baddad Report post Posted May 6, 2006 Heard the one about the man who had two 'W's tattooed, one on each buttock?? When he bent over, it spelt ??? Boho WiW ???? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted May 7, 2006 .............well I think the penny just dropped bads ............well I leave you for an evening and what do I find the next morning..............................pages of tacky innuendo and double entendre .It even appears the culprits this time were legs and boho bid ,not mr.bads as one might have expected...........................as far as tattoo,s go ..............please don,t make me .I,m too chicken. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 22, 2006 The cave is very sad, the cave is very lonely, the cave is very hurt that it got relogated to the second page. The poor cave feels so neglected, it has started to grow fungus and there is a very nasty smell. Or maybe that's the plumbing? No parties for weeks, no thorough cleaning sessions for even longer, no daring deeds by super heroes, no scintilating chit chat from the angels, no words of wisdom from JT. Poor sad lonely cave with only the echoes of the drips from the faulty plumbing to punctuate the long lonely silence. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted May 22, 2006 Poor old JT... he is very sad, he is very lonely, he is very hurt that he got relogated to the second page. The poor fool feels so neglected, he has started to grow fungus and there is a very nasty smell. Or maybe that's the plumbing? No parties for weeks, no thorough cleaning sessions for even longer, no daring deeds by super heroes, no scintilating chit chat from the angels, no words of wisdom to share. Poor sad lonely JT with only the echoes of the drips from the faulty plumbing to punctuate the long lonely silence. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted May 23, 2006 Cinders and the techno squirrels wake from their hibernation (a bit later than usual because the constant rainclouds (we're not in Kent any more, Toto) have kept it darker than usual). Cinders is horrified at the state of the Batcave. "What's happened to Vish?" he wonders. "He should have been running his maintenance program, keeping things ticking over till we woke up." Treading gingerly between the puddles and the slime, he leaves the grotto to investigate... "Considering the amount of slime in here, it's no wonder everyone has slipped off, but I wish they'd left a note." Cinders muses. "I wandered lonely as a cleaner That floats on high o'er pools and spills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host of golden Hobnob crumbs" He follows the trail which leads to the Debriefing Room, pushes open the creaking, newly-rusted door to see... The Answer. There, on the Comfy Chair, surrounded by empty pinot bottles, furry coffee cups and covered in a two-month layer of crumbs, smelling like a rugby club changing room and groaning like Marley's ghost (It sounded like 'No woman, no cry', but Cinders couldn't be sure, and the words sounded more like 'I egged the senco, but I didn't egg the deputy head') was the Judge! Cinders couldn't believe his eyes - in two months, the judge had gone from his Man of Action Captain Kirk look to Mr. Blobby. And where was Vish? It didn't take long to find out. The smell from the kitchen could only mean one thing: JT had reprogrammed Vish to cook curries and rich chocolate pastries and act as wine waiter, completely overwriting Vish's cleaning programs! Right, Spring Cleaning Time! While the technosquirrels reprogram Vish (with added security measures to stop anyone else trojan horsing around with him), Cinders manhandles the judge into the shower. Not as easy as it sounds, due to the Judge's inability to get out of the Comfy Chair, so Ciders just wheels the chair and all into the shower, closes the door and turns it on full. Half an hour later, Vishnunu is back to his old self and cinders starts his new programming: "I want you to clean the cave until it's so clean it shines - first pressure wash every nook, cranny and orifice you can find. Then go over everything again with a stiff brush and some disinfectant till it smells of nothing but pine freshness. Finally a good buffing-up with some polish and we'll be as good as new and we can invite the girls for a 'Welcome back' party. "Oh yes, technosquirrels, as the Judge seems to have become the personification of the Batcave, give him the same treatment!" So the day passes, with Vish's arms a blur of activity, while Cinders (in his new Spiderman outfit) practices his dancing for the party to the sound of JT's screams from the Debriefing Room. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 23, 2006 Lozza strolls into the cave wearing her betty boop pj's and her eyeballs round her ankles in the hope that there might be some frothy coffee and a freshly baked danish on offer. At the sounds of the shrieks coming from the de-briefing room, the strong smell of bleach and the sight of a pair of industrial rubber gloves on the table she wonders if the cave has been probed by crazy torturing LEA nasties and sends out the alarm for the super heroes to come quick as JT is in serious trouble. She totally missed the sight of cinders ballet dancing round the kitchen with a feather duster in his hand. Which is a damn shame because he looked so fetching in his new spider man outfit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted May 23, 2006 doesn't he just? and that voice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted May 23, 2006 Lozza strolls into the cave wearing her betty boop pj's How to make a 20's cartoon fan very very happy. Is that pj's with a picture of Betty Boop on or a Betty Boop outfit worn as pj's? (don't tell Z ) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted May 23, 2006 NEMO my man... LOVE the new avvy!! Camper than liquid coffee essence with added chicory!! Betty Boop outfit worn as PJ's??? Getting into SERIOUSLY odd territory there my man!! Funny how cartoon betty's are one thing (boop/rubble) and real life betty's are another (lynch/hotpots) - although Betty Boo (as in 'doin' the do') sort of straddled both arenas (fnar fnar) with considerable aplomb! Can't remember what it was on - but some TV prog had 'down on jollity farm' as background music the other day... put a smile on my face for the rest of the evening L&P The old man of Kent... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted May 28, 2006 AS JT wakes from his coma.......... "I say you lot - where the hell did you all get to???" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sallya Report post Posted May 29, 2006 There was an old man from Kent, Who wondered where the Batdwellers all went, With a F'nar and a Yak, He called them all back, That funny old man from Kent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikergal Report post Posted May 31, 2006 Golden hobnobs, did someone mention spray on corset? Oh Rocky, all is forgiven, we need you An awful smell enveloped the cave, and our heroes were lost from view in the eerie mist... they survive to tell another entrancing tale or we may have to endure Rocky doing the time warp Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted May 31, 2006 There was an old man incredibly well preserved man from Kent, Who wondered where the Batdwellers all went, With a F'nar and a Yak, He called them all back, That funny old excrutiatingly handsome and well preserved man from Kent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 31, 2006 There was an old man from Kent Whose head was so big his neck bent But he brought so much laughter He deserved his own Bafta That funny old man from Kent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 31, 2006 (edited) The Committee would like to issue the following warning to all those Krismites attending The Great Herne Bay Extravaganza... We can take no responsibility for fainting-fits, hysterics, panic attacks or general 'Osmonds Fan'-type behaviour when you finally meet the Great Man Himself, His Baddness. We would advise that all those of a nervous disposition, or those on medication, either refrain from joining the expedition, or stand well back. We would further advise the wearing of sun glasses to avoid being dazzled by the afore-mentioned Cult Figure, His Baddness. Boho (the artist formerly known as The Female Inquisitor ). Edited May 31, 2006 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 31, 2006 (edited) bid Crumbs alive do you think us minion masses are worthy to cast our eyes on such a sight? Perhaps we should do it at night to save us poor mortals from such dazzling visions!!! ps... I feel like I've been invited to a rock concert rather than a picnic Edited May 31, 2006 by Lauren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted May 31, 2006 Ha ###### ha.... I CANNOT possibly turn up now, can I??? I'll have to hire a handsome male escort to pretend to be me (but then he'll probably be BORING and people will say, 'wel he's much better looking than I thought he would be but what a bore!!!') Anyone know any goodlooking, intelligent, witty men who work cheap? Oh nowt agin 'em but no gays... i've got enough problems without any rumours of that nature!!! bd Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 31, 2006 (edited) Well Lauren, I didn't like to say... Boho Edited May 31, 2006 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 31, 2006 'goodlooking, intelligent, witty man who works cheap'?? Are you writing your own publicity now, BD?? Boho Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 31, 2006 bid.... I knew it I can feel a revolution coming on Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted June 1, 2006 Anyone know any goodlooking, intelligent, witty men who work cheap? You rang? nemo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted June 1, 2006 The way this is panning out it sounds like Herne Bay needs to come with a health warning Never mind, us Northerner's will just enjoy a chilly day out at Whitley Bay instead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted June 3, 2006 The way this is panning out it sounds like Herne Bay needs to come with a health warning Never mind, us Northerner's will just enjoy a chilly day out at Whitley Bay instead I would really like to come to Herne Bay too, but I can't swim that far...... so cheers from the Southern Hemisphere, cheers! Have a drink for me, ah have a great day, send me some piccies, please or video's so I can have a cyber drink with you all over there <'> Hailey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted June 4, 2006 ............oh my dears I have missed your wit <'> .........so glad to discover after the HACK.............and my hols yor all still here ........... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 19, 2006 bump bump bumpitty bump... I've the inclination but no time... who's got BOTH???? come on you'se guys... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted June 22, 2006 (edited) Oh it had been a long long long long time ..............Suze thought the break would do her good .She needed time to chill and rest her super powers............but the pull of the cave proved too much .She reached down into her drawers .............and after a little rooting about found at the back of the drawer a very small piece of stringy lycra..........hoisting her platform boots through the stringy lycra she hoisted her uber-thong into position with a twang(ouch!).It fell neatly over her superslim firm hips (well we can dream can,t we ).She reached down and rooted in her drawers again............AHA !..........there it was ..........a specially constructed (by the lovely cinders)..........re-inforced gel filled (as sadly the b**bs are,nt real ) BRA.........her favourite fuschia pink one in a perfect 32 GG.......(eat your heart out Leah ).Suze hoisted her self into it and fixed in place her gel silicone enhanced boobies(chicken fillets.........or turkey in this case ).She was nearly ready to rock and roll..............just her utility belt with a piece of string, 2p for the phonebox, note book and pen,safety pin and plaster(I was a very enthusiastic Brownie) to strap on and she was ready.She dashed out of the house and decieding the 192 bus probably was,nt a good idea tonight instead opted for Jims taxi,s................................................................ flippin heck that was a bumpy ride .............Suze rearranges her ensemble and falls from the taxi a little tipsy ............................well she had to stop at the offie on the way to pick up some Pinot Grigio and assorted nibbles...........could,nt turn up at the cave empty handed now could we . She clip clops down the path and gives the old cave a sharp knockity knock knock..............the bat cave door swings open............."hello.........................hello o o.........HELLO!....................".............Suze pushes open the door the cave is empty ....................littered on the floor are umpteen empty yakult pots.......................empty screwed up refresher wrappers............(strange ..very strange..)...........empty wine botles litter the floor...........she suddenly hears scuffling..........it,s coming from the de-briefing room..................................oh dear thinks Suze..........this isn,t looking good............what has happened to the batcave posse.........where is cinders (this mess needs tidying ).............as if by magic ..........TA DA!.............................The De-briefing room door swings open............out saunters Mr. Judge Thredd covered in sticky refresher wrappers and sporting a lovely yakult yogurt moustache............next out saunters Legs Akimbo (she should know better)...........covered also in refresher wrappers and also sporting a lovely yakult moustache............then believe it or not (this is truely shocking )out trundles Lozza bon Bozza (Lauren )............also sporting wrappers and a moustache. ...........................it took Suze a good 6 hrs of colonic irrigation to free the batcave three of all their friendly bacteria.Everyone knows sherberty sweets and bacteria filled yogurt drinks are a reciepe for a yeasty disaster . Best thing to settle the old tummy after an episode like that is a god old bat cave knee,s up Edited June 22, 2006 by Suze Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aro Report post Posted June 22, 2006 COMPLETELY MAD!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 22, 2006 Yakult! Annie wouldn't touch it with a barge pole! She only likes Greek! (aint that right, Mrs opadopapopaloompaloompadopolis?) Now, I did toy with the idea of an incredibly, hilariously funny Big Brother spoof, after someone told me who Lea is, but i was sort of stymied by the fact that i have never watched the programme and would rather chew maggots than sit through a full episode for research purposes... For any one who wants to take the baton and run with it (or stroll, or leisurely amble - there's no hurry, and we're all slow readers in this part of the forum anyway!), here's the one bit of input my meagre knowledge can offer - The BIG BADDER CHAIR (see, it's verging on a pun, almost - Big Brother/Big Badder - "Phew! fresh knickers over here, please...With jokes like that it's a wonder he hasn't been picked up by the BBC" (or maybe the local community care warden?) OUCH! Stop throwing things So what do you reckon? Who do you want to evict tonight? What? Really? Really Really? ................................................................................ ........... ................................................................................ .......................... ................................................................................ ..................................... (Don't say ###### or ******) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted June 22, 2006 Lozza comes into the BATtery room. 'OI, Big Badder.... I want to talk wiv yew'..... 'Sam bottle sipper 'as gorn an' nicked all my yakult ....'an that Soooze is takin' up all my air space wiv 'er 'uge oomalattas' 'I mean... every way I turn they are all over ... bit like big bruvvers eyes'......I want somefink dun abart it naaaar.... or I fink I won't be despensible for my acshuns big badder.... I mean it.... I'm serious.... '.... ' NB... all grammar and spelling errors are to depict a cockney accent... and are not indicative of the authors general intelligence which is actually rather immense.. rather like a large moon of cheese. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 22, 2006 large moon . Large moon? That's Amore!! All together now... When the MOON's in the sky like a BIG pizza pie... That's Amore... When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee... That's A Moray If it's fish and it's flat and it's smaller than that... It's a Dory If you slip on your butt and there's glass and it's cut.... That's a Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee e A.! sorry - I'll get me coat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted June 22, 2006 Whattsa madda you... OI You gotta no respect OI Itsa not so bad(dad) Itsa nica batplace Aaah shuddupayaface chuck my coat over on your way out baddad Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted June 22, 2006 (edited) a specially constructed (by the lovely cinders)..........re-inforced gel filled (as sadly the b**bs are,nt real ) BRA Lovingly hand-crafted! after someone told me who Lea isAnd here was me thinking she was Doctor Who's assistant in the 70's I blame it on that nice new bloke, my mind keeps wandering... For a change from Pinot, anyone up for a pint of Tennant's? I think I'd better get back to my grotto... Edited June 22, 2006 by littlenemo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 22, 2006 Lea lives just up the road from me (Louise Jamieson, not 'BB' Lea!)... i wish it was Elizabeth Sladen (or even Billie at a push!) I just got ben the 'best of TISWAS' DVD - hilarious! And Sally James was every bit as hubbahubbahubba as I remembered (cheeky smile ) SATURDAY, SATURDAY SATURDAY IS TISWAS DAY SATURDAY, SATURDAY SATURDAY IS TISWAS NEVER A DAY TO MISS 'COS SATURDAY IS TISWAS DAY bd Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted June 22, 2006 (edited) Today Is Saturday Watch And Smile Or has the calendar on this computer gone wonky again? Edited June 22, 2006 by littlenemo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted June 23, 2006 And here was me thinking she was Doctor Who's assistant in the 70's Wasn't she the semi-naked one who wore the deerskin stuff? Now why would you remember her in particular? Oh....by the way....Tatters has just wandered back into the Batcave too...but it just ain't the same on a Friday lunchtime. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marshmallow Report post Posted June 23, 2006 I thought I was confused before, now I know I really am, think I took a wrong turn somewher and ended up here ............................................ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted June 23, 2006 For one night only...............especially for Baddad(cos I know he pariculary loves the drifters )...............the Batcave Angels (legs akimbo(annie)....Suzex ...lozza bon bozza(lauren)....Tatters (Daisy P)......Half way Hailey (halleys comet))............and anyone else I,ve forgotten..........where did Mel go and Sallya??.................... Present.............In The Batcave...................The girls all shuffle on to the brightly lit stage clip clopping noises ring out on the wooden stage as they take their places..........plastic squeaky noises are heard as they re-arrange the thigh -high pole dancing boots Lozza managed to pick up on e-bay as a job lot .The assembled audience has been warned not to smoke as any naked flame near this lots hair could ignite them all in one almighty poof!!..........so much is the hairspray that has been sprayed to hold everything in place.The Bangkok ladeyboyz have nothing on the Angels ......................the music starts...............imagine the drifters............(and under the boardwalk.)...........magical..... Oh when the world gets you down,and you know you,ve had enuff and the school gets so cr*P you wish your kids were bully proof In the Batcave,......... with me posse...yeah On a mission with me mates,.... is where I,ll be............. IN THE BAT CAVE! with me posse.... IN THE BATCAVE! thats where I,ll be... on a mission with my mates is where I,ll be!...................... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 23, 2006 in the batcave! out of the su-un in the batcave we'll be havin' SOME fu-un In the batcave People walkin' abo - uve In the batcave We'll be fallin' in lo - ove in the batcave - BATCAVE! Prefer the TOM TOM CLUB version, me'se'l, actually... ('s'okay, I've overstood... this is the wordy rappinghood, Ok goodbye... Rum tum tigger tigger rum tum tum goody goody goody goody rum tum tum Aye kaya Yippi Yaye Kaye Aloha-loha hee hee hee... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted June 23, 2006 ....................then just in the middle of the dancing Tatters can't contain herself any longer................. "I've been headhunted! : " she burst out "I really really have ....... a FTSE 100 company in London wanted me .......little old me ........ to be their media events manager for London and the Home Counties!" Seriously guys (and this is DPF speaking) I really have been headhunted! I was gobsmacked when they phoned but pretty damn chuffed too..................and wait for it..............I said NO a big fat one because I love the land of Geordie folk too much and I would have had to go to live in London. So hows about that then......your very own Daisy Proudfoot (aka Tatters) is a real life superhero .............anyway enough of me boasting ............ back to the pole dancing.......you put your left legski in, your left legski out, inski, outski ....... shake it all aboutski (oh sorry not that sort of pole - Doh!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted June 23, 2006 Cinders is having a few problems with the disgo lights - he's trying to keep them changing in time with the dancers, but he can't decide which one to keep in time with! i was headhunted once; didn't take the job, but it was damn good leverage for a wage hike i was headhunted again, but this time it was just the phrenologists Congratulations, Daisy. You made the right choice. Is your head as big as baddad's yet? nemo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
