Have your relationships been affected

[Bagpuss]

I was interested to hear anyone's experiences of their relationships with family and friends since they or their child have been dx. Have you found it brought out the best or the worst in those around you? Did your family and friends react as you had expected, or did they take you by surprise?

 

I can only speak from our own experiences, and have to say in some ways it brought out the best in people (my mum) but in other relationships we felt we saw a side to people we hadn't seen before, and we left feeling somewhat bewildered.

 

I know from dh and I point of view, some really close relationships have floundered and I wonder have we changed or has people's perception of us changed? There have been people in our lives who we felt we could count on 100% who showed little or no support and we now have very little contact, if at all. DH is so upset with his family that he wants to walk away completely.

 

I've read often on the forum about members having difficulty with their friends and family members, and their lack of understanding, and some members also have little or no contact with them. Was this triggered by the dx or were these relationships always difficult?

 

For us one the most difficult things we've had to come to terms with has been the lack of support, and I've found this forum a god send <'> <'>

Edited November 26, 2006 by Bagpuss

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Totally agree with you that this forum is a godsend or my lifeline!

 

Since my son was DX 6 months ago, my mum has been extremely support. I strongly suspect that there's at least one family member who thinks I'm too soft, too this, too that! The other members of the family are burying their heads in the sand. They listen, but haven't researched on the subject - ie goes in one ear and out the other!

 

It's hard. Frankly, I've enough on my plate than worrying about what other people think. That said, it's really hard. You have to develop a very thick skin.

 

Caroline.

[curra]

Hi Bagpuss,

 

Yep, my relationships with family and friends have been very affected. The relationship with my late dh was also very affected because he took M's autism badly, he suddenly saw nothing good in him. This was also very bad for my son. I have become isolated from my family but I think that in my case it's due to earlier circumstances, though the dx came as the final door to be closed because they showed little sympathy and exaggerated things too much. As to friends, I had a good friend who became suddenly very distant. I have another good friend who doesn't understand what it's like to be in my shoes, but she's a good friend, unfortunately she lives abroad. I have yet to see the best coming out of the people who knew me before I told them about M's dx. I only find understanding here in this forum, and in the support group I go to sometimes.

For me the most difficult aspect has been isolation and having to fight on my own to get support for my son.

 

Curra XX

[oxgirl]

Hi Bagpuss,

 

I'm totally with you on feeling a lack of support. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that there is no support from DH's family at all. They just don't want to talk about or listen to worries about our son's dx and we've ended up in a situation where we just kind of paste on a smile and almost pretend that it isn't happening at all. It's either that or continue to let the lack of help and understanding and support eat away until the feelings become unbearable.

 

I still feel very hurt and let down by people's disinterest in something that has had such a profound effect on us and, if I sit and think about it for too long, it still brings me out in a sweat and reduces me to tears. My hub finds it easier, for his own peace of mind, to smile sweetly and pretend he isn't hurt by it, but I know that he is. My parents are both dead, so, obviously no support there, but I'd hoped somehow that DH's parents would step up and offer support, but it just didn't happen.

 

When it comes to me and my hub's relationship, there were times when J was little and in the process of being dx and just after, when we found it easier to cope by putting our heads down and becoming quite seperate and just 'getting on with it' in our own seperate ways, rather than pulling together, if you know what I mean. Over the years we have become much closer though, because, I suspect that we realize we are the only ones who understand and we have to support each other because nobody else will. Probably for that reason we are more solid and caring towards each other now than ever before. We've all we've got!

 

Take care.

~ Mel ~

[JenRose]

unfortunately in our case almost everyone has been unsupportive.

From my DH which makes me really as he treats M as a boy without AS and does not make allowances for him to my mum who just criticises my parenting skills, my sisters are ok but dont really understand and as for DH family well they are just weirdos as they think that we make things up about M.

 

My one good friend sadly isnt one any more, but, i have found that 2/3 friends that i wasnt so close to before have become really really good friends and are very supportive.

[V1971]

Well, yeah. DH supports me 100% but I seem to be doing all the work. I am applying for a statement of education and even if English is not my first language (hubby is English), I seem to be doing all the work by myself. Friends seem to be very understanding, yet only one of them is really there for me.

 

I am very open minded and I believe that it is good to inform people and educate them, unfortunately my family doesn't agree and they'd rather not tell anyone, as if it was something to be ashamed of grrr! They won't allow me to tell the rest of my family and I don't like that.

