The myths surrounding ASD 'S

[Paula]

After reading these pages its obvious that our kids dont present in text book form.Hence so called professionals have a get out clause at diagnosisng because the kids do something that Autistic /As kids arent meant to do.

 

 

So i think it would be a good idea to list a couple of things our kids do that there not meant to do and so cant be autistic if we beleived what the drs say.

 

 

 

My son makes eye contact.

 

He approaches me and gives me a hug.

[justamom]

Paula, I also noticed that same theme throughout these threads and like we have all said before each and every child is different and presents differently!!!

 

My son is overly tactile always hugging and kissing us - but from what I have learnt on the this forum thats called hyposenstive(sensory dysfunction) but "most" Austic children dont like touch???

He also gives us eye contact.

 

justamom

[bid]

Excellent thread!

 

My son has really good mates.

 

Bid

 

(I should qualify that by saying he didn't until he was 10!)

[justamom]

oh! yeah bid I forgot about that one my son has loads of mates too!!!

[Tylers-mum]

He 'can' have eye contact but on his terms.

 

He has an imagination, very limited as it may be but he does.

 

He smiles and gives hugs freely and says 'I love you Mum'.

 

He talks for Britain and will talk to strangers.

 

He is VERY friendly.

[CarerQuie]

Mine appears to have some imagination but it is still different to that shown by my NT children.xx

[ceecee]

Just wanted to say excellent thread although I don't feel I can personally comment.I do agree with all that has been said so far though and will read this thread with much interest.

[Tilly]

Dd does the following 'myths'

 

Good eye contact

Witty sense of humour

An imagination

Lots of tones in her voice

Aware of others needs and feelings

 

Tilly

[lancelot]

Dd does the following 'myths'

 

Good eye contact

Witty sense of humour

An imagination

Lots of tones in her voice

Aware of others needs and feelings

 

Tilly

 

Tilly -- you just wrote my list for me!

BUT:

it depends how stressed he is

--He only gives familiar people any eye contact at all

--He monotones when going on about his obessions

--He thinks about other people's feelings, but can't do it on the fly, and he often gets them wrong

 

Oh, I know another one: he learnt to ride a bike at 6! Just decided to do it one day, and had it sorted within the hour.

[Bullet]

Tom is very friendly with other adults and will often approach them. He clambered onto the lap of this woman at Toddler group, grabbed her hands and started moving them around like a puppet yesterday

Edited March 15, 2006 by Bullet

[lsw146]

we haven't had a diagnosis because of the myths.

 

Our psychologist was a Mum at the same school she went to and decided that she always spoke to her appropriately if she saw her in the hall?!

 

However she ran up to girl she hasn't seen in a while (they are now in year 7) shouting her name over and over and then said "I know someone in year 7 who is taller than you"

 

Again stress or hyper emotion plays a big part. I call it the Autistic switch> I know some of things that turn it on but haven't found muchto turn it off again.

[curra]

Mine is bad at numbers, tables and maps.

Is polite

Has wonderful imagination

Shows affection

Says he's sorry when he's done something wrong

Can lie, plot and manipulate

 

Curra

[Paula]

My son also says i love you and will comfort me if i appear upset.

 

He also makes jokes and laughs.

 

And he responds to people if they say hello to him.Al be it stilted.

 

 

 

 

 

I wish he was the myth that is portrayed in rain man though.I keep saying hell fire if only yer were a card counting whizz wed hit the strip and make a bomb.But alas he aint.

[jb1964]

Obviously as all Pysch. say all AS children can represent differently to others - and they follow the triad of impairments as guidelines.

 

I think my daughter has somehow learnt to do things in her own way (she's 12) and has 'adapted' to a certain extent to 'fit in'.

 

Sometimes, my daughter does makes eye contact with close family/friends - but even so it is somehow different - I can't really explain this properly other than when she does it's like she's really trying to see something in my face when I'm talking to her. Other times she completely averts her eyes.

 

My daughter nearly every day asks for hugs and tells me that she loves me - but it's somehow different - it's precise.

