Zemanski

funding is not your problem, if your son needs lunch times then he should get them Com's statement has 1-1 lunch and break support written in so the school has no choice. If you are challenging the hours anyway you could ask for that to be included Z

But Kai did see the danger!!! he was being a scientist the worrying thing is that he has no fear of death Z

Members of the Ian Jordan fan club? - Sorry, Ian, couldn't resist it Z

used to be 6d in my day! maybe a special tooth coming out treat would be more suitable for some of our kids than a strange winged thing floating around their rooms in the night and leaving irrelevant (unless you're Com who's obsessed with money) trinkets you hardly know what to do with. Z

wondered where she'd got to we'll still be here when she gets back Z

Com went to a social skills group where they did all sorts of things to build their perceptions and awareness of both their own feelings and how to manage social situations. Some of it was just like PSE at school but more AS specific, some of it was straight out of cognitive behaviour therapy - examining emotions and reactions, etc and considering strategies. Over the hour and a half they did 4 or 5 activities always starting with general social chit chat over lunch. They did perspective taking through art and role play, exploring strengths through games where they told each other good things about themselves, they involved LSAs and did follow up training with them, and they adjusted the programme to take into account specific needs as they arose. One of the main things they tried to do was give the children stress relieving tools and tools for coping with school based problems. The team were excellent and the children responded really well, they never forced a child to take part and always backed off when something got too much. I attended a couple of sessions when Com was not in school and they were really good fun - lovely to see people really appreciating our kids! Com has just been referred to one of the team as his CAMHS consultant and it is great to think that he will be seeing someone who really knows him and enjoys him hope it goes as well as it did for Com Zemanski

CAMHS assess for ASCs but they deal with all sorts of things and are generally getting a lot better at differentiating different problems. They are usually very supportive and whether or not your daughter has AS they should be able to help you understand what is going on for her - and if she does have AS they are the best people to see. one little point, there are 2 conditions; school refusal and school phobia and they seem much the same but there is a subtle difference in approach to them. School refusal is considered behavioural and is often considered deliberate and viewed quite negatively. School phobia is considered to be more of an anxiety issue and treated generally with more sympathy. This is particularly true in educational circles so be careful how you phrase it when you talk about your daughter's problems. Com is frightened of school, too stressed by the environment to cope - I consider him school phobic, not a school refuser. Good luck with it all, and remember it takes a long time to go through most of these processes, even with emergency referrals, so try to take it one step at a time Zemanski

if peer support is established early it tends to stick, I think - Com made (with a lot of input from me and nursery) 3 good friends who pretty much saw him through primary and still remain loyal and supportive. The sad thing for Com was that he had to leave them to go to high school (several reasons, unavoidable). things may have worked out differently if the LEA had recognised their needs properly. starting to build relationships at nursery age may well save a lot of heartache for your son later Zemanski

good point - I ask Com periodically how he feels about people knowing, or me discussing his problems with people, he says he doesn't mind adults and close friends knowing but is very wary of letting peers know these days. (I asked him before using him as a case study for my last assignment and he was fine with that)I don't think school considered asking him, they didn't ask me either but then most was general information as far as I'm aware. To be honest, I don't know exactly what his class were told about him but I think his reluctance for peers to know has a lot to do with the bullying. One thing I did ask for from the beginning was a buddying set up as Com arrived in the school with no social connections whatsoever (it never happened). I wonder if it might be best to set up such a group of children who can be trusted to look out for a child and support them and give them the information rather than a whole class indiscriminately? Z

the trouble is getting the school to understand that what constitutes bullying for an AS kid is so often stuff that is pretty normal for other kids - the subtlety of the bullies and the inability to express his feelings or describe what was really happening to him made it very difficult to even work out what was going on until it had reached desperate heights. Once it was recognised they understood that it needed to be dealt with. comes down to lack of awareness again Zemanski

com's class had general disability education and I think it covered stuff relevant to AS but I don't thnk it was directly focused on him. Some of the kids did respond well, a group of girls was particularly good for a while, but others were going to bully him no matter what. It was OK while he had his full 1-1 support but as soon as that broke down the bullies saw their opening. They even bullied other kids to stop them talking to him. They learned very quickly how to push his buttons in ways that seemed invisible to staff (a quick brush of a hand across his back, a whisper of nonsense as they passed, etc) it took a long time and a lot of distress before the school would accept that Com couldn't tolerate the constant harrassment. These kids knew Com couldn't identify them and played on it. There are pros and cons with telling, I'm sure most of the group were fine with it but I do wonder if it exposed Com to these kids, giving them a better understanding of just how to get at him and emphasising his differences which, given purple glasses and a wacky hair cut, were pretty obvious from day one. I do think a general education about disability is important though Zemanski

Com has huge problems with day to day life but loves trips and is always a star - perhaps it's all the preparation you do setting them up for it that makes a trip work glad he had such a good time my two like to be on the circle in the middle - a sort of gentle fairground ride going up and down and round the corners Z

perhaps a nice, quiet day tomorrow before he over does it? it's great when our kids make big strides, but such a strain seeing them through it all <'> Z

Com's school had an excellent ofsted, particularly for SEN, and a lot of people here know just what I think of how they have supported Com. Ofsted reports are very misleading, especially where things like meeting the needs of ASC kids are concerned Z