[annie]

Our son was diagnosed quite late, but some family members and friends that we no longer speak to were very critical of our parenting skills and our son's behaviour when he was younger . The people that are close to us now have been around for years through thick and thin. I'd rather have a couple of real friends/caring family members anyday than lots of people who think that relationships are just about them.

 

Annie

xx

[hev]

i know people in my family think im soft on steven and that he hasent got aspergers but they dont actually come out and say it,my mum and dad have been fantastic as have 2 of my sisters,as for the other ignorant (rude word!!) they can take a running jump.

[Minxygal]

For me the family disappeared like a speeding bullet when my boys were diagnosed and so did many so called friends. My brother in Law was at least honest enough to tell me straight out that the reason they never came round with their kids was because they didn't want their kids to copy mine

 

To be honest not having family turning up unannounced, especially at this time of the year has been heaven sent its a hassle we find difficult to cope with.

 

Saying that I have a huge extended family, all of them friends and I think all of them have children with special needs. I love the fact that my friends never even blink of one of the boys kick off and I'm proud of the fact that it's the same with their children. I could live without my biological family anytime, but never without my friends.

[LizK]

A mixed bunch here for me

 

It's made no difference to my relationship with DH, we have our usual ups and downs but are pretty united on the ASD front. The fact DS1 reminds my H of himself helps I think. Sometimes get irritated that it seems to be me who goes to the apppointments, rings up and hassles people and swallows a small library's worth of books on ASD but my H does his part in different ways.

 

Family has been variable. I remember overhearing my mother and FIL discussing Adam at his second birthday saying my H and I were being over anxious professionals and should relax Then when Adam got a provisional diagnosis my mother reckoned she'd suspected since he was 9 months of age MY mother has found it very hard to mention the 'A' word and would change the subject if I brought it up. She's a bit better now but even last week was telling me how she saw autistic children from a special school and how lucky I was that Adam wasn't like that!!!!! My ILs too struggled a bit with the whole concept, don't really understand the best way of handling Adam though try their best. My mum is actually better at that in many ways. ILs irritate me by sending me the latest wondercure article from the Daily Mail which upsets me as I don't want to fix my son and wonder if that's what they think I'm sure they are just being helpful but it's something I'm sensitive over. My brothers have been great, my SIL works in SENs and she really understands

 

Friends generally have been supportive and make allowances for Adam's ways which is great One couple with children of a similar age to ours don't really seem to understand and I'm sure think it's jsut a product of lax parenting My cyber friends are very supportive and happy to let me off load

 

I have to say though I've met some fantastic people as a result of my son having autism. I'm good friends with several other mothers from our support group and have found people I seem to click with and have shared interests aside from our children. In many ways having an autistic child has widened my social circle!

 

Lx

[Lynden]

Ours has been a bit mixed too but generally we're lucky in that everyone has been great. We have known since Logan was really young though. It hasn't made any difference to hubby and I - if anything its been positive because we now know that he is aspergers too and I can understand him a lot better than I did before. It also means he understand Logan a lot better.

 

I am the one doing all the reading and going to all the appointments etc but he's at work full time so I dont stress about that. It does annoy me slightly at times like filling in DLA but again I'm with Logan more so it makes sense that I do it.

 

My family have been great in a practical sense - they help a lot. They do try and understand too, although I'm not sure they understand the full and long term implications of autism - but they accept him for what he is which is great.

 

My ILs are in the USA so not an awful lot of help obviously. They probably took it harder than my parents did, but they aren't with Logan all the time - and we also told them we thought hubby was aspergers round about the same time. They do send me ###### about cures but I just say thanks and bin them!

 

My friends have generally all been great too. There are a few who dont really talk about it but I think its more they are afraid of upsetting me, but I'd rather talk about it. I've also met some wonderful new friends from Logans nursery etc too.

 

Lynne x

[Bagpuss]

Thanks so much for your replies, really appreciated it DH and I have become closer and stronger thru out the last 3 years. Similar to your story Mel, in that we've held onto each other and supported each other. DH has said he's been shown more understanding and support from his work collegues than his own family . I know its a huge issue for him. Both his parents are dead, and his 3 siblings are all married with families, living in different parts of the country, but the only contact they have now are via birthday/xmas cards . He gave up ringing and visiting them a long time ago and as I said in my first post, he wants to walk away completely. Feels its a farce to continue sending cards at birthdays and xmas and wants to stop .

