How to do you manage to hold down jobs and care for your children

[bjkmummy]

i gave up work after i had twins but dont feel i could ever really go back to work again due to the hospital appointments etc especially as we are still trying to get j sorted.

 

im lucky that ive managed to start my own business selling fancy dress on line so it works brilliantly around the kids except in the half term in october which s my busoest period due to halloween

 

Just wondering what you all did for a living and how you manage to do it all with the demands of the children as well

 

Prior to kids i had a real high flying job and sometimes would like to go back to work but cant ever see an employer allowing me the time off for all the appointments plus dh in the raf so if he goes away things are twice as hard

[Zosmum]

hi bjkmummy

I work a mere 20 hours a week in a local independant school, from 4:30-8:30 in the evenings so i'm home all day for appointments and such like and also home for the school hols

I get a break from Z, allbeit small, she gets a break from me

Works for us

Hope this helps

 

Oh and BC( before Children) worked full-time and yes I do miss it

[hev]

loved my job as dental nurse before i had steve,went back part time when he was little but then the ex left and i got not well,took me good few years to pull myself together then by time i felt ok again steve was out of school more than in and i got not well again!!nick does erratic hours and ive no childcare where i am now,i would love to go back to work when k is older

[smiley]

With great difficulty!! One job i hated to give up - but it just wasn't possible with all the chaos going on at home at the time.

 

Thankfully, what i do now can be organised around my little monkey.

[Enid]

Hi, I`m a pre-school teacher at the same school my children, well the younger ones, go to, the same one was my son was excluded from at just 11 yrs old very embarassing. I work 3 days a week, but as we all have kids we all swap shifts/days with each other, if kids are ill or have appointments etc..we`re pretty laid back, work keeps me sane it stops me dwelling on things too long. Enid

[dooday24]

hi i look after 5 adults with severe learning disabilitys in specially adapted bungalow have been doin it 4 13 yrs was fulltime before children then 22 and a half hrs a week and now doin 29 1/2 hrs a week ......

 

i work 2 long days a week 7.15am til 10pm and it works ok for us my mum has children those 2 days then i have rest of week with them

 

and they r very good wen i hav appointments and things for children and swop my shifts rwnd for me and i get about 8 weeks annual leave a yr

 

i love my job and adult company

 

love donnaxxxxx

[bid]

I couldn't work until DS went to residesi. Then I got a part-time work at a residesi school for severe epilepsy and other additional needs including a lot of ASD, mainly working at the weekend to save on childcare costs as I don't have any family to help.

 

Once the littlest went into Reception I changed to working full-time as night staff, which I love.

 

My job is brilliant because I only work term time but get paid through the holidays.

 

Bid

Edited June 22, 2008 by bid

[Kathryn]

I've never had any family support with childcare and until my eldest was 14 I only did occasional part time jobs that fitted in around school hours.

 

Now I have a job I finally enjoy - as teacher and course director of a small college for adult learners of English. My employer has been very good to me: I was able to negotiate a 9.45 to 2.45 day which is perfect for school pick up and drop off. I work between 2 and 5 days a week for 8 weeks at a time with about a month off in between. The only downside is that I have to work through the summer holidays.

 

Nowadays childcare isn't an issue as I can leave my 11 year old at home with my 19 year old and they get along OK together, so I'm fairly flexible. L has actually been fantastic - I was really busy in April with an inspection, and she was so helpful and grown up: met O from school, escorted him to afternoon clubs and even stood in for me at a parents assembly. She'll be doing the same at sports day in July because I won't be able to go to that. I knew there had to be an advantage in that 8 year age gap!

 

K x

[morgan and alexandra]

I was a dental nurse too, a job that I loved and miss greatly but sadly have had to give it up. Have done a bit of bar work but thats it. My husband works long hours and family support is minimal. What with all the appointments we have had to attend over the past couple of years and lots of family problems, something had to give and it turned out to be my job. Would love to get back to my nursing but will see how things transpire.

[loobylou2]

It's confession time! I'm a lollipop lady! it fits in great with the kids. I did work in a care home but had to give it up for several reasons, one of which was that my daughter was struggling more and it was very hard to find somewhere she could go when I was at work where she was comfortable. I'm training to be a teaching assistant so that i am at home at weekends/holidays for them.

