Tally

I don't think it's worse, it's just different. I think it must be very difficult to know that someone is going to die, and to see them suffering. That's never happened to anyone close to me. I think parts of the America trip will be fun. The journey itself will obviously be total hell, not many people can cope with sitting next to my dad for 14 hours. I will have to make absolutely sure I don't run out of batteries for my mp3 player! But driving in America will be a bit of an adventure, and San Diego zoo looks amazing. It will be nice to get some summer weather too.

Thanks Darkshine. No one knows what to say and I don't know what I want them to say anyway. Nothing would make it all better. But it's helpful when people try to offer comfort, and does give me strength to know that I am cared about and supported. My mum seemed alright this evening. This was the outcome she wanted, and I think she still feels that now it has happened. But I think this has made it seem more real to her. The end of the trial should mean the coroner here in the UK can close his inquest now. I don't know whether there will be a hearing, I don't think we would attend anyway as we don't have any unanswered questions about what happened. Even 7 months on, it's still hard to believe sometimes. I still get these fleeting thoughts of, "David will find this interesting . . . oh actually, I can't tell him." But it happens less and less, and it's less of a shock when it does. My dad's going to book the trip over the weekend. We're planning to fly to San Diego, spend a couple of days there and visit the zoo. Then drive to Los Angeles to spend a couple of days with my dad's friend. Then we will drive on to San Luis Obispo, which is the town where David died and where the court is. From there we will fly either to Los Angeles or San Fransisco, and fly back home. We are going to hire a car and my dad and I will share the driving. I have never driven on the "wrong" side of the road before! My mum's going to come round and feed my cat while I'm away. She's making arrangements to see friends and she will be working as normal too. She has a lot of very supportive friends if she finds it hard to be on her own, but I think she likes a bit of peace and quiet sometimes too.

It really is some comfort that we've known all along that he did it and we've never had to fight for justice. I can't imagine how it must be for families like Stephen Lawrence's who have never had that. It would consume your whole life and you'd have to let it, but this hasn't had to because we've known all along that it's in hand. Not that this is anything like Stephen Lawrence, just that I can understand why his family have done what they have and I'm pleased we haven't had to. I've been missing David a lot with all the good things that have been happening recently, getting into university and not being able to tell him. It really sucks all the pleasure out of life. But it won't be that way forever. We still have the inquest ongoing in the UK. Although it seems so silly that they are doing this that we really have not given it much thought.

After many delays, the trial of the man who knocked my brother off his bike started and finished on Wednesday when he finally pleaded guilty to Gross Vehicular Manslaughter While Intoxicated. He was offered a plea bargain, and the deal is that all the minor charges have all been dropped, and he will be sentenced to five years, of which he will serve 4 in prison and 1 on probation. It doesn't seem much, but the conviction always meant more to me than the sentence. He's going to struggle to get a job, a girlfriend, or live any kind of normal life now. He has to live the rest of his life knowing that he killed a man. My dad and I are going to California to deliver Victim Impact Statements on 7th March. The judge is normally allowed to take them into account when he decides on the sentence, but I don't think he can now because of the terms of the plea bargain. I don't know how I feel about influencing the sentence anyway, but I do want to stand up in court and make sure everyone involved knows that this is about real human beings. My dad's going to take me to the place where the accident happened while we are in America. And we are also going to San Diego Zoo. It's going to be the weirdest trip ever. I'm not sure how I feel about it all yet. Because of the time difference in America, this all happened late last night and we only heard this morning. It is the outcome me and my parents all wanted and expected, but it's really shaken my mum. I normally process things more slowly anyway, I'm sure I'll work myself out in the next few days.

Do you believe you are well enough to work at the moment? I had DBT quite a few years ago now and although it was in a group, all the things we did could have been done 1:1. We didn't talk about ourselves very much in the group, it was very much about being taught coping skills. I think if you could find a private DBT therapist you could well benefit from 1:1 sessions as much as group ones. There might not be an organisation specifically for DBT therapists, but there is the BACP who accredit therapists and counsellors generally. They may be able to give you contact details of someone who can use DBT techniques with you. If you can talk your issues through with a therapist, they may also be able to suggest a different approach that might help instead.

