tinytrace

thanks for the reply anyway just waiting to see what happens now

not posted in here forever so sorry that its about something like this but really could do with some urgent help my aspergers son has a daughter who is nearly 2, he is not with her mother but has been having contact with her 3 days a week since she was born. today out of the blue social sevices turned up and said there is a problem with him seeing his son because of his disability, apparently the mother has suddenly decided she thinks he is a danger and has told these social workers a load of twaddle about how his disability affects him and now they need to assess him and his girlfriend who is also his carer. apparently she has a problem because she says because he is a goth he dresses his daughter in black all the time and refuses to let her wear pink (he doesnt he doesnt even have any black clothes for her and the only reason he doesnt have pink for her is ALL the clothes her mother has for her are pink) she has a problem because apparently he always removes her bobbles which he doesnt his daughter tends to pull them out and he doesnt put them back in she is also saying she has a problem because he doesnt like to go out on his own which he doesnt he does have a problem with crowds of people and things but at the end of the day thats why hs girlfriend is his carer and she is always there. apparently these are ALL legitamate concerns for him not having contact with his daughter which apart from the going out one i cant really see what the problem is. the social worker also said to him in her experience people with disabilitys dont generally make good parents!!! can she really say this??? i guess what im asking is how much can the social services use his disablity against him, especially since this one seems to have a pre concived idea of his ability to manage, and what can we do to help his case? trace x

thanks mel and yeah can be a lttle chaotic at times to say the least lol trace x

not been here for such a long time now not really sure why just lost track of everything really changed computers and lost the web address anyway the reason i am back is i was hunting the web for some help and this forum came up and i was really pleased to have found it again (and impressed with myself for remembering my user name and pass lol) a little boring background now: i have 5 children 3 boys and 2 girls, 2 of my boys have forms of autism the eldest has aspergers and the other has dyspraxia and they are 22 and 17 my eldest daughter is 23 and has ceribal palsy and the others a boy 20 and a girl 16 are 'N.T' im acctually back not because of any of mine but because of my 16 yr dd's boyfriend he is 18 and he came to live with us when he was 16 he has epylepsy and they are now testng him for aspergers (which he s not taking too well at all tbh) anyway enough for now im sure i wll be posting alot more for help advice or even just support as right now i really need it sorry for waffling tracey x

done i care for 1 physically disabled and 2 asd and only get payed carers for the eldest

bid been a long long time since i posted but i just had to say please dont go you've been here almost as long as me and tbh i cant remember a time when i havent found your posts helpful and informative lots of <'> <'> <'> trace xx

as far as i know there is no blood test for dyspraxia but when my son was diagnosed they did send him for a blood test to see if he had 'fragile X' as apparently they have the same sorts of symptoms so maybe thats what your friend was talking about

just seen this but congrats there must be something in the air because i just signed for mine today

sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> its horrible what our kids get called at school etc my son is now 16 but he still calls himself 'the devil' and is really convinced he is because his head teacher at his first junior school called him a little devil when she asked us to remove him before she perminantly excluded him (needless to say we imediatly removed him from the school but the damage was done ) people just dont realise the long term effects careless comments have on our kids trace xx

signed

hi gowler my son was like this too for most of his 15th year and we were terrified especialy as he is taller than me and very well built due to an obession with weight training and he also threatened his dad with a knife and has thrown chairs and stuff at him we tried for ages to get the doctor to agree to medication but they just kept sending him to councillers (all of which stopped seeing him after a couple of visits due to them being terrified of his meltdowns) in the end we just kept working through them and giving him eyeque and nightoll (hes been on these for years) and just before he turned 16 at the begining of the year the daily meltdowns stopped we have no idea why, although we think its something to do with him feeling he is now becoming an adult and more able to make his own disisions about education (hes not been in school for over a year and had no education scince he was 11) but now he just has meltdowns occasionaly and its usually when we expect one due to any changes etc anyway sorry i couldnt help and im sending lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> and i hope you get through this soon trace xxx

hi im just going through the moving thing at the moment (we move in on the 19th) we have been trying to keep our AS son (15) involved so there are as few suprises as possible and so far it has worked apart from the fact he just found out his new bedroom is smaller than the current one so today he has had complete meltdowns at everyone who speaks to him and is sulking in his room at the moment still at least he has a week to get used to the idea hope everything goes smoothly for you and you find what your looking for trace xxx

