The appointment I'm dreading most..** UPDATE**

[Kathryn]

Hi all,

 

My daughter has not been to the hairdresser in well over two years now - possibly more. It was always a grim experience as she would scowl into the mirror - and generally behaving as though she was having her teeth out. During the last year or so she was barely able to cope with leaving the house, so taking her to a salon would have been impossible and she didn't like anyone touching her - let alone a stranger.

 

Luckily her hair is thick and straight, and I have been keeping it fairly short with variations on the bob, styled by yours truly, using the very effective sellotape method to get it straight. The last one wasn't too bad, actually - I'm improving!

 

She's now decided though, that she wants it really short and in a style which is beyond my expertise so I've plucked up the courage and made her an appointment with my own hairdresser, for this Friday. I'm hoping it will be OK. My hairdresser is nice- we've gone beyond the usual "Where are you going on your holidays?" type of question and she's told me a lot about the serious illness of her partner, so I told her about L and she knew nothing about ASD and was really interested. So I though she was the right one to do it.

 

I'm scared though - she hates people touching her head - I'm hoping the place won't be too busy - neither of us have a clue what she wants done. I have trouble enough telling the hairdresser what I want. I normally end up flapping my hands vaguely in the direction of my face and saying "Oh you know, like last time.."

 

It should be an "interesting" experience but I wish it was over. L has made great progress but I still feel nervous taking her into situations like this. Still she was the one who nagged me into this, so hopefully it'll be OK.

[smallworld]

I hate having my hair cut, I would rather go to the dentists, so I can totally sympathise.

Could you ask the salon to lend you a few of those '101 different hairstyles' magazines so that you can both have a look and see if you can come up with a style ? you can then show the stylist a picture rather than have to try to explain 'short here but not so short there' IFYKWIM

 

wac

[Kathryn]

I agree a picture would be good. L said she would research hairstyles tomorrow. If the worst comes to the worst I can ask the hairdresser to do it like mine which is also short.

 

The last time she had a short hairstyle was when she was 11, just before she left primary school. It looked stunning, but at hight school she was really teased as long hair was the norm. Also she had round glasses and people used to call her Harry Potter. She did look a lot like Daniel Radcliffe in the film, unfortunately. So that was the end of that style, which was a pity as it was much easier for her to manage.

 

K

[Paula]

I hope it goes ok.

 

We went through a stage where our son couldnt go to the hairdressers luckily being male we could just use the home trimmer and hed to endure an all off haircut for years.

 

 

Our hairdresser is great.And the place is realy small.Shes so kind to him and explaines everything shes going to do so he knows whats comeing.She also lets us make appointments first or last thing so theres no one in.That help a great deal.

 

Ill keep my fingers crossed but i bet youre daughter will surprise you and all youre worries will be unfounded.

[lindy-lou]

India will not have her hair cut,i used to be able to do it myself and just trim her fringe but now she refuses to even let me do that,she says she doesnt like the sound it makes she went to the hairdressers twice after she stopped letting me do it but now even thats a no no,so we have a little red head with fringe hanging half down her face,clips last all of 10 minutes,i always feel people look at her and think "why doesnt she cut that kids hair" well...cant wait to see the "castaway" look she will have in 5 years time

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Kathryn,

 

I think having someone you know will make a big difference to the appointment, also that the stylist has some understanding of L.

 

Hoping it all goes well, just like the night out to dinner <'>

 

Hopefully they will make Mum a nice hot cup of tea to relax.

 

Hailey

[madmooch]

H is due for a haircut aswell but we do it with the faithful hairtrimmers, I still dread it though, it turns into a fighting match with blood, snot and tears flying and not all from H

 

 

Clare

[baddad]

Hi K -

No advice, 'cos this is not one I've had to contend with (Ben loves having his hair cut - sorry!),

but loads of good wishes for tomorrow <'>

 

My gut feeling is that this is a milestone she's set for herself, and that'll make all the difference... Our kids are AMAZING when they've made up their own minds about something...

 

L&P (and a snazzy new hairdo!)

