Dijac

We moved to France when Will was 4. At first he got by with his incredible memory, and would be able to memorise poems etc before the French kids - but it was soon apparent he had a knack for the language. Obviously, living here, and in a small town at that, he was immersed in the language. When he started senior school, his friends didn't even know he was English - he is totally bi-lingual, with no accent in either language. Someone made a comment about latin - and that is now his favourite language. He does German too, but likes that less, but that maybe because of the teacher.

Hi, My NT son (10) has dysgraphia. He has a lot of problems copying. He looks at the board, and not at his paper, and his writing never stays on the line. We had his eyes tested. He did have some problems, and had some eye re-education to get his eyes to work together, and he also has glasses now. So it is definitely worth taking him to an orthoptist. He finds he writes better with stabilo pen specifically for right handed people. It has the dimples in the right places, so he holds it a bit better. His writing is often illegible though. He was getting pains in his arm, from being so tense when he writes, so had some sessions with a 'psycho-motrician' - that is what he saw here in France, I am not sure what that would be in UK. But she gave him relaxation exercises, which seemed to help a bit. Diane

Hi, Well a nice lady from the autism association (here in France) called me today to confirm the dates for Will's assessment. However, they won't start till February, and we won't get the results till April. The social services told us they can't arrange any help for him at school till we have the results. So it doesn't look like he'll get any help during this school year. But hey ho, at least we have a date set. Diane

Hi Kerrie, My son (12) does this a lot too - he has a bit of exzema, but scrathes himself madly when he is stressed, or sometimes hits himself on the head when he says something stupid. He has low self esteeme too. As for how to stop this, I just try to ignore him - I just tell him that hitting himself won't help, and walk away. Sometimes the lack of attention helps, sometimes not. Unfortunately, I have no better advice than that.

Hi Jollypig, I know exactly how you feel - my AS son (12) is exactly the same. I try to not react to things he says, so yesterday he called me an unfeeling witch, and why won't I cry - which to me confirms he is purposely trying to make me cry. Our main computer is broken, and I won't let him use my work one, so I have been called all the names under the sun this week, he's wished me, homself, and the whole world dead. He also hates school right now, so told me he was going to kill the history teacher. He can't wait to leave home so he'll never have to see me again. This is the same boy who will then sometimes call me in the night, because he can't find his teddy - and he is so glad I understand him!! So all I can say, is try not to take it personally. I am hoping that once adolescence is past, things will get better. Diane

Hi, That takes me back. Years ago I was living in a bedsit in Lewisham, and couldn't work out why my bed smelt funny. I narrowed it down to the pillows - so bought new pillows - no luck. I even thought it was me, and started bathing 2 - 3 times a day. Eventually, I found a dead mouse in the bottom of my pyjama case - I'd been putting my jammies back on top of it every day, and placing it on my pillow!! I felt ill for a couple of days after that!! Now I live in the countryside, it is not unusual to find a dead mouse in the garage - or sometimes the dog will bring me a dead dormouse or a vole - and now I can deal with it!! But that smeall is still not good!! Hopefully you have a nice day where you are, and give your washing a nice blast of fresh air after it's hot wash. Diane

Hi Again , Yes, we always knew Will was different - he was always very advanced academically, but behind with physical things. He can ride a bike, but I think he was 8 when he learned, as opposed to 4 for his brother. We used to put his bad hand writing down to him being a leftie, and to thinking faster than he could write - although it is actually not too bad now. He was always quite solitary at school. The only way they deal with advanced kids here is by putting them up a year - this used to be ok, but now he is 12, but is with 13- 14 year olds, it seems more of a difference. A lot in his year have really grown and filled out this last year. The maturity level is a problem now too - he gets upset as he says they all talk about sex all the time, and this makes him uncomfortable. When he firsat started having major problems I went to the school. They couldn't believe this quiet, respectful boy was having problems - till one day I got him and he flipped, and like your son, started punching himself. After that they got serious about helping, and that was about the time we managed to see the psychiatrist instead of the psychologist, who mput him on meds. He does still hit himself sometimes, or scratches his excema till it bleeds. His father and younger brother (9) are here too, but it is generally only me who can calm him. But my husband works away a lot too. I do work a bit, but haven't much on at the moment, so am able to get him for lunch. He will have to stay tomorrow though, so he won't be happy. He hates the food, and the smell and noise etc - but mostly, he hates having no-where to go and de-stress. He has just joined a cinema animation group, which I had hoped would be good for him - he enjoyed it last week, but it is for teens and adults, and I think the only other person who goes is an adult, so he isn't going to be making friends, but if he enjoys it, then that's something. Message me any time, since our sons seem similar - although I agree that you should look into dyspraxia - my younger son was looked at for that, but they decided it was just dysgraphia, as it is only writing he has a problem with. Diane

