call me jaded

I would call it a goal to work towards, especially as his parents aren't going too and you're asking someone else who may not have all the skills to deal with the fallout. For the sake of 10 minutes I would accommodate it. The point of the break is to give the parents a break and there's no point in turning it into a challenge for the child if the parents then have to work super-hard both before and afterwards.

I'm sure you can get PAYG dongles. You only need a mobile signal. I would try to beg a favour as it's only for a weekend (but do make sure it's set up before he travels).

Personally I would bring a laptop and a dongle and switch it on for the ten minute challenge and then put it away.

AFAIK once you deregistered that was the end of the statement. The way teaching support works in my LA is that they can go into any setting to provide support but there is no obligation to do this after compulsory school age (i.e. 16) and frankly in the current climate my LA only provides statutory services. Connexions should be doing more for you than they are. I have found the Transition Information Network a very good source of advice, although you need to be aware that post 16 funding is in the middle of being transferred back to LAs and nobody seems to know how anything's being funded. So that's where I would start: ask what funding is available for post 16 provision for a young person working at those levels? It is absolutely appalling that you are finding out how it all works at this late stage. LAs have a duty to provide information, so I would bounce it all back to them. Part of the Aiming High for Disabled Children programme is looking at improving (the usually non-existent) support around transition so you could also ask what has been achieved so far, and can you please contribute in light of your experience. It should make them summon up a little more for you than they have to date. I know from my moles at my own LA that they are still doing transition planning on the hoof because of a lack of direction from up high. They also admit to being bad at it but not having any idea about what they need to do to improve.

Well in my mind I have him living at home until my youngest is 18 and then going off to some kind of supported living. He'll be 28 then and I won't be far off drawing a pension. He's non verbal, SLD, has no self care skills whatsoever, needs me to change TV channels, dress him, but is well-known in school for getting his needs known and met, laughs appropriately at even some of my most obscure jokes, is patently infatuated with a tall blonde teacher. I'm thinking of getting creative with the 2 to 1. What exactly I'm not sure but something outdoors. There is a conoeing club with an huge adapted canoe that goes on the Thames. Right next to the lifeboat station

I have been advised by 16 y/o DS's school to get him a SW, otherwise the transition to adult services will be 'a nightmare' (in their words) so we had a core assessment done some while ago. I was given some 5 hours Direct payments which I haven't used as the person who used to take my son out is studying in America now and I've been too lazy to find someone, check them out and train them to understand him. Not desperate to have a break from him as he's very easy at home and DH and grandma do their bit. Also we got stuck in Spain for an extra week due to volcanic ash so I've actually had a two week break this year with another week where he goes away in October. My needs are being met. We went back to panel to say direct payments aren't working and to take them back. I asked for tea visits instead, where DS would go to local respite unit after school and then come home afterwards. It's more about socialisation for him than anything else. Today I got a phone call to say we'd been turned down for that, but I'd been offered overnight stays at the respite unit at weekends plus five hours a week 2 to 1 homecare. He was 16 in May, these services will stop overnight at 18. The children's respite unit is excellent, the adult one is awful. I really don't know whether to take what's on offer - it's far more than I asked for and I feel it's being pushed on me because there isn't anything else suitable. He went to the respite unit once for three hours whilst I went to a meeting that the head of service really needed me at. It was a disaster as despite all instructions to the contrary they tried to interact with him and he got annoyed. The fact that they've offered 2 to 1 without blinking makes me feel nervous. His school has him as 1 to 1 because of care needs. They leave the national curriculm behind in September and it will be all about going out in the community, so he will be having opportunities for socialisation there, plus there is now (thanks to Aiming High) a youth club that he can access with 1 to 1 support. So I'm really wondering if I'm going to land myself in a whole load of bother and both of us end up as pawns of the system when neither of us are in real need (touch wood). Maybe I should decline services and spend his next three years at college looking for the right support for when that ends. First time in a long time that I haven't known where I'm going. I'm thinking to turn it all down. What are the pitfalls?

Sorry, just had to remove the name of the LA so that the forum owner doesn't get sued!

No similar experience, but plenty of sympathy from me. Have you come across the Loxley Blounts? Their website's a bit old now but might have some useful information: Parents Protecting Children.

