jlp

I was showing the boys the hand thing you do (here's the Church, here's the steeple, open the door and here's all the people) Ds#2 (3) was very impressed and asked what the 'people' were doing. 'Probably trying to get out' replied G seriously. (He goes to a Catholic School and does not like Church at all) Might not be that funny actually but it amused me and I've typed it out now so might as well post it!

That's really funny!

I got some homemade flowers from ds#2 that he'd made at nursery (well he said his teacher made it lol) And there's a card in G's book bag that I had to pretend not to see. I'm very surprised it didn't have a StarWars theme as everything else he does usually does. The cards from school mean the world to me, I love them!

My son is a very poor writer (P7 at Y2) but his other scores do acknowledge that he does know more than he can write - his literacy and numeracy scores were between 1A and 2C. It seems very unfair on your son if they think he can't write something then he doesn't know it (goodness knows what our scores would be then!).

I'm another one who isn't prepared to tempt fate. My ds#1 had the MMR and I'm not convinced it caused his problems but I can't risk his problems getting any worse even if it's only a tiny chance. Ds#2 had the single jabs just for my own peace of mind.

Sorry to hear you're feeling down Brooke. I hope it's just a phase. My son (ds1) changed school last January so just over a year ago and it was a very hard time and it did last a while. His behaviour really flared up and he'd cry and tantrum every morning saying he had the wrong uniform on. He has finally settled and we are so glad we moved him now but there were many times we felt terrible for moving him. I also have a 3 yr old who copies and I'm worn out with him at the minute! After ds#1 I thought I could handle any behaviour but ds#2 has proved me wrong. I posted a few weeks ago in despair after he scratched 3 children at soft play - luckily there's been nothing like that again but lots of tantrums and it's exhausting! Take Care x PS - you live near me, I'm happy to meet up sometime if you fancy.

This has been mentioned with my son but wasn't formally put as part of his diagnosis. Elizabeth Newman does seem to be the expert from what I've read. Hope you find the help you need. x

My son will lie, not often and not well but he is capable of it! Also there are times where he swears something happened and it didn't (or happened a different way) but he thinks he's telling the truth even if it actually isn't. More him misinterpreting the event or situation.

I know my son was very anti-girl (to the point where the girls in his nursery had special 'circle time' to raise their self estem after all the anti-girl comments he directed at them!) until about 6 or 6 1/2 ish but has come around to tolerate

My son is similar - last year on my birthday he went to his money box and gave me �10 in my card from him (I sneaked it back later but as he doesn't count it he wouldn't know), chuffed at the surprise sweet gesture I really praised him. Now though he will try and give his savings away - to friends at birthdays and at school if they have a collection for poor children or similar (I remember him once emptying his box and saying with satisfaction 'there, that will sort them out!') I realised that maybe I shouldn't have given such praise the first time he gave me money. I had to stop him giving �20 to his best friend. His best friend asks for things of G's quite often - things G really likes, he's just given him his favorite Star Wars toy - and I have to stop him. G gets quite cross with me. It's difficult to find the balance - I'm trying to explain by saying that there are rules such as �5 for a birthday party (which I will suppy) OR a present and that another rule is that friends shouldn't really ask for things (but tempering this so that he doesn't go off it should his friend ask again!) It's quite complicated really and can change (say I'd give more money or a larger pressie to a close friend or family member) so no wonder he has trouble understanding but I'm hoping 'the rules' about giving will help.

<'> Thank you for all your kind replies G survived the day and agree his tummy had stopped hurting. His Home School Diary reported that he'd had a very huffy day with a lot of going to his area and 'it's not fair' but that's not unusual. He got a Lightsabre (the day is broken up into 4 and if he gets the 4 points he gets a 'lightsabre' token for his reward chart) so it couldn't have been that bad!

I'm afraid I wouldn't send a pressie - it might make your friend wonder why and realise that you both were hurt.

My son has huge behavioural problems and can be very violent. Our ASD liasion teacher described him as being in a 'constant heightened defensive state' which means that it takes very little to tip him over the edge. On an recent Early Bird course we learnt that there are so many states that we are usually in Coma Asleep Normal Waking State Stressed Full Blown Panic / Meltdown They said that were are usually in a normal state, quite happy etc - something happens and that can make us stressed. Whereas our ASD children are usually in a constant state of 'Stressed' due to everyday living so if that one thing happens to them they go straight into full blown panic. Does that make sense? I found that way of looking at G very helpful.

Thank you you lot. I've had 1 1/2 hrs peace and the guilt has eased! It's so tricky because if something happens one way (ie he says he has tummy ache and stays off) then he will expect that to happen next time and if / when it doesn't there will be hell to pay! Taking him in late if he proves to be fine doesn't work either as thats the 'wrong' time to start the school day. Our school are very good at phoning! They sent him home before Christmas with red cheeks even though he insisted he was fine (but couldn't believe his luck) I don't really mind though, I'd hate it to be the other way, that they didn't ring. I collect ds#2 from nursery at half 11 and expect I'll hear if he's protesting (he would be heard across the yard!)

