DaisyProudfoot

Hi Forbsay, I've always found ten minutes was nowhere near enough time to discuss Martin (aged 9). Suggest you go to the parent's evening, have a quick chat about any concerns and ask if you could have a longer meeting with the teacher after school on a less fraught day. That way the teacher can focus her mind on your child rather than 30 kids and you could discuss his IEP in detail too. I don't bother with parent's evening at all for Martin now, just arrange meetings either when teacher needs them or we need them. She writes little notes to me in his twin sister's jotter too if she has any concerns. (NOT Martin's jotter, I'd never see them ) Which reminds me - Speech and Language Therapist was in school to see Martin last week - must find out how that went. (sorry diversion there). Don't worry about parents' evening. The teacher will tell you the truth but it's all beneficial. If it hadn't been for parent's evening last year we would never have started Martin on the road to his dx - which he got in June this year. By the way - high school parents' evenings are incredible - I have two in high school so far (three more to go in eventually) and they are mind-boggling events, what with the queues and the stressed-out teachers who don't know who your kid is from Adam anyway. Good social evenings though - I have loads of parent friends I only see once a year at parents' evenings Enjoy the meeting and don't worry - my advice is if possible don't take your son because then teacher can't talk truthfully. Daisy

Yup, Martin has had constipation problems since he was tiny, tiny. Still does because you KNOW when he has been to the toilet - his poos are SOOO big they can back up the toilet Although he never actually mentions it to us anymore (probably just thinks its normal I guess) It used to be so distressing for him when he was little - we would sit and hold his hand when he was small as he was so frightened to go and even laxatives didn't help much. We have two toilets now so when he needs to go everyone just leaves him to it!

Shocked Despicable - I didn't know this still went on in this day and age And that's a policy!

Got rid of all the clothes to various sources but kept quite a few of the toys in the loft with the intention of bringing them out for the grandchildren. Then - lo and behold - nine years later we had to take my nephew in as a care case (full time until he is 18 years old - he was 16 months then) and now all the toys are out again! Never had any inclination to hang onto cots, prams or clothing. Books were different. Hubby dug them out of the loft and Martin (AS son) found one in particular: "Morris Mini Minor - you've still got this? That is such a cool book" Never thought he'd remembered it!

Martin plays out on his bike during the summer and enjoys hanging out with his big brothers and their friends but quite often if he asks to go out to play I find all he's done is go to the corner shop, buy himself some sweets and a drink and watches the world go by sitting on our wall. There are only girls living round our immediate area, he has a school friend who lives about ten minutes walk away but the last time he went to call he got lost! Thankfully his friend's dad knew he was coming round and went looking for him. Most of the time Martin arranges to go to a friend's house after school for tea. (We work so can't return the favour very often). His best friend also has AS so his mum is very understanding and on Sunday he spent the whole afternoon at an NT friend's house and his mum said he was "welcome any time!" - Result!

Hi Tylersmum, Plenty of these for you <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Sounds like the school's had its funding cut if LSA is moving on too. I know this sounds weird but would you be able to go in and give a hand yourself for a few hours or do other commitments prevent that? Other alternative I guess would be a school move but how much disruption would that cause T? And no matter which school you go to if you're in the same LEA the hours of assistance would be the same I suppose. Are there other parents and children in the same boat at school? Perhaps you could arrange a meeting with them and the head governor to discuss the matter. Hope You and T get through this Daisy

Hi Lins, So far he's still there but he's so unpredictable at school that only time will tell. He can go for days without any trouble and then loses it in style Head knows he has difficulties so if he did get excluded I don't think she'd be pleased to know me - she treads on eggshells at the best of times when I'm near her If anything develops I let you all know Daisy

Oh Melba, I am so with you on this one so here's some big <'> <'> <'> <'> . Haven't got any advice unfortunately as I'm struggling with the same problem. The youngest (20 months) is getting to the point where he's scared stiff of my AS son because he just doesn't know what's coming (he's 9). I have four other kids apart from Martin and they all get their fair share of aggression thrown at them, thankfully two are older and can cope with it and one is his twin and gives as good as she gets . . . . but the baby! Just to let you know you're not alone although I'm not much help I'm afraid. I'm trying to get some behavioural help for Martin but it's not speedy. I look forward to seeing if anyone has any tips for you as it will help me too! Daisy

Martin didn't have any problems that I am aware of but like Jomica's school ours don't make SATs an issue they just get on with it with the only request that the kids don't take holidays in April and May over and above the usual. Sadly, he's in year 5 now and things are getting tough . But hey ho! Daisy

