baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2006 This just isnt on....... where does Cinders keep vishnu-nu?? and does that codpiece have mould on it??? what on earth has the judge been doing? You don't want to know...... And it's not mould - it's mushroom bhaji - and i'll be adding more to it tonight... COS: It's Friday, It's Friday The one day that is my day I'm gonna buy a curry A CURRY...... (big breaths**)..... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.................. CURRY!!!!!!!!!!! (** Yeth, and i'm only thixthteen! ) And, yes - that IS how sad my dull little life is I've got a special song for 'curry night' And that's only the last bit.... there are 87 verses... with clever rhymes like 'Maharaji' and 'Bhaji' or 'schooner' and 'bhuna'... Coriander and Lamb Pasanda... Tandoori and Prawn Puri... Two pints of lager and lamb dupiaza (oh come on - give me a break!!)... You know, i'm still stuck on 'Vindaloo' though.... And I had to leave poppadum for the last verse - 'cos the only rhyme I could find was 'drop-a-bomb', which of course is for saturday morning.... And the metre goes wrong around: I had a sheek Kebab Not main course, just a starter It sat upon my plate Like a spicy Chipolata I grabbed a poppadum Some onions and some rhaita Lime pickle and some dahl with slices of tomato I'll regret it in the morning Because i'll probably have violent wind... See what i mean?? TTFN - COS: It's Friday, It's Friday......... etc etc ad infinitum ad nauseum...... L&P BD <'> With pickles and tomato...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sallya Report post Posted September 8, 2006 oh you poor love...try a pizza.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marshmallow Report post Posted September 8, 2006 oh you poor love...try a pizza.... Just what I was about to suggest. or a nice cup of tea. Put your feet up for a while, I'm sure you'll feel better soon <'> ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2006 oh you poor love...try a pizza.... A Pizza? A PIZZA??? You call that a treat, Sir? I'd rather eat mud Or stick pins in my feet, Sir? How VERY dare you!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted September 8, 2006 This evening we dined on ifits........ ifits in the fridge......... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted September 8, 2006 MMMMM...Slimming World chips and quorn burger with beans for me! God do I live an exciting existence Right....I'm off to scoff it...would've been on here sooner but hubbs changed the flippin password again and I couldn't remember how to spell it. This is how often I get on the home computer ........... And pizza Badders yup that's my treat any day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted September 8, 2006 oh it,s been along time..............what has happened??............and where,ve we all been.............. Well I,m still stuck in the flippin cupboard...........I wish someone would let me out ........ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 9, 2006 oh it,s been along time..............what has happened??............and where,ve we all been.............. Well I,m still stuck in the flippin cupboard...........I wish someone would let me out ........ Suze... if you want help coming out of the closet I can't really help you, hun As for 'it's been a long time...' - Don't even go there! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted September 9, 2006 Suze... if you want help coming out of the closet I can't really help you, hun As for 'it's been a long time...' - Don't even go there! L&P BD what do they mean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted September 11, 2006 ......Tatters flew down from her perch and lit a few of the torches in the Batcave re-creating that eerie flickering effect that enhanced JT's cave art so well. .......... "It seems kinda quiet in here," she thought to herself again.... how many times had she thought that now? She brushed her hands along the flowstone that filled the far end of the cave and tinkled the smaller straw stalactites creating a light tune which sent some of the resident bats fluttering about the darker recesses of the ceiling. From deep in the heart of the cave she could hear the hum of Cinder's computer system. "Well, that's still operational then, even if Vish isn't." she thought. She checked the kitchen, the cupboards were bare and the curry powder left untouched - the drinks cabinet, untouched .... the hobnobs cupboard untouched.........this was just not normal. Perking up her pointed ears she did hear something ..... a faint tapping ..... so faint, not water dripping..... yet so faint. She bent down and took off her boots to walk barefoot so the noise of her own feet didn't detract from the direction of the tapping. She took a torch and began walking........and walking........and walking........ "I didn't know this place was so big," she thought. The tapping was getting stronger, it was tapping out a tune: good grief it was the tune to YMCA! "Odd," she thought. "Someone is stuck in a closet. This far down?" Following the tapping still further she reached a dead end ...... "bum" she thought, or words to that effect. That's the problem with caves, sound echoes. "Hello?", she shouted. There was a response ...... it definitely wasn't an echo. "Where are you?" she asked. "Down here," came the reply. ..........and there in front on Tatters was actually a dark pit, a trick of the light made it unseen at first........she flew down the hole and there at the bottom was a door. "Good grief, it's like being in an episode of Lost," thought Tatters. She opened the door and was knocked reeling as a very dusty, very skinny, very confused Suze burst out at breakneck speed. "Thank God," says Suze. "I've been down there for ages, now to find the others...." "But why're you down there?" asked Tatters. "I'll explain on the way......" said Suze................... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted September 11, 2006 ....................that flippin evil senco woman shut me in there............come on tatters yelled Suzex, we have to help the others. I believe evil senco woman had some nasty plans for JT............... .............she was last seen man handling him (not easy I can assure you , but she is a Pat Butcher type build) into the de-briefing room. Flozza (as lozza is now called ) and good old Legs Akimbo............now I have,nt aclue what happened to them. Come Tatters lets get to it........................in a flash of purple lycra and sequinned bustier ..........and a flutter of wings they were gone. Deep in another cavern not too far away a deep man-full groan could be heard, was it the Pat Butcher evil senco woman , or Judgey ??.................or both of them Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted September 11, 2006 Suddenly... out of no where (well it does happen sometimes ) Flozza appeared. 'Where the heck did you come from?' said Suze , and , 'where have you been?' asked tatters. 'Sssshhhhh'.... said Flozza. 'I've been following that evil Pat Butcher look-alike (PBLaL) woman for the past two weeks. She's reducing at an alarming rate. She must be stopped'.... 'Well it's no good'...'Said tatters, 'I've been through every cupboard and there isn't even a hobnob crumb in sight we'll have to go to SainsWay'. 'Not that kind of reducing you ninny' , said Floz 'I mean she's reducing the hours of support for AS kids, she must be stopped '... 'right' said Suze 'we'll have to free the Judge and get PBLL in the debriefing room for a full dressing down.... ..... rather him than me... definately man's work. 'Great idea Suze'... said floz..'Um well I'll just go and open the pinot while you and tatters do that'... 'What? You don't want me to come with you do you??? I've been following that evil PBLaL for days and she's a bit bigger than me....and I'm a bit out of practice...crumbs by the way Suze... how did you get so thin??? Have you been to oomellata watchers?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 11, 2006 At the mention of Pat Butcher JT morphs back through time to his earlier 'Captain Commando' persona, leaps on to 'Matron' his trusty bike, and pedals furiously in the opposite direction... he's only (nearly) human, after all...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted September 12, 2006 OI !!!!.......................Where are you going ??.......shouts Pat the evil senco...............with a look of love in her eyes she bolts after the gorgeous mulchy (sorry that should have been muscley) Captain Commando.. .............who wears a simply beautiful sky blue ensemble very reminiscent of Captain America............except his comes in an XXL . Poor Capt C is in for it when Pat gets hold of him .............the girls don,t dwell on his misfortunes for too long though.........theres tea to be had and biccies to be munched thanks to the Sainsway Home delivery service and the gorgeous Bob who always delivers the goods ...............hey how many sugars?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keyholekate Report post Posted September 20, 2006 What are you lot on!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 20, 2006 Well JT/CC is on 'Matron' his trusty bike... It said so only one post back... Come on - Concentrate!!! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keyholekate Report post Posted September 21, 2006 O.K. I'll try!............................................................................ .............s'not working. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted September 29, 2006 I can't believe the Bat Cave is still going strong. Maybe Blue-Rinse Woman will be forced out of retirement after all........... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted September 30, 2006 KeyholeKate , Cats are independent thinkers and can't follow rules so I don't know what's going on in this thread. We should just have some fun chasing the bats in this cave... Meeooooowwwww!!!!! The real Curra ( blue-eyed, grey, fluffy cat, stepping on the keyboard while mum's away changing litter) (couldn't find a pic of a moggie's antics so this one will do) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 30, 2006 Blimey! Now there's a BFTP! Hiya, Jericho Hope you, yours and zimmer are all well/happy/unrusted and that we'll be 'seeing' more of you soon L&P BD (CC/JT) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted September 30, 2006 Jericho!!! It's lovely to see your face beak back on the forum. Hope all is well with you and yours. Nellie xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted September 30, 2006 (edited) Thanks for the welcome back! All's well in the Jericho house. I've just been a bit busy with the new baby. <peers round at the Bat Cave> Edited September 30, 2006 by Jericho Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
