Shnoing

Perhaps you should visit your local health service office wearing your chain mail to make clear that YOU are a priority case.

You can always have the offending (or whatever) threads moved to that sub-forum, wherever they get posted at first.

Unfortunately, that's right: while being in a stressful situation you cannot grieve as you should be able to. Does your health system offer some kind of time-out, e.g. therapy for "burn-out". That might be a start. You mentioned KS but I found three possible meanings: Kartagener, Klinefelter, and Kawasaki. Still, I believ that you are an individual, and not an assortment of syndromes.

Almost all goes for me, too, only I'm 41 and I'm employed in my one-and-only job which I got before my dx. My son's got his dx at age 3, so you've got a question which I've posed myself over and over again: what would a dx of myself in the 70s have changed? It wouldn't have been better, I think: the schools (2) I attended were so well-structured and the other pupils were so calm that I didn't need any accomodation (and I know what my son gets now at age 8) - either I was extremely lucky or the world has gone downhill steeply. (I personally blame the private TV channels). One more fact: any weirdness I'd have shown would have been dismissed because my father has a professional doctorate - it's funny how this little thing changes how you're seen by others.

As I understood it, your dx is pretty recent, so let me tell you that I needed a bit more than a year (but not much more!) to "come to terms" whith these new informations about myself. At first, I only saw the dx when I looked at myself, but later I learned (again) to see myself foremost as an individual, with some quirks, maybe, but not as a label. I think you have to allow yourself a phase of "grief" before you return to "normal" life.

Yes and no. I have a good job and didn't disclose it there. Nor in my private life; only my wife knows. It has helped me, though, to assess situations I'm in and which I need to analyze in order to react appropriately.

I, for one, have found these forums only because of my son's dx (which preceded mine >1 year) and I think it's good to read that you're not the only one with weird problems. (Btw, my dx was within a research project, so it's still confidential; I'm still employed, too). I think that a late dx helps when you look back onto your life, but I doubt (as you do, too) how it might help when you look into the future ... which atm is more my son's problem, and mine as a parent.

Emotions developped not later than the stone age (when humans were prey). A feeling of self-satisfaction wouldn't have helped you when your problem is escaping a tiger. A feeling of "something's wrong" (= fear) would have. What I might concede is "mirrored feelings", i.e. if someone near you is happy, you might feel happy, too, especially if you did something to make her/him happy. But I don't see a real advantage there. There might be still that tiger ...

I cannot agree with that definition. A "feeling of selfsatisfaction" isn't a real advantage, I think it's just an adaption to life in social groups: you imagine you get something out of it, even if you really don't. A real advantage would result in more offspring, but how do you do that?

Many interesting aspects - I cannot respond to all of them at once. I became aware of having been a "mirror" at age 15, and I decided to put a stop to it then. Still (at age 41), I feel more at ease when responding to a question (or a comment) than when initiating a conversation myself. What seems to be missing (I've learned about that only recently) is the connection to your own emotions (that is, your sub-conscious reactions). That's where you get those things from that you described (lack of competitiveness, etc.). The emotions are there (at least, in my case), and when I focus on them, I understand what my emotions mean (e.g. I like or I dislike something). Eta: ok, call that your "inner child" ...

To return to the original topic: as far as I've read it, it was Gary McKinnon's mother who said he'd commit suicide in case ... - no one mentioned that he'd threatened it himself. Which would have been untypical behaviour for aspies, as far as I know (the threat as a "cry for help", not the attempt), because it implies that you have lots of Theory of Mind. On the other hand, I wouldn't it call "suicide" if you take your life when facing the prospect to stay in an U.S. jail until the age of 110! The decision (and the responsibility) would have been elsewhere.

That's a point where I disagree totally. It's not at all a question of society other than the disability (lack of ToM) shows itself simply because society exists. A society where autistics could be totally themselves would disintegrate and thus stop to exist. E.g., my son insists on collecting bits of paper from the road, regardless whether there's traffic. His ideal society would be one where cars cease to exist whenever he wants to go onto the traffic lanes (no compromise). Is he really disabled (to collect that paper) by the motorists??? I think not.

Difficult one. I'd have said the same thing as him 6 years ago (when I didn't have my dx, nor my son's). By now, I see where my son needs support, and lots of it.

Please don't get derailed by the term. Originally, it was even "autistic psychopath", and who wants to identify with that? Self-centeredness together with involvement with others (to further your own goals) is not autistic, that's normal NT behaviour ... autistics don't get involved with others, at least not with that intention. No, as soon as you realize what the Other wants, you'll usually help him(her) ... problem when you're autistic is: you don't see what he(she) wants ... that's where NTs have an advantage.

Probably it's just a normal reaction to anormal circumstances ... difficult to handle even for NTs ... if you've got professional help, that's where you could talk about it ...

Hi there, BruceCM! Glad to see you again ... For the record: I got my dx 5 years ago, age 36 an 11 months.

Welcome here! I see you've only posted 3 posts so far - take it easy and you'll see which posts you can relate to. I think quite a number of people on the spectrum born in the 50s, 60s or even 70s didn't get any dx until their children did some years ago.

:hug:

I think it's ok if there's an "adults only" sub-forum, especially because I don't have to read the threads there if I don't want to.

I got my dx only after my then-3-now-8-year-old got his. For over a year, I saw that dx instead of myself ... that phase is over by now, but it's something you'll have to deal with. Welcome here!

Watch your 16-year-old peers and you'll understand what they're doing at age 35 ... that's how it went for me.

Welcome. I'm 41, got my dx at age 37 after my son got his at age 3. Fortunately, no problems with my job so far. Books recommended: "Women from another planet". "Mozart and the whale" (Mary Newport's part). "Songs of the gorilla nation".

Could be ADHD. Could be on the autistic spetrum in "overload mode", i.e. there's too much (social) information which cannot be processed in the brain. There, it would help to provide a quiet environment without too many contacts with other people. Does he have some area of "Special Interest"? That could be relaxing for him.

I like to have some additional motivation to face social situations. So, I've already read some books on psychology (nothing too "heavy", e.g. "Games people play"), and I try to analyze which games are played before my eyes. That way, as an observer, I feel I have some inner distance to what's happening, and that helps me to face these situations. As you are from the UK, have you already contacted the NAS? Don't they have some offers beyond what the NHS can give you?

If you want to go into psychotherapy as a professional, you should be emotionally stable yourself (which you are not, according to what you say yourself). You would suffer from burn-out in a very short time and be unable to a.) help yourself and b.) help others. ASD itself does not prevent you from that line of work, but your additional issues do. About becoming a teacher: how do you feel when doing a presentation in front of a class AND no one is there who tells them to shut up and listen - could you handle that? Just as some food for thoughts ...