Tyler just broke my heart!

[Tylers-mum]

He's having a paddy (tantrum) b/c it's bedtime and he doesn't want to go. He just come to me and said 'When I go up to heaven, I'll never choose you to be my Mum ever again b/c you are mean'.

 

I am absolutely gutted!!! I know you shouldn't let these things get to you but 'that' REALLY hurt me!

[justamom]

Our house is also in meltdown as well and the things that Keegan has said to me are so hurtful...

 

I am trying not to take things personally but its dam hard...

 

sending you hugs <'> <'> <'>

 

justamom

[stressedmumto2]

Sending you hugs and thinking of you.

 

My son has said many a hurtfull thing to me from time to time, be strong and try to ignore it and remember he's saying it to you because he knows he can say hurtfull things to you and you will always love him and be there for him.

 

Hope your feeling better soon

[Elanor]

<'> <'> <'> Hi

 

You're entitled to be hurt - but don't take it seriously, I know from bitter experience that it's not easy to shrug these things off, but he really loves you and he's just lashing out. Spend some special time together soon - it'll help.

 

Elanor

[Flora]

TM, oh, it hurts like hell doesn't it? Luke once called me 'a nasty lady' , and William has on more than one occasion yelled 'Call yourself a mum? You're a witch' And the other week, after I'd lost my cool and turned the air blue he called me 'a big fat swearer'...

 

I'm sure as they get older and learn even more colorful language the insults will be somewhat more radiant

 

TM <'> I bet he's dead sorry now, but if not take a deep breath, and remember that he does love you.

 

Lauren

[hev]

the worst thing steven says to me is ""no wonder my dad left you,no one wants you" that one gets me EVERY time!

[fiorelli]

Oh Hun, don't takke it seriously. Our kids say the most awful things sometimes, but they don't mean it. <'>

 

Spend a bit of time with him when he calms down. - even if it is just you and him in a room on your own - you reading a book while he is watching tv/playing computer etc.

<'> <'>

[jen]

my sons been in melt down since he has come home from school. I tried to give him sedation but he refused to take up. Hes been in bed for 2.5 hours and is still awake.

All this because his teacher used the wrong words to describe him day. OH the pleasures of ASD.

 

Jen

[rainbow queen]

<'> <'> <'> some days it really gets to you

my sons recent thing is telling me he will get the police cause im a naughty girl and he will put me in the bin for a week.

and also tell the teacher about me to which i reply go on then be great to have a chat to her about this.

and also hes going send me away and get a new mummy from another house

[Guest hallyscomet]

He's having a paddy (tantrum) b/c it's bedtime and he doesn't want to go. He just come to me and said 'When I go up to heaven, I'll never choose you to be my Mum ever again b/c you are mean'.

 

 

I am absolutely gutted!!! I know you shouldn't let these things get to you but 'that' REALLY hurt me!

 

Hi Tylers Mum, <'> <'> <'> don't take any of it as oath. He really does love you, he is obviously feeling bad in himself, and as you are the closest to him, he is putting all his bad angry feelings on you. He will apologise in due time, so smile sweetie <'>

 

I could write a book on the horrible things both my ASD and NT daughter have said to me, but overtime I Learned never to take any of it as personal, as always they came and apologised, usually always it turned out they had had a bad day at school; then came home and would take it out on me. Often they don't even want to talk about their days, and then you say one thing that triggers them and BOOM you cop the meltdown or nasty words. SIGH, ...........take a deep breath..........and remind yourself, this has absolutely nothing to do with you as a parent, its just their (young minds) coping with the world and all its frustrations, that can come and go.

 

I wrote something in Hevs Post (Think positive, Well I can't). Have a read, you will have a laugh. You need to have a laugh. <'> <'> You're a wonderful mum don't you forget it.

 

Hailey

Edited February 20, 2006 by hallyscomet

[Malika]

Hi Tyler-Mum, <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Poor you and poor Tyler I am sure he will come tomorrow with a big hug don't take it seriously on bad days I can get this kind of thing from both my children but I have learned especially from my daughter that it is the way for them to get what they want and sometimes good parents are "bad" parents if you see what I mean.

 

Take care. <'> <'> <'>

 

Malika

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks all.

 

I know it all comes with the job of parenting. Still crushes you when it does happen and no doubt, today's won't be the last but then hey, tomorrow another day!

