Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by trekster

  1. where do we start?

    Hello and welcome. I'm aware that the national autistic society has a group in Worcestershire. They are on Facebook if that helps? Does he like things like gardening or physically damaging jobs? The national trust as dome projects he might be interested in as do other projects. Alfie
  2. Hi

    Hi and welcome I'm 1 of the admins here.
  3. Son wants to move out

    Well done for being so proactive in getting what's best for you and your son. It's a shame that sometimes what you need and what your son needs aren't coordinated.
  4. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSetfHBUtoZvsc9qMMuL2pHyDO-UsGPOCRR3h-XXC2Vogy50UA/viewform This is for psychiatry experiences of ours and could help to influence change in how services are run that support us.
  5. Son wants to move out

    Can Mencap help you with filling out the forms? Can you get your GP to write a letter explaining how the "current housing situation is having a detrimental effect to both your wellbeings" also to get social services to write a supportive letter. That's what I had to do so I could get a higher banding to bid for the housing I needed.
  6. New member wanting some advice!

    Congrats on getting him his diagnosis. How is the school with him?
  7. Can't take it he needs to go

    Can Mencap help you to get him diagnosed with a learning disability? Really hope you get the help he needs to move out. Can't a care provider that supports him in the home at first just try and be aware he could have an additional learning disability? If it helps I had a care agency that helped me to go out and get food to cook for me and granny. Later that progressed to me moving out. 10 years later I temporarily moved back to mums for 15months then moved out again. 3 years ago I moved into my current home. It's not perfect but the care agency I currently have help me with a multitude of things.
  8. Gaming meltdown

    First and foremost we feel others emotions too intensely to cope, that doesn't mean we lack empathy. I've watched TV programs to help me learn empathy and discussed it with people who can explain in 'black and white' ways 'the other side of the coin'. He might feel like the only thing he's good at is the game. He could know the game very well and be able to tell if there's an internet problem or people cheating. We are rule orientated so if someone does something out the ordinary it can look like cheating. I've been a game quizzer for over 4 years with 2 friends. At first I was stroppy with some of my friends, them giving me time to reflect and my home situation improving meant I was less likely to be stroppy with them. I used to get really wound up when we didn't get any prizes. Then my teammates reminded me of other ways we could consider success, eg our score each time going up, the questions not being the ones we we're experienced in etc. Would giving him specific praise help? Have a motto 'no problem too big, no achievement to small' in th household and strive to resolve it no matter what. Remind him of it when he brings up failure. Perfectionism is a difficult trait to resolve in us autistics.
  9. What to do??

    It could be both AS and being 'a piece of work', it could be a trauma reaction, it could be learnt behaviour from his mother or someone else. I have a trauma history and I have chronic pain. My joints dislocate on a regular basis, communicating this issue to people is rarely done with an 'ouch' as I was conditioned out of saying 'ouch', also conditioned out of crying, only risperdal (meltable tablets as liquid and hard tablets I reacted to) which helps with the auditory flashbacks. No matter what I did as a kid I could never please my parents, literal thinking got a smack, hitting an entertainer once got a beating which has left me with claustrophobia and anxiety over louder voices, disagreeing with anything got a smack. That could have been your stepsons situation before coming to you, that's neither of your faults or your husband's for that matter. Challenging behaviour foundation might also be able to advise. https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/
  10. PAN Card Not Received

    What is a pan card?
  11. Autistic and Bipolar Comorbidity

    I asked a friend of mine who carers for a relative who has bipolar. The conclusions we both reached are that if you have one disability affecting the brain eg autism then you are more likely to develop another disability affecting the brain eg bipolar. Me personally, have autism, dyslexia, depression, anxiety, insomnia, cptsd and traits of other disabilities affecting the brain. Also you can have both bipolar and borderline personality disorder, but distinguishing between rapid cycling bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder is very hard even from the most experienced diagnosticians.
  12. See if you can find a copy of their wellbeing or mental health policy on the schools website, quote sections from this in the complaint letter. You can look up your local MP on the website www.theyworkforyou.com where you can see how your MP voted on a variety of issues including special educational ones. Also are they on this list (weblink below); https://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/campaign/appga/members.aspx See if there is any parental support in your area by typing in "autism near (name of your county)" into an internet search. Pre Cahms stopped helping us when I had one session where I couldn't engage with them. That was back in the late 90s. I'd just been diagnosed myself then. www.mind.org.uk is a mental health charity, covers mental health and can put you in touch with local resources as well. They operate a legal line as well. Just found the below weblink as well. https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/discrimination-in-education/
  13. Teenager out of control and violent

