Paula

Its hard to beleive but my mother did say those things. My son was born with a condition known as bi lateral choanal atresia.A serious congenital birth defect.It was a bloomeing nightmare.He had to have loads and loads of operations. Anyhows one day i was at my wits end.Id a husband working long hours a 2 year old daughter and my son with this condition and everything it brought.At the time we hadnt realised he also had learning difficulties and autism that came later.I was in tears and desperate for a break and i phoned my mother crying and begging her to come and stay in the house for maybe an hour so i could get out and relax. Her reply was hes youre son get on with it.May i point out that she hasnt a job and wasnt working at the time and only lived 5 minutes away in a car which she also had acess to.Shortley afterwards i had a nervous breakdown due to the stress.Againe i was told to pull myself together and get on with it. I later went on to realise i had bi polar disorder.Thats a carry on in itself. My family support has been to be blunt cr*p!!!!!!!! Im currently waiting for my son to possibly have yet another operation to help him breath.Ive to go to Leeds general againe in January.Im dreading it.More operations more upset and even though my son has said hes fed up about not being able to breath through his nose he doesnt fully understand the paine that is involved in these operations. No doubt my mum will use her usual words of comfort which go get out and about enjoy yer self whilst hes in the hospital forget about him.Thing is he cant be left alone ill have to stay with him.Im dreading it all.But ill cope.Yer have to. Ive often said if she wasnt me mother id have disowned her long ago. Shes that daft that she still beleives our son cant read and write i keep telling her he can.That hes intelligent but she insists hes thick. I wont ramble on because i could for hours at the upset i feal towards people who should have offered support and understanding. Paula

Ive actually had my parents telling me i should just shove my son in a home then i could get a life and start liveing. Worse thing they ever said was that they hoped my sister would have a son then finally theyd have a grandson they could be proud of a right grandson as they put. Other little gem that my mother beleive it or not once said was if only youd had an abortion pity you didnt know before he was born. I was left speechless and fumeing.But i said nothing.Cried my eyes out at home though and thought if this is what his grandparents think then how the hell can we expect the world to accept hm. The drs comments are terrible but its even more heartbreaking when the comments come from youre own family.

Ive tried and tried to talk to my son hes 11 about why he doesnt realy like haveing a poo and his fear of the toilet paper on many an occasion. You just get no sence out of him he just clams up.I used to think is it the texture of the loo paper,the colour is he scared of the splash as it hts the water. Its just one of the many mysteries of his mind. I once had a book all about toilet training kids with aspergers and other learning difficulties.Full of tips and stuff.It made funny reading but didnt help. my son holds on for about 4 days then when he goes he blocks the toilet !!!!!!!!Then after the joys of wipeing his bum for him i have to get me hand gloved round the u bend and shift it !!!!!!!! Talk about him rubbing salt in the wound.

Oh yes!!! Theres stuff that stops yer clenching and holding it in.The stuf yer learn. I used to think hell go eventually he has to.But his stomach was like a beech ball the peadiatrican prescribed the bottom pills and cream.I only needed to use them 3 times to get things going then like i say the sheer sight of me holding the pill in the air did the trick!!!!!!!!! me shouting if yer dont go youll be on yur back with one of these beauties up yer backside!!!!!!!!!!! What a rotton mum.LOL.Sent him running like lynford christie to the loo. Bowels poo toilets its a wacky old world.

My sister went to one of these kiddies play gym type of things with her two children.Ones aged 6 and the others two. Whilst there she says there was a down syndrome boy who as she put it was acting like a nutter and scareing all the other kids by making noises. I dont know how i contained myself when she calmly and smugley announced that shed approached the mother of this little boy and asked if shed keep him away from her daughters.She then told me thankgod they left as they were spoiling it for us. I was ###### lived.I said why couldnt you have explained to youre children that there was nothing to be scared of and explained what was wrong with him and maybe asked his mum his name and told the kids his name.Sorta breaking down boundries type of thing. She just shrugged and said why should i they shouldnt take them to places other kids are gonna be. Thats my sister!!!!!!!!!!!! The auntie of my autistic son.The lady who once said my son was pure evil. Family understanding and support forget it.freinds that dont support or understand you can get rid of and i would. Attitudes of adults influence the kids and its not right.

