Jill

I'm with you Brooke, I love it! Have to agree about the car tho.

It's difficult to judge with The Boy cos he's only 4 and non verbal, but last year (when he was 3) we put the paddling pool away under the back bed at the end of Summer. This year, on our first sunny day of the year, he got hold of his daddy's hand, took him upstairs to the back bedroom and put daddy's hand onto the paddling pool (which was shoved right back under the bed). He does lots of things like this that absolutely amaze us - how could he remember where the pool was and know it was appropriate to get it out now it was sunny? There's no way I would've remembered something like that between the ages of 3 and 4. Makes me realise there's a lot going on in there, I just don't see it.

OMG Sorry Stephanie, I am not laughing at you but at this crazy Community Care woman. I don't think I have ever heard anything so bizarre in my life. Mind you, if she does have this amazing "super ability" she could sure save local authorities a lot of money & parents a lot of waiting time - she could line the kids up & provide an instant dx, thus cutting out all those pesky paeds, psychs and SaLTs. Love it, that's made my day that has. I went to a party last week - all the kids there were either on the spectrum or siblings of kids on the spectrum & it was only by careful observation that you could really "pick out" the ASD kids & then it was more because of the occasional bit of hand flapping or errant noises etc rather than an appearance thing. BTW your lad is blonde and blue eyed, The Boy is browny blonde hair, brown eyes & olive skinned - looks quite italian TBH altho me and daddy are both English born and bred. Sorry, still chuckling at this one.............

I don't blame you for rejecting the apology. Was she genuinely sorry for her narrow minded, ignorant and bigoted attitude, or was she just sorry that she'd put her foot in it by saying something so awful to someone who is affected by autism? I suspect the latter

This is quite a difficult one, because I can actually see it from both sides. I can totally see your POV in that you perhaps intended it as a joke or play on words which this woman has misunderstood. However, from an NT POV I would understand that this would cause offence to the woman in question. Setting up "impatient" or "simpleton" as a password might be something that I would do secretly to vent my spleen at her annoying attitude (and perhaps share what I had done with friendly colleagues), but then I would change it to something a little less controversial before I gave her the PC e.g. reset it as something like "Monday" or "Password". I do think tho that your company sounds like it needs to be somewhat more understanding about your difficulties - from reading your posts they don't seem to be doing much at all to try and learn more. I think the key difference is that you did what you did and were up front about it. Me, as an NT, would have done it but rather sneakily. The thing is, she probably got more cross about it and reported you because she realised she was being a git about having package X installed but didn't like it when you showed her what a git she was being. If it's any consolation, I often find that people do things like asking for Package X when it is inappropriate (to pretend that they know more than they actually do - they probably heard somebody mention it once in a meeting and thought it would make them sound clever). Then react aggressively when they are picked up on it by someone who really DOES know what they are talking about it's generally to disguise the fact that they really aren't that clever at all.

suey

Mel I am made up for you mate. I dream of a day when we get a poop in the toilet blessim. You must be absolutely over the moon. Personally I think your ex's approach of "putting him in the bath to clean himself" seems a bit harsh? I guess tho it depends on how old your lad is / how this would make him feel. I just know that this would really distress The Boy. IMO it sounds as tho it is actually your support, guidance and advice that has probably suddenly clicked with him, it was just unfortunate that it clicked at your ex's. It's just that I don't see how punishing someone for not doing something, when they really don't understand what it is you want would help them to understand IYSWIM. Then again, mebbe I should just keep me beak out - soz, no offense meant. What I am trying to say - albeit clumsily - is I suspect it is your guidance that has lead to this triumph.

I've got a better one. My first car was my pride and joy, then I met a new boyfriend & we got fairly serious. One day he said "why are you putting oil in the car", "because it needs it" sez I "but you put some in yesterday", "yes," sez I, "but when I bought it the chap said to top it up every time that little yellow light comes on the dash". Turns out I had a right oil burning, oil leaking car. I thought it was perfectly normal to have to put oil in your car every day Ever since I've always taken someone with a modicum of mechanical knowledge when purchasing a new motor vehicle.

poisoning

Errrm, I think I'm with BD on this one - if there are 5 "winning places" and two tie at one place, I think that negates one of the places ? Blimey it's hard to explain what I mean, esp as I'm not 100% sure I'm right, BD don't have tied places next time!!!!