Ahhh the 'non-interview interview'. Faith schools have it down to a fine art. Take the job! You can do what you can from within!

Contact a Family have a list of local organisations - they should be able to help you find someone to talk to.

My front door is permanently locked with a deadlock. I've also found that a discussion about behaviours after the event gets a better response than on the spot reprimands. Did you do an EarlyBird or EarlyBird+ course?

Whereabouts are you? Maybe we could help find you a local support group/voluntary sector organisation that can help.

Hellooo! Same old same old here.

Ouch! You can put calamine lotion on broken skin and turn lovely and pink. Love the smell - memories of childhood. It sounds as if you have a touch of sunstroke with the shivers. It's normally gone in 24 hours. Give yourself a bit of TLC!

You wouldn't qualify for services where I live unless the self harm was at a level that the SWT or CAMHS thought he was at risk. Then it would be his needs that would be addressed, not anyone else's. Have you ever had a carer's assessment? Not sure that it ever produces much but I would think that yours is one kind of case where it is a combination of demands on you as the carer that would push you over the threshold for services. I have one child with ASD (see signature) plus three very 'normal' ones. We qualify for services but I don't use them. Between home and school we don't need more, but I wouldn't be saying that if his school wasn't fantastic. The only thing we do is send him to Activenture for 6 nights once a year and he has a ball. Have you looked for voluntary sector services locally?

Not sure that there is a formal jewish view on autism!

It's his money, you've told him he can spend it how he wishes so maybe you can help him find a way of dealing with bad purchases. My nine year old went through a phase of this and he has learnt to sell things he doesn't want on ebay. I'm sure we can all find things in the back of the wardrobe that have been bought and never worn. That's my equivalent and I'm now ruthless at returning them or giving them away. The other thing about being unmovable is that you have to pick your battles. My own son has some very rigid thinking about some things. It took time to establish but DS now understands that my word is final. It's not something I use often but children do need to have boundaries, to understand those boundaries and to have an adult who will be consistent in where the boundary lies. There are communication barriers in autism that make this difficult to establish but they can be established. I wouldn't, however, change the boundaries which is what you would be doing if you tried to influence his spending. It helps if you think through where the boundaries are. For me it was anything to do with unacceptable behaviour. So no biting, scratching, hitting, kicking or anything else that will get you arrested as an adult. That's where I am completely unmovable. Anything else is open to negotiation, but I'm no pushover. It produces very independent children.

My condolences too. A sad time for you both.

You can be 'male brain' and still be female. I am. My DH couldn't believe his luck when he found me

Statements are only for schools. Colleges come under FE. The Transition Information Network has more information. Judicial review is about whether the legal process has been followed and can be applied to any situation where there is a law or statutory guidance. Someone once said you have to have the mind of a lawyer if you have a child with SEN. That's so true.

If it comes back as the MLD school then you can point out the difference in academic ability between your son and the rest of the class and reject it on those grounds. Fingers crossed that your case officer made the right note and you don't have go back again.

Just to say I've edited to remove the names of the local authorities in Vee111's post as the forum owner can be sued for libel for anything anyone writes.

Just another thought - has he been checked by his doctor? My brother was apparently a nightmare until he had his Type 1 diabetes under control. It was his temper that 'went' first.

This is really difficult but I learned to be patient with my son long before DH did. I find it common amongst my friends too that the primary care giver can and does adapt a lot quicker to an ASD life as they are knee-deep in it every day. DH would come home (tired) to a bombsite and I'd be wanting him to relieve me for half an hour whereas all he wanted to do was have me listen to him about his day. We worked through it, mostly by me giving way TBH. I also use a lot of after school clubs for the other three children so that they go off and do something fun and I'm not exhausted keeping them entertained too, and although we're scheduled to the hilt the rest of the week Sunday is a family day at home. If DH needs to work he does so after the day is over for the kids. Took us a while to get the balance right.

That sounds fantastic. Off to Spain in August and was shopping today. Half the enjoyment comes from looking forward to it, though I have put up a mental block on getting DS on the plane as it's never easy. Have a lovely time smiley!