Oh dear..... been sent home.

[smiley]

Hi,

 

Just had to go and collect M from school. He's spent all morning running around the school and attacked another child.

 

Most heartbreaking bit - when i'd spoken to the head (and cried - again!), i went to find M. He got out from under the table, walked over to me, great big grin on his face - 'Hello mummy, is it the end of school time now?'

and then 'Why are your eyes wet?'

 

[Bagpuss]

Oh Smiley <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

Oh dear, so sorry things aren't going well, smiley. Hope things improve very soon for you. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Frangipani]

Awww.... Smiley <'> <'> <'>

 

So sorry! Never easy I know. But surely, they have a better behaviour modification plan in place - rather than pulling you out of work. Surely, they must realise this could be viewed as a reward for mummy coming early.

 

Dont know what to say <'> <'>

 

love

Frang xx

[di30]

'Aww' Smiley, so sorry to hear of this...........and yes its very heartbreaking indeed.

 

Fingers crossed for you hun that things will resolve and settle soon.

 

All the very best to you.

Luv Di. xxxx

[lost identity]

Hello,

new to the forum!

 

I know exactly how you feel I had a continuous run of "being sent home" last year. We have had a very difficult journey with my sons' school they have done some terrible things in trying to manage my son's behaviour. It is so stressful and upsetting getting the "call" from school. I hope you find a way to resolve it.

 

I am trying to find an anger management system to help my son who still has explosive uncontrollable moments. I can't understand why when it is so common the resources are non existent.

 

<'>

[baddad]

<'>

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

ahh so clever little un has worked out that if he bops someone he gets sent home

i think that is called negative input

<'> <'>

[smiley]

Thanks guys <'>

 

Lya - exactly....

 

I just don't know what to do. The school (now that i've shouted at the head! ) are doing their very, very best for him. They have lots of outside professionals come in for him, and follow all the advice given to them (even if some of it seems pointless to us...). They have another meeting with LEA lady tonight - all she's coming up with at the moment is something about 'maintained move' - basically, a move to another mainstream - to see if that's better for him. PP are telling me to do whatever LEA lady says The school are as fed up with this as i am. Very clearly - he needs specailist provisions - and soon! Pead, Psychiatrist et all have added their two pennies worth as well. He shoved a boy at lunchtime last week on his way out of the room (got too much for him) - and the boys parents have written letters of complaint, apparently the boy doesn't want to come to school now . Head was giving me a list of things that have gone on today - and i just sat there, without a clue what to say, or what to suggest.. And the award for most pathetic parent goes to.......

 

Teacher and LSA ended up in tears too. They really do think the world of him - they just don't know how to help him.

 

He's been playing with his playdough since he got in - very happy, reciting mosters inc... I've spoken to him - to his mind, he wanted the child out of the way - and that was the quickest way to do it.

[annie]

Oh Smiley <'>

 

Annie

xx

[pearl]

<'> smiley <'>

[Kazzen161]

It is called a managed move - basically schools agree to take each others difficult children. Sometimes a fresh start works (I am working with a child on one at the moment, and things are better than they were at his old school). However, if the teacher and LSA like him and the school is doing everything they can, then there is little to be gained from a managed move for you (for the LEA it means it does not get recorded as an exclusion - makes them look good).

 

Our County's PP are not terribly independent, so don't go by what they say.

[Bard]

He shoved a boy at lunchtime last week on his way out of the room (got too much for him) - and the boys parents have written letters of complaint, apparently the boy doesn't want to come to school now . Head was giving me a list of things that have gone on today - and i just sat there, without a clue what to say, or what to suggest.. And the award for most pathetic parent goes to.......

He's been playing with his playdough since he got in - very happy, reciting mosters inc... I've spoken to him - to his mind, he wanted the child out of the way - and that was the quickest way to do it.

 

Smiley, this is exactly what used to happen on a regular basis when B was at Primary, with a great class teacher and head. It was also the school that I worked in.

And I was that parent, with decades of experience and not a clue how to proceed.

B would come home, having belted someone very hard, once, and be untroubled by the whole incident. The problem, to his mind, had been solved easily. Things got steadily better as he got older, he's walking away from possible conflicts more often, and maturing more in his ability to remember what his response should be. It is an effort for him.

Just collected him from scouts. One of the bossy girls wanted to rush the end of an activity and was cutting the ropes instead of untying the knots as they had been told to do. B said STOP and she said 'Shut up weirdo'

Boom! Krakatoa!

But he only shoved her shoulder, and not hard. Time was, his punch would have seriously connected.

Leader did time out, asked them both to apologise and told me the incident was closed. They operate a yellow/red card discipline system, then a 2 week suspension, so he could have been carded.

It has got slowly and steadily easier for me and B. I'm sure that the same will happen for you and M.

<'> <'>

Edited October 3, 2007 by Bard

[wishingwell]

<'> Smiley it so hard to know what to say and do when we face these situations, but many off us have been through the experience. At the time there are no quick fix answers. At least they do care for your son and through time things will get less stressful. When my son was young I lived in fear of the phone calls and what action they would take. I have a lot of respect for his primary school head who took the time herself to teach and reward him for good behavior and she made a chart out for him and every time he was aggressive she put a sad face on it and when he was good he got a happy face. It started out with trying to have the happy faces winning the sad faces by the end of the day. If the happy faces won he got to play on the computer for the last 15 minutes of the day. Over the years the outbursts have become fewer, not totally stopped because he still lashes out today if he is provoked and teased but I no longer fear the phone ringing.

I hope the school find a way to help! <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Smiley,

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[Frangipani]

. And the award for most pathetic parent goes to.......

