What do you get sick of hearing???

[lil_me]

I get really sick of the 'he must not be that bad as he can talk' or even' he isn't autistic he can talk' these people don't seem to realise how few people on the spectrum have no language, and also they don't realise how frustrating it is for the guys and girls with language not to be able to use it appropriately in other peoples eyes

 

Other hated comments, but most are just from uneducated people

 

'When will he grow out of it?'

'Whats the cure?'

'Can you catch it?'

[Guest flutter]

she is as good as gold

she is always smiling, even when she doesnt think i am looking at her

she is well liked, although she thinks she isnt

[oracle]

My ALL time mosted hated comment is 'Yes but all children do that don't they!'

 

It just makes me see red and want to hit whoever said it. sorry

 

Carole

[lil_me]

Oh yes Carole, had that one from my mother recently after my son got the first diagnosis, we are waiting for the full assessment of course. Then I said 'What did you call him when he was 2? ' she called him 'JS' for JUST SO, as everything had to be JUST SO. She also used to ask why he didn't play horses/dogs with the other kids in the garden and just stood and stared at them, why the only thing he'd talk about wash fish, why he couldn't talk properly and other things that now I know pointed to Autism, then she realised that she actually noticed first about the things he does different to other children.

 

I hate the comment of 'he's just a naughty attention seeking child' aswell

 

And the 'You look like very tired' I know I look like cr*p as my son doesn't sleep very well so I don't get much but would prefer people didn't point it out.

Edited July 16, 2005 by lil_me

[jools]

'its just immaturity'

'he'll grow out of it'

'all kids do that'

 

and yesterday i caught the teacher saying to (shouting at) him

 

'its about time you learnt to keep your thoughts to yourself and think before you speak'

 

well if he knew how to do that he wouldn't be who he is!

we all know his social skills are terrible

no good shouting at him.....we need to teach him

i just haven't worked out how yet

[lynyona]

When i was voicing concerns about kieran, and given the fact he went to a special school all i got from his headteacher was " he s a teenager " by if he d still ben at school she d have eaten those words but unfortunately he didnt get his diagnosis till he was 18 and been left over a year or more. lol

[Amanda32]

I get fed of people saying more or less the same

'Well my son does that its just boys'..

'If he was up my house he would be a different person'.......

'I will sort him out have no messing up my house' that's just saying im a bad parent??....

'People staring when your child is having a tantrum outdoors'... they look at you like sort him out, they dont know my son.

They dont know what he's thinking, why he doesn't understand them sometimes and even I dont know what goes on in his head.

Yes he may be at the able end of the spectrum but he's been diagnosed and still has most of the problems that I have to deal with, such as.....

Keep telling him to do things as he doesn't understand what I tell him to do.

His frustrations in which this is the main problem he has, gets distructive, amongst other things like sleep etc.

Us parents wherever they are on the spectrum still have to deal with tantrums, frustrations and coping with the whole thing.

Sorry to go on but this is one of the things that makes me angry what other people say, at least I always say to myself I know where my kids are, not doing something they shouldn't.

Take care

Amanda.. <'> <'> <'>

Edited July 16, 2005 by Amanda32

[jomica]

I've only ever heard this once, but it made me sick to the stomach ....

 

"He's like a little puppy dog. He just needs training."

 

And that was from a specialist autism teacher. I lost all faith there and then.

 

[seeking-sanity]

Hi

Found this thread and think it is brilliant!

Jamies Grandad said to us the other day make him stay here for a fortnight I'll soon sort him out!!!!

The other one I hate is hes got such a lovely face he'll be alright!!!!(not denying hes got a lovely face but what the hell thats got to do with it)

I could go on forever with this one, cos it makes me sooooo angry.

[TuX]

People who say those with AS have "mild" autism,and think the definition of AS is having obscure interests.

[KarenT]

All of the above, but particularly comments about AS being a milder form of autism, 'he'll get better as he matures', 'all boys are like that, aren;t they?'