<'> <'> <'> i always find it so funny the schools actually think these exclusions work for our children rather than being a relief hang in there trace xx

hi anne my 16yr old has aspergers and my 10 yr old has dyspraxia i had to fight for my older sons diagnosis but it was alot easier with my younger one i supose it was just more obvious because of the physical thigns i.e clumsiness ect he was diagnosed by a pead i also find i dont have to fight for what he needs as much as the school ect can see the problems he has and excepted his diagnosis with no problems (although it might just be because its a different school than my older son attended) dont know what actual help i can give you though sorry trace xx

wow minx that looks fantastic im sure all the kids will love it, just a shame my son would consider hes too old (16 just)

lol i did the leaving the baby thing too but i didnt realise until i got home needless to say i was very red faced by the time i got back to the shop and grabbed him and exited as quickly as possible hes 16 now and i still havent been back into that shop lol

awwww nellie i just come back and off you go i remember when this forum was still a young baby you were always there with good advice and support and you have been ever since you will be sorely missed by so many people but i wish you all the best hun take care and try to say hello now and then if you can <'> trace xxxx

hi nellie lovely to be back i must say i missed you all so much <'> <'> <'> and hopefully this time its for good although im moving soon due to other family hassles so will probably be gone for a couple of weeks then unless i get access elsewhere lol as for the IPSEA i will definatly give them a try when i have got moved and settled so thanks for that take care and i'll 'see' you around the boards trace xx

hi pumpkin yeah i had thought about putting in official complaints but its just more hassle the lea's stance is its out of their hands because the school is willing to give him a place and its his fault hes not accessing it (even if it is just 2 hours segregated) and the school goveners say all statement money is spent on the special needs department which happens to cover him too they just all stick together and it makes me

hi ive not post on here for a long long time now for a variety of reasons (although i hope to be back more now) and i cant really give you any practical advice but just had to say please dont let them do this to your son they did it to mine (high functioning aspergers also) and he has not had any formal education for 5 years now it started when he went up to senior school in the same way yours has (junior school was fantastic and really worked with us) seniors cut his hours to 3 a day then excluded again and again then cut time again to 1 hour in the "unit" a room they go to if they are naughty his TA they had given him even had the cheak to come to us and say he is evil and manipulative and that he hadnt got aspergers at all, we argued with them and managed to get the time raised to 2 hours but then there it stayed for the next year and they never gave him work saying that when they tried he would "kick off" so all he did was draw every time we had a review they promised to raise his hours and intergrate him into classes and then kept saying he wasnt ready and still were not giving him work so fianaly when he was 13 he dicided he wasnt going anymore and it didnt matter what we did we couldnt get him there through all this we kept going to the lea and they wouldnt help and wouldnt even give us any home ed hours as he had a school placement after a year of him being at home after lots and lots of discusions and arguments between us and no education except what i could get him to look at on the internet he told me he would go back to school on the condition they gave him proper work to do and maybe tried to get him back into classes so he can hopefully do his GCSE's we went to the school and talked to them and they agreed to give him work but told us they could not get him into classes as the teachers refused to have him there!!!!! so back he went (by this time he was 14) and they did give him work for the first couple of weeks then they stopped and eventualy after they kept giving him excuses and eventually coffessed they had no intention of helping him get his GCSE's he gave up again and took himself out of school and has dicided he will go to college and this time he has my suport as i am totally disgusted with the school he is now 15 and at last we managed to sort out a muti angency meeting (at earlier ones our invite got 'lost' in the post ) conextions and the education psych have dicided to help him and they are in contact with the college to try and get him in as soon as possible what was fantastic was my son who normally wont say a word in these meetings sat there and told everyone how bad the school has really been and was very clear about the fact he wanted to take his GCSE's and that the school stopped him, the outcome is that he will be getting a private tutor in languages that he wants to do payed for from his statement money (hehe was the school head of SEN green to hear shes losing his money ) what also made me angry was that we had a visit from education about my other NT son who goes to the same school because he was arriving at school late and after we had dealt with that we were chatting and i said to him that i had expected them round sooner because of the amout of time the older son had off and the guy hadnt heard anything about him, he even when back to the offices and checked and we found out the school had been making out he was there as he has a statement for full time assistance with a named TA and they dont want to lose the money anyway sorry i have been rambling on the point im trying to make is the school will take the easiest option and it is our kids who suffer please dont let this restricted timetable go on too long and i hope you can get him somewhere that he can be happy and settled good luck and take care trace xx

hi linny this is something that is difficult to cope with i know, i have friends who i've known for years and sometimes they still look at me with dread when i take my son round to thier house although it has gotton better since he was diagnosed and i find people on the whole to be more tollerant of his strange behaviours when they know what is wrong its not something im happy with, i would much rarther people just accepted him without explanations but thats just the way people are maybe if these parents knew about his AS they would also be more understanding trace xx

hi mary welcome to the site i hope you find it as helpful as i have Trace xx

hi magery welcome to the site i have five kids 14, 13, 10, 8 and 6 and the 13yr old has AS im sure you will find lots of help and support here Trace xx ps Nellie your not old just wise

hi lynn mine are 3 boys [13,10 & 8] and 2 girls [14 & 6] i know what you mean about not changing them for the world, they are all fantastic although hard work sometimes lol Trace xx

Hi Noetic and Lynyona welcome to the site i too live on the north east coast and i have 5 kids Trace xx