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Everything posted by Tomar

  1. Hi Neal Like you , I was diagnosed in my early 50's. I had always know that I was a bit different, diagnosis gave it a name & helped make sense of things. The really good thing about it was that suddenly I realised that I was not alone & that there were other people around who had experienced life much as I have . So when you say you exist in a bubble I know exactly what you mean because that is what it is like for me. You can see things going on but somehow can not be a part of it. anyway, I'm no good at writing so I'll keep it short. Cheers, Tony
  2. Hi Paul I self-diagnosed at the age of 53 & had the problem of there being some things that suggested I'm not autistic whilst a lot of things put me in the ASD camp. I was close to accepting the self-diagnosis as I could not see much benefit in having a formal assessment, but I ended up with the "Am I or aren't I?" question whizzing round my head to the point of obsession. In the end I decided to get tested just for peace of mind. Getting a formal diagnosis is not that easy. My GP was initially reluctant to refer me for assessment. I'm married, in work & don't need any help from social services or the NHS to get by. The GP pointed out that, as the purpose of a diagnosis is to help provide the assistance needed for a relatively normal life there would be no point in me being assessed. Anyway, I scored 10/10 in the AQ10 test they gave me & convinced the GP that "Am I or aren't I?" was causing me problems. The GP agreed to put my case to their Funding Panel. I have heard stories of people not getting this far with GPs refusing to refer anyone in work or in a long term relationship. (AQ10 is a 10 question measure of autistic traits & its a short version of the AQ50. these can be found & completed online) The next problem was getting the funding for the assessment. There is no automatic right to an assessment on the NHS. I was lucky & the GP got the funding so I was referred for assessment. There are 3 parts to the assessment. Firstly a couple of people come a long & talk to you. Next they contact someone who knew you as a child & talk to them about how you were growing up. Finally (about a month later) they get you to do a few simple tasks while they talk to you about things again. After all of this they go away & work out whether you have a ASD or not. I first contacted the GP in November & got the diagnosis in June, so 7 months from start to finish. I get the feeling that my experience of this process was exceptionally quick & easy. I hope all goes well for you Kind regards from a certified fellow nutcase
  3. Hi Jessieboots In my family, I'm the one with the ASD & was only diagnosed recently after my children had grown up. When my daughter was born my parents went completely potty. Everything was about them & their relationship with my daughter. My wife & I were expected to fit in with their plans & ways of thinking all the time. It was about three years before they calmed down & accepted that we had every right to do things our own way. I hope that when I become a grandparent, I don't make the asame mistakes. It sounds like you are going through a similar problem with your parents, with the added complication of an ASD. It is for you & your husband to decide what it best for your family & it is the role of grandparents to give unquestioning help & support. I hope they realise this sooner rather than later. Sorry I can't give you any really good advice. It is hard enough to look after a 3 year old you could do without having to look after the grandparents as well.
  4. You guys have got me thinking Please post a bit more,
  5. Hi leeboy The thing I like about this site is that I, like you, feel that I'm all on my own, but when I read some of the posts I realise that there are loads of people like me. I'm afraid I'm not much good at advice but when I feel myself beginning to lose the plot, I go somewhere quiet by myself & tell myself over & over again to calm down. it works for me.
  6. Hi Tom I like your "have to move on " attitude. I'm exactly the same as you - I was 53 when I was diagnosed last year. I go for long walks to get rid of the depression & anxiety, it works for me. Do you have a way of dealing with things?
  7. Does anyone else have a problem with local anaesthetics? I seem to need double doses at the dentists Is this an asd thing ? or am I just odd?
  8. I gave purses to all the ladies & wallets to all the men. The man in the shop gave me discount for bulk buying which i spent on mulled wine at the xmas market. Xmas shopping completed in 15 mins. Was this really despicable?
  9. George Orwell 1984 I read it at school​ & it was presented as a nightmare vision of the future. Recently I began to think that in all periods in history there has been someone attempting to control the way people think & behave with instant death to those who do not conform. I started to wonder whether Orwell was warning about the future or commenting on his present & so needed to re-read. I might read his other works too.
  10. Tomar


