Kazzen161

I explained to T beforehand what it would mean if I was not his appointee - having to fill in the forms, speak to them on the phone, etc. I chose to take him to the Job Centre for the meeting (so he was not too relaxed) and he started off by interrogating the man about the computer system The man said are you happy for your Mum to be your appointee, and T said yes. I still get Ts DLA paid to me, but I do a standing order so it goes straight to T. However, if there were ever any problems, I could stop the DD. He does get his ESA direct and has been OK with that (well mostly )

I would split this up into small steps, and try to work out where the problems are. eg: Can he wipe an object that is placed in front of him? Does he know what "wipe" means? Can he wipe a part of his body that he can see? etc

What oxgirl describes is becoming an appointee (which then applies to all benefits). Guardianship and power of attorney are more wide reaching than this. Sites such as Mencap have good information on these. They cover things such as making decisions on the care they want, medical decisions, etc.

It is not uncommon for children with Aspergers to have hyperlexia too, though not all do.

Do you have a record of a time that you called or a name? I always try to keep a record of this now. Can you prove that you called them from your phone bill info. I made an official complaint (dwp gave me incorrect info and so I was underpaid) and they did pay up (but it took several years for them to sort it out), so I presume they had a record of that telephone conversation. I have had to complain many times to various departments, but usually over their incompetence. I do tend to back up any phone calls with something in writing.

Can you concentrate on other things? eg: games. Most people have times when they can concentrate better than other times eg: first thing in the morning or late at night. You need to have your basic needs met before you can concentrate (so not hungry, thirsty, cold/hot, etc). No-one can concentrate for hours on end - what is your optimum time span - 10 minutes? 20 minutes? Have short breaks in between, doing something that demands little thought. Some people like to work with music playing in the background, some people like to work in silence. You may work better if you have a designated study area that you use only for study or you may work better curled up on your bed. If you google study skills you will get the usual suggestions - try to find the things that work for you. Mind maps? Spider diagrams? bullet points?

Definitely check, as I do not believe this is right. You need to inform dla of the change in circumstances anyway.

Yes, Bid the LSC has gone now and it is done via the LA, which makes us wonder whrhter it will be harder to get funding (I found the LSC much easier than the LA).

CAMHS is Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services - it may be called something different in your area.

Have you spoken to your Health Visitor? If you tell her about your child and that she is saying she does not want to live anymore, then they can sometimes get CAMHS to see her urgently.

You can look at other schools if you choose - why not go and visit some independent specialist schools. Visit the suggested schools too and if you don't like them, make sure they are fully aware of your son's difficulties . The LA has no power to make independent schools take a child.

Once you have been assessed by ESA, you end up getting more money than you would on JSA. If you are on ESA, you don't get hassled to apply for lots/all sorts of jobs as you do on JSA. You can get help with "job skills", though we haven't found it very helpful so far. You have to give lots of info with the ESA questionnaire (I think I sent in more than I did for DLA - probably because I had to keep repeating things), so they get a true picture of your difficulties. My son was put in the Work Related Activity Group.

You are supposed to report an AS dx anyway see: p34 "developmental disorder" http://www.dft.gov.uk/dvla/medical/ataglance.aspx There is advice on http://www.oaasis.co.uk/file.axd?pointerid=a5b4f811de1540ea99c6325f2a1e70ef&versionid=54f7a418e3924e209f1749d6df101d43

Please do talk to your line manager. Tell her what you have done so far and ask for her advice. It is her job and she will have more experience/training in dealing with such things. It is obvious that the person is not taking on board what is being said (and in fact is just getting worse). It would be difficult for you to make a complaint against her while you are supporting her, so it would be best if your line manager took over. If you want to deal with the last incident, perhaps ask your line manager to sit in on the meeting? I was in a horrible situation at work 18 months ago, which involved my boss. Luckily I was able to get my Union to support me and it was resolved as best as it could be. I still work with her, but at least she knows I will not just take whatever she gives out. It has had a really bad effect on me - my confidence is zero.