BD

[jb1964]

Understand how you feel. My daughter's been to the hairdressers probably twice in about 5yrs and the last was so horrendous that I'd find it hard to take her again. Obviously it wasn't helped by having to wait about 45mins before even being seen to - she was in such a state by then (she normally has a dry cut but this time she'd decided to try and have it washed because she wanted foils which was so 'trendy' for her - it was a nightmare - she cries when she washes and brushes her own hair - which can take up to 2hours as it's very long), and although the girl who cuts it was very, very nice to her (she has no idea she has AS) - my daughter was so upset the tears were rolling down her face the whole time with very abrupt answers to the normal chit chat!! the other stylists and customers were all giving her the once over - obviously by the time we got to the car to drive home all hell broke loose.

 

Luckily the girl who cuts my daughters hair has just left the salon and is doing hair at home so I'll be ringing her for a home visit soon!!!

 

Good luck.

Edited February 2, 2006 by jb1964

[nellie]

Kathryn,

 

I have to cut my son's hair, he's 25 now and is fairly trendy. Luckily he likes it to look 'choppy' but it ends up looking as if the dog's chewed it, a bit of gel and it looks ok......well ok once he's washed my blood off!!!

 

My hairdresser has offered to come to the house to cut his hair but he's declined the offer. Not sure if it's because he doesn't want a stranger coming to the house to do his hair or it's possibly because he doesn't want to end up looking like his mother.

 

Would your hairdresser consider a home visit?

 

Good luck for Friday.

 

Nellie xx

[Guest flutter]

i hate hairdressers, down to the hair i have

but used to ahve hairdresser come here, would that help ? did help dd a lot

recenlty have had it doen at home with clippers, but supposed to be growing hair

good luck,

C xxx

[jomica]

Ooh, you mentioned hairdressers but I think you may have got away with it. I don't think DS heard you. Phew .......

 

In our house "hairdresser" is a banned word. We go for HCs to the HDs. Even if we manage to get there without a complete meltdown, things when we get there are awful.

 

He can even have a meltdown if I mention that I'm going to the HDs and it doesn't even involve him .... he's at school, not having a hair on his head touched.

 

Oh, HDs and HCs .... the bain of my life.

 

DS is absoluely certain that HCs hurt him. And no-one can tell him any different! Maybe it does hurt him??

[DaisyProudfoot]

She's now decided though, that she wants it really short and in a style which is beyond my expertise

 

These are the magic words - SHE HAS DECIDED - therefore it may well make a difference. When Martin was little he would scream the neighbourhood down getting his hair cut. Then one day HE DECIDED he needed his hair cut.

 

He went along and got it cut - no bother - and been no bother since

 

Magic!

 

Daisy

[lil_me]

Hairdressers/Haircut has always been a swear word in our house. After taking 3 hours at home I found a Barber shop recommended by a friend, it is about 7 miles from where I live I think but the staff are lovely. Mikey will kick off, and they have to cut it with scissors, god forbid if they even switched the shears on, but they are great with him and extremely patient. If I even considered allowing a hairdreser into the house my son would be mortified.

[Tally]

I finally had my hair cut when I found that I could sit on it.

 

That was 2 years ago now, and I'm not in a hurry to go back.

[Kathryn]

Interesting reading all these responses - it seems that going to the hairdresser's is not everyone's favourite experience!

 

Would your hairdresser consider a home visit?

 

If she had objected to going to the salon I would have asked a friend of mine who does home visits. To be honest, it's her poor old mum who's having the wobblies over this, rather than her, and I'm ashamed to say it's my fear of people staring at her if she does something odd. The biggest problem will be the sensation of water, having someone else touch her hair, hair tickling her etc - especially as she reacts to light touch as painful. This would be the same at home, I guess.

 

As you say Baddad and Daisy, making the decision oneself is the key: she really wants it done so hopefully she will have the incentive to deal with all the stuff that bothers her.

 

Oh well, I'll let you know how it went. If it goes OK, I may have strength to tackle the dentist next. She hasn't been there for the last two years either.. but that's a whole new topic!

 

K

Edited February 2, 2006 by Kathryn

[baddad]

Oh well, I'll let you know how it went. If it goes OK, I may have strength to tackle the dentist next. She hasn't been there for the last two years either.. but that's a whole new topic!

 

K

 

 

I guess the chances of her actually WANTING to go there are really remote <'>

 

Think you will have to come up with a really big blackmail option - Remote controlled dalek? Cyberman suit??

 

Very best for tomorrow, K and L <'>

BD

[Guest hallyscomet]

To be honest, it's her poor old mum who's having the wobblies over this, rather than her, and I'm ashamed to say it's my fear of people staring at her if she does something odd.