 

She has certain humour - and understands wit to an extent - she's an avid fan of the Simpsons and has a father who always has a line to add after anything - the consultant said she's had a good teacher.

 

Her thinking is very literal - yet she understands most idioms etc, we have always had a joke in our house about these and tried to explain as many as we can (this was even before we knew she had AS).

 

Reads both fiction/facts anything - but the consult. said that her interpretation of fiction is different somehow.

 

There are some girls that she classes as 'friends' but they are not what I would call a good friend.

 

She can draw beautifully, has fantastic poetry and writing skills - yet the way she holds a pen is quite strange and her writing is always 'dramatic' - nothing is ever ordinary.

 

Her fine motor skills - such as zips/buttons etc - she can now do these - but yet always looks awkward.

 

When she was younger I always thought she played imaginitively - she did dressing up - acting out stories or films and played with her barbies (but thinking on this now - really she just dressed them all up and put them in a row) but having seen my 3yr old play now - I realise there is a difference in this play - my 3yr old picked up a piece of plastic (part of another toy - just pink rectangle with a little piece sticking out one end) and pretended it was a mobile phone and was talking to her nanny - I suddenly realised then that I knew what they meant - my AS daughter would never have done this and I know if I'd suggested it she would have said 'but it's not a phone it's a piece of plastic' - she couldn't imagine something (an object) being something else in pretend play.

Edited March 15, 2006 by jb1964

[lsw146]

Thanks for the 'laugh' Paula

B has an IQ of 130 but she won't be bringing in the big bucks anytime soon. Mind you I would swap everything for a day without tears and screams at the moment.

[Paula]

Well my son has had genetic tests and he was declared officialy normal !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I had to laugh.I said to him well theres ###### all up with yer then.

 

 

He also once convinced the authorities he was totally deaf.He was even taught at home sign language by a lady who came 2 a week.I kept saying he can hear its just hes a bloomeing expert at reckoning he cant.Rustle a biscuite tin hell come running.Eventually after 6 months they agreed there was nowt wrong with his hearing. When will they listen to mums hey.

[Suze]

My son can maintain eye contact ,not very good with strangers though.He has a sense of humour,bit unusual though.He is affectionate.He hates maths and numbers .

[Stephanie]

I did just write up a list and then thought I was boasting and not giving enough regard to the people with children who do not show these differences or "good things".

 

I'm just happy with the knowledge that all people are different, whether autistic or not.

[ceecee]

I can so identify with this thread.What are the chances of someond doing all these things that supposedly people with a.s. are not supposed to do getting a diagnosis?

[Kathryn]

A very interesting thread and it's got me thinking.

 

My daughter, these days:

 

Likes a hug (from familiar people)

Can understand irony and even tease others

Enjoys some kinds of noise

Makes eye contact

Is interested in other people

Is average at Maths

Can make up stories

Can empathise with others

 

Depending on her stress levels and the environment she's in, she can appear more or less "autistic" at any given time, and she can fake being NT pretty convincingly - when she wants to. I think it's a misconception that a child's behaviour is fixed and cannot vary from day to day. Being on the autistic spectrum involves much more than matching a rigid checklist of behaviours. AS children have personalities too!

 

K

[Paula]

Yes my son autistic traites are more obvious when stressed or tired.Many a time you think nar hes perfectly normal theyve got it wrong ive got it wrong.

 

Then wam !!!!!!!!!!!! Its all there for all to see.

 

Thing is our abnormality the way we live with our As son has become our normality and its only when were with people who have Nt kids only that i notice how strange our son can be.I dont spend a lot of time with "normal" families.And because he goes to a special school at school events and stuff they all behave the same and so no one sticks out.

[Bullet]

I think that as you get older you can sometimes hide a lot of the little things you do. For example, I like to smell books, because the paper makes me think more strongly of the story. Certain books and their paper have certain smells. But I would never admit that in real life.

[jb1964]

But I would never admit that in real life.