 

Karen

x

[lil_me]

The worst one I have ever had about this mild/higher functioning etc was from a Grandmother of a profound Autistic with zero language. She was ranting on how it must be so much easier for me than it is for her daughter and son in law, as I said if it was easy I wouldn't be sat waiting to see a pshychologist about my son trying to kill himself at the age of 6. With her knowledge of the disorder I was both shocked and disgusted at her 'nothing can be worse than my grandson' attitude . My son even says sometimes he wishes he was like the boys he has met on the other end of the spectrum as they don't have to talk and it confuses him when he has to, and sometimes people make him talk when he doesn't want to by asking too many questions. I'm not saying its easier living with either end of the spectrum but people shouldn't judge others situations until they have lived it themselves.

Edited July 16, 2005 by lil_me

[Colin_and_Shelagh]

I get sick of hearing (from the school themselves) about how our local secondary school, where Patrick starts at in September, is inclusive. (As though any school would publically claim not to be inclusive.)

 

And yet in private meetings with the Senco we hear that 'of course it's not that easy...30 children in a class...blah blah blah'.

 

[jools]

another one often heard from school.....

 

'he's very bright, he'll be ok'

[lil_me]

I get a similar one about my son jools

 

'but he's a very intelligent child' and 'he's a very academically able child'

 

then I ask to see his work and she says, 'Well he does struggle to put it onto paper' my point exactly

[Lucas]

I do remember at the crucial age of six when I first actually developed some understanding of langauge, I was thinking for a few days very carefully about wether I should make any effort at actually using langauge and I was afraid of all the things that could happen if I tried one way or the other. I had always mimicked sounds with no idea what they were, I just repeated them like a parrot.

 

I still sometimes wish I had not have bothered, I think I would be doing sign-langauge now and have had much more help.

 

I always run into the biggest problems when encountering a professional who has worked in Autism for years but is still pig-ignorant, they exaggerate their own expertise. I say I get this, they say "No you don't" as if I'm either confused or don't know myself. I would be happy to hear why I do this or don't do that, but I would like to actually hear good reasoning for once instead of "I've been working in this field for X years" and regurgitations of simplistic NAS leaflet terms of reference.

 

The worst comment, the least justified and biggest lie I've ever been told: "We've done everything we can for you. You should be grateful for it". this was in a student services meeting at Leeds college of building to discuss what could be done for me. My own contributions to the meeting didn't mean anything; they had already decided to give me a very limited number of options which had obviously been discussed in private without me and if I refused them I was made to feel like I was being difficult and unreasonable.

[~Jonathan~]

The one that often gets said with regard to me is "he's a strange one isn't he?" I've lived with that for as far back as I can remember. Or "he's a bit of an oddball isn't he?" Things of that nature.

[bid]

Wow, what a brilliant thread...I thought I was the only one who had heard these kind of comments over the years!

 

Most recent annoying comment about my son from one of my sisters-in-law...

 

'It wasn't a real breakdown, was it!'

 

 

bid

[lil_me]

I started a similar topic in a chat room, and it turned into a 3 hour rant, we also did another which I will post later

 

 

The comments of ' that kids weird' ' he's like a monster' ' that kid deserves a good crack' wind me up the most, anything against me I can usually ignore but have been known to loose my temper on several occasions with people making comments about my boy

 

Oh and this one from my own mother before she understood, she may still think it but she never says it, basically my Dad took my son to McDonalds, because it wasn't the McDonalds he is used to and it was busy he started banging his head off the table, my Mother came out with ' Well I wouldn't take him anywhere thats so embarrassing' needless to say I lost my temper

[meemo38]

the ones which get to me and mu husband about my stepson are from kids and they are

1-why is he doing that

2-whats wrong with him

3-he is wierd

 

Also school,

1-we have no problems here, he is a little darling

2-C has a problem with his homework, and forgets things, err, no problems then

 

From physchologist

1-He is jealous

2-He is trying to get your attention (###### he gets more than any of the other kids)

3-I wont assess him as i dont want him to feel different...but he is different

Michelle

[Carol]

"you cope so well - I don't know how you manage" - argh if I had a pound for every time I heard a health professional, family member or teacher say that I wouldn't be worried sick about surviving on one wage cause I would be a rich woman. - even when you say back - "who says i am managing"

 

it's all down to the budget, and we don't have the staff & the waiting list for help is 18 months long ( but we will put you on the list anyway.....)"

