UltraMum Report post Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) I've got an appointment to see a counsellor tomorrow. I've been on antidepressants since Sept '04 and have finally reached the top of the queue. I 'cope' by putting a brave face on and by not allowing myself to look at the things that I know deeply hurt me I'm not looking forward to having to talk about these things and part of me feels disloyal as much of the problem stems from caring for J and having a husband who is probably AS. Many many times I've felt like saying 'I want to resign' but I can't ... Thanks for listening Eve Edited January 25, 2006 by MotherEve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted January 25, 2006 hope you find it helpful eve <'> talking can be such a help Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressed out mum Report post Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) Hi MotherEve It's difficult I know but you need to take time for yourself otherwise you will not be able to help your family anyway Hope you can find it in yourself to get everything off your chest <'> Edited January 25, 2006 by stressed out mum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Good luck and remember it may make you feel worse before it makes you feel better letting it out. It doesn't make you a bad person for feeling the stresses either. (((hugs))) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LittleRae Report post Posted January 25, 2006 <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Eve. <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Eve I know the session is going to be difficult for you, but you will be stronger as a result. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted January 25, 2006 <'> Eve <'> Think of you and hope it goes well. Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Eve, <'> <'> <'> Will be thinking of you tomorrow. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Thanks all - not been too good today as I've started to think about things but I really appreciate all the good thoughts and vibes. I think part of the problem is that I can't change the situation so I need to change the way I deal with it - but ... the problem is that I feel that if I let go and acknowledge how I really feel deep inside then I may not be able to pick up the pieces and that I'll never get back in control again. Going to have to put my brave face on now to go and mingle in the playground. Thanks for letting me let off some steam - this forum's great for that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Hi Eve, I felt like you did too. It's like if you hold all your feelings inside, you don't have to deal with them. I went to counselling and i blubbed for ages on the first session. Don't worry <'> . It all has to come out sometimes. Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted January 25, 2006 <'> Eve <'> xxxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted January 25, 2006 <'> <'> Will be thinking of you tomorrow Eve. XX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted January 25, 2006 I think part of the problem is that I can't change the situation so I need to change the way I deal with it - but ... the problem is that I feel that if I let go and acknowledge how I really feel deep inside then I may not be able to pick up the pieces and that I'll never get back in control again. Do you feel in control now though? I don't think you do, I think you can control hiding it and now you're fit to burst. It's much of a relief when you do find a way to change the way you deal with it. For example I used to be so worried about my ds' behaviour because of how other's saw me - now I don't care as much and am alot less anxious about the behaviour and it in turn has become less of a problem....does that make sense? good luck hope you've found a good un Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted January 25, 2006 <'> Hope everything goes well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smallworld Report post Posted January 26, 2006 (edited) I'm right there with you ME and totally identify with your post. I'm scared that if I start offloading how I really feel that I'll end up talking myself into bailing out !! My bestest friend is a counsellor and I know she tries to lure me into to talking about how I feel but I won't take the bait and keep it all contained. however I do take on board what she tells me about acknowledging feelings, good or bad, and it does help. I think you definitely need someone who doesn't know you or your situation so that they can remain objective, so I think you're on the right track. I really hope you gain a lot from these sessions, and can overcome the problem of opening up to someone, wac (who does do 'guilt', bigtime, to myself of course !!) Edited January 27, 2006 by waccoe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LKS Report post Posted January 26, 2006 ME <'> <'> Thinking of you today Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted January 26, 2006 Good luck, when your ready let us know how it goes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted January 26, 2006 Ouch! - There's a pattern to my life that I've never really realised or dwelt on - and we only got as far as my 16th birthday ... I've had a good and I'm still now - a lot to think about ... It was great to hear someone else agree that I've got a lot on my plate [although the cynical side of me is wondering whether that's seen as 'good practice' in counselling - and that's also my way of coping by minimising my problems - oh help better shut up now!] Thanks for all your kind thoughts - 4 weeks to the next one [cos of half term] ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted January 26, 2006 Just keep talking and talking and talking and crying and crying and crying. I was referred to a CP when my twins were little - it helps, although I could do with going back there now. <'> <'> Daisy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 26, 2006 Eve, <'> <'> <'> I find that it helps to write things down at times like this when my thoughts are churning away. Not for anyone else to read, but it can help me to think things through. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted January 27, 2006 Just keep talking and talking and talking and crying and crying and crying. Daisy Thanks - I am - although hubby doesn't provide much in the way of emotional support Eve, I find that it helps to write things down at times like this when my thoughts are churning away. Not for anyone else to read, but it can help me to think things through. Thanks - I've started a little notebook - mainly to get my thoughts in order but also to note other things down as I recall them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted January 27, 2006 4 weeks ouch that's a big gap. Do you feel relieved now? Was it good talking to someone? Regardless of whether you think they were just using "good practice" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 27, 2006 i would like to see a counsellor but theres a really long waiting list,i think its very good to talk about things but i bottle them up,i saw one before and it really helped Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted January 27, 2006 (edited) I've been lucky as my sons CAHMS doctor is now my shoulder to cry on aswell as his special needs health visitor. They are always willing to listen if I need to which always helps. Edited January 27, 2006 by lil_me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted January 27, 2006 It helped in a way to see some of the wood for the trees but it's stirred up a lot of buried emotions and I'm struggling with them - as if the DLA form weren't enough to get me down! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted January 27, 2006 Well if you want to talk about anything then I'm willing to listen. 4 weeks may feel a long time to deal with them alone. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted January 28, 2006 Our thought and prayers are with you, you must remember that it is okay to feel this way sometimes. I was going through similar feelings but I wasn't brave enough to go on anti depressants so I decided ongoing counselling on a weekly basis, really helped. She was also able to help recommend some books to read which help me understand my feelings and how I was feeling, and how to better look after myself. We all need fine tuning from time to time. This is no sign of weakness, just that we are caring loving hurting human beings. <'> <'> <'> Hope all goes well with whatever you do Regards Hailey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirstie Report post Posted January 28, 2006 <'> <'> <'> ME we are all here anytime. <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted January 28, 2006 Hope it helps you , hang in there! <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted January 28, 2006 I've got an appointment to see a counsellor tomorrow. I've been on antidepressants since Sept '04 and have finally reached the top of the queue. I 'cope' by putting a brave face on and by not allowing myself to look at the things that I know deeply hurt me I'm not looking forward to having to talk about these things and part of me feels disloyal as much of the problem stems from caring for J and having a husband who is probably AS. Many many times I've felt like saying 'I want to resign' but I can't ... Thanks for listening Eve Hi mothereve I was wondering how your app went?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites