Mandapanda

Hi smiley1590 I hope you have a really brilliant time, you all deserve it after the past couple of years x Don't worry about your weight (sounds like the food will be lovely), just relax with your family and enjoy yourself.

Hi Hughey I read the whole post. In my humble opinion, it isn't AS ruining your life, it is your anger. There are plenty of people with AS who have successful relationships, cope with their difficulties, and achieve loads of things in spite of AS and even because of it. There are also many people who do not have AS who are hopeless with the opposite sex, who have rock bottom self-confidence, have a chip on their shoulder, can't join the military because of their eyesight or other problem, and as you say in your own post there are plenty of good looking people with unattractive personalities. I believe one of the most off-putting things for women is an aggressive, angry personality in a man. And whether male or female, someone who obsesses about their faults is unlikely to give someone else the care and attention they are looking for. I am sorry you feel like you do, it must be totally miserable for you. If only you could try and look at things you can do rather than can't do, and perhaps do some voluntary work with people less fortunate than yourself (ie severely disabled, suffering from cancer etc). It is possible to find something positive in AS but you have to be open to seeing it.

Hi My eldest has ginger hair and blue eyes. I've noticed in the past that there seemed to be a disproportionately high incidence of ginger hair in asds featured in the media - not sure if that is truly representative though! I did wonder about contacting Dr Cohen at Cambridge about it. Thought it was just me being ginger-biased

Hi bonbons We had 4 bereavements in 5 years (all family members). The first was my sister who was 43 and left 2 children (their real dad was hopeless and their stepdad chucked them out of the house soon after). When my youngest was about 4 we took away his special cuddly toy as he was being really impossible at bedtime (we didn't know he had so many problems then). My sister passed away when he was about 6, probably making him worry that something might happen to me. He would sob and cry about his cuddly toy as if its loss was a bereavement - very hard for me to cope with at the time. Each time we had a bereavement he would go on about the cuddly toy (believe me we couldn't feel any more guilty about the whole thing ). Years on and after my mother-in-law passed away (who my boys were very close to), and he gradually and eventually came to terms with the loss of his cuddly toy. Looking back I can see that all his emotions were directed towards the loss of the toy, probably because he couldn't cope with or understand his feelings about losing the people. It wasn't 'just a toy', he and his brother pretended it could talk and it was almost like a little brother to him. I can only assume that losing people brought back the feelings he had when he lost his toy. We've had many long discussions about why we took the toy away, how sorry we are that we didn't keep it etc. He's OK about it now, he has grown up a lot. I wonder if perhaps making a scrap book of your daughter's hero would help (I realise she may have pictures on the wall etc anyway). A specific project directly relating to him, and something you could do together, might possibly help. Sometime (especially with grief), you have to focus on it and go through it, to come to terms with it. Good luck.

Hi I came across this website with some interesting information regarding home education, particularly with regard to Special Education Needs: http://edyourself.org/articles/FundingReport.php#getcollegeplace

Hi soraya Poor you <'> When we had our niece living with us and she went off the rails, the best SS offered her was the YMCA. Not ideal if they are vulnerable. It should be as there are staff there. But she knew people who hung around there and there were fairly undesirable (which is why she knew them!). They never offered her any other option. Later we found that a couple near us were like foster parents to teenagers too old to be fostered - they were supported housing in a normal home. We were never told about this or offered it - it would have been more what she needed. That couple got lots of training, help and support, that we as family were not 'entitled' to . We declined the YMCA and put up with her for a bit longer, which sadly was a mistake for us and our own children. Try and explore the local options on the internet, ask people you know, etc. It won't be easy whatever happens and I really feel for you.

Hi We have had some success with something called an Ionic toothbrush. It doesn't vibrate or buzz. It has a battery in and this somehow makes the plaque/dirt attracted to the bristles. He says it does make his teeth feel cleaner. So far so good!