Hi folks, Second installment of Rock School tonight, C4 at 9.30pm. For those not familiar it's the reality TV show where Gene Simmons (Lead singer Kiss) goes into posh school to turn a bunch of classical music playing kids into a rock band to support Motorhead. (Doing a Jack Black from School of Rock film). Anyway there's one kid in the group called Josh Bell - he's "not the most popular boy in the school" according to the other kids, he's a loner, speaks Elvish fluently, is awkward and wierd and I think he's a generally cool kid Anyway I'm pretty certain he has AS and when you read the C4 forum about him you'll get my drift. Well worth watching as Mr Simmons has picked Josh to be the lead singer not because he can sing - because he can't - but because he's different and he noticed the way the other kids sniggered at him when he got up to sing and as Mr Simmons said last week: "A lot of rock stars were losers to start off with." Bless him: after Josh got chosen he remarked that he would be "one of the gang now." On the C4 forum some of his school peers are on and although some are really nice about him some are downright horrid - reckon it's just jealously! Apparently fame hasn't gone to his head so that's nice. Looking forward to tonight's installment. Go Josh Go Daisy

Well, looks like Martin's headteacher has finally lost it! Martin ended up in a fight at school yesterday. Some kid said something to him to which his reply was: "Sc**w you!" and so began a big big fight involving very many boys. Anyway headteacher dealt with it by saying: "If this happens again I will call all your parents and you will go home at lunchtime!!" Martin's response: "See mum, all I have to do to get out of school early is to have a fight" Poor, poor headteacher what has she done? Talk about undermining her own authority! Waiting for the phone calls! Daisy

Yup, very stressful, permanent headaches and doesn't do my Lupus (it's an auto-immune illness) any good at all!! I just keep saying to myself "why doesn't he understand that what he's doing isn't right?" I know the answer folks - I SO wish we were telepathic and didn't have to rely on prehistoric means of communication! Daisy

Our Martin says some really shocking things as well - sometimes I wonder if it's just to get a reaction and the death threats come thick and fast when he's upset. We know it means nothing but worry about other peoples' reactions certainly. He regularly laughs at other peoples' misfortunes (but sadly, I used to do that too and I'm still no good at funerals or when people have died.) He also seems to get pleasure from teasing our youngest (20 months) and just can't understand when the baby is crying that he has to put him down! Daisy

Hi Delyth, Sorry to hear your family is going through a hard time - understanding AS is hard enough at the best of times, all I can think of is that your hubby and you must have had something there when you first got married and just because he has AS doesn't mean he is a different person. Remember if your husband is only just discovering he has AS he too will be finding it hard to deal with, although in the long run a dx will probably benefit him greatly. On the whole AS people don't have a wide circle of friends and are very choosy about those they do allow into their lives. If he has chosen to spend his life with you he probably regards you as his best friend, his trust and loyalty will have been expended on you and he expects that in return (I know my husband does!). Was it a mutual decision that you separate or did he leave of his own volition? Sometimes AS people can appear to be selfish, but a fear of rejection can cause them to alienate themselves on purpose. I was told by my AS son's psychologist that Martin's aggression is because he wishes to push people away because then he doesn't have to cope with the confusion of social conflict and this is also why he buries himself in his computer. You won't be able to talk to your hubby about his feelings because emotion is something AS people have difficulty with and naturally with his diagnosis will come the concern that your children may have AS too. If you have trouble talking to your husband then get involved with his current interest, I find it a lot easier to talk to my AS son if he is absorbed in his interest at the same time and he can see things from that angle. The fact that you've posted your concerns means you are not happy with this separation. As to telling the younger ones - they wouldn't understand even if you did try to explain AS to them. Adults have a hard enough time!! If you haven't read Tony Attwood's book "A guide for parents and professionals" it may be worth purchasing a copy and you can access his website for lots of helpful advice at: www.tonyattwood.com.au He's kinda the top man in ASD (Moderators: Can I do that - it's not a publicity thing is it?) I'm fairly new to the AS thing myself so I'm only looking at things from an onlooker's point of view really. Perhaps if one of our resident autistics read this they may be able to give you their help - it may be useful for your husband's view. Also - direct him to this forum, it may help him too. Hope this helps a bit, Daisy <'> <'>

Yes, Owain you are absolutely correct - two of those kids do get themselves out to school for which I am very appreciative of course. And bringing the baby downstairs in the morning is also a massive bonus too Thanks <'>

On Zemanski's heygroup one - I got 60 again! That is so weird, crikey now I'm getting predictable! Actually the first question is about being on a plane, well that wouldn't happen in real life as I'm scared stiff of flying (actually it's the crashing I don't like the idea of) and in those circumstances my actual response would have been: e) You think "oh no, first time I go on a plane and just look what happens, I'm going to die now and that's just not fair" But that option wasn't available Daisy