    A lot of 'behaviour that challenges' is due to hidden pain. 98% according to John Clements author of 'people with autism behaving badly, moving on from emotional and behavioural challenges'. But asking us "are you in pain?" When we cannot comprehend what pain is or means (even us highly verbal people cannot comprehend) is gonna be tricky. It's a bit like being a detective; what triggers off the 'problem' behaviour; what can be done instead. Have a timetable for when your kids help with chores and when they have downtime, autistics need a lot more downtime than neurotypicals. Yeah I get it we're a lot harder work than neurotypicals, I had running away behaviour as a teenager, school stuff, others emotions etc was all too much to cope with. I still need a flow diagram to get all my shower stuff in the right order, or my home help to "verbally prompt me at every stage", plus dealing with the sensory issues, any distractions from the umpteen comments I may have heard online etc. Think of asking one of us to do the dishes and the number of steps it takes to do the dishes. Then once you've worked out or remembered those steps, you realise the washing up liquid has run out.... After the shops have all shut. Gaming is a way of hiding from the unpredictable world. The more predictable life at home can be the easier it is for us to prevent meltdowns, shutdowns and brain overload. The challenging behaviour foundation could have some other ideas; https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/ Although it's aimed at those with severe learning disabilities, the principles can be applied to any form of challenging behaviour. Ps, I have been both the 'getting in your face' and on the end of someone 'getting in my face' sides of the fence. I've people close to me, that deny they're autistic so take it out on me. I've now got better resources to help me be less in one's face and normally intervene to help the situation no longer escalate, living on my own and having home help I've found a way to interact with helps, as does controlling physical pain, recognising when hungry or tired can also help.
  14. PIP appeal

    It all depends on which assessor you get on the day to be honest. Evidence from as many different sources regarding how your son's affected. If he has coordination difficulties emphasise those as well. Hope he gets his PIP on appeal.
  15. To add to the above, evidence of ethical approval (or reasons why this isn't relevant to your research) has to be private messaged to a moderator/admin and approved before posting, no exceptions.
  16. Newbie

    Hi sorry you haven't had any responses up until now. I'm not a parent but I was supported by my gran when I said similar things. Does he have friends at college? Does he have a wish to find out more about autism? There are books aimed at teens and parents on coping with teenage. Jacqui Jackson's "multicoloured mayhem" springs to mind. Hope you both find the help you need. Could the mind infoline help? Or even places like 'young minds'? I tried computing and admin, got a lot of qualifications but I haven't found paid work yet.
  17. I had staff shout in my face and got some money back. I had the same person abuse me mentally and got £30 refund. It is worth complaining whether invisible or visible. I had a written apology each time.
  18. Another newbie :)

    Hello and welcome to the forum. Really hope this forum gives you some ideas of how to navigate this confusing world that is post diagnosis. I'm one of the moderators on here.
  19. Autistic daughter needs help with DT project

    Admin note, normally we require members to ask permission via private message before posting research proposals to the list. In this instance the post can be kept on as it stands. Hope your daughter does well in her project.
  20. "Jazz hands" rather than clapping

    This is not a new thing, the autscape organisation has been using 'jazz hands' since 2005 with success at their annual autistic conferences.
  21. Distance learning autism course?

    Due to my autism I have difficulty answering open questions. But will do my best. For me it was the best investment I could have made. It helped me understand myself and my friends better. I did a case study on myself because I couldn't find anyone else. I didn't get a paid career out of it because my elhers danlos was diagnosed and my mobility and my mentor at the time let me down. I also had to change tutors when trying the masters course. It is an excellent standard workwise. I got a 2:1 in autism as a result. I got my masters in professional development from a different university last year. It helped me decide what I wanted to do with my life. It's just trying to work out how to develop my community interest company to help my organisation to expand.
  22. Why is he so nasty