 

Hey, don't you talk about our Smiley like that <'> <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Oh Smiley

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

[pumpkinpie]

At least you do have a school who cares. I dont see if everyone is doing all they can incl professionals visiting how another mainstream school could do anymore for him.

Whether the lea want to admit it or no he needs specialist provison. I thkink this is an ideal opportunity whilst he is in a school who carea and seems to be very supportive to use that to push the lea officer.

Dont be pushed elsewhere just cos it makes their life easier. I think you need to be looking around to see what provision is available in other counties etc close by?

[smiley]

I'll give you one guest what's just happened......

 

M walked up to a child at lunchtime play - and punched him in the face. He then turned to the dinnerlady and said 'Did you see? Can i please go home now?' It didn't seem to occur to him that there was a person on the end of his punch - he's been sobbing in his room because 'i made someone pain'. It wasn't until i told him off in the car that he realised he'd hurt someone.

 

Head has had another chat with LEA woman - who was still saying to try the managed move. Head totally disagreed with her so she told him 'If you don't like it - ask SEN officer (PC) for an emergency reivew'

And that's exactly what he's doing! Head was half-way through the letter when i got there.

Just about to type up my request for an early review too......

 

Fingers crossed.

[pumpkinpie]

Its nice to know that some teachers do as they say (not change the tale when talking to the lea). I think your lucky to have someone so surportive - have tyou started to look at whats available in your area?

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

<'>

well at least there is movement now

and they can see it

thinkin of u

x

[Bagpuss]

Good luck with the early review Smiley <'>

[smiley]

have tyou started to look at whats available in your area?

 

Not a clue really

I really need somone to help me through it all. Problem is - everyone has to be so careful about giving the wrong information to me i suppose. Only, without someone saying 'You need to do this now', i'm lost. Once i know what i need to do - i can do it.... I have huge problems with the knowing bit - the doing bit i can do.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

how bout parent partnership

nas

any other charities

or parents from a suport group??

what kind of setting do u think he needs??

then look for such, there are guides around for schools

best i can do sorry

x

[Bagpuss]

I agree.....I'd be chatting to other parents, getting their opinions, and visiting other schools to get a feel of what's available.....good luck hunni x

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

for you

[forbsay]

Sending you lots of hugs <'> <'> <'>

[smiley]

<'>

 

Letter done - but being a cynical old bird i will wait until i know for sure the school have sent theirs. And i have a copy

 

Here i go again................. Going to be a bumpy ride!

 

<'>

Edited October 4, 2007 by smiley

[paulr]

So sorry! Never easy I know. But surely, they have a better behaviour modification plan in place - rather than pulling you out of work. Surely, they must realise this could be viewed as a reward for mummy coming early.

 

Yes, of course they do, but you are making the mistaking of thinking they care ; they just want an easy solution. There are two possible ways of dealing with this that springs to mind ; insist they classify them as "one day exclusions" (they will give you some cr*p about taking him home voluntarily and it not helping him if he as exclusions on his record), or, get caller ID or turn your phone off.

 

It is the school's job to deal with it ; if they can't they need help, to think about what they are doing, or he needs a better school. They cannot simply offload him onto you every time it gets difficult.

 

Notwithstanding the "reward for violence" angle, it's lazy.

 

L8R: "'Did you see? Can i please go home now?' " if he's saying this you absolutely don't send him home at all unless it is absolutely unavoidable (rare).

Edited October 4, 2007 by paulr

[Kathrynh]

Isn't it illegal to send childen home without officially excluding them?

[jlp]

It is but it's done commonly I find.

 

I find (or found, luckily we haven't had this for a while) it's a fine line between being sent home for discipline reasons and being sent home because the child is no longer in a fit state to be in school.

 

Of course this does absolutely reward the behaviour. We found we had to make home very, very dull when G was sent home. No PC, no TV and he did school work - of course he still preferred being home and bored to being at school!

[paulr]

Isn't it illegal to send childen home without officially excluding them?

 

Yes, but it happens all the time. Very occasionally it is beneficial ; usually it is for the benefit of the school (who will say it is for the benefit of the pupil). They want to keep their numbers of exclusions down. In an "ideal" world they can keep the money and staff for the SEN pupil whilst avoiding actually having him/her in the school very much.

 

If you do it "properly" you have to explain why, and take steps to stop it happening again - hence things like readmission meetings. There is also a limit on the number of excluded days (15 / year ?)

 

The problem occurs when it's used as repeated practice ; the child goes to school, is difficult in somewhere and the school rings up the parent(s) to take him home as a way of "dealing with the problem". There is no thought, no strategies, no IBP, no plan as to how we are going to make things *better* ; just short term problem avoidance.

[Kazzen161]

Ask me about schools on Saturday Smiley

[smiley]

Oh, yes please Kazzen <'> <'>

 

The exclusions are recorded and official. There's a thread hanging about here somewhere (worried about M) where the new behavioural strategies were put in place. I did keep telling them that he would simply 'hurt to get home'....

 

I have kept home very boring if he's sent home - and he's had a telling off from me. But, as was said before, home (even boring and grumpy mummy home) is preferable to school for him at the moment.

[annie]

Hi Smiley <'> ,

 

I've always thought that exclusions don't work, well they do for schools, but not for a child that would rather be at home (99.99% probably ). At Alex's old school, I asked for internal exclusions instead which, for a while they used instead. Excluded children were taught at school, but away from everyday school IYSWIM. On the other hand, if the school isn't the right setting in the first place as we found, no amount of exclusions will make a child want to be there .

 

Annie

xx

[smiley]

Thanks you to those who've Pm'd, emailed - <'>

 

Anyone with any info about specialist schools in Hants - can you PM me please.

 

Ta xx