Oh god do i sympathise.If youd read my posting on toilet fear youll know why. My son is now 11 hes an aspie.Hes terrified of toilet paper and wipeing his own bottom Right back to youre problem coz beleive me ive been there.My son totally refused to do a poo on the toilet and would hold on for literally weeks on end.It got to the point where his stomach was bloated and hed anal leakage constantly. Wed sit him on the loo and like youre child hed say after literally seconds cant go and get of the loo. Because he was so badly constipated the peadiatrican gave him some supositarys what a saga that was inserting them!!!! Anyhows these supositrys kicked in after 20 minutes they kinda forced the bowel to contract.This meant i could insert one waite 20-25 minutes say come on on to the loo and his bowel would contract he also had some cream which you put on his anus to make it so he couldnt clench it and stop the poo leaving. This meant that after a few supositrys and creams which he hated i could say to him if you dont try to go to the loo ie sit a while and try real hard then its the bottom pill.Hey presto hed use the loo!!!!!!!!!!!! But it did used to take him around 20 minutes of sitting there and fussing and stuff before hed open his bowels. I tell you i could write a thousand words on the bowel problems and toilet traumas of****** I dont know if ive helped but i didnt want you to think you were alone. Oh i found and i know this sounds a bit daft that if i sat him in the dark whilst on the loo it kinda helped him also. Now if only only i could crack the toilet paper carry on. Take care paula

Im really glad its worked out. We saw chronicles of narnia on sunday and it was brilliant. My son (AS) used to hate going to the cinema hed shuffle and cause bother and stuff and wed have to go when no one else was there and sit on a row all to ourselves.But over the years hes managed to get used to it and loves going to see all the big films. Next one KIng Kong xmas eve.

My son hates crowds,never mixes with other children apart from the kids in his special school and only at school ect. I used to feel so sad for him thinking well i enjoy parties and haveing freinds round or going out so why doesnt he and oh god hes missing out. Then i realised that that was where i was going wrong putting what made me happy onto him.(if you understand) What made him happy was being on his own,not mixing avoiding people he didnt need and doesnt need other people to feel happy i guess hes content and stuff being on his own or just with me his dad and sister. Id to sort of put muself in his mind set. I do look out the window though and watch the other boys his age kicking round a football climbing trees and stuff and wonder what might have been.And i do in my darkest most private moments shed a tear.

You read them the riot act. They should make allowances for youre son.Its no skin of there nose.Threaten them with the disability act and threaten to splash it all over a local rag. But im sure theyll bend and let you book a table when youve stated yer case to the area manager.I hope they do and you have a good time.

I thought ocd as well. But like people say once youve got an aperger in youre family you often start looking at other family memebers even yourself and often see similar traites even if they arent as pronounced. Weve noticed that my sons grandfather/my dad does many things that our son does.We were also told that his great grandfather was odd and never made eye contact either.Ive also noticed that i like my son hate crowds and busy places and have fussy ways for want of a better word.

I wouldnt have found him guilty of murder either. Unless youve had to watch some body die of a horrid terminal illness maybe in horrendous paine how can we judge what we would or wouldnt do. God knows what went through that mans mind the what ifs ect. My thoughts are with all people perhaps in a dilema similar to what he was. Paula

To me that proves shes hasnt a clue how to cope what to expect or anything. Dont let him go.Youll be worried sick all day long its just not worth it.It realy isnt.At 5 years of age come on a school trip isnt that vital to educational needs.I know its just my opinion but itll cause more harm than good.

Elun 1 Im one of the lucky ones i got my son a placement at a special school and its fantastic. The kids are all on the autistic spectrum though one or two have other problems.They go from ages 5 to 16 so i dont have to worry about senior school and theres only 90 kids in the whole school.Classes are taught in groups of the same ability not age related.Its just fantastic. The only down side if theere is one is that he has to travel an hour on the bus every morning.Hes picked up at 7.45 and doesnt get home till 4.30pm.Because the bus picks up 10 other children from my area to take to the school.Its actually only 20 minutes away but its pickcing up kids that takes the time.Its a small price to pay though and it doesnt bother him hes up dressed ready for the off. Thats how i know i did the right thing.From the very start he was like a different child.And his confidence soared.Plus he made freinds as we like to put it like minded freinds. This week theyve been to a museum and the theatre all paide for by charities and donations.Thats another point these schools are funded better so theres more opportunities also. My worry is whats going to happen when he leaves school at 16.Thats the next big test.The next biggy.Well cope though yer have to.