Dot is supposedly NT and always seemed much more social than Com - very expressive, very tactile ... but she has just been referred (at 10 for the second time) because she is socially anxious, withdraws if anyone argues, only plays well 1-1, prefers adult company, has sensory issues including visual sensitivity, proprioceptor problems, dyslexia and dyspraxia, is funny about food, has bowel problems.... no one thinks she will get a diagnosis, her doctors and senco say that the signs are there but very subtle, it's as if she has a little touch of everything but nothing you can quite put your finger on. Dot was assessed at 5 or 6 and they picked up the dyspraxia and proprioceptor issues but we were told she was definitely not ASC. We breathed a huge sigh of relief then but each year that goes by there's just something else that seems to crop up. I've spent the last couple of years watching her carefully and thinking that perhaps I was being over-anxious, especially as she'd already been assessed. Now though it looks like other people are seeing things too. it does run in families Ho hum Zemanski

difficult to know how much his words have been twisted - the real shocker is the bit about autism, his attitude to technology is probably reasonable To be honest I am not very keen on my kids having the sort of access to videos and game stations so many young people have, I am horrified by the way some parents bundle their kids off to their rooms and expect technology to do their parenting for them - I'm talking about kids in general here not ASC kids. It seems to me that all the family social contacts are undermined by this and it does contribute to behaviour problems, I'm sure. My kids have restricted access (still quite a lot of access though) and all technology is in communal rooms, it means that we always know what they are up to with it and things like bed times are times to settle and wind down with bedtime routines and stories and gentle conversation that help us bond as a family, as an educator I feel really uncomfortable with the way people seem to think a video can replace all that. Zemanski

The NAS may be able to advise here, there are also private assessment centres - we went to one in Cardiff which specialises in dyspraxia (Com's first diagnosis) but has an excellent understanding of AS. Com had a full day of assessment and they produced a very useful report with all sorts of strategies and recommendations - it was not a diagnostic assessment but they do those too. PM me if you want the name. Zemanski

Com is completely the other way round - he can interact happily with more than one child on a trampoline and it is the only place he has ever played physical contact games with other kids, in all other environments he is extremely cautious but on the trampoline he feels safe enough to roll around and bounce with incredible abandon, he hoots and hollers and romps and has absolutely no fear of falling (it helps that the trampoline is buried in the lawn so it's at ground level, I think). He is on it every day at least 3 or 4 times, in rain and snow dressed in nothing but a pair of shorts The best thing we ever bought him Thank goodness the family fund were there to help us replace it - he has really missed it this winter and spring Z

He wasn't a twin by any chance, was he? All the educational books on ASCs say to use special interests to promote motivation to learn and self-esteem - wish more schools would take that on board. I had a kid in Y1 once and he didn't connect with very much at all but if I gave him a 'my little pony' task he could acheive no end - when everyone else was completing 'I was walking down the street when suddenly...' he did ' The pony was galloping across the field when suddenly...' and writing 2 levels above any other child in the class. It makes such a huge difference. Z

Com has a tail down the back (never been cut, used to sit and hold it in the hairdressers so they couldn't get near it) and dyes the spiky top. We asked in Y7 and the senco said,'that would be nice' - much to our surprise, we had sort of hoped they'd say no! first he went neon pink - school's only reaction was 'well at least we can't lose him now' must have been a right sight for sore eyes when I picked him up - me bright purple and him pink! he sticks to a sort of red bronze colour now Zemanski

When i was a kid my tortoise wandered into the next door garden and got mauled by their dog. My dad repaired him with that plastic padding stuff you do car body work with and drilled a little hole in the back of his shell so he could be tethered in the garden - even more cruel but he didn't seem to mind and lived a long and happy (I hope) life. Zemanski

got rather a lot else to sort out at the moment - keeping a list of all the missed appointments and ignored letters though. the trouble with complaining is then they will transfer Com to the senior responsible officer who might well turn up and answer letters but is a complete b*****d and I loathe him at least I can work around the one I've got and when the time comes I'll have plenty of evidence to haul the LEA over the coals with Zemanski

our irresponsible officer has never met Com (in 6 years) and only met us last March at his last emergency review. She didn't turn up to his home visit as part of his stat. assessment, has never been available to take a phone call or returned one, did not attend either tribunal (didn't even tell the tribunal she was 'on holiday' till the day of the last one) and hasn't replied to a letter or email ever since - thats almost 3 years now!!! have been meaning to complain for some time Zemanski

Com had an IEP, hand written, not very specific but not too bad, at his Y8 review. At his Y9 review we were given a 'new' IEP - it turned out to be the old one typed up His statement now says he should have his IEP reviewed with us there every half term, that was supposedly put in place in November, so far he still hasn't got one and we haven't been invited to review it I suppose as he's off sick long term it isn't really one of my most important issues at the moment - not when the responsible officer is refusing to return calls or acknowledge letters and we need to call an emergency review, even the ed psycho who works in the same office can't get hold of her Zemanski

Dot is great with some things, cooking and setting the table mainly, but awful about putting anything away - we have a big house and she seems to think we want the whole place to look like her bedroom Even when she's told explicitly what to do with something (NOW!) we often find it has only got halfway up the stairs or just transferred to another room. Com will not put away anything that he didn't get out, even if he's been playing with it and we haven't been able to get beyond that in years until the last few weeks. He is now at home full time and I told him if he was at home he had to share the responsibility so he now waters the plants and tidies the living room once a week without complaint (small steps in the right direction) a friend of mine links chores to pocket money - they don't get anything unless they earn it, but this doesn't work for either of mine - Com is so money orientated he gets obsessive and stressed over it and Dot couldn't care less, not even when she's saving for something Zemanski