 

Can't believe you've used that saying 'in real life'. My husband always has a joke with me everytime I say it. He says what life am I normally in!!! As if!!!

[justamom]

Paula that is so true, there are days when i think they have the dx wrong and like you Wham it hits you full on and all these Aspie traits surface so glad that i am not the only one who thinks like this.

 

justamom

[polkadotty]

Great Thread!!!

 

The school my son was excluded from still maintain that he is not AS, especially because:

 

He can lie when he wants to

He speaks clearly and articulately & understands lots from stories

He is really bright (!)

He makes jokes and understands irony often

He can make eye contact, when not stressed and when doing something he's engaged in.

He has good days and bad days

 

Also, he is not like the other AS kid in the class..... who doesn't do eye contact, who (i love him to bits, by the way, and so does my son), does lots of really autie things like flapping and chewing his jumper etc.. Corin doesn't behave at all like this other kid, so according to the school, he isn't ASD...

 

Doncha know....

[Guest flutter]

my dd can make ey contact

can give hugs, tells me she loves me

and

HATES and cant do math

[ceecee]

I would also say that someone's a.s. can vary accoring to how stessed or tired they are.In some people they can appear n.t when totally relaxed however when they are stressed it is a different story.

 

 

 

This has been obvious by the posts on this thread who do not fit the so called ''normal'' criteria fora.s. yet still have a diagnosis of a.s.

Edited March 18, 2006 by ceecee

[call me jaded]

My son's geneticist is totally gobsmacked that he got an ASD dx

 

He:

* has no obsessions

* will comply easily with a change of routine

* has a well developed sense of humour

* can communcate his needs very well for a non-verbal child

* is well attached to me, often shows me affection

* loves the company of other children and tries to engage with them

 

 

He's not autistic at all, is he? LOL

Edited March 15, 2006 by call me jaded

[Tylers-mum]

Reading these replies, I just wanted to add to my list that T does make jokes (albet they aren't funny but he does try), he likes to tease but don't ever think of teasing him! and he says Sorry when he's done something bad or hurt someone (both on purpose or accidentally).

[Lynden]

Logan can have good eye contact on his terms, he is overly tactile with me, my hubby and a few select others and loves to be held all the time and he can deal with change of routine too.

 

He does have a lot of other textbook autistic traits though!

 

Lynne x

[Lucas]

All criteria I've seen focuses on what an Autistic person does but not the way or the context in which they do it. It's like saying ships float without mentioning the water: giving the impression that ships fly through the air.

 

I can defy any criteria written down or stereotype, but it's the way in which I do it that would show that I am different if it wasn't ignored.

 

I went to Carers Resource the other week and they helped me fill in my DLA form and I was very careful to explain one of the most complex features of Autism. When I can't do something, I actually can, but at considerable expense. This is The Unstoppable Force meeting The Unmovable Object. I could have brought my Mom's washing in when it started to rain, but she told me to not let it rain, I had to control the weather at the expense of being able to remove the washing indoors. It's the same with things that are actually possible too. It's when I have to do things in a certain way not of my own design that I have problems. I don't know the alphebet backwards, but I once recited the alphebet backwards, I still didn't know it backwards at the time. Most people would think that I could not say the alphebet backwards if I did not know it unless I was reading it backwards from something. So if there was a task to do based on the skill of knowing the backward alphebet, I would not be able to do it despite being able to verbally say the alphebet backwards.

 

This is what is going on in the head of most people able to recite the alphebet backwards:

 

Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q, P, O, N, M, L, K, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A.

 

It's remembered as a verbal sequence to them just like the forward alphebet. I didn't do it like that, I did it like:

 

Z- A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X,

 

Y- A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W,

 

X- A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V

 

W- A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U.....

 

And so on. I'm reciting the forward alphebet rapidly on each letter to see which letter would come next in the backward alphebet. I don't need to know the backward alphebet off by heart as a sequence, so I would fail any task that would require this as a skill even if it appears outwardly that I can do it.