    Hello - I hope the new year brings you prosperity & good luck
  11. I know exactly what you mean. I have had problems when I have thought about things & come up with a sensible comment with a genuine intention to make the world a better place for all. Then NTs without bothering to engage their brains start having a go at me because what I have said is non PC. Were do "politically correct" ideas come from? Who invents them?
  12. Hello There are lots of us with similar stories on this forum, some formally diagnosed, some not. Are you looking to make changes in your life or just looking for an explanation of why thing are the way they are?
  13. Hello most of your interests make sense but Why Japanese?
  14. Hello Margaretjulie I'd have a word with your GP if I were you. I wish I could do more to help & have the talent to give you good advice.
  15. I'm coming round to your way of thinking. It is an irreversible step so had best get it right
  16. Tomar

    Meet & Greet

    Hi rgp08 Welcome to the forum I use the word "diagnosis" but I don't like it. Everyone is different & for me, "diagnosis" was just a way of explaining the differences between me & Mr Average & not a way of labelling me as someone with something wrong with them. I have used that understanding to my advantage. Of course for many "diagnosis" can be the gateway to support if needed. I hope you find a new girlfriend soon. (or patch things up with the old one)
  17. Did the meeting with the boss go ok?
  18. How is your salary compared to equivalents in UK? If they want you do extend the scope of your current work then the work you are doing is of good quality and highly valued by the boss. I don't know your full circumstances but based upon what you have written, I would be tempted to say something simple on the lines of, "would there be a salary rise to go with this increase in responsibilities?" it might work & you can always ask again later on. If you are underpaid or even paid the going rate your employers should be keen to keep you happy. I hope this helps, my advice can be rubbish sometimes
  19. Thanks Mihaela What you have said is helpful. I'm going to stay calm, take my time & think through (in far too much detail) the answers to the questions you posed in your post. Flying off at a tangent, out of curiosity, how did you find out about autism? In my case, I have always known what I am like, but never connected it to autism, then someone said something to my daughter, she told me & I began to read up about autism. This led to diagnosis. My mother then told me that someone else has suggested to her that I might be autistic. Now I'm wondering who else suspects that I'm autistic but hasn't said anything. Was I the last to know?
  20. My boss thinks that I am good with numbers, a bit awkward socially & good at diving into detail. I have been called "Mr Routine" at work. If you were to ask the people I work with to describe me they would come up with a list of the symptoms of Autism. I don't know whether any of them has pieced it all together. ​ I have had some problems at work recently. Some of these are around the social side of things, some are where I can see "techy" things clearly that the NTs just don't get and I think that my boss completely underestimates what I can actually do. If I tell my boss about my autism. This might clear up some of these issues. On the other hand, it might lead him to stick me in a corner out of the way​ & assume that I am completely useless. Has any​one got any ideas or had similar experiences?
  21. Captured U-boat Commander (Dads Army) Goldfinger Sheriff of Nottingham (as played by Alan Rickman) The child catcher (chitty chitty bang bang) Hannibal Lecter
  22. I don't know whether my experience is typical. Stage 1 - April this year. Two assessors visited me at home & just had a general chat about things. When one was asking the questions the other was writing lots of notes. I was a bit worried that there were things I should have said & didn't or had given the wrong impression. They seemed to know what they were doing and made things easy for me. it took about an hour & a half Stage 2 - they went away & called my mother to ask about when I was growing up. Stage 3 - May. I went to an assessment centre & met one of the ladies from stage 1 & another assessor. They gave me a puzzle to do, asked questions - new ones & some I thought were following up on Stage 1, and made me tell a story & describe pictures. nothing difficult. took about 2 hours. Stage 3.5 They sent me two questionaires to fill in covering depression & anxiety June - The lady who was at both sessions visited me at home to give me the diagnosis. Actually this was the worst part as I was fretting about what the answer would be. The whole thing was a lot less stressful that I had anticipated. Happy to go into more detail if you have questions.
  23. Mihaela if there were 4 people or more, I would come along.
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