Hugs

[ScienceGeek]

I've been reading a lot of books lately from the library about ASDs and the one thing that keeps cropping up that doesn't apply to me is about hugs. They all kept saying about not liking hugs. I really like hugs! None of those half hearted hugs, but proper bear hug type ones. For some reason I actually find it calming the pressure of someone holding me, same as I need a really heavy duvet. If my mind is spiralling out of control because of sensory overload it tends to bring me back to myself, yet light touches send me bonkers especially if unexpected. Surely I can't be the only one? Know what I mean or am I just talking a bunch of rubbish?

[warrenpenalver]

i thought this was fairly common?? i read it somewhere too about "Hug machines" to satisfy the need for firm pressure.

 

i know as a child i hated light hugs or touch, but firm big hugs are good.

 

I guess also as a kid normally you would expect lots of hugs (less as you get older) from all sorts of people and most people just hug lightly.

[Tally]

I think it's one of those things that can go either way. Some autistic really like hugs, and others really dislike them. I was never into hugs as a child, but I like them now - but only from the right person.

 

I have heard some people say that hugging their autistic children is like hugging a plank of wood. I never realised what they meant until I went on holiday with a couple of aspie friends over the summer. When we left to go home, one of them asked if he could hug me goodbye (I guess he was used to some autistic people really not liking hugs), and that was like hugging a plank of wood. The other one almost RAN to his car, so I guess he didn't want a hug from me

[pearl]

I've always said that hugging JP is like cuddling an ironing board. And mr p isnt very huggy either. He only puts his arm round me under duress Then after the bare minimum, he says, its gone dead, as an excuse to stop.

[billabong]

My DH (Asperger) really likes hugs. It's a big plus for a non-AS person who just lurves hugs <'> >< <'> and really helps when our different communication styles jar - as if!. I hope this is an encouragement to some people (mention no names ...)

[Kathryn]

No you're not talking rubbish, SG. My daughter could have written your opening post, she feels exactly the same way about hugs and light touches. She sometimes approaces me saying "can I have a hug?" and it has to be a really squeezy one, but she jumps back if patted or touched or brushed against lightly.

 

K x

[sarahponari1]

i just started the early bird course (NAS) 2day and 1 of the things they said on there is autistic people can be oversensitive or undersensitive to touch which would mean that some people hate to be touched and hugged while others need to be hugged and touched to make them feel more comfortable.

I have aspergers and i dont like being hugged or touched (except by hubby) but i hate it when anyone else touches me or hugs me, even my mom, and my daughter who is 3 and a half is the same (well she will every now and then come up to us to hug us but if we try to hug her she will push us away or go all tense).

I know another child who is autistic, she goes to my daughters dance classes and she goes around touching everyone and hugging everyone, so she loves to touch people

[tjw]

hi

my little boy loves hugs and cuddles he wont get up in a morning if iv not hugged him its realy very sweet

theresa x <'>

[stressedmumto2]

My son is the same as you SG he loves big squeezy hugs and often will hug me in the same way, lol but very often hates light touching unless it is agreed that I will light touch him on a kind of stroke/tiggle way.

 

My son comes down every morning with his quilt still warpped around him and the other day he had a therapy session where he was able to go inside a body sox or body sock which is a lycra type bag that you fit into and stretch yourself when in it, it kind of gives the feeling of deep pressure and he loves it. <'>

[oxgirl]

When I was looking through our holiday pics I saw something really quite striking. In the pic where he's standing next to his Dad he's actually smiling (not at the camera, of course, that would be silly), but he looks happy and relaxed and natural. In the pic where he's standing next to me, he's leaning away, looks anxious and stiff and very awkward. When I pointed this out to him, jokingly, and asked him what the problem was, didn't he like me or something, he said it was because I was touching him! DH had just been about to take a pic of him and I'd jumped into the pic for a joke, stood very close to him and flung my arm around him. Result, instant seize-up! I always knew he never liked hugging much, I tend to get one hug at bedtime and he stands there with his arms dangling at his sides. I tell him to put his arms round me or I'll knock his teeth out and he complies to humour me, but looking at these pics really showed me just how uncomfortable it does make him.

 

~ Mel ~

[NickyB]

My DS (5) loves to hug really tight <'> , but hates to be touched lightly. I'd never really thought about it in relation to his Autism and sensory needs. I think you're talking perfect sense SG

[Zosmum]

This sounds just like Z.

A light touch and she goes up like a firework

A great big squeezy tight hug and she loves it

So ScienceGeek you're not talking rubbish and you're not the only one

[Enid]

Well, I thought it was just my son and one of his quirks, but seems its normal, if you are on this forum, my boy often comes up to me and says mum can I have a hug, I have to hug him really tightly, he just stands there!! <'> Enid

[bikemad]

My lad loves hugs aswel but if I was to gently say tousle his hair he would go mad n hate it.

[sesley]

my p doesn't mind hugs he asks for them and kisses too, <'>

[JsMum]

Hi, J and Even me are the same as you, we dont like soft touch but good deep inner bear hugs, J has sensory inergration and processing difficulties and I read the book Out of Syncs Child, may be you should add this to your list, its an excellent book, it was suggested by Darky and I am glad I have read it, I have the sister book Out of syncs child has fun and we have used loads of the ideas to help him deal with the sensations he gets when faced with certain sensory tasks.

 

I think the deep pressure defo goes back to us been in the womb, safe, warm and protected to a degree in the womb.

 

I think a lot of Js are sensory, and hugging is certainly sensory for him, he has a weighted blanket now which he loves, I would look into investing one of these as they have really helped J.

 

Group hug for those who want a hug now were on the subject <'> <'> <'>

 

JsMum

Edited September 25, 2008 by JsMum

[warrenpenalver]

if I was to gently say tousle his hair he would go mad n hate it.

ha ha ha that was me as a child too!!! Hairdressers were awkward situations Firm hugs are good. shame my ex didnt like hugs

[smiley]

As with a lot of these things............ it depends on it being my choice, on my terms.

 

Both M & I are very cuddly people - we're often bunched together on one end of the sofa . M likes massages, firm and gentler - although neither of us are keen on very light touching, it's too much. I like to hug my friends, people i trust & I'm forever grabbing friends arms or nudging them to get there attention!

 

But, if someone i don't know tries to hug me, grab me - or even one of those kisses on the cheek.... i back off very quickly!

 

Touch that I'm not expecting will make my jump a foot in the air - same with M. But on our terms, we are huggy people.

[warrenpenalver]

- or even one of those kisses on the cheek.... i back off very quickly!

I hate those kisses on the cheek thingys. Just doesnt make sense to me either why people do it??

[bikemad]

ha ha ha that was me as a child too!!! Hairdressers were awkward situations Firm hugs are good. shame my ex didnt like hugs

 

O gawd yeah hair salons are a nightmare-the only person he will let do his hair is my other half n then it is a quick once over with a silent clippers.

[Mumble]

All makes perfect sense to me and in line with the literature - we're all still individuals and just like NTs will have diferent preferences on different days, times, with different people, but at the same time there are similarities in what many like - it's Temple Grandin who invented a sqeeze machine for herself to give deep pressure (and if you look on you tube for something like "the woman who talked to cows" - sorry can't do links on this computer - you should find the BBC documetary where she talks about this).

 

I could do with one of those hug things right now if there's any going spare?

[NickyB]

Mumble <'> <'> <'> <'>

[ScienceGeek]

Mumble! <'> >< <'>

[Zosmum]

Mumble

Hope these help

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