something vague Report post Posted September 30, 2006 Hmmmmm, I'm looking forward to reading the adventures of the Batbaby. That should keep the others on their toes or whatever other appendages they have!!!! SV Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted October 4, 2006 <Blue-Rinse Woman steps cautiously into the Bat Cave> Ah! Some kindly soul has been shopping and brought the toilet paper with the pictures of puppies on it. Tis the only time you can wipe your cheeks on a dog without the RSPCA becoming involved. <enters the fume cupboard formerly known as the Bat Loo> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted October 6, 2006 Welcome home back Jericho Ah! Some kindly soul has been shopping and brought the toilet paper with the pictures of puppies on it. Tis the only time you can wipe your cheeks on a dog without the RSPCA becoming involved. Be warned, we're only allowed to use one sheet each. The puppies were individually embossed by BD/Judge Thredd/Captain Commando. It's a part of his new relaxation regime recommended to him by Mahat Macoat (Illget's brother) at his Friday night curry establishment. Apparently, when told he couldn't have his weekly Dansak because of the lentil shortage, his outburst resulted in the police being called Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 6, 2006 Actually, I misunderstood... I've actually added the puppies by perforating the paper with a darning needle rather than embossing per se... Don't press to hard, will you?! Dansak Dilemma - now sorted: They've offered me a FREE Lamb Kazana to make it up to me!!! Oh JOY oh BLISS - only one thing nicer than a curry and that's a FREE curry BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 14, 2006 Giving the Batcave a bounce.......... Where is everyone??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted October 15, 2006 Ah. I see Blue-Rinse Woman still hasn't lost her ability to clear a cave. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 16, 2006 OOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Blue-Rinse woman..... what have you done!! I suspect it has more to do with a bad curry........................ Gums up the works you know................. They're obviously in need of a serious beating slap TLC. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 18, 2006 MORNING RANT # 5 Bumholes! My DVD burner seems to have gone kapput; around half of the burns I do are 'coasters'... It's not the media (same as i always use and still fine on Ben's burner) or the software or background tasks, so it must be the burner I checked the purchase date against the guarantee and guess what? Sod's law it's ONE MONTH out of date ? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! To make matters worse, the tower itself, including mobo, HD, power supply etc is still under guarantee, but if I take the back off to replace the burner unit I'll invalidate it ? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! And it has a little 'seal' on it so you can't do it without them knowing... Ordinarily, none of the above would be a problem, but the truth is I really do not like the smug little git I bought the machine from, and I know that getting this sorted is going to mean one of those horrible smug conversations where he tries to tell me some crappy unbranded media is 'the dogs', while the verbatim I've used for years is KNOWN for being trouble. Known to WHO exactly? And I know that if he says that I will be forced to say that I bought some of the unbranded media from him once before and that it was all ######, and he'll say ?Well what burning software did you use?? and I'll say ?Nero? and he'll tut and say ?Well what do you expect?? and I'll say................. And then he won't fix it today, even though I could replace the burner myself in a matter of five minutes, it'll be at least two days before he can ' 'ave a look ', and then he'll charge me 50% more for the new burner than I could buy direct, plus a fitting charge, and even if I specify the burner I want when I go to pick it up it will be a different model and he'll say ?Oh yeah...you can't get the model you wanted any more so I 'ad to put this one in, but it's the dogs? or it will be an identical model to the first one and I'll always be wondering if he did actually replace it or if the problem