Hi atlantis (are you feeling lost ) Welcome, I'm sure you will find plenty of friendly advice and more importantly moral support here. The suggestions above are excellent. Good luck with everything, keep us posted

Hi BuntyB This is a difficult situation and I feel for you. My son is coming up 15 and is now home educated as he couldn't cope with secondary school. He rarely goes out (NOT because of the home ed - it is the reason he is home edded). There have been times when I couldn't leave him alone as he was unsafe, and it puts a terrible strain on the whole family. I have found the only way of ever getting the bottom of anything (if possible at all), is to ask indirect questions. Rather than ask 'did anything bad happen at school', I would ask 'which lessons did you do today'. It would take very patient careful questioning to get to the point of any problems. Many times it wouldn't work. The most open he ever was with me was in the middle of the night when he was deeply distressed. Since the pressure of school was taken off him, we can talk about school and things that happened because he feels distanced from it. I know through my work that clinicians sometimes suggest using an elastic band round the wrist and twanging it against the skin, or using ice cubes against the skin, as a 'safer' method of self-harming. I agree that you need more input from CAMHS if you can get it. Best wishes.

Ha ha, I guess that's a good thing?! Try to rest some time in between studying and everything else - getting over tired won't help with the stress.

Hi Tally Well done! Glad you enjoyed it. The atmosphere adds so much to music when you see it live, and it can be exciting to see the instruments being played.

Hi Dijac I know exactly how you feel

Hi Sally It sounds to me like you experienced a fake antivirus virus! As baddad says, they break the link of the exe files maliciously. I can personally recommend Superantispyware Free Edition - it does not run all the time but you can run it if your computer slows down or behaves odd, or once a week or something. Also Malwarebytes Antimalware, again I think you have to ask this to run. These 2 progs will very likely pick up stuff your normal antivirus programme doesn't. If you get a pop up about antivirus the best thing to do is immediately turn the computer off - before the virus can download anything. If the computer will let you you can also do system restore (under Start - Accessories - System Tools - System Restore).

Hi RainbowsButterflies It has crossed my mind (I've been wearing contacts since I was 15), but I seriously doubt he would be able to cope with them. Apart from the sensory problems, he would probably be seriously anxious that they would disappear round the back of his eyes despite full explanations.

Hi bid Give me a clue..... Oh, maybe that is a clue ?!

Hi Aw has just been to the opticians (for the first time in 2 years ). He is becoming short sighted. His prescription is just at the level where they 'start giving glasses'. However, he had glasses when he was little and hated them, particularly the nose rests. When we went to Avatar 3D he HATED the glasses and it spoiled the film for him. He is ultra-sensitive. He could even see the little tiny lines in the lenses of the 3D glasses! He needs glasses only for distance - the optician said for the cinema, if he was learning to drive, but even for watching TV. I've been dreading this happening! He can probably manage without at the moment, but presumably his eyesight will gradually deteriorate over time. We got him the most light and flexible frames to try on, but he just sat stony faced - he put them on and took them straight off saying he didn't like the nose rests. 'We' decided to go home and 'think about it' (the dispenser smiled and said Good Luck - she could see what was going on!) When we got home he said 'couldn't I just wait till I'm old enough and have that laser thing done'. Arrrrrgh

Aw is 14 and we've had loads of problems with toothpaste in the past. Recently he asked for an oscillating toothbrush (the power of advertising ). He has been using it for a while with a toothpaste that he agreed was 'acceptable'. However, the other night I asked him if he was remembering to clean his teeth. He said 'yes, but not very thoroughly'. I asked him why not and he said 'I don't like putting anything in my mouth'. I said perhaps after he'd cleaned his teeth with the toothpaste he could brush some more with just water, but he said 'that won't make any difference'. I'm going to try suggesting he goes back to a manual toothbrush, but not sure if this will make any difference either. Anyone have any ideas? What we need is a sort of ultrasonic cleaner that doesn't have to touch his teeth and doesn't taste of anything - any inventors out there who could oblige

Hi Goldenben Sorry I didn't reply further before. Did you check any of my links? Let us know how you are.

