ASue67

Thanks Karen!

Thanks Bard!!! It is nice to know others understand what I mean and have been in similar situations. I do get some time to myself when the boys go to their dad's so I do get to do things without them being around, but there have been so many times (like last night) when the boys are with me and I can't risk leaving them with a babysitter cos Mike wreaks havoc all the time so I end up not going out................ Some people have stopped asking me now cos they think I am making excuses which just makes me feel even worse. I just get frustrated cos I can't seem to do anything right with Mike..............

Thanks for replies. Mike was asleep by 9.30pm and has been up since 7.30am dragging me out of bed! Chris had a great time at the party, my friend brought him home about 11.15pm!!!!! Am going round to see Paula (who had the party) this morning. Have told Mike we are going and he is kicking off about that now. He is really funny about going in other people's houses................ god, so many issues!!!! Have told him he can sit in the car and wait but that I am going anyway! Am going to a Christmas do with work (already booked) on 19th Dec and I think I am going to have to see if my dad will come and stay over night so I can at least enjoy something!!!! Thanks again to everyone and sorry about moaning!!!

It is my friend's 40th birthday party tonight...... she is 40 next Thursday and I am 40 the Thurs after. Lots of kids going to the party so given that I have no family close by to babysit and struggle to get anyone to babysit who can cope with Mike I decided to just take the boys with me. Got all dressed up and make up on............... Mike says to me, you're not my mum dressed like that. I don't like you with stuff on your face and not wearing your jeans!!!! Great start!!!! Got them sorted and packed bag with extra drinks and some biscuits plus Mike's gameboy and some games. Arrive at party and Mike says can we go now. I found a quiet corner away from the disco and most people, got him a coke and told him that he could sit and have his drink while I talk to my friend's. Chris (NT) quite happy running round with the other kids who are there and has made new friend! Basically Mike has harrassed me and been so wound up about being there that we left at 8.30pm. I have left Chris there and another friend is dropping him off later cos he was quite happy. I am now in my PJ's, Mike is in his room watching dvd and happy again. Am so pissed off............ Paula was kinda sharing her party with me as well so I could have a good time and I am now stuck at home. Didn't even get to have any food or anything!! Mike just can't cope with anything when we are out........... I did feel sorry for him when he was sat on his own. A couple of the kids did ask him to come and play with them but he just didn't want to know. He didn't see what was so good about running round!!!!! Is it always going to be like this????? I feel sorry for him but at the same time I am so frustrated that I am the one who has to do without things so I can accomodate how he is. I must sound really ungrateful cos it is my job to look after him but I just feel so upset at the moment....................

I can relate to that JB..................... Mike is like that, expecially your description of 'normal'. I also understand Carolines comments about not knowing what mood you are going to get when they wake up and that it can be like a switch which suddenly changes them from one mood to another. I find it very hard to deal with although I suppose I have kinda got used to that being the way Mike is. Don't like the fact that I never know how he will react to something and constantly waiting for major blow ups. I feel like I am a coiled spring all the time waiting to deal with the next major thing. Big hugs to you xx <'>

Sounds just like Mike. He is constantly on the computer and thinks it is his. If I am on it and he comes back he will hit me and punch me cos I am on it (he is having tea at the moment so I have a 5 min window!!!!). Other than that he will sit in the dark in his room watching dvds or play in the bathroom with his toys. If we try to go out anywhere he will get stressed and it becomes a battle and he is constantly shouting at me that he wants to leave (wherever we may be) and screaming at his brother. He won't let his brother sing along to the radio in the car (or me).......... if we do he will turn it off. If you get any ideas then let me know cos I think we both have similar problems! Big hug from me to you <'>

I have voted yes on this poll. I first went on anti-depressants (prozac) 8 years ago when Mike was 5 weeks and I found out my now ex-husband had been having an affair whilst I was pregnant and had had enough of me. Chris was only 2 at the time so had to cope with 2 babies on my own and the devestation of being abandoned (we had been together for 14 years). Have had a lot of grief from my ex over the past 8 years relating to maintenance and access issues and have been to court numerous times because of maintenance problems (not very nice). Was diagnosed with M.E. (Chronic fatigue) just over 3 years ago as well. Have known Mike was not NT since he was about 3 so have spent the last 5 years battling for recognition and dx. All in all have been fighting various battles over the last 8 years, been for councelling, seen psychiatrists and stayed on anti depressants. On an increased dose at the moment. Am on sertraline 100mg. Don't really see myself coming off them.......... have tried but I think my depression is too severe for me to cope without them. I try to see it like this - if I was diabetic and needed injections then that would be ok, if I was epileptic and needed to take medication then that would be ok........ - so I have an imbalance which causes depression which needs to be corrected by taking tablets to enable me to function normally!!!!!! Wish I didn't have to take them but such is life!!!!!!

I have the same problem with Mike who is 8! I really struggle with getting him to understand how to fit in. He is finding things really hard at school as well and hates playtimes cos he doesn't know how to fit in and the other children tease him and pick on him. I have tried using social stories but he wont even entertain looking at them.......... he just says he doesn't have a problem it is everyone else. Cant offer any real advise just sympathise cos I am going through the same thing! Big hugs xx <'>

Don't know about anyone else but have had a couple of awful days and really needs some hugs at the moment!!!!! Big hugs to anyone else who needs them..................... could we all have a group hug?!! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Don't know what to say but want to send you some hugs xxxx <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Good luck!!!! I hope it goes ok for you................ fingers crossed that you have a nice holiday. <'> <'>

Just wanted to send you some hugs xxxx <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Happy birthday to you both!