 

I was once told by a Principal at a Special Needs school, give those people a "no reaction - reaction"

 

We become experts at this, they eventually will work it out. <'>

 

Regards

Hailey

[Kathryn]

AARGHHH! The best laid plans.......

 

I've had to postpone the hair appointment as my son is off school with the lurgy that seems to be sweeping our town. He's not really well enought to take along and I don't have anyone I can ask to be with him for the duration.

 

I did warn L yesterday this might happen so she's accepted it although she's not too happy.

 

I've rescheduled the appointment for next week - (I seem to have spent the whole week rearranging appointments as both children have been ill) - so the agony is prolonged: watch this space for a little longer!

 

K x

[reuby2]

Last time we went to the hairdressers was a major mistake!!!!!!!!

 

He cried all the way through like he was petrified, it was my fault really because I had said we could get a comic from the shop and then get his hair cut but when we went past the hairdressers there was no queue so Dad said.."we would be better going now while there is no queue!....BIG MISTAKE>

 

Next time I will make sure that we do it exactly in the order we said we would!!!!

 

The hairdressers aren't very nice there (won't be going there again!) and in the end I had to explain quietly that he has ASD because they kept saying things like " you sound like a mouse" etc when he was crying.

 

Oh well!!!

[LizC]

Hi Matthew doesn't like having his haircut either! Thankfully been a boy I can do his hair at home with the trimmer/clippers. he hates it though and gets upset that he doesn't look like Matthew anymore! he asks when will it get back to normal (he is like this when he hurts himself too)

[baddad]

AARGHHH! The best laid plans.......

 

I've had to postpone the hair appointment

 

K x

 

Oh poo!! Sorry, K (and l of course) - better luck next week

L&P

BD

[Jill]

Best of luck when you do go. I do hope it makes a difference that it's her choice to go.

 

I cut The Boy's hair at home myself with clippers (I trained as a hairdresser many many many years ago) and this from madmooch describes EXACTLY what happens.........

 

it turns into a fighting match with blood, snot and tears flying and not all from H

Clare

 

 

That's why The Boy looks like a long haired hippy at the mo . We both (hubby and I) have to have a long preparation time & feel particularly energetic before we commence the dreaded hair cutting.

[Gordie]

so we have a little red head with fringe hanging half down her face,clips last all of 10 minutes,i always feel people look at her and think "why doesnt she cut that kids hair" well...cant wait to see the "castaway" look she will have in 5 years time

Hey - that sounds gorgeous to me!

 

James

[Kathryn]

Just posting to say after all this time...

 

WE FINALLY DID IT!!

 

After two cancelled appointments due to illness we got to the hairdressers at last. It was becoming urgent - L was hating her hair so much she had taken to wearing a woolly hat at all times. She's has has her hair cut really short and it looks amazing. She keeps looking at herself in the mirror. The appointment went well - after taking great pains to explain about ASD and telling the hairdresser L would scowl at her in the mirror and be really anxious, she was actually smiling throughout and was very relaxed. The salon was busy but it wasn't a problem.

 

The people in the salon were fantastic and now know a lot more about autism than they did before. Good thing too, as it's a very high maintenance hairstyle - we'll be visiting frequently.

 

The best thing is that as her hair doesn't need brushing she'll stop stealing my hairbrush now !

 

K x

[LKS]

great news Kathryn. I've found a really good hairdressers for my dd as well. They were great and very understanding. Makes all the difference doesn't it. for you both

[justamom]

Kathryn, I am glad it all went well.

 

K also hates the hairdressers and he will be needed a hair cut again very soon. Luckily its a friend of mine who tries to do it as quick as she can. The thing it's a vicious circle because he hates to wash his hair as well as a cut so uses lots of gel so when she comes to cut his hair its caked in gel and it pulls so its hell because i have to make him wash it and then a cut as well i am not popular at all.

 

I have only just managed to get him used to the hairdryer - he hates it and for years i have had to leave my hair to dry naturally. The hairdresser always used to ask Why dont you want it blow dried and its just that i had to do with out a dryer that it did not bother me. I am now famous for always having a colour and no blow dry she always leaves me with wet hair said she has never come across a client that ALWAYS lets her hair dry naturally..

 

justamom

[Suze]

.................glad it went well and she likes her new hair cut <'> .......I,ve said it before, but I think I,ll say it again any how.............you have come through the worst of times , your dd,s progress is fantastic, I love reading how well things are going..............