why?

[Viper]

I used to have a life, now I just get sh*t all the time. I have given everything to my kids but they still act like I am nothing. My NT DD has just caused a major scene in the middle of town, she shouted screamed and stormed off. She behaved like 2 year old and then demanded sweets. She is 11. I cant take anymore of this cr*p but I will cos Ben can't cope without me. I just want out but I have to stay. I've hit rock bottom. I never go out cos Ben hates it, the one chance I get to go shopping and my NT kid shows me up and we have to come home. I don't want to do this any more.

[Brook]

Hi Viper, <'>

 

Sorry you are having a tough time of it.

 

and it probably wont help to tell you I know how you feel.

 

Hope things improve for you soon, sometimes it just all gets too much

doesn't it.

 

Brook <'> <'>

[Tilly]

Oh Viper <'>

You have just described my weekend last week with my NT dd she's nearly 11. My ASD dd does not like to go out much, she much prefers the comfort zone of her home, and I often feel a little stir crazy.

Sometimes it does get too much trying to please everyone in the family doesn't it .

Hope things improve very soon. Take care <'> <'>

 

Tilly

[mossgrove]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.

 

<'> <'>

 

I hope tomorrow brings a better day.

 

Simon

[jayjay]

Oh Viper <'> <'> you are not alone i have a NT 16 year old daughter and a ASD 5.5 year old and the 16 yearold can throw tantrums just like the other one at times take it easy on yourself

jayne xx

[Tylers-mum]

<'> <'> <'>

 

We've all been there and I'm feeling the same way you are too, I have been for the past fortnight. Rock bottom is the lowest you can go so the only way up now hun, is up!!

It is hard, the emotional and physical abuse we get at the hands of our kids both NT or ASD is part of the hardest jobs of parenting but we take it b/c we have to, not b/c we want to.

Hang in there sweety. I wish there was something I could say. Sending you lots of cybers (((HUGS))) Viper and please know, we are all here for you come rain or shine.

 

<'> <'> <'>

[michbooth]

Hi,

 

I know exactly where you are coming from. I went shopping with Callum (AS/ADHD) last week (I knew it would be awful but I just had to go)

 

He punched me all the time I was in Tesco's as I refused to buy something that wasn't suitable for his diet (he is on gf/cf diet). He then proceeded to open a pack of 16 toilet rolls and throw them everywhere in the entrance to Tesco's. I was trying to pick them all up but he was faster than me and he kept on throwing them, hitting people with them. It was so bad and I got so many disapproving glances that I ended up laughing hysterically - I'm sure the white van will take me away one day!!

 

He then kept smashing the trolley into the car. He has refused to go to school twice this week and will not leave the house any other time. He even tried to jump out of the car as I was driving along and was hitting me as I was driving.

 

Anyway enough moaning from me! I totally sympathise with you and have frequently felt at rock bottom too. I'm sure I would run away if I didn't feel like everyone relied on me so much. I think the fact that we get no family help whatsover and that hubby works away doesn't help.

 

I think that this forum is absolutely great for making you realise you are not alone and that everyone on here can empathise with each other even if it doesn't actually change your circumstances.

 

It really is a case of taking each day as it comes, hope you are feeling better.

 

Michelle

[phasmid]

Viper we all get times like this. Everything seems to just come crahing down around us in one fell swoop and we can't seem to do a damn thing to stop it. Our kids don't understand what they do to us sometimes and in a way it's good that they don't. I know my lot have driven us around the bend big time in the last few days..including a mega strop by one of them in the middle of T***o's. Sometimes we can't win no matter what we do. Don't blame yourself, sometimes they just have to let it out. Your dd has the added pressure of being a carer on top of everything else. Give her a hug and tell her you love her. <'> <'>

[Tez]

No wise words just <'> <'> Hope life gets better and that you feel better soon.

[lil_me]

<'> from someone else who knows how it feels. Hope tomorrow brings a better day.

[curra]

Viper,

 

when I read your message it seemed to me you were describing how I have been feeling lately and particularly this morning. My son insulted and screamed at me on the high street while we were going to buy a PC game and books for him, he offended me all the way back home and the said that the game was rubbish and he didn't want it anymore. If it wasn't because of his AS I'd agree with anyone who told me he's a spoiled brat, but he's frustrated by other things at school and he can't control his anger. I happen to be the person next to him. I've been feeling low and tired of all too, but I know it's just a phase. Believe me, it will pass.

You are not alone.

Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'>

 

Curra

[oracle]

<'> Viper <'>

 

There must be something in the water. I sat and off-loaded to Terry this morning and told him that I can't do this anymore either I know how you fell about not getting out because Matthew will only leave the house at the moment under duress. He is still doing things that he likes but that does not help me with shopping etc. It's worse when you home ed because you are pretty scr***d. If I do leave the house it's usually to take my Mum to yet another docors, clinic or hospital appointment. All my Mum ever talks about is depressing things and I just want to SCREAM at her to shut up

 

Roll on summer the weather might just cheer us up

 

Carole

[redberry]

<'> Viper <'>

 

thinking of you and wishing you well.

 

hang on in there

 

redberry

[Kathryn]

Viper, and everyone else who has ever fantasized about walking off into the sunset to find a different life....

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

I hope tomorrow is better

 

K x

[CarerQuie]

Viper,no words of wisdom;just ((((((hugs)))))).xx

[elainem]

sorry you are feeling bad. I think Carole is right about roll on Summer. we have had a totally cr*p winter and tbh it is just one thing after another. perhaps we might all feel a little better when Spring comes along (not very convincing!!)

 

Elaine

[jomica]

<'> <'> <'>

 

I sympathise entirely, Viper, and am sorry things feel so bad. Look after yourself.

[rainbow queen]

<'> <'> <'> poor viper

know how u feel

since incident in car park other day[i posted about in off topic] im not chancing going town again with my son

 

so today i wanted newspaper anmd i can hardly get out of house just for that

so picked me mum up so i could have her sit in car while i nipped shop-took me 3 year old with me and he was fine -left 4 year old in car screaming with me mum.

feel like im a real saddo cause i have no life of me own too.

im just a robot for my boys/slave.

 

this will give u a laugh though

 

 

this avo had enough of being stuck in so said we go for little stroll in nearby park

 

park car outside gate

we get out go for bit of walk

then notice swings are down a hill[never been in this park before]

i stupidly pick 3 year old up to try to go doewn it

we end up on our arses going down the ditch lol lol

its complete mud

i couldnt crawl up on me hands and knees i was

3 year old was mortifed by all the mud on him

but he still managed to crawl up hill lol

i had to crawl to railings and drag meself up

could see folk in field watchhing us-bet they were wetting themselfs watching it

i started laughing hysterically

i and 3 year old were borted in mud-looked like we been in pig stye

 

my 4 year old was at top of hill looking at us

saying in matter of fact voice

"mum this isnt a good park is it-u shouldnt of brought us hear " which made me laugh more

then all 3 of us staggered back to car

all black-all over our clothes and shoes

got back in car

went home

 

its quite unbelievable what happens to us.i had to laugh or id of cryed.

[justamom]

Yeah, a bit of sunshine might cheers us all up a bit..l

 

Sorry you are having a tough time Viper <'> all the best

justamom

[Flora]

viper <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

It's spring, it's nearly summer. <'>

 

 

 

 

 

Lauren XX

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> Viper <'> <'>

[Viper]

Now I've calmed down a bit I can tell you the whole sorry tale.

We decided to have a trip into town. When we got there the first shop we went into we bought DD a pair of Jeans, she sulked cos she wanted a top as well, she had 2 new tops a week ago. We then went to buy hubby a new watch for work and DD wanted a watch. She has had countless watches and lost or broke them so we said no. She sulked more. She wanted to go to the book shop so off we went. Then she wanted a book, hubby gave her ?5 yester but she wanted us to pay. we said no. She stormed out of the shop and ran off. We ignored her and she followed quite a way away. She was going into shops and we had to wait for her, Ben started to get upset so we said we would go to the sweet shop, DD followed but started to shout at us when we told her to hurry up. This was in the middle of a shopping center next to a cafe area, everyone sat staring. Hubby tried to grab her but she ran off shouting, hubby slipped and nearly fell over. We waited for her to get closer and I grabbed her, she was shouting and screaming the whole time. I had to drag her through the center with her shouting "get off me, I want some sweets and I'm going to get them" I refused to let her have them because of her behaviour. Ben got his sweets while I had DD cornered outside so she couldn't run off again, the whole time she was shouting at me. The shopping center echos quite a bit so by now we had drawn quite a crowd. I then had to forcibly drag her out of the center into the car.

 

I cried all the way home and DD didn;t show any remorse whatsoever. She has so much stuff all the time, I always buy her little gifts and she has top ups for her phone but she always says she never gets anything.

 

Thank you all for your kind words. Tomorrow won't be any better cos hubby is going away again so I will be left to deal with her.