[kellyanne]

I used to work full time in a hospice doing a mix of early lates and nights and had to use childminders. J was having increased problems at his old school so I changed jobs and I now work in a residential school doing nights and have all the holidays off., and even better I don't use childminders anymore as I sleep when kids are at school.

It also means I can still make hospital appointments as work are really good and will let me start a little later if the appointments happen to fall on the nights I work, but as I do a 4 on 4 off rota it is working well at the moment that J's appointments are on my days off.

Edited June 22, 2008 by kellyanne

[Imelda]

My hat is off to all working parents. My husband does shift work, and works different hours every week, plus week-ends and christmas etc so i just do voluntary work when i'm needed and when i can manage it.

In this day and age with house prices and everything going up it takes two wages coming in. Childcare was another big issue when i decided to work or stay at home.

[jo jones]

hi, im a support worker also,,,i work in autism and challenging behaviour,,awesum i love it,,the hubby works days as a greenkeeper and i work full time now,and we try and work around it,,,i work mostly afternoons and i dont start till 3 so hubby will work 7 till 3,,then he gets little one from school,,its the only way that we can do it,,it is hard cos i dont see much of them in the evenings but has to be done,,,pennies innit??? jo

[Flora]

This is an interesting topic! I'm just about to go back to work full time after not working full time for 14 years!

 

I've worked bits and pieces but always part time and nothing that greatly interfered with home life.

 

I'll let you know how I cope when the time comes (still waiting for a start date, it's like have a 'stay of execution'

 

Flo' x

[jo4themo]

Before I had N (our eldest) I worked full time as a Nursery Nurse. When N was little (and again after I had her younger sister) I worked part time in a local shop doing weekends and evenings so Joe was at home to have the girls. When N was 4 I started working at her playgroup, initially to help N with her physical probs. 5 and a half years later I am still there even though until recently I was only working occasionally. Now i work there 3 times a week, although that will change in September. T goes with me for 2 of the sessions, and for the other one Joe is home as he works 2-10 so he has T for me. Once T goes to school (Sep 2009) I will try to find a full-time job as an LSA as that will mean I will get the hols off so won't have to worry about childcare.

[Tally]

I don't know how people do it. Even just a couple of hours during the school day would be exhausting in addition to caring for a child. But life is so expensive these days, most couples both need to work to support themselves, let alone children as well.

[bikemad]

I don't know how people do it. Even just a couple of hours during the school day would be exhausting in addition to caring for a child. But life is so expensive these days, most couples both need to work to support themselves, let alone children as well.

 

The way things are at the mo I totally agree-I would love to work but atm it would just not be feasible cos by time im done with all my lads appointments plus chasing my backside off after him im fit to drop tbh plus there aint many jobs were the boss would let me have all the time off I would need for all the appointments my lad has-he is off school atm more than he is in it cos of all his appointments.

[brooke]

I always feel guilty that i dont work but i have noone to help look after the boys and there is no point in me paying for childcare so i can wk as the amount i could earn would just be spent on the childcare!!! My youngest is starting school in sept so im going to be a dinner lady Its only 5hrs a week but at least il be doing something and il still have the hols off!!!

[bid]

I wasn't able to go back to work until DS was in residesi and older (15) because before there were too many appointments/the constant battle with education, etc, coupled with the fact that no childminder on this planet would have been able to deal him

 

Also, I simply didn't have any emotional energy left to deal with a job...so don't feel guilty any of you! <'>

 

Two of my SILs used to make little digs about the fact that I didn't work, and when he got into residesi one actually said to me 'No excuse not to get a job now!!' As though I'd been happily using the fact that he had autism plus severe co-morbids as an excuse because I was too lazy to work! Never mind that when he went to secondary school I also had 3 under 6 too! Grrrrr!!!

 

Bid

Edited June 23, 2008 by bid

[durhamlass]

Im not working ATM, when my ex left, I hung on for a few months and it was hell!

 

TBH, what I get now is close to what I would get workingby the time I paid for childcare, and you cant put a price on having to not sort out hours for appointments etc.

 

I would love to do a little something though, its just finding it...

[hev]

Two of my SILs used to make little digs about the fact that I didn't work, and when he got into residesi one actually said to me 'No excuse not to get a job now!!' As though I'd been happily using the fact that he had autism plus severe co-morbids as an excuse because I was too lazy to work!

bring the wicked sister in laws to greenwich love and i will gladly punch them for ya!!

