excluded again

[desperate]

Well another wonderful day in the life of the ASD family. Neil has been excluded from his residential school for at least a week after an altercation with another student. They started off with words, then hit one another Neil was kicked so he picked up a stick and hit the other boy with it accross the face. The other boy possibly has a broken cheek bone so the school are talking GBH and police intervention. The school are going to contact us in the week when they know more and decide if the exclusion should be longer or permament.

Neil is fifeteen and in year nine(he has missed so much school they put him back a year) and I have now reached the end of the struggle with school and Neil. I don't think that what ever they decide he will be going back, there is only so much that we can cope with and the situation never changes. The school keep telling us how ASD he is and most of his problems result in him misunderstanding situations and reactly wrongly because of that but nobody seems able to move him on from that, like a broken record the same things keep happening over and over again. Maybe these kids just aren't meat to be in the education system, perhaps we should just keep them in the environments where they feel safe and protected, home sweet home

[annie]

Hi Desperate,

 

I know it's not any consolation, but my 15yo doesn't fit in to the education system either. We've been going through the too stressed to go to school or if he's in school gets suspended cycle from infants.

 

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and to send you lots of <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Annie

xxxx

[Kazzen161]

Is the boy who kicked your son excluded as well? Why did staff not intervene before the situation got out of hand? Is it an ASD specialist school?

 

My son has learnt to walk away from confrontations, but it has taken a lot of work from the school.

 

Karen

[oracle]

It's a very common problem and age is a main player here. Our kids tend to reach an age where they can no longer take 'school' any more. That's probably because they have been coping within a system which does not bend for years.

 

Giving school the elbow does not always mean that you have given up! Giving up on a bad system that is making your child ill, is in my opinion and for what it is worth, the actions of a caring parent who realises that their child deserves better.

 

Fighting is fine - I do it all of the time - but if the fight means that your child is the meat in the sandwich while you fight, then who suffers?

 

Once a child feels comfortable in it's environment and the pressure is off you would be amazed at how much they can actually learn? Life skills are just as important as Maths - again in my opinion.

 

Carole <'>

 

PS Just spent an hour on the phone to a Mum whose 7 year old has had playtime withdrawen for the rest of his school life - or so the head says - for throwing a stone! Don't you just love school

[Amanda32]

Hi desperate

This is for you..... <'> <'> <'>

Cant offer you any advice on exclusion, you must be going through hell. I hope things get better and gets sorted out without taking your child out of school, it must be upsetting. Take care of yourself if you want to have a rant or let off steam everyone is here to answer and give you support. Try and find out if the other boy is to blame and get him excluded too, if it was me I would kick up a fuss and make sure I got the last word.

Take care

Amanda <'> <'>

Edited February 25, 2005 by Amanda32

[nellie]

Desperate, <'>

 

I am so sorry to hear your news, especially after the struggles you have had over the years. It seems unfair when the school realise most of his problems are due to him misunderstanding situations!!! I can understand the need to bring him home, would he want to do that and do you think you could cope?

 

I would take some advice, perhaps ACE could help. I'm sorry I don't have any other answer.

 

Take care and please keep us posted.

 

Nellie <'> <'>

[barefoot wend]

Desperate

 

It must all be so hard at the moment. Your son needs to be at home now. Hopefully, things will seem more clear over the coming week. Don't let your son carry the can, 'It takes two...'

 

Everything is so 'one day at a time' for us.

 

Lots of hugs

 

Barefoot

[desperate]

Thanks for you messages of support. Neil has calmed down enogh now to say what his perspective is of what happened.

He says that they had their lunch and then he and another boy went over to the wooded area. There was already a group of boys there and they told Neil and the other boy to go away it was private property. Neil asked them what they meant ans was told he was stupid and to go away. They had a verbal argument and Neil was told to go away he was stupid. Neil and another boy picked up a stick each and were swinging them at one another. A teacher on duty shouted at them to put the sticks down but they were still swinging them at each other. the other boy hit Neil on the knee and Neil hit him on the side of the face. The teacher shouted again to drop the sticks Neil did and started to walk away. he tripped and fell and the other boy started to kick him. A member of staff took the other boy away and the teacher picked Neil up and asked if he was ok. Neil said he was fine.

Neil was taken into school and had a chat with his tutor who asked him what he had been told to do and told him again to walk away when he got angry.

The other boy was taken to hospital to have his face looked at. We were phoned later to say that they thought his cheek might be broken, and if so the police would be involved if it was. I hust don't know any more, Neil doesn't usually lie but I have to assume that the teacher who was there feels that the blame is entirely Neil's as the other boy isn't in any trouble although he would seem to have a very nasty injury. Where does it all end/

[bid]

So sorry, desperate <'>

 

Is your son's school just for ASD?

 

It doesn't sound as though the incident was handled in the most appropriate way

 

Bid

[Kazzen161]

>>feels that the blame is entirely Neil's as the other boy isn't in any trouble although he would seem to have a very nasty injury

 

but the other boy could just as easily have hurt your child badly.

 

I would ask to see the incident report - to see the Teachers version, and any other witnesses.

 

Karen

[hev]

im new to computers so please ignore any mistakes!i had all the troubles with exclusions of steven,it all became so stressful,in the end i took steven out of school as it all became too much for steven,i am now waiting for steven to be placed at another school which is another story!looking back i wish i hadent let steven take the blame for every fight he had at school,other children get wise to the fact that our children have problems,dont take the schools word for it that the fight was your sons fault,i wish i had handled things differently looking back,i just always assumed the school was right

[tizzmeclare]

Hi Desperate,

 

I'm only new on this site, but sending out a big hug anyway.

 

My son is much younger, but has had many temporary exclusions, the last one was for...hitting a girls face with the cuff of his sweatshirt ( no bodily contact), it seems that AS scares the living daylights out of the staff at my son's school.

 

I did deregister my son for 18 months and educated him at home. This worked well but he got zero contact with his peers. I feel that its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

The stress of getting and maintaing an education for my son is overwhelming at times!

 

Anyway what I wanted to say was, have a wonderful large glass of wine, kick your shoes off, pop on you fav film or cd and try to forget the stress of it all, at least for a few hours.

 

Warmest wishes, tizz

[Jericho]

It seems so unfair that Neil is taking all the blame for this. Regardless of the injuries caused, both boys did the same thing ie hit each other with a stick.

[greylady]

hello Desperate,

I have been down the same road as you. You said Neil was hit on the knee is there any bruising any where on his body. Take photos if there are. Get Neil to tell you his version of events again and write everything down exactly as he says it.If there are any parts that need more detail do not put ideas or suggestions there just ask with why, what who when or where. If the police are involved make sure you tell them from the start he has a disability and special needs.this will be relevant in how they question him. To question your son they will need to arrest him.We were taken too as the responsible adult.Ask for a solicitor before questioning as they can advise. I agree that it takes two and we have always said that the whole picture needs to be looked at but at school it has always seemed to be that the retaliation was excessive to the first action.Were the other boys the same age? Were they supposed to be in the woods? Can you get the statements of the other boys? Check with the web site over the LEA policy into exclusions and the parent and child rights.It is such a shock and heart wrench.They have to go through so much just because people do not understand the way they think or that mounting stress factors in a school day can just end up being the straw that broke the camels back. Our outcome did not stop being on a police record.

I hope it doesn't come to the police for you. Sometimes it's the other parents that press for their involvement as they are not happy with how the school deals with the incident. This is becoming more of a trend.

Let us know how things are and if you want to let things rip.

heart felt thoughts

yours.

greylady