He enjoys support groups, and will happily attend appointments, but isn't interested in reading about ASD or joining forums, which I find worthwhile.

 

My mum has been so great . She is literally the only family member we see regularly now, and who has a wonderful relationship with all 3 children. She has an innate understanding of our youngest, which is so lovely to see . She had no knowledge of ASD prior to our dd's being dx, yet has actively sought out information and books to try and understand. I've a few close friends, but they don't live close by, so we tend to meet every few months. Somehow feel their lives have gone in one direction, and mine has gone in another......if that makes sense

Edited November 26, 2006 by Bagpuss

[oxgirl]

Somehow feel their lives have gone in one direction, and mine has gone in another......if that makes sense

 

Makes total sense. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[TheNeil]

My experiences have ranged from utter dispair to utter shock. My mum took my dx really badly at first, kept saying that it didn't make any difference and, basically, ignoring the fact and being in total denial (even though she came along to see the pstchologist she stood by the line that 'there's nothing wrong with you'). On the other hand my brother, who I expected to be totally non-plussed, astounded the world by just accepting the fact and talking at great length about how this meant that he now had his brother 'back' (to him it explained pretty much everything about our sometimes 'different' relationship). My sister in law is 'getting it' and I think the dx explained to her why I come across 'bizarrely' at times (she just thought I hated her and was arrogant). That only leaves my 5 year old nephew (who I've been asked not to tell...yet), my grandad who I never see and want nothing to do with anyway, and my mother's 'friend' (he doesn't get it at all and seems to think that if we have a little 'chat' then everything will be fine - I really must send this idea to the NAS sometime...like when hell freezes over)

 

Then there's Mrs Ex-Neil who was really supportive...and then <insert rude word here>ed off with someone else because I wasn't spontaneous enough. Not that I'm bitter or anything

[smiley]

Yes - relationships have changed - totally.

 

My dad has tried to wrap his head around it... but struggles to understand - he's of the old-school, 'He doesn't look disabled'. But, he is very, very supportive in his own way - and i know he adores his grandson . My step-mum......hmmmmm....i still get rolling eyes and 'well, all kids do that' from her.... Grrrrr. It has caused stacks of stress for my mum (dealing not only with her grandsons dx - but also explains her son - my brothers - problems in childhood).

 

Can open................worms everywhere..............

 

Personally - friendships have been very much tested. Coming to terms with things myself, and fighting for M, have been very hard work. I spent some time just hiding, keeping my head down, and plowing through it all - some of my friends took this as me ignoring them . Some have been fantastic . There also comes a point when you don't want to spend every single conversation with them, trying to explain your sons difficulties .

 

But, i also now have some amazing friends - all of whom have either first hand experience, or an understanding of ASD. I totally agree with Annie..

"I'd rather have a couple of real friends/caring family members anyday than lots of people who think that relationships are just about them."

 

[pumpkinpie]

We knew early on about little p, so diagnosis wise it wasnt a massive shock. if anything my hubby has dealt with it better as far as hes concerned shes ours we love her and thats that!

Problem is with all the extras, hes been very poor at doing extra work with her but he'l take her for walks and do loads of stuff like that. I just wish hed come to annual review meetings and help with dla etc he went to the first one but it scared him to bits and hes never been since and always says he cant get time off work.

 

Our relationship has suffered, but we work at it.

 

My Mum was brilliant but she died a few years ago very suddenly, my dad had already made a life for himself with his floosy, and I very rarely see him.

#

My sister has 2 kids of a similar age , but she isnt one that is easy to talk to - she doesnt offer to help alth I look after her kids etc, its a bit one sided.

 

My bruv lives in middlesbro and has 3 kids - grand lad but its hard to see as much of him as I d like

 

Hubbs mum and dad are in poor health and little p loves them. They dont really get it but arent malicious and love her to bits.

 

His brother s and sisters are pretty rubbish and little p is def treated differntly from the typical cousins- it really annoys me!!!!!!

 

I find it very hard to trust people and am definetley more comfortable with hriends who have kids with sen. Saying that some of our oldest friends are the ones who we can rely on at the drop of a hat - they are little ps godparents and I dont know how wed have managed without them, especially given the FAMILY!