Tumble dry and fold. Then give it to them to crumple up and put in their drawers! Only iron for that day and only bulk ironing is on a Sunday for Monday (school uniforms and hubby's shirts) but we all do it, even the teens, especially when my arthritis is playing up. Daisy

Hi Anxiousmom, If you are looking for help on a diagnosis, skip the school and go straight to the GP. This was the advice we were given by our SEN teacher at Martin's school - so we did. From going to the GP in February this year, he was referred to a paedetrician who interviewed us, interviewed and watched Martin, referrred him to a child psychologist who did all the necessary tests and by June of this year he received a dx of AS. Meanwhile the school was still awaiting a reply from the Speech and Language Therapist - who has now been informed by the psychologist and is seeing Martin next week! I never have a bad thing to say about the NHS after this speedy dx Daisy

Thanks for those responses folks. Adrenelin must be the key, I remember when one of my boys was badly scalded on holiday while we were camping - I lifted up a huge water carrier (several gallons full) and poured the whole lot over him, usually I can't even carry it back from the water tap! Planning on putting Martin into Tae Kwondo as it's supposed to be good for self discipline and popular with his school friends at the moment. Daisy

Welcome to all our recent newbies and a very warm welcome to Destrum cos he's my eldest son . Hey, Donna, that Autistic/Artistic thing is so weird! My 9-yr-old son is AS and his teacher said she was beginning to be concerned about his twin sister too. I said "She's fine, she's just very ARTistic, not Autistic" perhaps it's the way her AS manifests, I've never felt the need to have her diagnosed, although there are some similarities but without her brother's aggressive streak - just daydreamy and arty I've always felt! Daisy

Hi all, Does anyone know if there has been a study done on above average strength in people with an ASD? My AS son is only nine-years-old but when he goes into "a rage" (as he calls it) it can take two adults to prevent him from lashing out at his intended victim (usually his twin!). I once put up my hands for him to hit them (boxing style) when he was in a rage and he fair knocked me over! He has this strange view that he is a Barbarian warrior and I have to admit when he goes Berserk he really is like someone from Viking legend! Daisy

24 on AQ and 60% on the EQ ( apparently that's average Viper!) - but then I am a public relations officer so I'm trained when to say the right thing or not as the case maybe so that's probably had an influence in how I answered Daisy

Well, On the 24th September I told you all about our wonderful self management plan for Martin. It actually lasted properly for one day!! He soon worked out that if he did nothing on the timetable then it would seem obvious he wouldn't have to go to school (not stupid my boy!) The plan has now been ripped up and we are back to square one - where he does not do as I tell him and I run around like a headless chicken getting four kids to school and a toddler to his grandad's. On the plus side he still did everything on the now non-existant timetable and we got to school on time this morning and I think that secretly that little plan is in his head somewhere and he's following it! The reason: Martin follows no one's rules but his own. When that plan was out in the open for all to see it was mum and dad's plan not Martin's so he didn't follow it. Now it is in his head it is Martin's plan - and quietly he's getting on with it. Ah, child phsychology - it's as easy as convincing the boss you need a raise Daisy

Hi gvce, It can be hard sometimes but you know what's best for him so just keep at 'em, as mel says. Eventually someone realises that all is not right especially when you keep telling them so. My AS son holds himself together at school most of the time so his agression manifests itself at home because it all builds up and he knows he can release the anger at home where he's safe. He was devastated the other day and came home from my parents' house in tears because he had "had a rage" as he calls it and hit two cousins and his twin sister (who is quite used to being pushed and retaliates very well!). I told him (AGAIN) it was OK to get angry but not to hit out. Then I tried a new tack, having read Mr Attwood's book again and used one his techniques. I asked him if he knew what had caused the rage - I missed out the incident at my parents' house and went straight to school - I asked him what had happened at school that had caused the aggression at granddad's. There had been a reason - I can't remember now, but he was so relieved to know that anger was not a bad thing and that it's "normal" to have pent-up frustration. At home he sits in the kitchen until his anger subsides which can take a long time. I am considering asking the school if he can have a what we call at home a "reflection space" where he can calm down without anyone bothering him. I'm also getting his pshychiatrist to find someone who can work more closely with us and him to manage his aggression better. Keep strong <'> Daisy

Hi Malika, Pleased your meeting went well. So did mine with the teacher. She has worked with him to set in place a simple IEP which he understands and he seems delighted that the teacher is taking notice of him which is great. We have the speech and language therapist going into school next week to assess him further as well. His paedetrician gave me Tony Attwood's book to read and tried to talk a bit with Martin but he wasn't interested and just gave her one-word answers before retreating to the computer. In a way I was pleased because she saw him on a bad day which strengthens any case I may have in the future. Take care Daisy