[gothschild]

Hi,

I work in a school kitchen, its really hard work but I enjoy the company, my workmates are really good fun. I am a trained chef so its not quite what I want to do, but never mind its a job and 13 weeks paid holiday is brilliant. My husband works full time and he also has a job as a door supervisor, in a music venue which he loves!

 

gothschild x

[Sallya]

I have a daughter 8, with ADHD and social communication difficulties, and a son 11, with ASD, Dyspraxia and dyslexia; I work nights at the local hospital on the nurse bank so I can choose what nights I work.It's a twelve and a half hour shift. I don't have any family to help at home; I go to work for a rest!!

[Bard]

Full time teaching job, but at least B is in the same town.

Colleagues prepared to cover my class at the drop of a hat for an hour in an emergency, did that at least 6 times last academic year, plus the fact that all B has is AS, no co-morbids that require extra appointments.

Don't know how I do it, partly my mum, partly a strong belief that sleep is for the weak and the sane.

[lynne]

I work as a nurse 25 hours a week 9am to 3.15 so its within school hours. The job keeps me busy and my sanity. But the problem is because I am sorting out other peoples problems I forget to sort out my own.

 

But it is a good way of turning off.

 

My colleagues and GPs I work for are wonderful. Plus having a child with special needs helps me to deal with patients more effectively and also point them in the right direction.

 

 

Many years ago I arrived at a clinic late (due to ASD child refusing to go into school) and bumped into one of my patients. Her 3 year old was screaming. (ASD screaming). I asked her what was wrong. She said he was always having these episodes and although she had taken him to the doctors and explained her concerns, the doctor just reasured her he was normal. So I asked her to stand outside the doctors door with the screaming child. (There appointment was in 20 minutes).

 

Needless to say the doctor sent him to a specilist and the rest is history.

[pookie170]

I wouldn't be working if it wasn't formy good fortune in meeting my lovely Phil, and the support that he and his equally warmhearted family have extended to me and mine. That may well sound a bit Mills and Boon, but I don't care!!

 

I also work in education, as a supply lecturer (part time) at local college. It's good for my sanity, and fits in well with school hols etc, and I'm lucky that my colleagues are supportive too. Mind you, they did the same when I went through my HND there, so they knew what they were getting. They're a lovely bunch!

 

Having said that, I don't think anyone should feel bad about not working when you have a child with special needs to bring up. I know I'd be stuck without my support network, and if you don't have that, it's undoable. If I wasn't with Phil,I wouldn't be out to work either. Anyway, I firmly believe that raising kids, whether it's mum or dad (or any other kind of carer!) is the most important job anyone will ever do!

 

Esther x

[harmony]

I am a yoga teacher, work when children at school/nursery. Also work 4 nights a week when hubby comes in from his job. I teach lots of different classes including one for physically disabled people, one for pregnant women. Also teach young people, as well as classes in gyms etc. Busy, but I love it. It is good to be teaching people who want to listen, and come to the classes out of choice. It is my sanity as my daughter (12) is having a really bad time with her AS at moment. Hard work, but grat work.

 

Harmony

[hsmum]

Hello,

 

It is really coincidental that this topic has been raised today. I am a full time teacher in FE and I love my job. My husband is full time carer for our children (9 and 7). However, H's problems are escalating and my husband (who has mental health problems) is not coping. So, a day's sickness today has given me time to think. Should I try to go part time so that I can support my husband and children more? Should I look for a job that is local, so that I am on the doorstep? I am not flattering myself, but I am sure my absence (work commitments and commuting can make 12 hour days) are affecting my family; and I am sure that the worry of what H is doing (he has started self harming) and how my husband is coping, is affecting my work.

[elun1]

I'm a Primary teacher 3 days a week dropping to 2 days from September. It's a complete juggling act but I do love school and it's escapism from all the autism stuff at home. I'd love to go full time but both my boys are autistic, little one is severe and has co-morbids too such as epilepsy so loads of hospital appointments! If I didn't work at all I seriously do think I would completely lose the plot. I'm so lucky to have really supportive work colleagues though. They are very understanding. Although I'm paid for 3 days I actually go into school most days and hear the children read or work with a little group. It is a juggling act but I think if you're really really determined to work there's often a way around things.

Elun xxx

[Faye83]

I work full time as a Civil Servant and OH works full time nights - its a nightmare! I come home from a full day as OH leaves for work. My daughter (NT) is 5 and my son (Autistic) is 3 - I think I run on nervous energy! x x x

[mrsmuffins]

I'm a legal assistant. I haven't been able to work with my lil man, as many of you have said, you are fit enough to drop at the end of the day as it is, and the money just wasn't worth it whilst paying childcare for a little one.