[phoebe]

For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, no explanation is enough.

 

I admired the wise sentiment in your signature from the first time I read the forum.

 

Sadly most of my family including my DH fit into the latter part of the statement.

 

Thank God for friends and for this FORUM!

[Bagpuss]

Thanks again for your replies <'> <'>

 

I agree with the sentiments of Annie and Smiley too.......a few good friends are more worthwhile than a whole bunch who arn't so great.

 

I also feel more at ease and understood when with parents of children who are autistic or have MD.

 

DH and I sort of withdrew, trying to cope with everything going on, and some famiily and friends didn't react well to this, and in turn treated us the same way. Hey ho

 

At least we know the ones who are in our lives now, are there for the right reasons.

 

Thanks again <'> <'>

[butterfingersbimbo]

its funny isnt it cos i have found that the ones who you thought would be there weren't and other's who you didnt have been fantastic, such is life eh!

 

my EX h couldn't deal with it.......

 

have lost several friends who thought it was all in my imagination....good riddance!

 

my sis has been ace, especailly since two of her son's have been discovered to have problems, cough cough...oo she's the one who needs a dx herself lol!!!

 

my bro is in liverpool so dont see him much but he has worked with adults with disabilities and mental problems for years, he is brill with el.

 

have got one very close mate who rips the latest book out of my mitts as soon as i get it, she lived with us for several months with her kids while waiting for her house, she is great!

 

now i dont do peeps who you have to try and explain things too, life is too short, i would rather be butter no mates tbh.....and besides, there's always you guys lol!

[Stephanie]

We haven't told our family, the school obviously know and a few of the school childrens mums but we are keeping it under wraps with our family (luckily we don't see them all that often).

 

It's mainly because of the label thing - I want my son to be "Asa the tall blonde boy" and not be known as "Asa - that autistic kid". I thought it would become more apparent as he got older and people would guess but it seems to have gone the other way - I'm sure his little differences will shine though a bit later on. We have 2 ladies in our family who are school teachers so we avoid them like the plague in case they foil our scheme.

 

When the time is right (or it becomes more obvious) we will tell them ... and god knows how I am going to do that ... I fear it, all that explaining etc etc. My mum will totally be denial .. all she ever talks about is how clever he is and how he will be at Oxbridge if he carries on like he's doing etc etc - sigh! It would like be trying to cut through elephant hide.

 

I kind of feel that he needs to know before they do. I will feel terrible when they find out we have been keeping it from them.

 

I am very interested in the reactions of your families though. Do the members of your family also go through a kind of grieving process? Do they treat your child differently or ignore them (ie. not talk to them as much as they did before the diagnosis). I also don't want the sympathy from them - how do you cope with that?

[badonkadonk]

Hiya,

 

Interesting topic!

 

I've had varied experiences since my diagnosis. My mum and boyf have been fabulous. Bob was always understanding, even when we both didn't understand sometimes why I did the things I did. He just accepted my ways and has always made an effort to ease my stress levels. He's even better at this now because as I learn more about myself and my triggers, he too has been able to spot them and make little adjustments for me so that "boiling point" doesn't ruin the situation. For example, if we eat out for any reason Bob will always try to get a table in a corner or he will try and seat me in the best seat for me, the one that has the least people around it, he will also try to make sure that he sits so he blocks my view if there are any horrible noisy/over visual eaters nearby. Mum tries really hard and is constantly learning so that's also a positive.

 

My brother and his fiance to begin with didn't really understand, despite them both being newly qualified teachers. (You would think that when studying for a degree in teaching then Autism/AS would be covered somewhere in the SEN part of the course, but from my experience of studying for a Teacher Training degree, it is barely mentioned, if at all ) Anyway, they had come down to visit a couple of years ago and my mum and dad were on holiday which always puts me on edge, plus I was having a really depressive stage again because my period had gone AWOL so everything was bothering me and stressing me out. Anyway a huge row broke out and my bro and his fiance didn't understand my responses to things/why some things just sent me over the edge so in the end I just printed off pages and pages of stuff about AS from the net. I then practically threw the info at him and left him to it. I haven't had a problem since and they try really hard to make me feel comfortable if I go and visit them. However, I do now get treated a little bit like an annoyance. Like when I'm talking to them about things. And I find that it is harder in general to get people to listen to my opinion/ideas about something as if I can't possibly have a logical and correct answer when often once they have exhausted everyone elses ideas they finally listen to mine and it just happens to work.