I would agree with the others - you need to read the relevant procedures and follow them to the letter. Have all the incidents been recorded? Have you kept a record of the support you have offered? Was your line manager's request to you to deal with it, in writing? I would speak to your line manager now - it will be difficult for you to remain detached when speaking to the "bully" now as you are now personaly involved. "I wondered about saying that if the situation doesn't change (giving specific examples), then I will go to our line manager and make a formal complaint." You need to be very careful that this is worded formally and impersonally, otherwise it sounds like a threat and she could then accuse you of bullying! If you have to speak to her, then I would just say that you have been happy to work with her to try to improve things, but that if you receive any further complaints they will have to be dealt with formally. I do think this wodul be better coming from your line manager at this stage though.

Would he be renting privately or via council/housing association? Have you investigated supported housing? Is he on the council housing register? Are SS involved? It may be possible for him to get help via SS or supporting people funding - help with running a household/keeping himself clean/etc and with paying bills. It is difficult to stand back and watch them mess things up, but sometimes that is the only way they will learn (so people keep telling me!).

I would make sure you visit local colleges as well. Although it would mean a change of building, colleges often offer more help and support than school-based sixth forms (especially as the school has not been very helpful so far). It woudl also open up the possibility of choosing from a bigger range of qualifications/subjects.

You could have a look at the Surrey NAS web-site www.mugsy.org - I know they do some things for adults in the Godalming area.

My county used the same argument - they said if the school reduced its fees accordingly, then they would pay the extra petrol. You can see their point - that if they are paying for the child to be at the school at weekends then they should not pay for him to come home too. Have you asked the school if they would pay? (I do wonder what would happen if all the children decided to stay every weekend - how would these schools cope?). I believe these issues should be discussed when the school and LA are agreeing the fees, but they don't seem to be. Have you spoken to SS and asked if they will pay for the extra trips? They may argue that his mobility DLA should pay for it. If you get no luck, you could try writing to your MP.

Do you know what they are expecting of this play therapist? As far as I am aware play therapy is like counselling via play (my son had some and his drawings and play revealed what he felt about his Dad leaving home). It is not where someone comes in and teaches a child how to play (like social skills training). So she might be looking at his red and black pens as a sign of repressed anger, whereas it may just be because he likes those colours. I would ask the schol what the play therapist's role is.

or she could try using puppets/dolls to act it out.

When I was on IS (about 5 years ago) you were allowed to keep the first £15 of any wages. I had to send in my wage slips every six weeks, so I am not sure what would have happened if I had earnt more one week. Being on IS may also give you access to things like free prescriptions, that can also save you money. The CAB should be able to go through everything with you, to check if you would be bettr off claiming benefits.

Ours says: Bullying is deliberately hurtful behaviour, repeated over a period of time, making it difficult for the person concerned to defend themselves. Bullying both verbal and physical will not be tolerated in this school. It is everyone’s responsibility to prevent it happening and this policy contains guidelines for all members of the school community. In our school children and staff have the right to be respected, safe and happy. Bullying can take many forms. The 3 main types are:- • Physical – hitting, kicking, taking belongings • Verbal - name calling, insulting, spreading rumours or making racist remarks • Indirect – spreading unpleasant stories about someone, excluding someone from social groups • Cyber – by internet, e-mail or text It does not need to specify SEN specifically, as bullying is defined as above and covers all possibilities eg: calling someone by a name that is innocuous but where it is one that they know will upset that particular child. If the school think that bullying her is ok, then there is something very wrong with the school/staff - bullying is NEVER ok.

I am not sure that that is empathy. "Empathy is the ability to not only detect what others feel but also to experience that emotion yourself....Empathy and sympathy are very close and are sometimes used as synonyms. The easiest way to separate them is to remember that empathy is about feelings whilst sympathy is about actions." or as http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-difference-between-sympathy-and-empathy.htm puts it, sympathy is where you feel for someone and empathy is where you feel with someone.

I would say that sympathy is given when you know/can see someone is upset eg: because they are crying or because they tell you they are. Whereas empathy is where you can put yourself in their shoes and almost feel their sorrow/pain yourself. So I would say that you can sympathise without empathising.