    Wish I knew what was making him so horrible towards you. I can tease people sometimes but if I see they're upset I back off. Is this recent behaviour or something building up over time? Anything in particular in his life causing him to lash out? Remind me again does he live with you? Can you get respite care from him from social services as a carer for your disabled son? I have been off the rails in the past. For me it was a combination of triggers: 1. Having gluten, dairy, anything ending in the word benzoate, pineapple or tartaric acid anywhere near my mouth or on my skin. 2. Flashbacks from my traumatic past causing me to push others away as I felt I couldn't open up to them. 3. Severe physical pain from my then undiagnosed fibromyalgia and eds/hms every joint in my body apart from my back can dislocate multiple times a day. It is very painful and I'm still getting on top of treating it properly. 4. Hunger and or fatigue caused by not recognising the signs as the timing of this post shows. 5. More changes in the day than I can process and understand especially last minute ones. 6. Clashes with my teenage siblings. 7. People saying things that reminded me of my past or lying to me. 8. Unclear and unrealistic expectations from others I was never able to meet. Most of the above have been resolved bar a few. I'm a better person to get along with when I've been sipping tonic water (to settle cross contamination from gluten and dairy), have taken meds, has plenty of sleep etc and have my own space to process changes and what's expected of me. Really hope you get to the bottom of what's going on ASAP.
  23. Can you book an appointment with him with an asd aware counseller to come to the house and help him? My relative used to do that for me when I was stuck in a duty due to my unrecognised secondary mental health problems. He sounds scared of the world so hides in his safer place of home due to the experiences at primary school. Has he had any support at secondary school that really benefited him? There's a lot of choices regarding what to do and not to when leaving school. It can get overwhelming at times for asd kids. I used to sit around all day in the same clothes and go to bed in them because I couldn't decide what to wear so I stayed in what I was wearing. You mention his computer projects? Is there anyway that can be turned into a career for him? Could he work from home? Either doing his own business or testing computer games and writing up reviews? Also teenager type of problems can last longer in autistics (that's my theory anyway) when I was 23 I woke up one day to find the anxiety had gone and had some years of stability. Nothing in particular happened I think my hormones settled down. Another possibility is that he has a chronic pain condition he's unable to express apart from the depression type behaviours you are seeing. It is very rare that when I'm in physical pain I say "ouch" I can get snappy and grumpy instead though. John clements mentioned in his book "people with autism behaving badly" (despite the title he is very understanding towards those of us on the spectrum). I realise this is a lot to think about and you want the best for your son. Hope you get some answers soon. For context I was dislocating every joint in my body except my back but was unable to express it, also have extreme muscle pain. I am a highly verbal autistic as well just couldn't say "this hurts like hell" like 'normies' can.
  24. Challenging Limits

    Knowing when to delegate a task to someone else is the key. Also finding alternative ways in which to complete a task can be helpful. I can book my car in for a service using an online app or an email. Some companies offer an mot test booking online. You get an email to confirm your test time and booking details. The scheme I'm on means they ring me up to ask for my car to be booked in for an mot. It still stresses me out as I have to plan out a whole day to get it done and I'm under time pressure to do it. When I rang up with a problem with my current car I was asked if I still had the last one. But you have to deliver the last car in order to pick up the next one so that seemed illogical to ask. If you present female at a garage some may try and rip you off, but if you present male or go with a friend being ripped off is less likely. Can't you start the phone call with another person in the room and then if the call goes wrong say "I can't cope with this please speak to (name of person)" or "I can't cope with this please speak to my support worker". Some gp practices can permit email contact but I'm not sure how that would work for booking appointments. If your gp is aware of your difficulties on the phone they may permit email contact. The subject line would be "FAO (your gps name)" if you can't cope with a telephone appointment (where the gp rings you back within a set two hour window) mention that on the email. Only downside of not having telephone appointments is you have to wait longer to see your gp.
  25. New member.

    Hello and welcome I've struggled with food addiction. I cannot have 'just a little bit' of gluten or dairy without wanting to have lots and lots more. I have to abstain from gluten or dairy in order to function in my daily life. There is another book 'aspergers and alcohol drinking to cope' which I'm not sure you've read or not? I've also had some breakdowns due to stress and various other problems mostly services not helping me. Struggling to get mental health support at the moment.