Aspergers and being touched

[stressedmumto2]

Do all aspergers children hate to have physical contact and hate to be touched ?

 

Your opinions please

[annie]

My 16 year old has always had a thing about physical contact. To give him, say a hug, it has to be when he wants one.

 

He has no idea of personal space either.

[stressedmumto2]

I'm really confused about the touching thing.

 

My son has aspergers traits but he does love to be cuddled, also likes to be tickled and loves soft stroking.

 

I have been told that if he had aspergers he would hate tobe touched therefore he can't have it. Is this true ?

 

He does invade your space alot though, often in ur face.

 

Thanks

[bid]

I think probably on their own terms.

 

My son loves to cuddle me when he wants to...but not really anyone else, except for his little brother.

 

He also loves a very strong back massage.

 

Bid

[mossgrove]

Our 8 year old Aspie loves hugs just as much as any other child.

 

Simon

[oracle]

Touching can very much be one of their sensory issues. We have a Mum in our group whose son cannot stand skin-to-skin contact. He yells no skin Mummy. For others a tight hug can fulfil a sensory need. It's much like any other sensory thing some people can be hyper sensitive while others are hypo sensitive.

 

I have one who will and one who wont - unless he wants to or is poorly.

 

Carole

[Corcaigh]

It depends. My son has no sense of personal space whatsoever - typically when he talks to you he places himself right in front of your nose - yet he does not tolerate when somebody "invades" his own personal space at the wrong time!

On the other hand he's always been tactile, he still loves being cuddled (he's 10!) and physical contact gives him obvious comfort when he's anxious or in distress. He's always been like this, i.e. a cuddly baby, an affectionate toddler etc. This fact was most puzzling for many psychologists who tried to diagnose him in the past, but in my opinion Aspies do not fall in the "do not touch me" category typical of ASD. In fact, I think it is dangerous to generalise, there are so many factors involved in a diagnosis...

 

Martina

[Elanor]

My son is like several of the others here - he does like to be hugged, but only on his terms. He doesn't like casual touching - he flinches. This ties into the hair problems that many of our kids have - my son hates to brush his hair, wash it, or get it cut.

 

It seems that he responds worst to the slightest of touches. And, he really doesn't have any respect for my personal space.

[lisann]

Hi I think it's all depends on the child as we know AS ASD is such a huge scale.Some children like the touching some don't I believe it really is one of those things which can go either way.I do agree a lot is on the child's terms tho' if you try to make them do something which they aren't comfortable with then they won't do it.

 

I try to make the most of when Char want's cuddles and kiss and don't worry about when he won't!!

 

Lisa x

[Flora]

My son loves to be hugged but in certain moods even a feather touching him would have him recoiling in pain.

 

Lauren

[Lynden]

My little one is permanently attached to me, and loves hugs (you hugging him) from his select few. Anyone else, he hates being touched. Even with those close to him like his elder sister (expect me) it depends on the mood he's in if she's allowed to touch him or not.

 

Lynne x

[DaisyProudfoot]

My boy will give hugs on his terms, they're very stiff and he puts his head down so I only get the top of his head.

 

When he was little it used to frighten me because whenever I made a sudden movement he would recoil back away from me ( as if I was going to hit him - which I never did).

 

What people must have thought when they saw that! Crikey they must have thought I was beating him up

 

Now if he's feeling upset he will accept a hug if I tell him that is what I think would help so he is aware of the contact. It's very strange really.

 

Oddly enough he doesn't mind being held if I'm physically restraining him from attacking someone That does seem to calm him, especially if I hold is arms.

[Minxygal]

My two are completely opposite. One hates to be touched and will wince as if we've physically hurt him. The other loves a hug and likes nothing better than a trip to a fabric warehouse so he can touch and stroke all the different textures and fabrics. I suppose it depends whether they have sensory problems and what areas these problems affect.

[jomarie]

M loves hugs & is incredibly tactile, & has always been like that, & not just from me!! He's always hugging his teacher & certain teachers assistants that he likes

[Guest flutter]

she does

but on her terms

C x

[Tez]

As others have said A's attitude to touch is very complex. He is both hyper and hypo sensitive. When he is stressed he likes to be hugged really tightly, but he is very explicit about the correct amount of pressure to be used.

 

Conversely, he can experience slight touch as extremely painful, a slight knock by someone brushing past him, washing his hair, cleaning his teeth, finds his clothes painful etc.

[smiley]

With my son it depends entirely on how anxious he is.

 

During the summer hols - when he was very stree-free, he would hug anyone who came in hugging distance! He didn't mind being touched. Infact, he would quite often ask for cuddles.

 

At the moment, he is very stressed, his hugs are more ridgid, he doesn't seem too comfortable - he still wants the contact, but only from me. If someone brushes past him, he gets quite annoyed and feels like they've hurt him.

 

I think it varies from person to person and depends on how they are feeling at that time.

[stressedmumto2]

Thanks everyone for your replys.

 

I only joined this site a few days ago and have read loads of posts.

 

My son has a few aspergers traits but on assessment at the age of 6 the aspergers team, speach and language therapist along with the education physcologist have both said they are unsure whether he will fulfil all the necessary criteria for a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome.

 

This outcome was pretty much based on what the teacher had said "She reported that he does have strong interests in BMX biking and fishing, but she does not feel these are exclusive interests". I am therefore unsure whether he will fulfil all the necessary criteria for a diagnosis.

 

So The paed has diagnosed adhd.

 

It seems to me that children with aspergers have to fit very neat into categories.

 

I don't know. He has traits of it but he also has adhd problems.

 

Confused.

 

Does it get any easier though

[rainbow queen]

hi my son will give me a hug-but only when he wants to[like most of the others],as he needs help dressing /undressing he sometimes crys and moans if i touch him,or say catch my nail on him or brush his skin-its as if it really hurts him.

he hates having face washed,wont wear a hat,dislikes gloves,

he also stands in your personal space,but he needs space from me or his brother if hes on one and wont let you near him or let you even glance at him.

[tinminer]

I am an adult with AS - hate being touched! It kinda freaks me out, though I have learnt not to shout or scream like I used to. Probably best, as I work with the Great British Public (retail manager)

 

My son, who also has AS, doesn't seem to mind as much.

 

I also need my personal space, but have learnt all the social rules (I know they come by intuition to you NT guys & gals - us Aspies have to learn 'em!).

Edited November 25, 2005 by tinminer

[Malika]

Hi

 

My son loves cuddles and tickles but only when he is ready for it and only with us in the household, anybody else trying wil fell him becoming like a log, few friends have the privilege too but they have to spend some time with him before hand. As well he has no sens of pesonnal space and tend to interrupt and put things he wants us to look at, right in front of our eyes an inch away from our face.

 

Malika.

[jlp]

My son loves cuddles - off me or close family only. However if I do something like put a jumper on him without telling him 'just going to put a jumper over your head' he gets angry.

[~Jonathan~]

I don't mind being touched, I just don't like touching others.

[anxiousmom]

My son (though not formally AS) loves cuddles.... too much so!! Gets very upset if he can't have them at innappropriate times... like "Sorry not now darling - I'M EATING!!!".

 

But he thinks they are something really special for people you want to please... like other 7 year old boys at school - he can't understand why they reject him (crack goes my heart! )

[~Jonathan~]

(crack goes my heart!  )

 

<'>

[madmooch]

[madmooch]

he thinks they are something really special for people you want to please... like other 7 year old boys at school - he can't understand why they reject him (crack goes my heart! )

AWWWWW Thats lovely, sniff sniff

[madmooch]

Sorry, not the rejection bit Thats really sad