uh oh

[Clarkie]

UH OH

Edited March 17, 2006 by Clarkie

[rainbow queen]

just read your post hope your all ok?

havnt got any advice as my sons only 4 ,but that sounds really frightening,i would like to know what people suggest-as my son is quite bad with me and hes only 4-and i can see me having same probs in a few years

[bevalee]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Don't know what to say ..... been there myself and it stopped once he was back in school. Now his meltdowns aren't anything like before but he is taking Risperdal which has really helped.

 

I didn't find social services any help either!

[Clarkie]

BYE

Edited March 17, 2006 by Clarkie

[bid]

Sending loads of <'> <'> <'>

 

Been there, too

 

Bid <'>

[phasmid]

Same here...

 

 

<'> <'> <'>

[Mother in Need]

Oh Clarkie, I'm so sorry, I hope SS sent someone round to assess your needs straight away?

Mind you, I've been in similar situations with my 12 year old (and yes, 8 year old watching and 15 year old losing it; sounds familiar?) and they're really frightening, but SS has done absolutely nothing. WHICH IS NOT RIGHT! I'd say push them and ring them again and again and tell them you can't cope. This seems to be the only time they actually do something, as in such a crisis situation they really only have two choices: 1) take the child in care, and 2) help the family cope. As no 2 is by far the cheapest, short and long term, that is what they'll aim for, and hey presto, suddenly all sorts of help is available and you'll suddenly find that you're eligible for lots of help.

As for knifes, I learned the hard way to keep them out of sight and reach, though it is a pain when you need them, but better that than the alternative...

[KarenM]

Hi I have tried social services they were utter cr*p . Hide the knifes is the only advice I can think off . Our walls are pictureless after dd threw a couple and glass got all over . Hope things calm down for you soon.

[lisann]

Not got any advise but hope you and rest of fam' are ok!

 

Sending lots of love <'>

 

Lisa x

[Clarkie]

Thanks for the support people

 

Clarkie

Edited March 17, 2006 by Clarkie

[Mother in Need]

Have you rung SS again??? And again???

 

Knifes and potato peelers are good ones to keep away as well, even though about anything can be used to hurt, but penetrating objects are usually the worst. Pins, paperclips, toothpicks, small and sharp and when stuck in an eye.............

 

I hope you get some sleep. Would he settle with lavender oil, chamomile tea, soft music playing, hot chocolate, or some alcohol in a drink? Looking at a lava lamp or similar types of soft lighting? Have extra bedding or a hot water bottle?

 

Hubbie needs to start getting some control back over himself, get a good nights sleep and then talk things over rationally (haha) tomorrow, but not in front of the kids. It's not fair that you've now got two to have to sort out, one is more than enough at any given time! you'll be shattered and emotionally exhausted too, and very desperate to see some change...

[Clarkie]

HE SLEEPS

Edited March 17, 2006 by Clarkie

[oracle]

<'> I to understand. I have now learnt NEVER to go back to the scene of the one having the meltdown. When they are ready they can come looking for me.

 

Hope you get the help you deserve soon - try to unwind and get some rest now.

 

Carole

[Brook]

Night Night Clarkie.

 

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you all. <'>

 

Brook

[lynyona]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> no advice to offer but have been there myself many a time and ss where no use nor ornament eother the only time we approached them went i felt i couldnt carry on like that but i just dusted myself down and started all over again as kieran often does.How old is your son? lynn <'> <'> <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Clarkie,

 

<'>

 

 

I hope things remain calm for the rest of the night and that tomorrow brings some good news.

 

love

 

K

[reuby2]

Just sending some of these,

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

I've not been in the same situation but i have witnessed my hubby starting to lose it and then stepped in.It makes you feel like you are the referee, look after yourself, it's not just them who are suffering the fallout!

