So sad...

[bid]

My dear dad died 8 weeks ago, and today when I was out I saw a man and for a split second I thought it was my dad

 

It finished me for the rest of the day, and I retreated to bed

 

Has this happened to anyone else?

 

Sorry to bring things down...

 

Boho

[marshmallow]

Just wanted to send you some of these <'> <'> <'>

[caren]

<'> <'> Sorry to hear about your dad.

 

mine died 22 years ago when i was 14 and i remeber so clearly being sat in class and a guy came in i nearly fell off the chair as i went to shout dad the guy was the spit of my dad and for years to come i still saw men who i thought were my dad.

 

It does get easyier with time <'>

[jb1964]

So sorry you're feeling sad - I think what you've felt is totally normal. My hubbie's lost both his parents and I know for months and months after his father died when the phone rang we'd both think it was his dad - and as you say if you saw someone similar out he'd be the same.

 

When someone's been part of your life for so long - even though you know they're no longer here and you accept that - it takes a long long time to stop those thoughts.

 

Thinking of you.

Take care,

Jb

[Bagpuss]

Oh Bid <'> <'>

 

My dad died 22 years ago, and I still miss him and think of him every day....TBH, the older I get, the more I miss him

 

Must of been so terrible to see someone who looked just like him

 

Take care and thinking of you <'>

[Flora]

bid <'>

 

When my dad died there were times in the first few months when I thought I heard his voice.

 

Hope you're ok bid, sending you lots of love and hugs <'>

 

The good memories do take over eventually and you'll begin to remember him with happiness not tinged with sadness... more poignant.

 

Thinking of you

 

Love Flora <'>

[baddad]

<'> <'>

 

Hope there were some happy memories in that 'retreat' too...

 

My dad shot through when i was seven... When I was 24 i sat opposite him on a train, and, finally, as we drew into my station i said 'excuse me, is your name Eric?'... 'Yes', he says, 'Are you one of my sons?'...

 

Now, haven't you got some book-binding to be getting on with?

 

&

 

BD <'>

[dooday24]

thought u could do with these love donna <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[aro]

constantly, my dad died a year ago, I see him everywhere, silver hair, metal rimmed glasses, casual slacks and shirt! Think it's standard issue for men in their late 50's. A couple of times we've gone places and even dh has had to do a double take! Sometimes I like it because I can imagine dad is still here, but mostly it's a harsh reminder! It was like this for several years after my gran died too! Think it must be part of your brain not recognising that they have gone, or not accepting it! Part of grieving I guess

 

I'm so sorry to here of the loss of your father, every sympathy <'> <'> <'>

 

A x

Edited September 2, 2006 by aro

[lindy-lou]

so sorry you have lost your dad bid i can imagine how painful it is,im very close to my dad and cant imagine life without him,i know its not quite the same but i lost a very much loved little dog when i was younger and i used to think i saw him every where,it was very upsetting but sort of comforting too as i was scared i would forget what he looked like,hope things get a bit easier for you <'>

[something vague]

Sorry, you must be feeling pretty raw just yet <'> <'>

 

Yes I had this but now 9 years on I love to spot someone like Dad its kind of like he's popping back to remind me that he existed and that there was a special love there. Its funny but with my mum its music and songs that I swear she sends me to remind me of her.

 

Take care

 

SV

[lollypocket]

I am sorry for your loss. I didn't have that when my Mum died 13 years ago. What I did get was lots of visits in my dreams. It was hard to take but comforting too.

 

Best Wishes

 

KW

[Kathryn]

Bid,

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Eight weeks is not a long time.

 

My mum died 28 years ago tomorrow. I still miss her. I used to have vivid dreams in which I'd see her so clearly I'd wake up and think she was there. Sometimes I still have dreams about her.

 

K xx

[bid]

Thank you all so much <'>

 

And for the lovely PMs too <'>

 

At the moment the hardest part is that the only memories I seem to have are of his last few days when I helped nurse him at home

 

Boho

[Frangipani]

Oh Bid <'> <'>

 

Really sorry for you at this sad time. <'> <'> <'> Those happy times will come drifting in.

 

Take care

 

<'>

[Frangipani]

Sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Remember the happy times Bid, they will be with you for life.

 

<'>

Edited September 3, 2006 by Frangipani

[TheNeil]

That's tough Bid. Not wanting to sound 'cold' but it will get better with time and you'll remember the good times

 

I once thought I saw my dad in Sainsbury's (I'm not making this up) just a couple of months ago (my dad died last November). It was really uncanny, even down to the wheelchair, grey hair, vacant expression (), and being ignored by everyone else - I really wish now that I'd gone over to say something (not about him looking like my dad (that might have freaked him out) but just to let him know that he wasn't 'invisible')

[barefoot wend]

bid

 

Losing a parent takes a good deal of time to come to terms with. When my father died twelve years ago it was very raw for a long time and it was hard to look back.