I've been wondering about Mumble too. I know she often goes quiet when she has a lot of work to get done. I'm hoping that's the reason this time. I hope we'll hear from Mumble soon!

Hi Anita, We don't really have time to delete posts unless there are stong reasons such as security or privacy. I've moved your post to the Beyond Adolescence folder because I think the right people to reply are more likely to notice it here. I've also changed the title slightly so it explains better what you're looking for. If you don't get any replies to your post, you could also have a look through the Beyond Adolescence folder, as there are other posts there from adults who have gone through the diagnostic process. Reading those posts might answer some of your questions.

Hi Anita, and welcome. I was diagnosed with Asperger's about 5 years ago. It was a funny time, even though I already felt sure I had it. Give yourself plenty of time to think things through. It can take us a bit longer than most to process our feelings. I also have anxiety and depression. Getting diagnosed with Asperger's helped me get the right kind of help with this.

Hello, and welcome to the forum. Asperger's isn't all about being harsh or rude to people. Some people with Asperger's are very vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It is mostly about social and communication difficulties and differences. Not wanting to have friends is certainly a difference. And you seem to have a lot of difficulty understanding normal ways to relate to people when you do have to. For now, I think the best thing you could do is to learn as much as you can about Asperger's, to help you form an opinion about whether you might have it. You might also learn some techniques that could help you in situations you find hard. It could also be helpful to ask your brother why he thinks you have Asperger's. People with Asperger's are often unaware of how they come across to others. If he is right about the Asperger's, he might have noticed things you haven't.

Sorry, I meant that my cousin goes to a cake decorating class. She's only 12

That's really nice that he's made a friend and is looking out for someone. I hope he has a lovely time

Sounds like fun! My cousin does a cake decorating class and she is always posting pictures of the (amazing) results on Facebook. People will be too busy decorating their own cakes to chat too much. It's the perfect course for meeting people without needing to talk to them too much. And you're there to learn, you aren't supposed to be professional standard yet! I hope you learn loads and most importantly, enjoy yourself!

Hello, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you have come to learn of this diagnosis all of a sudden. It must have come as a massive shock. There are cases where one parent is in denial about a child's difficulties, and the other parent is allowed to pursue a diagnosis without their input. When there are people like you, who have been excluded for no good reason, it does seem unfair, but it is legal. You should have the right to contact your son's school and doctor to find out what is going on there. They should be able to explain to you why this diagnosis has been made and give you the opportunity to have an input.

My interview went well and at the end they told me they are going to offer me a place!!!!!

Hi Sally, As you have discovered, OCD is not rational. Not all people with OCD relate the action (such as hand-washing) to something specific (such as fear of germs), some just have a sense that "something bad" will happen, but don't even know what it is. The most often prescribed medications for anxiety are the SSRI antidepressants such as Prozac. Not all of them are suitable for use in children, but the doctor will know what is suitable for your son. Sometimes they can cause increased anxiety for the first 2 weeks, but this is actually a sign that the medication is working as it should and will eventually work well. So try not to panic too much if this does happen. Medication on its own can reduce symptoms, but won't resolve the root causes of the anxiety and OCD, so it's really positive that they are suggesting therapy alongside it. Some medication cause side effects or simply don't help everyone. Don't be too disheartened if the first medication doesn't work out, as there are many others your son could try. You're right about not stopping the medication too quickly. People often come off medications too early because they feel better, only to find they actually are still unwell and the medication was keeping things under control. So you're right to see it as a long-term strategy until he seems consistently well. Be guided by what the doctors advise, as they are the experts in these medications. It's great you can identify that he worries about school, but later can tell you it turned out OK. This might be something you can reinforce when he is worried, by reminding him that it was OK last time. This is the kind of strategy used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which encourages you to identify the thoughts that make you anxious, and replace them with realistic ones. I'm glad your son is open to trying medication. I do hope it will work well!