Thanks! Been another bad day so far.............. hanging on by a thread at the moment!

Am having such a ###### time at the moment................... everytime I take my boys out together they cause so many problems and embarass me. Yesterday I took them to my dad's for his birthday. We went out to a retail park in the afternoon so my dad and his partner could help the boys to get a card and pressie for me for my birthday in a couple of weeks time. So far so good.................... then I picked up some T-shirts for them (in George at Asda) and let them choose a couple of dvds that were reduced. Still doing ok............... then Mike (ASD) informs Chris (NT) that he will watch his dvds as well as his own (this always happens) so Chris gets in a mood (understandably) and starts shouting at me (in the middle of Asda)........... Mike carried on telling him he was going to watch them, Chris carried on getting stressed.................. and so it goes on. We get back to go in my dad's car and Chris wants to go to the park but Mike doesn't so am trying to coax Mike so Chris can go and have a kick around with his ball but Chris keeps butting in and making matters worse so then Chris storms out of the car and runs off.............. takes me 10 mins to track him down and get him back to the car. So we just went back to my dad's, no park.................. Mike is now stressed cos of all the arguing and noise (he is very sensitive to sounds etc) so he is getting more and more agitated which is not good. Back at my dad's I am sat in tears in the garden. Dad doesn't really understand what Mike's dx means (even though I have tried to explain it all) so he says I am too soft on them and I need to toughen up. Eventually drove back from my dad's (1 hour drive) and get in the house and pick up the post.............. letter from ex-husbands solicitor complaining about access arrangements for the boys and saying I either comply with what he wants (no changes) or have to go to mediation. My ex doesn't understand about Mike and the way he is and has already accused my of having munchaussens by proxy and not looking after the boys properly (he left me and had an affair when I was pregnant with Mike). Sorry for rant but am feeling so worn out and depressed by everything at moment. Just seems to be one thing after another at the moment

We get this as well!!!!! Also Mike will come out with things completely unrelated to anything in the middle of the conversation and start asking about something else. And he will interuppt me to ask me really bizarre things as well. it does feel a bit surreal at times!!!!!

Happy birthday!!!! Have a drink on me!!!!!!

Oh yes!!!!! Michael is physical all the time and he is a big lad (he weighs 7.5 stone and is only 8 yrs old and he is tall as well and very solid build). He kicks and throws things all the time and punches and pushes me around as well. He can do this even if he is in a relatively good mood so when he is in a bad mood then it is awful. He has hurt me quite a few times. Have to say he is only like this with me although he can be more physical with other children than is 'normal' and I have to watch him because he is so strong. He will push others or mess with them and hurt them without meaning to (if you know what I mean?). I am forever covered in bruises. Yesterday he slammed the bedroom door in my face when I was trying to talk to him..................... need I say more. Big hugs for you................ I know what you are going through <'> <'>

I struggle with M, he would prefer to stay inside on his own playing with his toys, watching his tv or on the computer. But even when he is inside he needs me around for reassurance and wanting me to do things with him. Then other times he wants to be completely on his own and will go mad if I talk to him or go near him. If we do plan to go out it is done very tactfully and geared around making sure M is comfortable with what we are doing. If something happens and he doesn't like it then he will refuse to set foot outside the door (he did this last night when I had to take my eldest son's friend home, absolute nightmare............. he didn't want me to go into his friend's house when we got there!) Lots of times Chris misses out on things because M doesn't want to go out or do something. Fortunately Chris is now old enough to bike to his friends and do his own thing but then I am left feeling trapped in the house with M all the time! I am rambling on a bit but I suppose I am just trying to say that it is not just your son and it is nothing you are doing wrong. It is just the way ASD kids are and we have to find our own ways to cope with this to allow our other kids to be able to do things as well. I don't know the answer.............. wish I did!!!!! It is such hard work especially when it is school hols. Big hug for you <'>

In our area we get referred through CAMHS. It takes forever................ it has taken me nearly 5 years of battles and going backwards and forwards through my GP and referrals to CAMHS to get a dx. The final process which started around Jan 07 has taken 6 months (he was dx last month). I hope you have better luck where you are! It does seem to depend on where you live as to how long it takes and the route you go down. Good luck!

Hope you have a great time!

Thanks JSMum! Had an awful night with Michael last night and went to bed feeling really down and fed up. Am exhausted this morning so just hope today is not too bad cos I am not sure I will cope!! Hugs to everyone <'> <'>

Don't do that........................... there might not be any positives today but tomorrow is another day!! Sending you big hugs <'> <'> <'> <'>

Hi Kelly, I am relatively new here as well. Just wanted to say hi!

I think we all feel like this at various times. I know I do! I am constantly hard on myself and convinced that I am doing the best for Mike. That is why it is so good to be able to come on here and know that other people understand what you are going through. Believe in yourself, you are doing a great job. Keep your chin up ................. <'>