Thats the point though isnt it. mainstream teachers havent had sufficient training to cope with or fully understand Autism/Aspergers or any other learning difficulty. So why are kids shoved in mainstream schools.They shouldnt be. I agree teachers have a tough enough job copeing with large class loads and normal kids they shouldnt have to deal with other problems also. Parents know best and if they want there child to attend a special school then that choice should be availabel to them.It shouldnt be decided by the LEA and as in my case a report written by beleive it or not a physcologist who hadnt even met my son where was best for him to attend. Sometimes its crazy absolutley mad.People making decsions about children they havent met conditions they dont know enough about which can cause upset and utter unhappiness for the child and family. I hated leaving my son at that school he screamed on arrival,yelled when collected.His behaviour was amplified it was hell.And all because the LEA knew best.Well they didnt. Im still boiling over it all 6 years down the line. Sorry to have ranted but boy it feels good to let of steam.

The teachers at a maine stream school i found like loulou says just thought he was a naughty boy and that i was the problem.So if i tried to interfear i was met with oh mums always make things worse and i bet if we were in charge minus the mum hed behave like normal kids!!!!!!!!!!! Got me so angry. They even said that why oh why was i bothering shoveing him in a special school because hed never be able to read write count do anything and i was wasteing my time. Well he can read,he can spell,he can count and waite for it he did a science stat test and gained a grade 3.So put that in youre pipe you doubters.What they meant was that they hadnt a clue how to go about teaching him.

Ive often asked my son when ive over heard him sleep talking what hes dreamt about but he always says nothing. But on the remembering stuff in detail.Gosh my son can remember conversations,places routes taken to places what people said how they said it,hes a good mimic of voices and facial expression in amazing details. if i forget something i always ask him i say Ivey what happened and he starts reeling of word perfect stuff.hes always bloomeing right. We smile and laugh and say its yer talent and yer a bloomeing whizz at it.

My son used to attend a mainstream school. It was the worst year of his life.The teachers had absolutley no understanding of the condition. It was like banging youre head agaisnt a brick wall.he was bullied,spat on even had his nose bloodied and this was 5 year olds. He couldnt take part fully in school dinners because of the hsuslte and bustle so i used to send him packed lunches with a drink inside.During the summer hed be so so thirsty the reason being he couldnt open his juice and no dinner lady supervisor helped him. When i asked the teacher if someone could please make sure he had a drink they said all he has to do is ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then when he was bullied againe the teacher said all he has to do is give me the names of the boys or gilrs.I tried to explaine he didnt know his own name let alone anyone elses. It ws the final straw.I pulled him out the school.Found a special school and even though im making it sound easy and it wasnt he gained a place there. Not everyone wants there child to be in a special school but i think for some children its the best place.Least yer not trying to explaine all the time to teachers,parents kids who really dont give a damn what it means to be aspergers /autistic. Id have been fumeing if that had been my son.Its outrageous.

I know what id do i wouldnt let him go.its just not worth the risk. If he doesnt want to go because you cant go and the school wont let you go then dont allow him to go.You dont need to explaine youreself to the school i wouldnt.And dont feel bad or be made out to be a too fussy parent because youre not.Hes youre son you know best and his saftey comes first. My son is 11 years old.he attends a special sschool where all the staff are correctly trained and very experianced.So i have no worries about trips.They go out in very small groups and its almost 1 to 1 supervision. But theyd be no way he would go out if he was say in mainstream and in my opinion not supervised correctly or properly understood by the teachers.

