phoebe

TN - sorry I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said. I, too, always look out for your posts and enjoy reading them. I just wanted to send you some <'> <'> <'> and all my best wishes. I hope you will get some good news soon. Post as much soul searching stuff as you feel you need to - we are your friends and will always try to help. Love and hugs Phoebe

Go get 'em hun

got to be ROBBIE Anything Robbie SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON (sorry)

I am shocked. I am sorry that I have no advice to offer. It sounds totally unreasonable to me and I am sure you will find a way. Maybe the NAs would be able to advise??? Wish you luck and send my <'> <'> <'> Phoebe

WEll done you for making an effort to research this already. I dont mean this to sound patronising and I hope it doesn't. As previous posters have said - you will find a great deal of knowledge and support here from people who live it. Have a good read of the history and ask away - you will always get some answers. Kind regards Phoebe

I am truly sorry for your loss. I hope that all goes well for tomorrow with the dentist. Take care of you Phoebe

BBC2

I have watched this again tonight and blubbed again. If you can bear a good cry, it is on 10 - 10.30 on tues evenings.

our school whilst supposedly being the local area EBD school and recognised on the county council web site as being the experts in the area for EBD seem never to have had any experience or ever come across anything like my DS in their lives, They have learnt along the way, and I have helped to educate them, but they gave me hell before he was diagnosed and it is only now after 5 years that we have reached some sort of mutual respect (although even this is shaky at times) and understanding. So it goes with all these schools that are trying to cope with a load of children with different abilities and not much support. They learn on the job with each child that comes along. They do not have an easy job and you just have to hope that they try their best for you and yours. OR AM I JUST FEELING CYNICAL TONIGHT?

Wow - thanks guys. So I guess I have a lot more reading, head scratching and work to do!! I will keep you posted. Love Phoebe

Simon <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Words are not enough and time is the only healer. Will be thinking of you at this difficult time. Love and hugs Phoebe

Hello, We are travelling the road of trying to get some help for my DS who is CURRENTLY educationally abreast of his peers. WHY? Because although he is intelligent, he needs support to learn the building blocks. He is 8 (year4) and is currently able to carry out most of the tasks set almost "naturally" but he refuses to do things in the way that they want him to. And because he has issues with social interaction and has been excluded on four separate occasions during '96. (oops 06 thanks ultramum)!! And because although he is coping at the moment, his teacher and peer group are very carefully selected each year, by a school that have known him for 5 years. Currently his teacher (now that they have got to know each other and set the ground rules) is BRILL and she is able to keep him on the straight and narrow and to avoid meltdown for the most part. The trouble is, as he is settled at present the EP and the Paed who have seen him only see an intelligent boy who engages well with adults 1 - 1. In fact, he seeks out adult company and would far rather have a conversation with an adult than with his peers. My main concern is that if he doesn't do the tasks the way he is supposed to learn it, when they get harder, he will not have learnt the building blocks to solve the bigger problems and will fall behind. Also, SENIOR school looms and I cannot see how he will cope with lots of different teachers and different peer groups. Has anyone else been successful in getting a statement under these sorts of circumstances? We have had a meeting with the EP and they have met with DS and SENCO and will prepare their report. WE have to do our report now - any advice on what to include or where I can find some pointers? During our meeting with the EP and the SENCO, the SENCO said We haven't pursued 1 - 1 adult assistance with H because he would just concentrate on that adult and it would not benefit him socially (I wondered why - and I thought it was cos they couldn't afford it out of their budget). Anything that might help us to demonstrate that adult assistance would help him learn and help him with transitions and that they could encourage interaction with peers? All advice greatfully received. Thanks guys Phoebe

done

Poor you <'> <'> <'> <'> I have read lots of your posts and know how you have agonised over this decision and also about many of the difficult times you have been through lately. Give yourself some time, it is going to be a major change for everyone, but I am sure you are not "sending him away". You have made a balanced decision which you think will be the best for all concerned. It will take time to get used to and you will have to see how it goes. WE are all trying to do the best for our children and any decision that will affect them, we probably all go through a whol range of emotions because we know how much they are affected by change, but we make these hard decisions with their best interests in mind and then HOPE FOR THE BEST! Take care of you X

WE went October half term. I had tried to research on the internet before hand to see if they had any passes for us, but it seemed not from all their documentation. The first day was awful, with so much stress and having to queue, added to which my DH hadn't wanted to go in the first place as he thought it would be too much for DS. It rained as well!!! Then i saw someone using an exit pass and approached her to ask her about it - poor woman probably thought I was going to have a go at her!! With the pass in hand, days 2,3 and 4 were SOOOOOO much less stressful and we really enjoyed it. My daughter (4) in particular is still mentioning it almost daily. I really want to go back again as I think it will be better now that we know some of the tricks, i just have to convince DH that it would be a good thing to do.................or go without him! Hope that you have a great time!!