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Clarkie,

 

Can you tell me a bit about your child and any medication they are taking age etc. I may have a few suggestions from experience as a parent and what my doctor has advised. Believe it or not this may be a medication problem. Not working or reacting wrongly, have you contacted your childs Paediatrician about this, as soon as I notice any behaviour or train derail so to speak, I go straight back to the Paediatrician as it may be just a medication adjustment. I know this as I am speaking from experience.

 

Heres a few of these <'> <'> Be gentle with yourself, put some soothing classical music on as well. This helps the mind of your child and soothes you also, like Mozart "Sound Therapy" it calms my household not only my boy.

 

Speak with you soon

 

Regards

Hailey

[phasmid]

Morning Clarkie,

 

I hope things remain settled overnight and continue that way this morning. Fingers are still crossed for you to be getting the good news you want re:funding and school.

 

Stay strong, make that phone call to the paed too.

[Kerre]

Clarkie

 

Hope you had a relatively peaceful night and that today is a good deal better.

 

It is very hard.

 

Barefoot

[Kerre]

OOOps! Sorry folks - that was Barefoot not Kerre and the edit button's gone - confused.

[hev]

morning clarkie,hope all calm today,as like the others ive been in your situation many times,it makes you feel emotionally drained doesnt it,also feel like a referee with the husband,not good at advice but hope you ok

[Tez]

Hi Clarkie,

 

Hope things have calmed down over night and that you have a better day today. Fingers crossed the LEA phone you with positive news about funding and school.

[lorryw]

Hi Clarkie

I hope everything is calmer this morning for all of you. I know exactly how you are feeling and my thoughts are with you.

Just a thought and please forgive me if you find my suggestion upsetting but have you thought of sending for an ambulance or 24 hour medical centre during a meltdown of this severity. I know it sounds extreme but it may be a way forward. Ive never gone along this route myself but the professionals (including ss) would have to get involved and help.

Take care

Love Lorainexx

[Noetic]

The only thing I can think of is to see his doctor ASAP and check for the possibility of comorbid bipolar (which the NAS say is the case in up to 30 [!] percent of people on the Spectrum).

 

Whatever anybody says, this is NOT normal for autism and autism is NOT a sufficient explanation for that kind of extreme rage and violence.

 

In fact from your previous posts it sounds like rage outbursts and violence are his main problems, and he sounds a bit atypical ASD-wise (compared to his level of aggression/violence) if I may say so - socially popular and outgoing, functioning well socially apart from his aggression and hostility (i.e. he seems to be compensating for the ASD quite well, due to his own hard work, and yours), but his moodswings - which seem to have gotten progressively worse - aren't allowing him to do so any more.

 

This to me suggests that the AS is at most partially 'responsible' for his outbursts, that he has mood issues that are beyond his - or your! - control, and that go beyond what would be expected as a result of social and communication difficulties in autism. (You are dealing with THOSE, and quite well by the sound of it, that is obvious from your posts. But his outbursts seem to indicate at least a very severe depression underlying everything, if not more extreme moodswings - all the autism provisions in the world, all YOUR and HIS hard work, will not make that go away )

 

When such extreme violent outbursts (and by the sound of it mood swings with suicidal ideation) occur that are not triggered by sensory or other autistic-characteristic issues (i.e. out of the blue, deep depression and/or endless rages that do not correlate with any triggers, they perceive everyone else as hostile when this is evidently not so etc.) or are disproportionate to the usual, transient outbursts in direct reaction to logically reconstructible triggers (i.e. they are vastly disproportionate to a small trigger - for example saying "No, you can't have that" resulting in several hours of extreme rage), then there is almost always something else going on.

 

The fact that he is sometimes able to think clearly and realise what is going on, also suggests that perhaps his moodswings are independent from his ASD, and merely worsen his ASD rather than being caused soley by it.

 

And you need to be given the resources to deal with this, because as long as SS just hink "Oh, it's 'just' Autism" I do not think they will realise the degree of violence you are being exposed to.