 

 

the thing that absolutely bugs me the most is people that have high expectations of behaviour just because of the vocal intelligence that is displayed - just because he is articulate does not mean he can be display the same emotional maturity!!!!!!

 

(right think I am done) ( before it turns into a drunken ramble of the ranting away "an un othr thing........")

 

Carol

Edited July 16, 2005 by Carol

[Kazzen161]

Things that begin "he must..." eg: He must learn to compromise (preferably within 6 weeks, with no help!).

 

 

Someone said to me the other day "You should try having a full-time job and raising a family", when I said I haven't had time to do any gardening - she obviously imagines I sit at home filing my nails all day! She is someone who has known me for 7 years, and she hasn't got a clue!

 

Karen

[baddad]

My favourite is the knowing smile in the shops with : "Oh, I've got one like that at home..."

No you F****** haven't - or you'd look as knackered and stressed as i do!

 

A neighbour told me she 'doesn't believe' in all these 'new ideas'. She went slightly white when I said he hasn't got a 'new idea' but a 'deformed brain stem'... Harsh of me, i know, but it was a particularly bad day. 2 weeks later she returned the Lorna Wing book i lent her - she hadn't had time to read any of it.

BD

[lil_me]

Maybe she didn't believe in these 'new ideas' as she isn't inteligent enough to understand them, or just plain ignorant BD

 

I find some people want to know, some excessively, some just ignorant

[Amanda32]

This is the one thing that should be mentioned:

Some people think that if they see a child that is Autistic and has lots of problems in which is severe, generally all you get is your son seems fine.

ALL autistics children are completely different from each other

Some people that dont understand Autism/Asperger's assume that because my son looks fine he's got no problems. What they do is compare in which that shouldn't happen he's still Autistics but not as bad as some of you other parents children. The children may get frustrated, angry dont undertand you as have problems communicating etc but they are not ALL the same.

Sorry to go on but this is what I feel that people dont understand Autism dont know the meaning of it they think they are all the same and that your child is just naughty and needs a good smack...............

Take care

Amanda <'> <'> <'>

Edited July 17, 2005 by Amanda32

[Sallya]

My bug bear

"youve got your hands full"

 

really? I hadnt noticed.

 

or

is he always like that?

 

or

he needs a good smack

 

or

have you tried a routine?

 

 

Ds reply to one old man was

 

"if you dont stop moaning they should take your teeth away"

 

copied from the song Always look on the bright side of life

[bid]

Ooh, another one I remember from a public meeting about secondary transfer when I asked a question about children with Special Needs...

 

From smuggy parent of NT child 'But all children have "special needs"!!', with other smuggy NT parents nodding in agreement!

 

And, from yet another of my sisters-in-law, on hearing that Auriel was going to a residential special school...'Now you've got no excuse not to get a job!'

 

Aaaarrrggghhhhhh!

 

Bid

Edited July 17, 2005 by bid

[barefoot wend]

My most hated is when experts tell my son he's selfish and self-centred - just another thing to beat himself up about then!

 

Barefoot

[Jericho]

I hate:

 

"But he looks so normal!"

 

What do they expect? 3 heads and a set of tentacles???

 

"You're doing it all wrong! On Supernanny they...."

 

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrhhhhhh!

[Kathryn]

"How come it's such a late diagnosis, didn't you know anything was wrong?"

