strong I actually am. Three things have prevented me from cancelling the tribunal : 1) the huge support I have on here and the campaign group,2) the fact that I don't want to look back in years to come knowing that there was more I could have done but didn't 3)The strong belief that the LEA intended to grind me down so much that I would back off and I will not ever cowtow to that sort of coercian and pressure.

 

So I will most certainly go the tribunal and give it my very best shot; but meanwhile I will coach myself to deal with disappointment and frustration in the (very real) event that we may lose.

 

Lauren

[helenl53]

Hi Lauren

 

I think all of us this forum feel for you at this time. It is awful, but it is meant to grind you down.

 

As the others have said, try and get some support from NAS or IPSEA for the Tribunal - and go for it - you may not succeed at Tribunal - but it will help you feel that you are doing everything possible and also will put a statistic on the map for cases going to Tribunal.

 

These guys are professional bullies and that is a pretty horrible discovery to make!

 

Lauren - you will be on a gigantic rollercoaster ride, but you will get stronger.

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

[Kazzen161]

I think you shoudl go for the Tribunal - you can cancel anytime up to the day before (the LEA often do ), so you can always change your mind if you really want to later on.

 

They always say you won't get a statement - so just ignore them, and prove them wrong.

 

The EP says you're letting yourself in for "heartache" (a nice attitude to a supposedly fair hearing!), but you are already suffering heartache, seeing your child so unhappy. At least the Tribunal will be over in a few months, and the panel will make sure you get to put your view across.

 

Whatever happens, at least you can say you tried your best.

 

Karen

[Sallya]

oh Lauren,

###### me, this seems a wee bit familiar.

This was me a few months back- refusal to assess-one quietly spoken person being told by all the suits that he wouldn't be assessed so it wasn't worth me going to tribunal. The guys here spurred me on, and I put in an appeal. The LEA decided that they would assess him 3 weeks before the tribunal date. He has got a statement now- so go on girl- keep what it is you want for him in your mind- a statement- the ONLY way to get a statement is to iniate the process of statutory assessment- those months will fly by, so make good use of them. Is there one pro who does beleive that he needs a statement? Ask IPSEA if they can represent you at the tribunal.

Don't beleive what the LEA, school and EP tell you- it can be done (says me waving a statement in the air)

take it one day at a time and you will be able to deal with each thing as it comes up.

s

xxx

<'>

Edited December 9, 2005 by Sallya

[helenl53]

I'll second that - although I didn't get the school I wanted, I still got a statement despite being told that 'statements are not being given anymore', 'he doesn't need a statement, you just need to let him be himself', 'he is not as bad as some children, if you really want to see children with complex needs, then go to xxxx school', 'you won't get one because they do not statement undiagnosed children'

 

It is a struggle but it will make you stronger.

 

It is a real ###### when you assume everyone has your child's interests at heart - hard lesson number one - he is a funding unit!!!!!! - the people you deal with go to bed at night and you can guarantee that your child will not be on their mind.

 

Having said that, I think there are some really good people around in Education, but they get subjected to bully boy tactics as well

 

Keep your pecker up.

 

Love

 

Helen

[Hectorshouse]

Lauren <'> <'> you keep going girl, your doing just fab, and we will be with you all the way, just come on and moan or ask the clever ones for advice. You are a lot stronger than you think you are.

 

HHxx

[Suze]

Lauren I feel awful I,m so late to this thread I had no idea you,d been through so much this week, that meeting on tues sounded pretty awful(I,d like to post something stronger but I think I, d get moderated ).You,ve probably already done this so forgive me if I,m going over old ground,keep a daily diary , write down your sons sleep patterns etc , behaviour, get feed back from school and put anything and everything in. Very often the criteria to assess depends so much on what happens in school(obviously ).............you need to show a decline in his working ability, behaviours etc, has he displayed anything like not coping at school, because this is the crux of the lea,s case against you(sorry I,m probably repeating what you know, I,m just desperate to give you some help).Prior to my son being assessed we had independent reports done by the dyslexia inst....a specialist sen teacher(who proved he had an auditory processing problem)....and a O.T. , these helped I,m sure with the case.What about camhs?............have you shown the home video to them, they are the experts that can stand up to the lea and dispel the theory AS is mild.If camhs are,nt helpfull could your gp refer you to other services in your area, .........wish I could help you more, you must feel so cr*p at the moment <'> ............luv Suzex. <'>