Barbeque

Things have been going pretty well with setting up a school for The Boy. We had a draft statement that every professional had input to & they'd all pretty much said "this child needs autism specific education." That fitted in well with what we wanted. We'd identifed an autism specific school that we liked & named it on the statement. I also spoke to our representative on "the panel" and explained our reasonings for selecting that school above the others we'd seen ("the panel" ultimately decide where your child will go & seem to be separate to the LEA). We got the first rumblings of potential problems last week when I was told that the school we wanted was full. However, "our woman in the LEA" told us to stick to our guns & see what happened, she isn't involved in the decision making (this "panel" decide ultimate placings), but she said the panel may still send The Boy to our chosen school, even if it was full. Anyway, this morning had a phone call from our rep on "the panel" to say that they have decided the school we want for The Boy is not suitable; "because his needs aren't bad enough". Not sure how they can id that just from reading the statement & never actually meeting The Boy. The rep said the Inclusion Officer is going to phone us to arrange a meeting to talk it all through. I'll have this meeting but - soz this is my question after long winded post - does "Inclusion Officer" mean that this woman is going to come out & push us to go mainstream? We do have other special schools in mind that would be ok (just ok, not as good as the one we wanted) but I'm polishing the boxing gloves if they are talking mainstream.............how can you send a non verbal, not potty trained, wont sit still for one second, mid spectrum autistic child to mainstream? Am I being tunnel visioned about this? Should I seriously consider mainstream in these circumstances? It doesn't feel right for The Boy tho if I am honest - not fair on him or the other kids. Will the statement give us back up i.e. that we want special school - even tho it is still in a draft status, surely the fact all the professionals say "autism specific schooling" & we've returned it agreed has got to stand us in good stead? Soz, shutting up now, waffling head on again

I like 'em & appreciate the effort going into doing 'em. Can I ask tho ............. what does L&P mean at the end of your posts? Lick & Pops? Lust & Panties? Lion & Panther? Lead & Pencil? What does it mean? It's driving me crackers ............. quiet day at work, can you tell

Go with what you think is right. No-one knows your child as well as you do, not any professional or LEA. Best of luck mate. I do feel for you.

That report is totally disgraceful. I'd ask them for their evidence because you are considering suing for libel. Appalling behaviour from a school, I'm just lost for words. Good for you and hubby laying into them in the meeting. I'd have struggled to keep my hands from around their necks. I'm having to be careful how I post this cos I just want to swear, spit and use expletives I am so angry on your behalf. Make sure you get accurate notes from the meeting & chase them up if you aren't happy. I just can't get across how scandalous I think this is!

The Boy isn't really talking yet, but you can generally tell where he is in the house because he doesn't seem able to go more than 5 mins without making some sort of sound. Viper, you did give me a laugh with that - you've summed things up so succinctly but so funny too!

The trouble is that no-one can understand what it is like unless they live with it. I'm really lucky in that my family do at least TRY to understand. It's interesting to me tho, reading this thread, how many people have come to a better understanding by spending more time with the child / family, or how people start to see it more & believe it more as the child grows older and the difference to peers is more obvious. It's so sad, but I guess part of the problem is that people really only believe what they can see (or ar willing to see) and there are not always obvious "signs" with autism. Personally, I find the people who think they are experts more annoying than those that are dismissive. You know, people who give you advice but actually know bog all about it, or say "oh autistic eh? He'll be really intelligent / have a special skill / be lost in his own world then" and then sit back smugly as if you're going to fawn all over them for their brilliant knowledge / understanding. Sorry, seem to have drifted off into my own rant there lol. At least we understand on here mate.