Hi, I am also mother of a 12 y.o with probable AS - I live in France, so system is different. I now have to go and get Will most lunchtimes - one thing he hated most at school was the canteen, and we find breaking the day up a bit helps him. - Does your son have a de-stress ritual - Will gets home, and goes straight in the garden to walk up and down the path for 5 - 10 minutes. He knows if he does this at school, he gets mocked. We go to a psychology centre here, and he sees a psychologist nurse sometimes, if he feels the need. They also have a group there for adolescents with problems - I don't think they are all AS, but they all seem very shy. I think he finds this helpful. He is also on medication (risperdal) as he can get aggresive when he gets over frustrated, and this does seem to help. He often talks about suicide or killing others too. Having said all that, he is finding going back to school very difficult, and we have tears nearly every morning. It is all very draining, for him and the family. I am hoping that when he gets his official diagnosis we might get more help, but I am not certain about that. Not much help really, but I hope knowing you are not alone helps a bit. Diane

Hi, Thanks for your replies - Will said the noise was physically hurting him. But other days, he likes to listen to music quite loud on his head phones. I guess it depends on the noise. Kathryn, the Harrier used to be my favourite, but I don't think that is around anymore. And I once saw concorde take off and land - that was mega. We could have had a half hour ride on it, but it was quite expensive - Now it's out of service I wish we'd done it. Retrospect is a great thing!! Diane

Hi, I made a big mistake today. My husband and I used to love airshows, so when I saw there was one at a small airport nearby I was excited, and as the weather was ok, we decided to go, despite Will's protests. I thought, taking ear plugs would be enough. Alas, when the show was opened with a surprise jet, it didn't go down well. After that, even with the plugs in and me holding his head, he hated the noise. After the jets, he didn't mind the helicopter and the small acrobatic biplane, but as soon as we heard jets starting up again, we had to leave. It is hard to listen to Will sometimes, as he just hates leaving the house, and more importantly, leaving the computer. But I guess this time I should have listened, although the long walk from the parking to the show, and back were good for him. You win some, you lose some. Next time I'll know. Diane

Hi again, Just remembered, one thing that did upset him, is when it hurt to eat, he was worried he'd never eat again - he loves his food. He kept screamign he would die from starvation - he didn't!! So maybe get some soup and ice cream in for first few days. Diane

Hi Jo, Will (12, AS) has had a brace for nearly 2 years now. He isn't too bad at all about having it done. He did absolutely hate having the impressions made, but it was only a few minutes. When it is put in, or tightened, we have a couple of days of tears and tantrums, then he gets used to it. His dentist is very 'no nonsense' - and tells him not to be a baby if he winces etc., but this seems work ok for him. My other son, (9,NT) however is a different matter. He hated her. He had to go to the dental hospital and be put out just to have a filling - and he will need a brace in 6 months - so I guess I need to brace myself for that one. (sorry, couldn't resist that). They were much better at dealing with him at the hospital, but sent me out of the room before they put him out, which he totally hated. Apart from that, they did seem to have a bit more time to explain each step to him before hand. Don't know if that helps, but in answer to your question, Will has had a few rough days, but has coped pretty well. Diane

Hi again, Suze, was your son worse when hungry. It is another thing I am thinking about - he is so horrible when he gets up, but once he's eaten, he goes off to get dressed, and it's like a different boy comes back. He always has been bad when hungry, which is another reason I just ignore it in the mornings - but if he wants toast or something, he has to ask nicely before he gets any. And he never gets away with not going to school, which is what he wants. James is home for lunch, and after realising he has no telly or computer, he started to rage again, but then I asked how many days should I punish him, and he seems to have had a think, and is very apologetic right now. We'll see if it lasts. Diane

Hi, Will(12) has suspected AS - we are waiting for an assessment with autism assoc (we are in France) - He has been totally stressing this week with back to school. He went back Tuesday, and was almost hysterical Tuesday evening - hates it, hates his teachers, hates his class mates, has no friends, hates taking the bus, etc. Had lots tears and shouting weds morning to get him to go - I ignore all the bad language and 'I hate you's' - I have relented and let him come home for lunch, as he does hate the canteen - loud, smelly, disgusting food etc. So I called the deputy head this morning - she said she'd spoken to him this morning - had to interrupt him as he was joking with some friends - he told her his timetable was fine and that he has no problems. So is it all just for my benefit? One psychologist had said before he has megalomaniac tendancies - Is he just taking me for a mug so he gets his own way? I guess we'll find out more once the assessment is done. To cap it all, now his brother, (9, NT) has started copying him - he swore at me last night as I refused to buy him some brand name trainers. He adores his brother, and told me maybe he has caught AS off him. I do try to carry through sanctions - J will definitely have no computer for a few days now. Will has asked me to make duck stir fry for tea, just to give him a bit of happiness in his day. I am so annoyed, I think it'll be beans on toast, like it or lump it!! My husband has had to go to UK for work, and won't be back for another week, and I think they are taking advantage. Sorry, I just needed a rant. Diane

It would depend on how I'm feeling when I read the question, but at this moment, I would say 'The Railway Children'.