 

Phas I can't even look at her let alone give her a hug, she has humiliated and hurt me so much today.

[UltraMum]

Thank you all for your kind words. Tomorrow won't be any better cos hubby is going away again so I will be left to deal with her.

Praying that tomorrow will be better than you expected - or at least not as bad as you fear

 

A bit off topic but may make you smile ...

 

A friend has been having some problems with her 15 year old son - we were having a moan together in the coffee shop ....

 

We decided that every parent who wanted a sweet little baby should have a 'Kevin' to look after for a week - the human race would soon be extinct!

 

Whoever in their right minds has said 'I want a teenager' ....

[Flora]

Viper I don't know if this will make you feel better or not but your daughter sounds like alot of teenage girls. I was particularly horrible when I was a teenager and my mum still talks about it now (I'm 40 now). I used to have screaming toddler like rages right up until I left home at 18 and to give you comfort... I don't do it now (well not often ) and I have a very good friendship with my mum.

 

I know they are not all as aggresive in their reactions, but many of them are (2 of my friends have teenage girls and have gone through some hellish times with them).

 

I could tell you some hair curling stories about the fights that I had with my mum, they would certainly make you feel better about today.

 

<'> <'> <'> for you

 

Lauren

[Flora]

We decided that every parent who wanted a sweet little baby should have a 'Kevin' to look after for a week - the human race would soon be extinct!

 

Whoever in their right minds has said 'I want a teenager' ....

 

 

 

That tickled me

 

Lauren

[Malika]

Hi Viper

 

Sorry that you are having such a difficult time. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Remember Teenage years are showing in your daughter with less ability to show emphaty, in another hand she probably feels that she does not get enough of your attention because of Ben and you probably feel guilty and buy more gift may be what she is screaming about is some of your time would it be possible when Ben is in bed may be??

I have this with my 14 years old who think that her brother gets away with everything and spend so much time with me, it is not exactly true but what is true is that in the past I let her down many times because of H problems and tantrums , I am now trying to keep my promesses and spend some time with her even when H throw a tantrum just at the wrong time I may delay things a bit but try to keep some time for her, and I have seen some good result she still get over the top but less often and she calms down fairly quickly.

 

I know that it is easy said and we end up giving all the time and not having time and energy for ourself ...just hope things gets better for you.

 

Take care. <'>

 

Malika

[kirstie]

Oh Viper <'>

It ain't funny is it? When i took my three to town during the half term Lewis (As) was having meltdowns in the shops the baby was screaming and my eldest was walking about with a face like a slapped a***! All i heard from him was "Can i have..?" and "It's not fair.!" together with "Lewis gets everything..!" Little sod. At 13 he is definatley 'Kevin' stropping about, arms flailing and nagging the whole time, it seems he's not happy unless he's getting or only nice if he wants something. He definatley has plenty.he has pocket money every week-end (providing he does the dishes, puts his clothes away makes his bed etc) and top ups for his phone too.He also has time away from His brothers where Richard takes him to the football every home game. teenagers they're a law unto themselves.

I know where you're coming from when you say you're too hurt and upset to even look at her, i feel like this quite often!! The latest being parents night on wednesday he was just so horrible to me and made smart comments every time we were near his friends.......not to mention the c*** reports he was getting.

all i can say is it will get easier in time....i have to tell myself this on a regular basis it's just temporary although it certainley doesn't feel like it at the time.When you are feeling so rubbish it all seems so much worse and harder to deal with. Is there any way you can get time out away from the kids just for you and recharge the batteries? You're doing so much and you deserve the time to yourself!

I hope you are feeling better, maybe one day you will look back on it all with your DD and laugh.....

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[elaine1]

oh god youre not alone. my daughter who is 11 to is much more trouble than my son. lots of love

[phasmid]

Viper god do I know what this feels like. The episode I mentioned happened in the supermarket just up the road from us, and around the corner from work. Not only did I have to drag a kicking and shouting child through the store I had to apologise enroute to the car park to the man the punch thrown at me connected with!

 

Then I spot one of dear childs teachers - cue polite smiling child "Hello M** ********" who says 'Helloe' back and walks off - return of tasmanian devil child. Who proceeds to yell at the top of his voice "Get off your hurting me...etc" as I half walked/half dragged him out to the car.

 

God knows who saw this or what they thought of it. It isn't the first time and no doubt it won't be the last! But I allways make sure that no matter what venom comes out from him I only ever tell him I love him but I don't like his behaviour. I know it's hard. I wish I could cure the problem for you (and me too!). I can't but I can understand how you feel.