was just a loose ribbon cable which I couldn't check myself because of invalidating the warranty and............... And TWO days without my PC?? These days I suffer withdrawal symptoms if I put it into 'sleep' while I make a cup of tea! And what if the burning software has some how become corrupt? It won't matter what burner is installed, I'm still going to get coasters. But to check that I need to put another burner in the existing machine (or try that burner on Ben's) to confirm ? and I can't do that because of the warranty... Whatever way you look at it, I'm going to be paying an over the top price for a burner I might not want or not actually even need and there's even a possibility that It won't really be a new burner at all but the old one 'invoiced twice'! Now, the other big annoyance ? MY PC, with MY personal files on it, will be available to him for two days, and I absolutely HATE that! It's like giving your personal diary to the school bully and saying 'now don't peek, will you?' So you think 'well what if i back everything up onto disc and then erase it from the hard drive and then put it back when...' and then you remember: You can't back it up onto disc, 'cos your burner isn't working... and even if you could, captain paranoia whispers that if you DID take all your personal files off the HD he'd be making assumptions about what might have been there that were a million times worse than what was actually there... You end up branded as the worst kind of pervert because you don't want him seeing a couple of snitty letters you've sent to the LEA or taking the mickey out of your 'morning RANTS'........ GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 18, 2006 Erm........... Bads.........?? Go to your happy place hun............. Ooooommmmmmmmmmmmm...... Think calming waters (to drown the little b*gger in....)................ Think scenic landscapes (where you can hide the body....) ................... Imagine your on a beach, calming waves lapping, sun shining............. I would say bat your eyelids, stick out your chest a bit and beg him to fix it there and then ........... But, that may result in you being beaten to within an inch of your life........ . BTW - isn't there a way you can 'hide' your files???? I'm sure the little smart ###### 'puter fixer will get around it - but he may well not bother........... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Devon mum Report post Posted October 19, 2006 Well I've only read page 53 and I have totally cracked up!! I luaghed so much that DH thought I'd found a jokes page! So what'll happen when PBLaL is captured? Will Tatters and Suze save the day? Can Captain Commando turn his bike around in time to say Hi to Blue Rinse Woman?? We eagerly await the next instalment..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 19, 2006 Well I've only read page 53 and I have totally cracked up!! You don't have to be cracked to read here, but......... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 19, 2006 MORNING RANT # 4 I woke up this morning (Lord! The blues had got me so bad / Said I woke up this morning, Lord!...........) Sorry, I'll start again... I woke up this morning thinking about mobile phones. I have absolutely no idea why. I saw a woman in Tesco's on Saturday and her mobile phone rang, and at the very first note she stopped in the middle of the aisle, took it out of her bag and answered it. I think I might have been dreaming about that (or something very like it). It was very 'Pavlov's dog', this woman's reaction ? a conditioned and instantaneous response that you never see with the phone at home when it rings. In fact, it's the very opposite because most people I've seen with a home phone tend to follow the subconscious 'three ring' rule so the person at the other end doesn't think you're desperate or just sitting around doing nothing. I hate mobile phones ? they're so rude. Another phenomena with mobile phones is that when they ring there's this immediate 'non-person' status applied to whoever the receiver of the call might be with at the time. They don't apologise, or explain the nature of the call or anything, they just whip it out, screw it to their ear and ? usually ? turn their backs on the people with them! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! More than anything with mobile phones I hate the aggressive marketing ? The way they use fear to sell them, both in the sense of 'What if you're trapped in a lift with a psycho' ('cos, yeah, right, the psycho is going to say ?Yeah, that's Okay, you make your call first and then I'll hack your head off with this meat cleaver), and in the 'My god! Is that your mobile? How on earth can you cart that monstrosity about ? it must be at least two months old' sense... Sadly, more and more people are buying into all this cr*p where the mobile phone you use and/or glasses you wear define the wearer. I could never buy into 'The clothes maketh the man', but Glasses? Mobile phones?? Puleeeze! You get some squitty little nonentity scuttling off to Hugo Boss for a suit, to