 

My sister tends to talk down to me a lot and seems to be resisting the urge to pat me on the head a bit. She seems to think she's better than me because she's thin and goes to work but tbh I couldn't really give a hoot At least this way she's a bit nicer to me and a tiny bit more understanding. Her problem mainly is that she doesn't understand but isn't interested in finding out more. She's too selfish to look things up on the net or talk to my mum/boyf. My mum argues that unless I tell her about things then she won't understand but then telling that to someone who finds it difficult to communicate these things is rather silly. I argue back that I shouldn't need to tell her and that she should care enough to find out for herself and round it goes.

 

This all sounds rather depressing doesn't it, it really isn't though because it is still better than how I was treated before the diagnosis. I.e. as a bit of a b**** and a nasty, selfish weirdo who was lazy and unwilling. ANYTHING is better than that.

 

My dad tries and fails because ultimately his thinking gets in the way. He tries to make allowances and tries not to do things that upset me but essentially still thinks that I just need to "get over" a lot of stuff and get on with it. He doesn't understand why him rubbing his feet back and forth while we watch the tv drives me nuts. He doesn't even know he does it most of the time and apparently says to my mum "it's ok, just tell me" but whenever I do tell him he sighs really loudly and gets in a mood.

 

My nan and grandad. Oh man. My nan tries again but doesn't get it and my grandad said only last weekend "isn't there a pill she can take?" I love my grandparents very much but it's hard to like them when they says things like that.

 

My mum and dad's friends haven't really changed all that much. They are used to drama in our house and just tend to ask me "how are you doing?" a lot more now. They also understand a bit more if I don't go to parties and meals out etc.

 

If my bro or sis have people to stay at the house then I think they either don't tell their friends or my sis tells them and gets it wrong because I either get ignored or treated as a bit of a freak. I.e. they view everything I say with a raised eyebrow as if to say "oh what's the weirdo on about". Again though I'm not bothered really, it's not like I want to make friends with any of them myself.

 

There are people out there though who just make me mad with their lack of willingness to understand or change. My sister's ex-boyf was a complete tool who just thought I was lazy and needed to get off my backside and do something with my life. Despite the fact that he too was unemployed. Grrrr. My boyf's friends disliked me anyway because I stole their friend off them because I had come from outside their little circle. My boyfs best friend hated me, still does a bit, and thinks I'm bad news. His other best mate tries to understand a little bit but doesn't really get it, he just knows to expect only Rob when he invites us on nights out/to parties. MY boyfs family think I am the devil in disguise and think I'm a bad influence, lazy, needy, selfish, demanding etc etc etc. They don't seem to understand that he chooses to come over to my house most nights and all that. We've been together now for nearly 5 years and I can still sense them waiting for us to break up. Sometimes I worry what the future holds for me and Bob because what will happen when we get married? Will they boo me down the aisle? And god forbid if one of our kids turned out to be ASD or if I had problems having kids in the first place. I just know they will blame me for "infecting" the child!

 

Anyway, most of the time I just get on with it and I'm not bothered because I have my Bob and my mum and that's it. It still bothers me how little understanding there is in society and how I'm still treated like the plague by some people. The private hospital I go to is fantastic, the staff are ace and treat me with a little respect. Yet I rang up a major Autism charity organisation, like some of you suggested on here, to see about working with them or helping out through them and they treated me as if I was some idiot. Apparently they don't need volunteers for the local social group, they have enough (can you ever have enough?) but would I like to join the group because if I was a volunteer I wouldn't be able to see the members outside of the social group whereas if I was a member I could!?!?!? Firstly, what kind of social group is it that has rules like that. Oh yeah, that makes it much easier for people with AS to feel good about socialising, making them fill in an application form and ban them from being friends with the NT volunteers. I don't want to make friends myself, I don't like people enough and I find friends too hard to maintain but I wanted to help making going out in social situations easier for others with Autism/AS. I wanted to be able to help the NT volunteers see what might trigger meltdowns etc. But no, apparently they don't want this kind of thing. I couldn't be considered as an extra source of advice for those using the parent to parent line because I'm not a parent, even though I might have been able to help parents resolve some of the problems that other parents couldn't. GOD FORBID. Also apparently there are no jobs out there where I can help those with AS/Autism and parents get the help/understanding they need despite the fact that there are millions of you out there receiving such help and many millions more crying out for help.