 

With a proper diagnosis, you might even be listened to by SS (well one can hope!) but most importantly he might actually get proper medication rather than be fobbed off with something that may help with occasional autistic meltdowns but not violent, homicidal (and potentially suicidal) rages that last for hours on end.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Noetic

[mossgrove]

I hope today brings you a better day.

 

Simon

[ceecee]

Hope things are better for you today.Take care.

[Noetic]

Just to add - I am sorry if I sounded negative in my last post, that was not my intention.

 

It's just that R. sounds like he has the potential to (and seems to have done so up until his emotions were thrown into turmoil) cope very well indeed with his AS, and with life, but that his tantrums etc. sound like they are quite disproportionate compared to his levels of dificulty socially and otherwise.

 

And it also sounds like even when he is not in the environment that you feel is responsible for these problems, his moods and temper are still a serious problem, and that this is a more recent (past few years) development that has severely aggravated his ASD-related problems. (As these things unfortunately do!)

 

I really feel that there is something going on (possibly just transient mood problems from hormonal changes, possibly depression, quite possibly bipolar - the need for stimulation, the hours of tantrumming, the violence and self-harm all sounds VERY classical for childhood/teenage onset Bipolar - there is a reason why the NAS state up to 30% of people on the Spectrum may also have Bipolar ) that is not going to go away regardless of how much autism provision and hard work all of you (R included) throw at the problem.

 

There is much more, both medication and therapy (anger management - he and you seem to be dealing with the AS side very well, it's when his temper takes over before he can think rationally that the problem starts) wise, that can be done to deal very successfully with this kind of problem, and shame on whoever just fobbed you off with the ASD diagnosis and Risperidone.

 

This site may be informative - I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, but the high energy/constant need for entertainment (while he clearly doesn't have ADHD), especially his incessant appetite for extreme, daredevil sports and activities, alongside the bouts of deep depression and suicidal ideation you described, sound very similar:

 

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_about

Edited November 29, 2005 by Noetic

[Minxygal]

Just read your post and I do know what you're going through.

 

My son has major meltdowns, not actually sure if meltdown is the right term for the way he goes, when he goes. I've been hit, punched, pushed.....you name it!

I have another son with Aspergers who doesn't understand that when big bro is like this he should run away so he very often finds himself in the middle of it all.

I remember one Saturday afternoon both of them went together and I really couldn't cope. My husband tries hard but he also sometimes loses it and makes the situation worse. In the end I too rang the social services and begged for help. The woman on the phone could hear world war 3 going off in the background. Her advice????.........Take them to a family members house to give myself time to calm down.I'm not being funny but my boys would have distroyed any house I took them to and I wouldn't put them on anyone in that mood.

 

She then asked me if I'd done anything to try and calm them down??....Doh!!!!!

She then suggested we bear it and she would let a social worker from the disability team know we might be phoning on Monday.

That was it, she hung up.

 

I know I've not offered you any help here, but I hope I've helped you see that you're not on your own. I think the time of year has a lot to do with it. My eldest finds coping very difficult at this time of year.

[nellie]

Clarkie <'> <'> <'>

 

I hope things are calmer today.

 

It's possible if you can present SS with a solution whilst things are being sorted, you may be more likely to get it. Just asking for help may not be enough. I know, finding the services to ask for isn't easy either.

 

Think of you and yours.

 

Nellie <'>

[Mother in Need]

Maybe we could send copies of some of these threads, where it is so evident that we all need help and where SS does absolutely nothing, and people's personal experiences of their uselessness, to Tony Blair or someone like that? Someone has got to listen...OK I know, keep dreaming....

[DaisyProudfoot]

Clarkie.......?

 

You guys OK?

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Daisy

[phasmid]

I was wondering the same thing, logged in at lunchtime to see if you were ok,.

 

Guess we are all a bit concerned for you all right now. Please let us know how you all are as soon as you can.

[Clarkie]

Thank you all for the advice and support.

Have posted in education.