My son has Aspergers syndrome and he has imaginative play and imagination. He didnt always though.When he was younger all he did was line cars up,spin wheels ect.But gradually as he got older hes now 11 he started pretending to crash cars,say brum brum ect.he also puts voices to his teddy bears and sometimes when we cant communicate with our son direct we talk via the teddy bear and hell answer in the 3 person. So yes i beleive people with Aspergers synsdrome can be imaginative and they can also show concern and love for others.My son always comes over to me if i appear upset and gives me a big hug and says i love you mummy. Boy does that feal good because he used to not be able to tolarate me touching his hand.They learn to adapt i think.

Im going to be totally honest here i get scared of my son. There ive said it. It wasnt so bad when he had violent outburts and temper tantrums when he was little i could easily restraine him without much fear of being hurt.Although in time i found it made matters worse trying to stop him vent the anger or frustrations. But hes gonna be 12 in January.Hes almost as tall as me.Hes a big strong lad.And if it kicks of hell at time get right into my face and clench his fists and look as though hes going to punch me.he also runs and gets knifes out of the kitchen at times also. I wouldnt not if im honest be able to physically restraine him any more if he decided when in one of these rages that he was going to turn on me. I read in a book once years and years ago that we have to be able to take verbal controll of the situation because we may not be able to take physical control of it as they get older and bigger. I normally say dont hit me hit the setee or kick the door ect. hes always so upset afterwards and apologises.I never tell him of but just say ok sweet heart i understand. I guess i cant let him see im scared.But i do worry that he could hurt me if he wanted to.

We went to go use the toilets in a local supermarket and as my son went into them i was just about to say to him hurry up wont you but as i went to say his name and tell him this he shouted Yea yea yea i know mum watch out for the perverts!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just as a bloke was entering the mens toilets too. Yea im guilty of drumming it into him that there could be danger lurking even in a toilet. :

My son is currently yo yo mad also. I hadnt thought of this as an obsession.But i think the fact that hes playing with a yo you as soon as he gets up and then as soon as he get home on a night until he goes to bed counts. Its kinda amazeing realy becauses he can hold in one hand the ps2 game controll whilst at the same time with the other hand yo yo is going up and down all the time. We laugh and say yer a yo yo nutter.he even trys to yo yo in bed.But then the string gets in knots and all hell breaks loose as weve to frantatically get the knots out so he can continue with the event!!!!!!!!

My son does this also. he hadnt lined his vast collection of cars up for ages then i went into his bedroom and there they were all lined up againe on the floor and window cill. When he came home form school i said cars in lines againe.he just laughed.Have i moved them?!!! Do i look like i wanna die.LOL I also on a more serious note find if hes ill stressed or his routine is broken ie school holidays then some of his obsessions and rituals which i thought were long past rear there heads againe. He too loves ps2.And hes a fantastic memeory for what is about to happen.Drives his dad mad as his dad trys to play a game and theres this constant voice commenting on what is gonna happen next and what he should do. Like we say hes a bloomeing genious when it comes to gameing.

Ive just glanced at youre profile the location given as never far from the funny farm makes a hell of a lot of sence when youre bi polar. Can i ask did it kinda put you of a bit with the drs.What i mean is because i was bi polar i fealt that the gps wouldnt take my concerns seriously about my son when he was younger.Just kinda put it down to what do you expect when the mothers a physciatric patient.No wonder he childs not right. But on the other hand you dont want to be on the receiving end of things when im all manicy and fighting for the rights of my young lad.Boy can i kick ar*e.So maybe its worked out well being the bi polar mum of an asperger son.

Im so so glad ive stumbled upon this forum. Its gonna make the world of difference to me my son and our family.just knowing theres people who understand out there. Yu do feal isolated and alone at times.And sometimes if i say to say a neighbour oh hes got these problems or he does this the standard reply is" oh but he looks so normal" That can be so so annoying. Yes he looks perfectly normal but he has all these hidden problems that go unnoticed unless you spend loads of time with him. Im glad you like the angel with sooty wings. Unfortunatley his great grandma died almost 3 years ago.Bless her she was in a way the only person who accepted my son no matter what treat him as normal,and sometimes her comments of hell be alright hes a bobby dazzler and a grande lad were just the ticket when i fealt nothing would be ok againe.