I don't really know what to do to prepare for the interview. I'm going to look over my personal statement again to remember what's on there. I've chosen a smart outfit and I've got a list of typical interview questions that I'm working on thinking of answers to, and I'd like to think of a few questions to ask myself. I have absolutely no idea what to expect or if there's anything else I need to do to prepare. I'm not too nervous and I think I can come across as passionate about the subject, and show that I already have some background knowledge and experience. After all, I am going there to learn, they are not expecting me to know everything already or have studied it at an academic level. But I am a little bit nervous because I don't have a clue what to expect.

I managed finally to submit my university application on Monday evening . . . I have been offered an interview already, and it's next Wednesday!!!

Well I thought it could take forever for anyone to guess I did a presentation on prehistoric lions, so I decided to just tell you. I'm not very good at these guessing games! I love big cats (and small cats) and I find their history and evolution fascinating. I thought the lion made an interesting topic for my presentation because they are so familliar to us as an African species, but I was able to tell them things they did not know about lions and their history. There is a really good article about cat evolution here, which opens as a PDF file: http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=stephen%20o%27brien%20and%20warren%20johnson&source=web&cd=40&ved=0CGIQFjAJOB4&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbiologia.ucr.ac.cr%2Fprofesores%2FMarin%2520Walter%2Farticulos%2520opcionales%2520evolucion%25202009%2Fevol%2520of%2520cats.pdf&ei=rlgPT-CzFsTPhAfQrqCJAg&usg=AFQjCNEfx2ueUwoW790vwlzS4fWYp2Hw4A&cad=rja

Public speaking has never been my thing. I did anything I could to avoid it when I was at school because it was just too scary. But today I did a presentation to my German class. Our Christmas homework was to write a presentation about any topic you like, so naturally, I wrote about cats. First I showed them a photo of my cat Mitzi, and then I went on to lions. I told them a bit about their size and where they live. I told them about the lions that live in India, and how fossils and cave paintings have been found of lions in Europe, Asia and North America. And then I explained the mystery of how lions first evolved in Asia, spread across the world, and eventually became extinct in most places, remaining only in Africa and just a few in India. I really enjoyed the topic, and I even enjoyed actually doing the presentation. The tutor told me it was very interesting, and after the class the others in the class told me they really enjoyed it, especially the way I explained the meanings of the technical terms (I used as few as possible). I don't normally notice myself changing on a day-to-day basis, but when big challenges like this come up I can see progress in myself and I'm really pleased that I did this presentation that would have terrified me just a few years ago. It's the kind of thing I might have to do at university next year, so it's reassuring to know I can stand up and talk in front of people now!

In that case, you may want to look up beetroot cake. You make it in a similar way, by adding grated beetroot.

Hi Sarah, and welcome. I have fully certified weirdness I hope you will like it here.

I didn't find the NAS information that helpful either. What it does do is help you to collect the right information. Then it's down to you to work out what bits to write where. There is a website called Benefits and Work which a lot of people recommend for help with appealing DLA. There is a fee but apparently it is well worth it.

I went to see the pigeon lady and she is definitely mad, but I think in a good way. I said I could start this Wednesday and she is going to check whether she will be available this Wednesday to show me what to do and let me know over the weekend. Once I am familiar with it, it won't matter whether she is in or not. She started out keeping white doves, but as she lets them out during the day, they have bred with the local feral pigeons and she now has lots and lots of multicoloured pigeons!

I think the first thing you need to do is try applying for the types of jobs that you used to do well at, just to see how hard it really is going to be to get back into this type of work. Your experience and the fact that you know you enjoy this type of work may well be a bonus against other applicants. If you can explain your reasons to returning to this type of work after trying other things in a positive light, it might not be an issue. At least if you put in some applications, you will know for sure whether it's going to be as difficult as you think it is.

A girl I know whose dad is disabled has been going to young carers for years, and she really gets a lot out of it. Socially mainly. I hope the assessment will go well for your daughter and she will get as much out of it too.