Just as we were getting our coats on ds announced his tummy was hurting. Since he'd eaten breakfast and played with ds#2 and seemed fine I've insisted he was going to school. Now I'm feeling terrible and thinking if he has got a tummy ache he's going to end up having a really bad day behaviourwise. I was thinking it was probably just wind this morning and have written a note in his home school book saying that I think he just has wind but am happy to collect him if they think he is actually ill. My main fear with ds is that I really don't want him to start announcing illnesses at the last minute then expecting a day off school with a huge tantrum (which will end up in me being rang to collect him) if I think he's fine to be at school. He was complaining about a bit of eczema rubbing on his tummy yesterday and I put a huge plaster on and sent him anyway and he was saying that was hurting too this morning (at the last minute again) I'm surprised he actually went in this moring, I actually thought he'd kick off at the door and I'd have to bring him home. It's such a fine line with G - if I'd kept him off the chances were he'd be fine and would try this on again (with a big tantrum if he didn't get to stay off because he'd have gotten to stay off this time - and this would very likely result in me being rang to collect him anyway because of the tantrum) but now I'm picturing him sad with a tummy ache having a worse day than usual. He's also likely to generalise that every slight twinge means you don't go to school that day and I really don't want that to happen.

Slightly off main topic (I'm haven't a teenager but am dreading the teenage years !) but my ds will make silly remarks about poo and wee and I can quite easily see this extending to saying he'd wee or poo in a someones mouth - this would be if he got really silly, he gets carried away. I'm horrified that an Ed Psych would imply that this has to be sexual! On the other hand I can quite believe it. When ds was being assessed aged 4 our Ed Psych picked up on the fact that ds used very advanced threatening language - I'll stab you / chop your fingers off etc and sort of implied that he must be hearing this as 'it's unusual for ASD children to use such violent language', which was ridiculous.

We asked for advice from the Child and Family Unit as ds (7) was dropping more and more things from what he would eat and was becoming a bit thin. They basically said just to feed him what he will eat and to give him a good quality mulitvitamin. It doesn't feel very natural to feed him so much processed stuff (a lot of what he will eat is processed - microchips, waffles etc). The bright side to my ds is that he will eat a lot of veg and he has a pile of that with every meal, also smoothies. I remember having a very select diet as a child and spending hours and hours sat in front of my meal in the kitchen - and I simply couldn't eat it, not to be awkward or difficult, I just couldn't eat it. I'm 31 now and probably still eat a smaller selection than most but the range has increased hugely compared to when I was a child. I'm hoping ds will be the same.

My 3 year old walked at 17 moths and was late talking, crawling and sitting too (on the outer edge of 'normal') He was also a tip toe walker when he did eventually walk. I do know of a child who was very slow to walk and it turned out that he had hip problems. Best that you are getting your son checked out just to be on the safe side.

Hugs for you -we too have been there and being the centre of attention is horrible. What a lovely kind lady.

Good Luck - I bought a car and dp took me out loads (against his will as he thought driving 2 different cars would make things harder) and I think that really made a difference.

I had them last year and passed my test (3rd time!) in April. It's a Godsend with regard to getting my 2 to school and really makes life a lot easier. Really need to start going further afield and getting a bit more adventurous as it's take a long time to build up my confidence.

Hope today went ok, birthdays are difficult. I know my ds#1 had a bit of a upset right at the end of his 7th birthday in December - he can keep it together for so long then blows. We had a very long and noisy party on Thursday and he was fine (in his own world) and again blew right at the end. This time the explosive mood lasted until lunchtime the next day. And of course sometimes you feel very emotional wondering what happened and sad that they seem so unhappy. A bad day really brings me down. Hope today was lovely and calm and that things will be back to normal tomorrow. x

Hi David I'm in Gateshead myself. I do know that Northumbria Uni have a Masters in ASDs, might be worth having a look to see what else they offer. Also Toby Henderson Trust at Morpeth do various courses that are open to professionals to attend. There's an Early Bird Plus course in Gateshead where parents and a member of school (usually TA) go on the course together which is good - if you have any contact with the boys parents it might be worth seeing if they have their names down for it? HTH - you sound very dedicated!

Hi Nikki I remember you from HB I wish I could think of some practical things that might help - I wonder if you really try and make the SS and HV see that you are literally at the end of your tether if there's anything more they can do. I really know the feeling that you can talk and talk and people can be so sympathetic but there comes a time when you realise talking and sympathy isn't what you actually need. What about if you could possibly see about a nursery place for ds#3? HVs can refer you (mine did when ds#2 was 2 but in our case it took a while and I ended up saying it doesn't matter I'll pay myself!) - you really need some time to catch up your sleep. I know when I've had no sleep for a long period everything seems much harder and darker. It sounds like some time alone with ds#1 would benefit the whole family too - I wonder if there's any chance ds#2 and #3 could be away at the same time (respite? Or ds#3 at your parents while ds#2 has respite?) If I had a wand to wave I'd send you Mary Poppins (an asd friendly one) who would pack you off to bed and see to the house and children. xxx

My son's class were taught traditional playground games to try and get organised games that they all knew the rules too. I don't think once the adult involvement stopped that the children continuted to play them though - it might help to get them started? Also I found once my son found someone with a interest in his favourite thing (Star Wars!) it's helped him bond with the boys. Perhaps teaching your son 'Pokemon', 'Star Wars' or something similar that 7 yr old boys are into in his class might help? Might be tricky if he's simply not interested but maybe worth a try.