I was excited by your comment Darkshine, and tried it this evening. So I measured the medicine, and told him he could sip under his control. Alas, seeing the milky liquid in a glass freaked him out even more. I'd even given him a cookie to nibble between sips. We have now done 3 days out of 7, so almost half way through - we'll persevere, and as long as I let him go and 'de-stress' first, to prepare himself, we seem to be getting there. Diane

Thanks for your replies. This evening he managed to take it without too much problem. I think because his sores are starting to clear up, he can now see the benefits. But we still had to do a little bit at a time, like you Lynden. But if he continues like tonight, it won't be so bad. We'll see how he is in the morning. Diane

Hi. W (12) has always had a strong gag reflex - he has just been put on antibiotics for impetigo - but he hates the texture - says it feels grainy and just the thought of it makes him want to vomit - he is supposed to take it 3 x per day - and 3 measures each time - it takes an hour, with a lot of tears, he takes a small amount, then he goes to destress, then try again etc. He can't take pills either - I will call doctor tomorrow, but hate to miss a dose with antibiotics - it is stressing us all out. Any advice? Diane

Hi, I am in France, so a different system again. My son is also 12 ys.o. But he has been provisionally diagnosed by psychiatrist this year, but we are waiting for an official assessment by autism society. He is getting very stressed for the back to school in September. He still goes to a normal school, but has jumped a year - his main problems are breaks and lunchtime. LAST year he went to the canteen 2 days, then home for lunch 2 days (they only do half day here on weds) - but I think he will come home for lunch all the time this year. He needs to walk back and forwards to destress a lot, but knows he gets gets teased if he does it at school - so coming home for a couple of hours lets him have this opportuntiy. We have just started talkingto social workers too, and they may fund him going to a special childminder lunchtime if I can't get him due to work. He also gets very stressed and agitated, and threatens to kill himself, or his brother(9), when he gets really stressed. And he gets really stressed when I limit the pc - so I have to set limits before hand, and sometimes I have to accept he will have a meltdown when it is time to come off. I don't know much to advise you - my son has always known he was different, and he was very angry when we first mentioned AS, but now he has researched it a bit himself, he admits it expalins a lot. Although be careful, if he is very clever like my son, he soemtimes tries to use it to excuse things - (I can't help it, I have AS!!) type thing, which we try not to allow.. Diane

Hi, My son,W(90%diagnosed with AS) is 12 and has a lot of similarities with your son. He punches himself if he is upset or if he says something stupid , or threatens to kill himself, - he worries about things, for a while it was black holes, lately he worries he will have a stroke. He is advanced academically, but has problems at school as he says he has no friends. This has got worse since he has been at secondary school. He would stay on the computer all day, if we didn't limit him. He is very jealous of his younger brother, which causes fights all the time. I only have the 2 boys, but I imagine if your's are like mine, it must be very tiring for you. We are still going through the official diagnosis - although his psychiatrist is pretty sure it is AS. I can't really offer much advice, just support - and except any outside support you are offered. I was initially upset when he told social services at school that his parents are terrible (because we limit computer) - but once they realised he wasn't in danger, they are actually quite helpful, and are lookign into groups he could join to help him, and us. Welcome to the forum, Diane

Hi, I don't bleed as heavy as you seem to, but because I was gettign anaemic, my doc gave me meds (not the pill) that reduce the bleeding. It is also possible you need to take iron, which would reduce your tiredness. Help is available, if you ask your doctor.

That brings back memories - I used to live in Hastings when I was young. Hope you have a great time.

Hi, My 12 y.o. hates touching bone china - when I ask him to empty the dishwasher, he always leaves my coffee mug in it, as he says he can't stand touching it. He also hates certain smells - when my husband got a new car, he couldn't go in it for ages - it made him feel sick. And as with many of you, he likes to listen to his music very loud, but if I click my fingernails ( an annoying habit of mine) he can hear from the other side of the room, and gets really angry. Diane

Hi, My son (AS) was 12 today - as with yours, he is very academic, but lacks social skills - although he did have 3 friends come to celebrate his birthday, which all went fairly well - he has on days and off days. MY second son (NT)(although he does have dysgraphia)is 9. We live in France, so all the people we see are French, and it has really helped me to be able to read stories, get advice in my native language. I hope you find the forum useful too.

Hi again, We have been rapidly approaching adolescnece and had his AS diagnosis, all in the last few months, so we are still in a bit of a learning curve, and deciding what is due to his syndrome and what is due to his age is sometimes confusing. But we are trying to address his behaviour. I did put my foot down and unplugged the computer this afternoon, and after a lot of huffing and complaining, he even ended up playing with his brother - I do intend to stick with it. Also, when I said he can be charming, it is only when he is in a good mood. He often has problems sleeping, and when he is overtired, he has problems talking to anyone. And this has been getting more and more the case recently. He just looks so sad some days. Di