CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Look, she's not with me, and even if she was I'd do the negotiating... That said, I'd love to see her crossing a ZEABRA crossing right now... "It's just a step to the left... and then a step to the Riiiiiiiight!!!" There's loyalty for you! It goes like this okay! Its just a look to the left, ------- and then a look to the riiiiiiihiighihhgte, step out and do the pelvic thrust-uh-uuuust! sound of screetching tyres, milk float collides with ASM- silver top and homongenised everywhere!!!! - luckily the gold top remains intact! No good for those following the c/f diet! BD runs to nearest garage for some crunchy nut cornflakes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 avoid Baddad thoough, he's gone a bit strange!!!! I'm strange??? I'm strange??? Your the one wearing the gestapo officers tunic and fishnets... now come out from behind that desk and show your true colours!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted September 8, 2004 BRW congas in from the Dog & Duck. Happy Birfday! Now where did I leave me dentures....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksasnic Report post Posted September 8, 2004 So what are you wearing then badad ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Your the one wearing the gestapo officers tunic and fishnets Hey, dont knock it. Its a style choice for the way I live my life (um, have a feeling I wont live that one down in a hurry) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Carol J, you are a very naughty girl. I'm sure he's a very nice man doing a very difficult job. On the other hand, he could just be another a*****e like the ones we get round here!! I have never seen a traffic warden smile or laugh before! You know they are human - ask Banman! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 (edited) sound of screetching tyres, milk float collides with ASM- silver top and homongenised everywhere!!!! - luckily the gold top remains intact! No good for those following the c/f diet! His name was Ernieeeee, and he drove the fastest milk float in the west! note past tense for drove! ASM has written off his milk float and his career! He'll never rattle empties again at 4.00am! BRW welcome, Robbie has borrowed the dentures to do BadDad some major harm! I am sure you can remove bits of clothing, skin and hair with steradent! Poor BD - he's in for a bad night! Edited September 8, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 So what are you wearing then badad ? Well I started off in a very natty outfit but... Gosh, it's hot... Phew, it's hot... I'm now down to my "Dexy's Midnight Runners" string vest and "Yvonne of the Yukon" Y fronts... There's gold in them thar hills (well, green...anyway)... what about you ksasnic? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 ASM stands alone triumphant on the field of victory, or more accurately the zeabra crossing of victory! Damn those stripes, its bringing on one of my heads! I need a drink, back to the Batcave! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 (edited) its getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes, - no please no, string vests, Dexy's midnite runners, Cmmon Eileen! Good god, what is this, sad sacks reunion or wat? Yvone of the Yuck on Y fronts - I need a drink quick! Edited September 8, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Poor BD - he's in for a bad night! I'm in for a bad night? Ahhh, how wrong you are mon frere (sp?) I laugh in the face of your B&Q vouchers... and now I will have my revenge!! Episode 3: Will It Never End? Or ?Deeper Into Despair? �What time is it?� asked Captain Commando. �We?re not too late are we?� �Well I think it might be too late for you, but as far as the party goes I?d say we?re just in time.� replied The Jester, knocking at the door marked �1st Years Party�. In response to the knock, the door swung slowly open with an ear-piercing screech. �I do wish she wouldn?t do that,� said the Jester, eyeing the wizened, blue-haired crone who stood before them, �it sets my teeth on edge�. �Teeth? Teeth?� cackled the diminutive figure �oh yes, I remember them� and with that she disappeared into the throng at a rate of knots belying both her advanced state of physical disintegration and the usual forces of physics predicted for Zimmer enhanced motivity. �My God, she can move,� said CC, admiring the dynamic ingenuity of her crablike scuttle. �You should see her when she?s got prey in her sights,� replied The Jester, �like an exocet on tamazapan?poor beggars don?t stand a chance�. �What does she do to them?� �Oh you don?t want to know ? believe me, you don?t want to know? The last chaps still alive you know?mind?s gone completely?Just sits drooling on the floor muttering ?not the artichoke, please not the artichoke?? wrecked him (ahem!)? He?d be better off dead�? They both gave an involuntary shudder, and enjoyed it so much they followed it up with a voluntary one. They moved further into the room, swaying rhythmically to the infectious beat of the �Time Warp� bursting from the overhead speakers. CC surveyed the scene before him. It made the video for ?thriller? look like a tea dance. He spotted a couple jiving in the corner, then fell to the floor - momentarily blinded - as the girl flew over her partners shoulders displaying knickers that crackled and fizzed with some intense and lurid, strange, electric force. Through the spots that swam before his eyes he saw a shapely calf rising from the myriad laces of a purple Doc Marten boot. �Damn,� he thought, �What are the chances of that happening?