 

This is how Autistic people can do things that they can't do.

[Debs]

This is how Autistic people can do things that they can't do.

 

What a wonderful way of saying and explaining this, I just had one of those 'lightbulb moments' Thanks Lucas

Edited March 15, 2006 by Debs

[bid]

Lucas!!

 

That's exactly how I do it, too!!

 

Bid

[Lucas]

I consider it a Hyperlexic trait. How fast can you do it?

[val]

Something amazing happens when my son Kane visits his grandparents in Baildon, West Yorkshire - he stops being autistic!!

Quote " he's been like a normal little boy"

Never witnessed this but as soon as he comes home (after 1hr) he turns back autistic. WOW!

[lsw146]

Could the Unstoppable Force Meeting The Unmoveable Object be why my daughter has difficuty in transfering skills and knowledge. We will be working on homework and she will insist she can't do it but a few weeks before we will have worked on the same sort of problems just laid out differently on the page. It is like any change in the way she has learnt to remember or work on something means she has to learn it all over again. This happens particulaly in maths and science. In science she sees the experiments they do in isolation, she doesn't think about the skills and methods invovled, so each time she stresses about doing it right even though she has used the same method before. Does this make sense to anyone?!

[Bullet]

I take Tom and my other son (Jacob) to a baby and toddler group every week and to those that don't know it can be hard explaining why he's being assessed. "He seems fine to me" they say. I have to point out things like:

 

He will wander off and walk round places without once checking where I - or another adult is. I checked him in the supermarket once. Let go of his hand and stayed a bit behind him. Not once did he look round to see where I was.

 

He has never had any separation anxiety or wondering where I was. Can be left quite happily with people he doesn't see very often.

 

He will never call out to let you know he's awake. He's play quite happily with his toys without demanding attention.

 

He never directs your attention to something he's seen.

 

His hearing is fine, but he will nine times out of ten not react to sudden, loud noises.

 

A car or a train is something to be intently studied, not to be pushed along the floor. A doll can have it's eyes poked or tummy touched, but will not be fed or cuddled.

 

He shows virtually no emotion unless he is very excited or very upset.

 

That's just a bit of what he's like. But because he is often calm, smiles at adults and adapts to big changes very well, people insist there's nowt different about him. Luckily though the professionals all agree he needs assessing, whether he has an ASD or not.

[bid]

Lucas...

 

Painfully slowly!!

 

I literally have to run through the alphabet frontwards each time to get to the right letter

 

Lucas...have you ever experienced this: when I was younger, I experienced an intense emotion with every letter. Some I felt sorry for, some I loved, some I didn't like. Every time I wrote each letter, I felt the strong emotion that 'went' with that letter. As an adult, I just have echoes of this left. I think it might be a sort of 'low-level' synesthesia?? With numbers it was the same, only some of them had colours too!!

 

Bid

[lancelot]

Don't want to hijack the thread, Bid, but I do see (lowish) numbers in colour, and also days of the week, and some (but not all) letters.

 

In fact, when choosing names for the kids, I realised that I was ruling some names out on the grounds that they 'sounded olive green' (Paul), or 'nice, but on the grey side of navy' (Laura)! Soon learnt not to mention that aspect to DH, who thought he'd married someone relatively normal...

[Jill]

Wow Bid and Lancelot, that's amazing! Lancelot, I especially like how names have colours. Does Jill have a particular colour for you? You don't have to reply if you don't want to, I'm just really interested.

 

On the Myth's thread, The Boy:

 

Has eye contact

Smiles if you smile at him

Recognises angry and sad expressions (and reacts to them)

Runs to a child who is upset and tries to cuddle them / looks sad for them.

Has friends (both in the family and at school)

Non verbal but has a sense of humour (hid daddy's beer behind his back and chuckled when daddy was looking for it and gave it to daddy with a big cheeky grin)

Seeks cuddles

Has special adults and is shy around unknown adults

Shows off when visitors come round

Has imaginative play

 

Just like a 4 year old really in most ways!