Hi Sally It's a very upsetting situation to be in. There are forums and groups for home edding children with special needs - you may find some advice on those for little things you can be doing with him in the meantime. If there is anything you can do to help him enjoy any sort of learning while he's at home it will be good for you both. We used to have a game called Speedy Delivery - it was a sort of maze and you had little lorries and the dice only had colours on it with matching colours on the arches of the maze. You threw the dice and went through the arch with the matching colour, and if there were boxes in that section you put them on your lorry. The one who got the most boxes home was the winner - some arches weren't high enough for your pile of boxes so some got knocked off. It was really good fun and a good starter game. Sorry can't offer any further help. Thinking of you and wishing you luck x

Hi Mumble Well done! The atmosphere did look really friendly and happy on the TV. Your photos are brilliant, all the colour and pageantry, you had a great view! (Big hunky Policeman in one photo too ) I thought Catherine looked beautiful, and very confident and composed, and TOTALLY AGREE about Beatrice & Eugenie - they looked like Pantomime Dames Catherine's family all looked very stylish indeed. I was worried Pippa might stumble on the steps as she had very high heels on! I thought Chelsy Davy was an old woman from a distance Posh looked too worried about what everyone might think to even smile Loved the Aston Martin with the stuff tied on and the L plate and the Just Wed number plate - nice humorous touch!

Hi Sally I don't know anything about the legal proceedings etc. We never got that far! However in my experience, my MP was extremely helpful when things got really bad for us and we were being threatened with prosecution (only by the school - The Education Welfare Officer never thought that was appropriate). He got a letter from Education stating clearly that they new my son was off on medical grounds (depression and school phobia), and would therefore not prosecute. This shut the school up. It sounds like the Judge is doing everything properly which should mean the IO has to do everything properly. However if you have any further trouble, do consider contacting your MP. The (any) Government sets the laws and the Every Child Matters thing, they probably have no idea how far away from this some education authorities and schools are in their actual behaviour and procedures, so it is useful to put them in the picture. He/she may be able to push for some education whilst he's at home - there can be waiting lists for this. If all else fails, home education is the most wonderful secret! It allows a child freedom to learn what they want when they want in the way they are able to cope with. My son teaches himself mostly, I just ensure a supply of websites, books, dvds, etc, and discuss what he's learning every so often. He likes 'teaching' me what he's learned! Good luck.

Hi Links for Goldie's Band: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01032wg http://www.facebook.com/pages/12lve-Goldies-Band-Official/120421618033220?sk=info Wargaming: http://www.warhammer.org.uk/phpBB/index.php?sid=051087007eadc43d16a6e5dc853d912e http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&pq=wargaming+club+basingstoke&xhr=t&q=wargaming&cp=7&cr=countryUK%7CcountryGB&rlz=1R2ADFA_enGB346&wrapid=tlif130380227562710&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&biw=1198&bih=632 http://www.earlswoodwargamers.co.uk/blog/ Will reply more fully after work.

Hi Goldenben Sorry you're feeling low at the moment. It is hard making friends, but all you can really do is be friendly but not expect too much from others. I've had years without a proper good friend, but now have one due to sheer chance. It's a bit like love, it comes when you least expect it and often when you're not even looking for it, but it's well worth waiting for. Have you ever been interested in wargaming/Warhammer? My husband does this and he meets some great people through it - not necessarily best buddies but good wargaming friends. The people that go there are all individuals, and they chat and listen nicely, and they are not all the same age - it can be good to mix with people of varied ages rather than a 'gang' of people your own age. Is there an animal charity you could volunteer for locally? You'd meet others who are equally passionate about animals. Did you see Goldie's Band - many of the young people involved used music like therapy. It was a brilliant programme.

Hi HollowFingers Let us know how it goes.

Hi In my experience, aside from the team/rules side of PE - the very worst part for my youngest was the changing rooms. No adult supervision, kids spraying deodorant everywhere, including at him, boys even weeing on others stuff. Generally a noisy, rowdy, chaotic, horrible environment for him. Can't say I blame him really...