 

Hurt like he** when he said it though but like you've all said, he'll probably come tomorrow and apologise (when I request one b/c he'll have forgotten all about it!) LOL

 

Thanks again. ((((HUGS))))

[Guest hallyscomet]

<'> <'> <'> I know it hurts <'> <'>

[~Jonathan~]

<'> <'> <'> Tylers-mum <'> <'> <'>

 

If it's any consolation, I often say things that can seem as if I'm being mean but I just don't really know how to express emotions the way I need to. This morning, I came away from talking to Mum and knew I'd made her feel bad but didn't know how to remedy it, so I came away feeling bad and so did she. I know I need to go down and say something but don't know how to. You're loved by Tyler, you can be assured of that <'>

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks Jonathan. It's great to see it from Tyler's perpsective which is nice a,d so i thank you for posting how you feel b/c now I can see how my son feels. It's hard to put myself in his shoes as I'm sure you'll understand. (((HUGS)))

 

Have you tried saying 'sorry to your mum for hurting her feelings? Explain that you didn't mean what you said but that you couldn't deal with the situation that arose and that's why you lashed out. I'm sure a 'Sorry' and a little hug (if you can) would bring the smile back to her face and make her a very very proud and happy Mum indeed.

All the best sweety.

[sue45]

Hi Tyler's mum and anyone else who is having a bad day - just remember, they don't mean it and they really do love you. Let me tell you about what happened yesterday: I went into the room where my daughter was watching tv and this feature came on (breakfst tele/gmtv or this morning) showing this little gilr at home shouting and screaming at her mum and telling her mum she hated her. (she looked about 6) My daughter looked at me and half grinned and we both kind of had our mouths open because it was a distressing thing to watch and, I thought, very close to home if you saw what goes on here on quite a regular basis. The odd thing though, was that my daughter didn't seem to recognise the behaviour as anything she would do. It was like sharing something with a mature person and she could see this family really had a problem and was even sympathetic and quite disbelieving that this little girl could speak to her mum in that way - she didn't relate it to her own behaviour at all. (and believe me I've been screamed at by her, sworn at, told I'm everything horrible thing under the sun and I've been hit) She took the view, rather like an older more mature person that , boy, that must be really difficult to live with and seemed to intimate how lucky we are!!!?

 

I don't know if that helps any, it's rather a rambling way of saying, they really don't mean to hurt us and are really caring underneath! You sometimes have to remind yourself of that when every day sometimes seems to contain a battle or a battering of the old self esteem.

 

Sue

 

xx

[~Jonathan~]

Hiya. I said sorry to Mum right after I wrote that and she looked hurt and I just said "look, I know what I said hurt but I didn't mean it to, I just can't say what I feel inside the way others can. If you could look into my heart you'd know there was no malice, it's just when I hear something in my head and then say it, it all comes out bollocksed!" That says it all really, when I speak it comes out as ranting because I'm aware that I can't say what I want to say verbally so I panic and then I speak louder and louder and it seems like I'm shouting but I'm not, I'm just panicking plus I don't have the intonation I need and instead of owning it, I get angry at her. I'm sure this is what Tyler is doing. I can't do hugs

Edited February 21, 2006 by ~Jonathan~

[Paula]

Jonathan

 

Thankyou for shareing that with us all.Its given me insight into why my son behaves exactly like youve described you do at times.

 

Im not As least i dont think i am.I too at times cannot say whats in my heart out loud and it comes out as an angry ranting outburst where i say the opposite of what i feel.Some times people who feel very deep strong emotions show them as anger and stuff because its too difficult to express the truth.

[~Jonathan~]

I've just gone downstairs and couldn't find something that I put in the cupboard. I went berserk. I said to Mum "where are they?" and I was almost in tears because of it. "Oh, I've put them over here" she said. I screamed "don't do that, don't move them, I can't handle it" and I started to shout again. She thinks I'm mad and on some level, I know I shouldn't be doing that but I can't handle things not being where I put them because I compartmentalise them in my brain, I need things to be just so because it helps me to cope. To her, it was something that was moved to somewhere she needed to put them but for a moment it was as if my world was coming in on me. I'm still panicky but calming down again. I said sorry, I seem to say that a LOT.

[microsoft_admin]

i offten say mean things to my mum i dont mean them i just get frustrated and dont know what else to say to show it

[DaisyProudfoot]

To both Jonathans,

 

Thanks for the insight, it helps us parents a great deal

[elaine1]

awww all kids say things like that - mine are regualrly going to leave home and live with my eldest daughter lol. It can be hurtful but i try not to take any notice. <'>