� Rising to his feet (funny that, all those body parts to choose from and it?s always the feet!) he noticed that the Jester had moved further into the gathering. He was smoking a briar-full of the ?unmentionable? tobacco as he walked to the centre of the ?unmentionable? carpet and started to dance the ?unmentionable?. He had the steely glint in his eye of someone on the lookout for a ######. [Oh, come on, ban-man it?s a party for heaven?s sake!]. CC looked around, spotted again the purple Doc Marten and the woman attached to it. �Must be the ?Caped Confuser?�, he deduced, �Hubba, Hubba, Hubba ? the Jester was right about those gasses�? He made his way alongside of her at the buffet table, and picked up the nearest plate? �Sausages, Esther�? �Hugghhhh!� She jumped back in shock, turned to see CC (si, si!!), �Oh, I do beg your pardon, I didn?t see you lurking there? Sorry, I just had a �That?s Life� flashback; Cyril Fletcher?s ?active but odd? odes, Glen Worsnip startling little old ladies? Next you?ll be showing me a turnip that looks like a willy�? �Well, I don?t know about that,� said CC, sounding momentarily exactly like the well known actor Tony Robinson, � but I do have a ?� �Hello, sorry to interrupt, but I?m ?Delete Woman?. I?m throwing this little soir�e with my good friend ban-man over there?� (She indicates a furiously flailing, panic-stricken man in the corner, apparently wrestling with a large rabbit.) ?�I don?t think I?ve had the pleasure�? �No, I?m sure I would remember?the name?s Commando, Captain Commando?� �Ah, I?ve heard mention of you, Captain. I trust you?re not going to give me any? trouble� For a moment the Captain considered a tempting double entendre (I?d like to double her entendre!), then reconsidered as his eyes took in the muscular, rock climber?s physique and the ?Govan Kick Boxing Champion 1993? lapel pin? �?Er, no trouble at all� he said, moving swiftly away toward the frantically flailing ban-man? �?Um, Can I be of any assistance at all?� �Yes. Please,� ban-man replied through gritted teeth, �A room full of supposed superhero?s and not one of the beggars lifts a finger?� CC lifted a finger and flicked the rabbit across the tip of the nose with the practised skill of a life-long animal molester? The rabbit gave up its assault, dropped to the floor, and flollopped across the carpet to leap into the waiting arms of its mistress, who fixed the Captain with a baleful glare that whispered �revenge� in blood-red letters. �He really doesn?t like you, does he?� enquired CC, �What the hell happened between the pair of you?� �I ate his father with some kidney beans and a nice Chianti, thuthuthuthuthu�? [Oh come on, that was too good to waste as a one off, but I promise now, never again?]? I used the leftovers to make a sausage?there wasn?t much in the way of leftovers; I had to put bread in the middle to make ends meet�?[groan]?� I kept the eyes in, of course, so it would see me through the week�. [Please stop] �Hmmm, I see why he hates you?Mind you, I?m rather partial to rabbit myself, especially with Kiddley beans.� �Kiddley beans? Kiddley beans? Surely you mean kidney beans?� �That?s what I said, diddle eye� [Right, one more like that and you?re out!] --- �Agghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!� A sudden scream rent the air. Ban-man and CC looked round as a terrified woman backed away from the buffet table, a look of absolute horror etched across her face. �What happened? What happened?� the Captain enquired, sounding momentarily exactly like the well known but forgetably monikered mole character from ?Deputy Dawg?. �It?s these cocktail sausages? they?re?they?re? [DA-DA-DA] ? COLD!!!� �Never fear�, cried delete-woman, rushing to the scene, �step aside, for I have (she rummages in her lycra shorts, eventually producing with a flourish) CAMPING GAZ!!!� From under her cape she produces a small frying pan, and with a deft flick of her other wrist a matchbox flies into the air, as simultaneously the remaining match between her fingers fizzes into life? �OOOOOOHHHH�, the crowd gasps, �GASP�, the crowd oooooohhhhssss. �E?re wot about my drink?� moans the single dissenter, looking at the matchbox floating in his lager? Soon the sausages are sizzling away, the single ring cooker spluttering merrily beneath them. Once again, delete woman has saved the day; but what on earth was she doing with a camping gaz cooker in her knickers? She explains the circumstances; a terrible accident on an abseiling/river rapids assault course attended some years before? The decision to always carry a stove with her as a reminder of that fateful night and of her own mortality?Alone, on the river in darkness, cold and wet and exhausted, the temperature falling further by the minute? Against all the regulations she slips her cooker from her undergarments, where it had been kept safe during the descent?She huddles down in the deepest recesses of her canoe, and ignites the warming flame?Too late! She realises the error of her ways as the highly flammable resins used in the crafts construction ignite? Yes, she learnt the hard way? [All together now?] �YOU CAN?T HAVE YOUR KAYAK AND HEAT IT!!!!!!!!!� [Cue Scooby Doo style group laughter? Nothing, not a titter? Cue apology from baddad?Alright, I?m sorry everyone, it seemed like a good idea at the time? Please don?t throw me back in the briar patch?.] HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISM.ORG? GOD BLESS YOU, ONE AND ALL? FIN. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Your the one wearing the gestapo officers tunic and fishnets... now come out from behind that desk and show your true colours!! Veee hav vays of maaking u talk! Ressistance is futile! Help! Pleeeeease stay behind the desk! I will pay you B&Q vouchers! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksasnic Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Hmm I am not saure beer is causing my eyes to lock in double vision mode..lets ee I started off with paint smattered dungarees as I have been decorating house had to stop as beer caught up so then I discarded the dungarees and drowned my self clean in a bath and now too lazy- too p*ssed to put party frock on so I just threw onan extra large fluuffy towel... but I do have a party hat on its called the hangova.. oh well Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Your the one wearing the gestapo officers tunic and fishnets Hey, dont knock it. Its a style choice for the way I live my life (um, have a feeling I wont live that one down in a hurry) never thought I would sasy this, but the purple lycra cycling shorts almost looked good, I said almost Lifestyle choice indeed! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksasnic Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Who let Diana Dors in Charley farley and piggy malone have the rights to gestapo outfit and stockings or am i just confusing myself with whats his name dick emory... sorry vicar.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Your the one wearing the gestapo officers tunic and fishnets Hey, dont knock it. Its a style choice for the way I live my life (um, have a feeling I wont live that one down in a hurry) never thought I would sasy this, but the purple lycra cycling shorts almost looked good, I said almost Lifestyle choice indeed! Yes, they were rather fetching werent they Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 too p*ssed to put party frock on so I just threw onan extra large fluuffy towel... Hmmmmm, Half naked and p****d, just how I like 'em... Now if only she'd fall asleep!!!! I AM JOKING! I AM NOT THE SSSSSSSSSSSSSEXSSSSSUAL OPPPORTUUUUUNISTTTT! - Nasty hobbitses, sssssaying such things!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Charley farley and piggy malone have the rights to gestapo outfit and stockings or am i just confusing myself with whats his name dick emory... sorry vicar.. Actually, it was "The Worm That Turned" - but thanks for reminding me about Piggy Malone & Charlie Farley... I didn't often find the 2 rons funny (that said, they didn't think much of me, either!!), but Pig's and Charlie were great, if for no other reason than the names Now go and put some clothes on, you hussy!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 PS Historical fact I never thought of until after the last post... The head Gestapo lady from "The worm that turned" was (probably still is!) the same woman who did the shake 'n' vac ad! TRUE! Honestly, I'm really not as old as i might appear - Ive just got a really good memory for inconsequential rubbish! ALSO TRUE. throw me a mackeral someone, I'm starving! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Actually, it was "The Worm That Turned" - but thanks for reminding me about Piggy Malone & Charlie Farley... I didn't often find the 2 rons funny (that said, they didn't think much of me, either!!), but Pig's and Charlie were great, if for no other reason than the names Now go and put some clothes on, you hussy!!! Fluffy towels aside - The has worm turned indeed - BD! Starting to let your true colours creep out! One box of wine and your anyone's - watchout BRW's about - no matter how much vino you have had, you need a general anthestic and a frontal labotomy to rid yourself of the nightmare which could enfold if you carry on with your inunenndos - you could live to regret this night - it dont take much to fire up BRW's bloomers! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksasnic Report post Posted September 8, 2004 A hussy...moi- me just for having saquiffy eyesight and a fluffy towqel...me thinks smeagol is in need of a dressing down !!!! imagination is a terrible thing when only armed ewith hobnobs !! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Elefan Report post Posted September 8, 2004 You can share mine, Baddad!!! Heh heh heh,..... he will never notice the poison!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 A hussy...moi- me just for having saquiffy eyesight and a fluffy towqel...me thinks smeagol is in need of a dressing down !!!! imagination is a terrible thing when only armed ewith hobnobs !! Please dont mention about dressing down - he's getting all sorts of funny ideas! Whiplash him with the wet towel! Ouch! On second thoughts he might like that! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Whiplash him with the wet towel! Ouch! On second thoughts he might like that! Hang on Banman's just walked in in his gestapo outfit and a hopeful look on his boat race, blimey - this could be a long night! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 You can share mine, Baddad!!! Heh heh heh,..... he will never notice the poison!!! That's the best offer you have had all night BD! A slow painful death by poisoning on balance would probably be better than the clutches of BRW once she spots these posts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted September 8, 2004 (edited) Where is everyone?? We need 3 more people to break the record for users on the forum in one day!! Where's Pooks?? (Baddad?? ) Look for the blue flame... bidx Edited September 8, 2004 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BANMAN Report post Posted September 8, 2004 It's a lie I tell you, a lie!!!! The outfit is for entirely different purposes, of which we shall not go into as my finger is hovering over the BAN BUTTON <HIC> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Hold on, hold on. I told her to go and put some clothes ON!!! I'm being the sensible one here. And as for elefan with her rohypnol laced hob-nobs...well., I'm in SHOCK!! I don't know: I mentioned this in an earlier post I'm sure, but everyone makes assumptions just 'co I'm a blerk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksasnic Report post Posted September 8, 2004 perhaps they have all passed out.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 One box of wine and your anyone's you could live to regret this night - it dont take much to fire up BRW's bloomers! a) for the sake of accuracy, one box of wine and I'm everybody's! A mutton vindaloo and a couple of pints of Guiness!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 did you know, if you type b close bracket you get the cool emoticon? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 (edited) �YOU CAN?T HAVE YOUR KAYAK AND HEAT IT!!!!!!!!!� [Cue Scooby Doo style group laughter? Nothing, not a titter? Groan - can this possibly get any worse? ASM stabs one of the pathetic looking shrivelled cold cocktail sausages with cocktail stick, - she hands the offerering to a rather worried looking BD. Really says ASM, you want this heated up! They dont call me ol sparkle knickers for nothing, presenting the assembled party goes with her posterier they all set about warming up the hor deuves! Camping Gaz indeed - pah! ASM is very popular and is always in demand as Arkala at Scout meetings and outdoor BBQs! Breaks out into the chorus of Cumbria mi lord, cume ba yah! Gin Gang goolie goolie gotcha gin gang goo, ..... Edited September 8, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 (edited) apologies for scouts confusion, I was kicked out of the Brownies, cos noone told me it didnt mean going without the comforts of Andrex! Edited September 8, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jester Report post Posted September 8, 2004 "You know - hic - this has been a LOVELY eveninining. Hic." (The Jester has been wandering around the Batcave for several hours now, staring at the floor with a bemused and drunken expression He reels towards Baddad) "You know what...?You KNOW WHAT? {belch}" He waves a finger at one of the Baddads he can see..choosing the middle one..."I, Badadadadadad, have been staring at the carpet in here for most of the evenininining and whilst I agree it is a very lovely carpet...I really can't see why you were going on about the chance of discovering a really great ###### later on" It is time to leave. The Female Inquisitor has already left in a flurry of graciousness. The 'Thatcher' look was clearly upsetting the other inmates. Now The Jester senses personal trouble.... Following 'Urban Mythology', he had consumed a pint of milk "to put a lining on his stomach" before undertaking a heavy session with the falling-down-waters. Now, after drinking for several hours AND dancing vigorously (with the Female Inquisitor...Man, those Salsa lessons have paid off ) he is possessed of a bellyful of what is - effectively - Hobgoblin/whiskey/red wine and cheesey football yoghurt. He tries to stand and wave goodbye ....it is misinterpreted and when the wave returns he is catapulted from the cave and into the waiting Jestmobile. "Home, my beloved," he leers, a slight drool from the side of the mouth ruining his "Paul Newman" smile. Goodnight all - from us Both - and Happy Birthday. & PS Now turn that Bl**dy music DOWN! Some of us have jobs to go to tomorrow, you know. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 (edited) you see BD, I can thread the conversation to an all time low - hah how low can u go? Edited September 8, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 They dont call me ol sparkle knickers for nothing, presenting the assembled party goes with her posterier... breaks out into the chorus of Cumbria mi lord, cume ba yah! A good trick if you can do it!!! Long live CarolJ - the 21st centuries answer to Le Petomane!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksasnic Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Hold on, hold on. I told her to go and put some clothes ON!!! I'm being the sensible one here. And as for elefan with her rohypnol laced hob-nobs...well., I'm in SHOCK!! hmmm me thinks your mind needs the clothes..... My towel covers more than you think.... I am off now to go and find recipes for hemlock laced hob nobs... and maybe just maybe I will share them.... Eitherway me thinks I am p*ssed enough to start putting up the mfi style kitchen units.... needed some anasthetic to brace myself for that job... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted September 8, 2004 ASM has lost the fight for consciousness...... having collapsed in a pile of drool and a resonant snore .... g'nite all - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Ksasnic - good luck with them 'Made For Idiots' units. The drunker you are, the more sense those instructions make! Jester/Bid, night night, sleep tight etc etc... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 8, 2004 Carol, sleep well... Dim the light in your knickers, and let sleep take you in it's warm embrace... ninite, godbless Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