Mum22boys. First of all ((((big hug)))). It must be so hard to not see autistic traits in a second child & I know you just want some advice cos the earlier dx the better for the little uns. I think someone on this thread has suggested you keep a diary. I think that's a really good idea. Every time something occurs that gets your "antennae" up, you could write it down. After a week or so you may then have a better idea of whether you think you are worrying unecessarily or not (seeing it all together in black and white). At that point you can decide whether you want to go for assessment. Sometimes I think you get that you cannot see the wood for the trees & we all want what is best for our kids, so we want to know as early as poss so we can start and help them appropriately. The trouble is that a lot of "autistic" behaviour really could apply to the vast majority of 2, 3 and 4 year olds - which is why I agree with Bullet - I think it is the things our children do not do, rather than the things they do do that give us the idea about whether they are on the spectrum or not. Hope you get this sorted mate. Take Care.

Viper's taken the words right out of my mouth. Hope you sort this one lil me. Big Hugs.

I know this approach - it's a stupid idea that probably arose from some group of consultants on silly wages. It's called a "bell curve" approach. How do I know? Cos they apply it to annual appraisal markings where I work - only a maximum of 5% of people are allowed A marks on their appraisals. So, if more than 5% have the A grade, then all the managers have to get together to "discuss" who it is more appropriate to allocate the A grade to (in reality, it's down to which manager can shout loudest / is strongest in the meeting). The theoretical reason for this is that gaining an A grade should be unusual - you can't have that many people in an organisation classed as "a top notch performer who consistently achieves more than their grade requires" (the description of the A on the appraisal). The real reason for this is because the marking on your appraisal directly links to your pay rise, so the company quite understandably don't want many A's (wish they'd be honest and admit this tho, rather than the usual fob off blurb you get from employers). Doesn't help you much I know, but at least you can explain to your daughter why it has happened. Well done to her BTW for applying herself so well at school!

Oh laws Paula, can you please not put things like this in your posts?!!! I try to read this sneakily at work you know! It's hard to maintain this sneaky approach when I blast out with a sudden laff Had to try & disguise it as a coughing fit

PS I don't think you are a paranoid parent. I find myself looking for traits all the time in every adult & child I meet, so goodness only knows what I would be like if we'd had a second child!

Stephanie I think these are the two key points. My NT nephew lines toys up (he's 3) but when you ask him what he is doing he will say "parking my cars" or "we're getting ready for a race" so he is lining up toys with an intent, rather than just lining them up IYKWIM. BTW - even tho he sez he's parking his cars - it aint necessarily all cars that he is lining up, there will be other toys in amongst there that he is pretending are cars. Also, he only does this for a short period of time before moving onto the next part of the game or losing interest entirely and playing with something else. When The Boy lines things up, it is always the same sort of toy e.g. all cars. He also lines them up in size and colour order. The lines are very precise, he spends a long time doing this to the exclusion of all else & the whole purpose is to line the cars up as opposed to lining them up for a game. It's sort of hard to explain, hope you get what I mean, but there are differences in doing this between my NT nephew and The Boy. I can't stop you from worrying - you're a mum & it is your job to worry - but I don't personally think it's anything to get too het up about. I think DPF's idea of a "Trait" chart is inspired. At the very least it's an obvious visual monitor for you to put your mind at ease.

Me mate did the whole dating site thing & didn't find anyone she even wanted to be friends with, so she tried a mobile phone chat room instead. Thing is, she's so naive. Lucky I was with her - she was texting this chap who said he was a lorry driver. He was in his cab parked up & they were getting on quite well. Then he texted that he was having a short break for a "Barclays" . Me mate was gonna text back to ask what he meant, then I explained it to her. She ended that chat pretty quickly & didn't bother again She's now happily living the single life & meets people the old fashioned way.

I reckon it's a woman thing My hubby always chunters at me cos I get in from work in my power suit best, trot upstairs and come down in a pair of bobbly old red tartan PJ's and my green dinosaur socks. Hubby sez it's a bit like wonder woman in reverse - changing from super efficient bird into dowdy crazy bag lady In the winter I wear a vest, PJ's, dressing gown & big sox to watch tv. If hubby is feeling fruity he sez it takes so long to get the wrapping off that he's gone off the sweet by the time he gets to it!