 

Now he is at school full-time and *touch wood* seems to be getting on ok, I have returned to work part-time 9:00 to 2:30, so I am still able to take him to school and pick him up which is great.

 

However, it goes without saying, if he started to have a bad time or needed more support I would give up work and go back to being full-time with him, we're parents, it's what we do right?! The money is obviously a bonus but we just about scrape by without the extra.....we have just put in a claim for DLA anyway so fingers crossed if that goes through it will help us with all the extra little bits we have to pay for for lil man at the moment and free up the finances a bit...it doesn't seem like much but it all adds up.

 

I agree with previous posters, I go to work for a bit of peace and sanity!

[Kathryn]

Hello,

 

It is really coincidental that this topic has been raised today. I am a full time teacher in FE and I love my job. My husband is full time carer for our children (9 and 7). However, H's problems are escalating and my husband (who has mental health problems) is not coping. So, a day's sickness today has given me time to think. Should I try to go part time so that I can support my husband and children more? Should I look for a job that is local, so that I am on the doorstep? I am not flattering myself, but I am sure my absence (work commitments and commuting can make 12 hour days) are affecting my family; and I am sure that the worry of what H is doing (he has started self harming) and how my husband is coping, is affecting my work.

 

It's a dilemma isn't it? It seems those of us who work relish the chance to get away from our caring responsibilities and do something that's rewarding and challenging in a different way. But there's always a price to pay. I don't have anything like the caring responsibilities of you and others who have posted here, but my daughter still needs fairly contnuous, low key support, some of which goes out the window during the periods when I'm busy at work. For example, from April - June I was working four days a week, leaving the house early, and I've recently discovered that she hasn't been getting into college on time, and some days not at all, without me to be her "alarm clock", timekeeper and general organiser. But I can't give up my job just to do this!

 

K x

[cathyz]

I've been lucky in that I always work from home. First I ran an out of hours telphone booking office for a holiday comapny, then I was an administrator for a pre school (all the paperwork at home) and an hour in a morning collecting fees, then Tourist office administrator and at the moment I run the booking office for our local community bus 7.30 to 9.30 am. This last job is hard work til the boys meds kick in and before the older ones have gone to school.

 

I do miss the social side of going 'out' to work though.

[pearl]

Fascinating reading what we all do & the different solutions we find.

 

When JP was tiny I worked from home. I ironed a businessman's shirts for a few months (which is why mr p does all the ironing now ) then I landed a brilliant home based job doing book reviews so that librarians could choose books without reading the whole thing (I basically took all the "hype" out of the existing book blurb & provided an objective description) And my employers, once JP was dx'd, kept my earnings below the threshold so I could also claim Carers Allowance.

 

Then they took all that work in-house, & offered me first refusal of the job, but at that time I just couldnt find a way of leaving JP for 18 hours a week. Broke my heart to refuse it.

 

So I got back into library work as a casual, then got a permanent postion for about 9 hours initially, slowly increasing as JP got older.

 

These days I fit 24 hours into mon/tue/wed at the uni library, & was just thinking of going full time, when mum got frail & ill.

 

Bummer.

 

But my job keeps me sane even though I moan about it, & giving up isnt an option for me.

[shamu]

Interesting thread and to all those that manage it.

I am tentatively dipping my foot back in the water so to speak. I went on mat leave for DD nearly 2 and a half years ago and DS decided to declare his autism not long after With all the regression and then a house move and an inadequate nursery placement work has been on the back burner (and they kindly paid me sick leave after my mat leave ran out so that helped with the pennies). But the crunch has come and if I don't get back soon I'll be so out of date I'll have to go back to med school!

I'm probably going back one day a week - at least that means I only have to find "good enough" childcare. DS is starting at the SLD school in September (if they build the new classroom ) so we've gone for the nanny option. My hours may be irregular and my husband is looking for a new job which may involve travelling etc so we need someone who can be here when he gets dropped off etc. We don't have any family nearby but work will probably be reasonably OK if I have to take days off at short notice, and I'm hoping that there are 4 other days in the week I can organise appointments on!

Just keep your fingers crossed that it works (and that I still know one end of a stethoscope from the other!)

Shamu