Specsavers for a set of frames (I saw on tv the other day that glasses are 'in', and that people with 20/20 vision are having frames made up with clear lenses so they don't get left behind!), and to Phones 4U for the latest piece of bluetooth bull***t and suddenly they're the best thing since sliced bread ? With the crusts cut off! Doesn't anyone stop to listen any more? Doesn't anyone see he's still a boring, squitty little non-entity who's got nothing else to talk about outside of property prices, the child-murdering bull bars ('cos you get a lot of bulls running around Tunbridge Wells, don't you?) he's having fitted to his Shogun, and the delightfully light raspberry coulis his squitty little girlfriend blitzes up to accompany her 'signature' baked Russian cheesecake?......... Aggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I'm off to explode!!....... Anyway, after waking with the vaguest of thoughts about mobile phones I was delighted when my gorgeous son burst into the room for his morning snuggle with a huge, cheesy grin on his face. ?I've just had a lovely dream? he announced. ?Oh, wow!? I said ? that's always a good start to the day! What was it about?? ?We got a cat!? He said (we're currently in the process of trying to get one that isn't completely feral or disease ridden from the rescue centre). ?Brilliant!? I said, ?What colour was it? A mackerel tabby?? ?No. It was a grey one. It was beautiful. You rolled it up in a ball and threw it out the window?. Sometimes I worry about that boy......... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted October 19, 2006 Just try and make sure he doesn't decide to tell the people at the re-homing centre about his dream Hmmm......glasses. I had to get a pair a couple of months ago. Unfortunately it was nothing to do with being trendy. It's got to the stage that I can't even read a newspaper without them . Now who was it that said 'life begins at 40' and 'fabulous 40s'. Whoever it was, they forgot to put on the end 'oh, and by the way your eyesight starts to fade'. Annie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
something vague Report post Posted October 19, 2006 Oh no!!! I think BD has PMT, pass the bumper jar of max stength Evening Primrose QUICK!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 19, 2006 Ya know........ i come to the Batcave for the intelligent conversation....... Mobiles are fab especially when set on silent........ ...... I have one for the monotonous thing i do for money my job. I swear they're addictive - really brightens you day when you get some utter nonsense from a friend stuck in a boring meeting....... . The thing about mobiles that bugs me is the cameras........... why??? WHY??? would you need a camera on your phone????? (No smutty answers allowed ). And as for answering immediately - you'll find the silent setting will sort that out . I have been known to remove a phone from someones hand and stick it in a pint ............... because i was mid-sentence when they answered it SV........can you pass me the evening primrose too please.............. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted October 19, 2006 (edited) Ooohhh...now you've got me ranting!! Most bl00dy rude experience with a mobile phone...a New Year's Eve dinner partay Chez Boho, and one guest actually answered her wretched phone in the middle of the quick wit and repartee of the dinner table, and then proceeded to text someone else too!! And then she was sniffy when I made a pointed comment about her behaviour! I wish I had had the presence of mind to stick it in her wine glass!! Eye thank yew! Boho Edited October 20, 2006 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 20, 2006 Another observation about mobile phones; I've noticed alot of people (usual lunch time diners) in the restaurant where I work come in and they want a table for 2, but they may aswell have a table for 4 or come in on their own because they go through their entire meal talking to people on their phone and completely ignoring each other. If they aren't talking on their phone, they are staring at it and pressing the buttons Presumable texting people! There was someone in the other day who appeared to be talking to himself until I realised the thing he had attached to his ear was apparently a 'blue tooth' hands free thingy and not some weird new trendy type of earring like I'd first thought . For heaven's sake I have a mobile phone, but usually have it switched off. I carry it in my bag and it's there for me to contact others if necessary, I'm nototrious for not being contactable on my mobile. *Sigh* Flo' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 20, 2006 Shameful admission coming up................. I spotted a mobile phone today in town.... It is also (wait for it......) an mp3 player and, AND has a DAB radio... My eyes grew wide - i oooohed and aaaaahhhed.. (plus it was pretty ) Naughty, naughty smiley *Hangs head in shame* Is there such a thing as mobile-phone-anonymous...............? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