 

...leaving you with the feeling that you are the worst parent in the world for failing to spot something so obvious. (As a matter of fact we WERE the first ones to spot it, long before anyone else, without our tireless research my daughter would probably be undiagnosed to this day)

[~Jonathan~]

((((((Kathryn))))))

 

<'>

[BusyLizzie100]

'But all children do that' - not like this, they don't!

 

OR

 

'He's not very autistic, though' - everyone's an expert except me??!!

 

OR

 

'I can't believe he's like that, he's such an angel with us' - yeah, and we have to pick up the pieces and live through the meltdown caused by his supreme efforts at coping

 

OR

 

'He seems fine to me'

[bid]

Ooh, another one comes back to me...

 

Just after his diagnosis at 7 I had poured out my heart to a friend, who replied...

 

'But he'll still be able to go to university, won't he?!'

 

Bid

[witsend]

They all sound pretty familiar to me, have to add: "well my kids do that ", "he's probably just a late developer", "but he's such a lovely little boy", "but he seems so intelligent", "but he's got a fantastic imagination" and "your over protective of him" oh and "you worry too much"

Wonderful to read all the other posts nice to know yor not alone!

[mandyque]

Awwwww and she's so pretty too! What so all special needs children should be ugly????????????????

 

She'll grow out of it, I know somebody who had a kid like her and they are doing really well now, talking and everything!

 

I have so much admiration for you coping with all that - hmmm you didn't see me scream when she nipped me for the 22342565433th time

 

Autism? Isn't that where they can do maths really well and draw pictures from memory?

 

The people who stand and stare or walk past with a disapproving 'TSK!' because she is making a funny noise. The kids who stand dead in front of her major buggy and stare at this weird kid who is too big for a pushchair and is making funny noises, and their parents who never taught them that it is rude to stare

[Klou]

Hi. Great topic.

 

Posts like these renew my confidence that I am right in seeking answers for my son. Other people's comments certainly make you question yourself.

 

My favourites are: "but he's so gorgeous. He's got beautiful eyes"

 

"He is such a happy child. You are so lucky"

 

This is true but I am beginning to believe this is natures way of ensuring people will love him.

 

"It's a boy thing."

 

"My children do/did that too."

 

(Yes but do they do all these things and have they now grown out of it)

 

"I've never noticed anything. He's always good at our house"

 

(From a very good friend, who has now finally realised I might have something to be worried about when she saw his more interesting behaviours on a day out at an unfamiliar place)

 

 

I am sure I have many more to look forward to. All caused by the world's stereotypical view of a non verbal, uninteractive child.

[call me jaded]

'Oh he's got lovely curls. They're wasted on him'

 

Always from an old lady with a perm.

[UltraMum]

We've had:

 

"All boys/children do that"

"My lads just the same" - No he's not!

"He's young for his age" (June Birthday)

"Give him to me for a week and I'll soon sort him out" - Not on your nelly! - (and try explaining that phrase to your child!)

 

A recent howler from his TA:

 

"He's really good at taking turns now. He knows when it's everyones turn and he's always nagging them to take their turn when they are busy talking." - because the only thing he's thinking about is turn taking whilst the others are interacting as well as playing the game!!!!!!!!

 

My special favourite:

 

"We never have any problems at school ..." implying that it's our problem when he's all over the place relaxing at home.

Edited July 18, 2005 by MotherEve

[lsw146]

Haven't been on the site for a while. Stuck in limbo between acknowledgement of AS and diagnosis but readingt he threads here make me smile and cringe all at once.

 

I hate "aah but she is lovely isn't she" Did I ever say she wasn't?

 

My favourite is still the school saying they have no problems. Just to prove them wrong B got level 5's SATS in unexpected places and a 3 in writing! No descrepencies in her abilties there then!

 

On a refreshing note I have been sharing the AS possibility with some people who actually see B at her best and worst and many of them have said it would make a lot of sense!!! and offered me their complete support. Hooray.

[sarahjane]

My all time most hated is " yes but lots of children do that!" however since spending a week with my mother in law, i have a new one "its the way you brought him up!" ahhhhhhhhh!