 

Now I see him in my dreams which used to be hard but now I welcome. I also see him in my children which makes me glad as it means that things do 'go on'.

 

I hope you can reach the stage of being able to look back with happiness soon. Happy memories!

 

Barefoot

[lorryw]

Hello Bid,

Im so sorry to hear of your loss and pain. Be kind to yourself.

Love Lorainexx

[oracle]

Hi Bid

 

My Dad was really ill for the last two years of his life and two years on that is still what I remember. I try hard to remember the times when he was dressing up as Clowns or whatever for my birthday parties. He was always the life and soul of every party but I can't bring that back at the moment

 

His older brother is his spitting image (they were often mistaken for twins) and has always been my favourite uncle but I find it very hard to see him now. My Mum sees him every week and she stills sees his sister. They always have met up once a week. Once a month they are at my Mums and I try to avoid going down as I find it too difficult. My Uncle looks like my Dad and sounds like him.

 

I do dream about him and in my dreams he is never ill so that is something I suppose.

 

Oracle

[bid]

It's very hard, isn't it Oracle

 

My dad had a major stroke, and then suffered from dementia caused by further minor strokes, so for the last 6 years it's been as though we gradually lost him

 

And the last stages of dementia are awful, as every faculty just closes down. At the end he couldn't walk, talk, eat, etc, etc, but was in acute distress all the time

 

I do hope the earlier memories come back eventually

 

Thank you all again for sharing your experiences...it's been really helpful for me <'>

 

Boho <'>

[Karen A]

My dear dad died 8 weeks ago, and today when I was out I saw a man and for a split second I thought it was my dad

 

It finished me for the rest of the day, and I retreated to bed

 

Has this happened to anyone else?

 

Sorry to bring things down...

 

Boho

Dear Bid I have not read all the responses-not up to it tonight but wanted to drop a note.Mam will have been dead 2 years in November.She died after a very traumatic few months during which I spent a lot of time in the North East looking after her[i was a district nurse in earlier life].We live in London so it was all very stressful.I came in the house today and imediately picked up the phone as I often do.OH said ''Your mam is not going to have phoned today -it has been 2 years-it would be some shock if she left a message now''

Do take it easy Bid-very sorry but it is very early days.Please don't worry about bringing things down.I must not be the only one here that hugely values the fact that people here are able to be honest and don't feel the need to pretend things feel OK. <'> <'> <'> Karen

[Suze]

oh Bid I feel for you, my dear grand pops succombed to dementia 2 weeks ago.His last years were very hard as he became a shadow of his former self.He went into full time care last year and was hospitalised in July after her broke his leg(an awful story), my mum in particular suffered with him.I,ve tried really hard to focus on the man I knew before the illness took hold.At his funeral I openly showed and carried my favourite photo of him smiling and happy several years earlier.I,ve put this photo in the kitchen and I look at him every day, I just don,t want his full and happy life to be clouded by the last 2 difficult and sad years.He was more than that, Bid your pain must be so raw , I hope there comes a time for you when you can look at your dads photo and remember the happy times more clearly than the sad <'> love suzex.

[lynyona]

When my grandad died the week after im sure i saw him the strange thing being he didnt even ive in the same town as us.My dad died 7 years ago and i miss him every day,it may sound silly but im sure mams dog she sees dad,theywill be out walking and she will just start wagging her tail when someone comes towards her she s not a fussy dog and doesnt just go up to people.

 

 

lynn

[minerva]

I swear everytime i go to the shopping centre that my nan used to shop in i see her out of the corner of my eye every 5 minutes, and shes been gone 5 years next month

 

I really thought i was going nuts lol

 

thanx Bid

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> Bid <'> <'>

[Stephanie]

Exactly.

 

About 6 months after my Dad died, I was sitting by the river on my lunchbreak from work and saw a man walking towards me down the tow path ... he walked the same, looked the same as my Dad, same type of clothes - everything. As he got closer he looked less like him (thankfully).

 

But it made me think, and it made me sad ... but then I thought about all the good stuff about my Dad, our little injokes etc and I was soon sitting there by myself laughing like an idiot.

[kirstie]

<'> Dearest Bid , iam so sorry to hear of your loss.

You haven't had it easy have you? <'> <'>

My Grandma died when iwas 13, she was the sweetest lady you could ever hope to meet. She always had home made baking in the tins, tablet, cookies you name it. I was inconsolable when she died, i still dream about her from time to time and missed her dreadfully when i recently got married. What makes me smile is remembering her big HUGE hug when we would visit and the big "Oooooh HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!" at the door.

I hope you will eventually find some comfort in remembering the good times, and the odd stranger who pops up looking just like him will make you smile. <'> <'>