 

So apparently I am to waste my life not working/working in a stupid job that means nothing. Great.

 

I don't know what's happened to this post really, it started out about relationships since the diagnosis and has gone off on a tangent. Sorry guys, I haven't posted for a few days cos I've been busy so I've got verbal diarrohea again.

 

Sorry for the length!

 

Emily

xxx

[LizK]

When the time is right (or it becomes more obvious) we will tell them ... and god knows how I am going to do that ... I fear it, all that explaining etc etc. My mum will totally be denial .. all she ever talks about is how clever he is and how he will be at Oxbridge if he carries on like he's doing etc etc - sigh! It would like be trying to cut through elephant hide.

 

I kind of feel that he needs to know before they do. I will feel terrible when they find out we have been keeping it from them.

 

I am very interested in the reactions of your families though. Do the members of your family also go through a kind of grieving process? Do they treat your child differently or ignore them (ie. not talk to them as much as they did before the diagnosis). I also don't want the sympathy from them - how do you cope with that?

 

 

I have to be honest and confess reading your post made me feel a bit sad. I couldn't imagine not telling my family and friends about Adam or avoiding people who might guess. I am proud of him because of, not in spite of his autism and I want others to know that too. I think too I want them to know Adam for the person he is i.e. a boy who has an ASD rather than for a pretend person that he really is not. Even though we've had a mixed reaction I don't think anyone sees him as 'just' the autistic boy. .

 

I thought you made a good point about the child knowing before everyone else and something I'd not really considered before. I think though on a more practical level for us a child who has a diagnosis by his 4th birthday has a degree of impairment that is going to be obvious to others even if they didn't say anything so I'm not quite sure how we could have hidden it from family members really. I remember clearly the odd questions or looks we'd get from extended family members before we disclosed Adam's diagnosis to all-and-sundry.

 

In answer to your questions. I'm not sure about grieving. Adam has always been like this, we've never had the heartache of experiencing a child regressing or changing which I think has made his autism easier for everyone to accept. This is just how he is. As I said earlier our parents thought we were just being overanxious professionals and were in some sort of denial. We slowly drip fed them information over time so they could get used to it and so by the time we finally got a diagnosis it wasn't too much of a shock. My MIL was well aware there was a problem by then though I think my FIL was quite shocked and I still think he believes it will all go away as he gets older My mum doesn't like talking about autism at all.

 

We have had times when he has been ignored in favour of his cuter more playful younger brother but friends with a similar age gap with NT children have experienced the same with the older wilful 4 year old not so interesting or sweet as the smiling toddler. So how much of that is his autism or how much of it would have happened anyway I don't know. I do worry though. We do have to remind my FIL to give him some attention as he finds Adam hard work and Adam knows exactly how to wind him up!

 

Family members do treat him differently though that's not necessarily a bad thing as sometimes he does need to be treated differently. Our parents and siblings treat him appropriately more or less with some prompting. More distant relatives don't really know how to treat him but we don't really see them that often so not that much of an issue. My MIL was delighted a few weeks back as for the first time ever she had to tell Adam to be quiet and get on his breakfast, he was busy chattering away! She said afterwards she never thought she'd see the day when she would have to do that

 

Lx

[butterfingersbimbo]

i see what you mean liz about it being sad.....i have never seen el's autism in that way.....she is who she is and i love her for it, i wouldnt want to chnage her cos then she wouldnt be el.

[Bagpuss]

Thanks again for sharing your experiences It has been really interesting reading this thread, and to know what we've experienced as a family isn't uncommon.

 

Emily, really shocked that your offer of help was rejected What a huge waste <'>

Edited November 28, 2006 by Bagpuss

[butterflycake]

Hi this is a really good topic btw. My husband and i had a very hard time after our sons diagnosis, i am only coming to terms with the diagnosis now. I must have cried nearly every day for six months after the diagnosis it just hit me so hard. I have a really good friend and she rarelymentions it, i do feel she could give me more support but she is still a mate. Other friends only talk about it if i mention it first. Most of my relations dont mention it, probably as not to upset me or they dont understand im not really sure why. My mother is a tremendous support as is my husband, i would have had a breakdown if not for them. For some reason peop0le find it really hard to talk about autism.