GReat to hear that it was a positive expeience - kinda fills you with hope for the future sessions doesn't it. I am so glad that you think that you wil gain from it. Hope it continues to go well. Love and hugs Phoebe

Walking past a shop mobility place today and there was a sign in the window saying RADAR keys �3.99. I didn't have to show any paerwork (which did worry me a bit) but did have to sign a form to "get the vat off" and allow her to sell it to me at that price. So pleased that I will not have to worry about him when he disappears into the mens for 20 minutes anymore. The number of times I have sent someone in to look for him!!

Me too!!!!

Thank you for your replies, truth is, i can see where you are coming from about the money and the question of joint account management, but, at the time I wasn't earning at all. Since i have been, I have not used the joint account other than for bill paying and I have used alot of my earnings to pay bills and joint expenses. I guess we should have talked about our financial arrangements much sooner. What hurts is that after 14 years of marriage, he has decided to separate our finances and to keep secret his earnings and bills. I am not an extravagant person - he agrees that I do not spend a lot. I hoped that he trusted that all monies were being used for the family, but it seems not. I feel hurt. It isnt just about the money, but our relationship is so fragile that any discussions could be the one that tips us over the balance and apart. We were made for each other and when we do get time together without the day to day hassles, we still get on, but the more hurt builds up, the more difficult it is to relate to each other. In so many ways, after trying to repair our relationship for at least 2 years, the easiest thing would be to give up on it. At least in the longer term I may be able to find some happiness. There is no affair and there is nothing else going on that makes the decision concrete. Wish there was a magic wand.............................................

You are a star! Thank you both of you for your assistance Love Phoebe

Thank you TN That worked - I semm to have version 8 adobe - could that be the problem?

Maybe if you look at the checklist forms for filling out the DLA, or read some of you posts on here you can then think of specific incidences to include. We adapt to the way we live and forget how much of it is out of the ordinary, looking back may remind you of something that you have forgotten. Also, emphasise how you think your son could benfit from being residential.(I think some of the replies from previous posts may help here too) Good luck with it Take care Phoebe

I tried your link and it doesn't work for me - anyone know how to get one now?

Those of you who have seen me post before will be aware that my relationship with hubby has not been good for some time. When we had our first child, he decided to make his account at the bank into a joint account as he didn't want me to feel that i had to ask him for money. I maintained my own acct and have had the child allowance paid into it and also the carers allowance. Also, I work 2 evenings a week, the money for which goes into my acct. In Oct last year, H opened his own account, and stoppped using our joint credit card. He keeps all correspondence relating to his account away from me. He has his salary paid into his account. He puts enough money into the joint account to pay the mortgage and standing orders. Food shopping and petrol goes on my credit card as well as genuine joint expenses. I pay for the kids clothes, shoes, outings, haircuts. I pay money off the mortgage when i can and have paid money into the joint acct to cover the bills when need be. I have paid for holidays and bills relating to work on the house. On NYeve, i asked him to put some money into the joint acct to cover the credit card bill, and he said - no it isnt going to work like that - how much are you going to contribute? From our "discussion" - it seems he feels that i take advantage of him and that he thinks I lead this life of riley while he does a stressful job and has nothing to show for it. There is so much more to this, but I cant bore you all with the details. Our joint acct is currently at a minus balance. I have some money, but earn very little and am not extravagant with it. During our discussion, I asked if he thought it would help if we could re-cement our relationship and spend more time together just the two of us. this we are trying to do. The thing is I feel like I have no money to spend, like he doesn't trust me or hold me in any regard. He doesn't value what I do or who I am. He has told me before that he stopped trying in our relationship years ago because he got fed up with being rejected and I have tried to explain to him how emotionally drained I was coping with a challenging toddler (who turned out to have AS) and is still a challenge!! We tried Marriage guidance 2 years ago and went for about 10 sessions, but it didn't really change anything. We are both lonely. We did have a great relationship once and we are united when it comes to the children, but we are living empty lives. I really dont want to break up and have tried and tried. He has also, but we never seem to coinside in this. Now I feel so hurt over the current situation and the silent treatment I have been subjected to when i do something that he doesnt agree with. I dont know what to do for the best. Has anyone got any advice?

Hello folks, I dont know if anyone is able to help, but ...... I have been looking for flexible work that I can fit around the kids and have researched secret shopping - you get reimbursed for eating or shopping out and all you do is fill i a questionnaire about the service etc. So the problem is that when i go to the site and download the description notes, altho I have adobe installed and that seems to be the programme I need. I download and the pc tries to open the file with WORKS SPREADSHEET. This comes up blamk amd there seems no way to access or save the file in a readable way. Any advice? Thanks Phoebe