How did someone you know with Aspergers / Autism get on at mainstream school?

[Candyfloss]

Did they settle in? Did they make friends?

[Special_talent123]

I can help you there.

 

I am autistic myself and I went from nurserys to mainstream schools up until the age of 6. I didn't get on very well; I got bullied alot by the children for being different. I had a number of behavioural issues picking children up, throwing chairs etc and my learning didn't improve. So i found a letter in my last school age of 6 that if my behaviour and learning didn't improve i would be out of the school. Before i know mum got my gp involved which they referred me over to a paeditrician and assessed that i would benefit a special educational school, which i did myself. I didnt get diagnosed with ASD until I were 14 years old, but i never found out until i were 16 finding a document on my computer about me so i questioned why they never told me which they denied. at first i denied i had it but then i researched it and came across an organization NAS and they helped me understand why im like this, and because of them i can accept i have it and deal with it.

[zenemu]

I have Asperger's and went to mainstream school.

 

Academically I did exceptionally well, but I didn't really make many close friends. I did have a few friends though, and although I didn't manage to maintain those friends after school, they did help make school life at least tolerable. I disliked school mainly because I found the whole experience very boring and wasn't ever challenged, which with Aspergers just causes you to switch off. I managed to stick with it and due to my interest in reading I never struggled with school work, I was usually quite far ahead of the rest of the class, hence the boredom. I left school with 11 A Grade GCSE's and I managed to go on to get six A'Level's and to do a degree too.

 

I wouldn't describe school as an easy experience though, It wasn't it was very confusing and ###### difficult. The best I could hope to achieve was to blend into the background really, as socially I didn't have anything like the social skills of my peers. I wasn't bullied very often, but then again I had quite a short fuse when I was a teenager, so I guess the other kids quickly learned not to push too much. For the most part I would describe school as a lonely and rather dull experience. I can't really comment on the benefits or disadvantages of specialised education having never experienced it, but what I can say is that none of my teachers ever even began to suspect that I was ASD at mainstream school, simply because they didn't particularlly pay me any attention. I doubt most of them new my name.

 

Zen

[justine1]

My son is six and is in year 2 at a mainstream.He did do alright when he started at a mainstream school,I do think he was too young as he is an august baby so had just turned four when entering reception.He made friends quickly,all the kids liked him.He then became clingy to one boy in particular but it was still a good friendship.He did have problems with going into class and coming out of class,and he even tried to runaway.But overall he was fine.

 

We moved out of the area and then things started to get worse,he was still popular at his new school and had 5 good friends,he even went to play at one of their house. From the end of Year 1 (May/June 2009) he was'nt doing much work and began to distract other kids,especially when they were on the carpet he would tap their shoulders,pull their hair or clothes etc.He then got an IEP and went onto school action.By July he became less popular and started swearing and hitting/pushing.

 

When he started yr 2 in September 2009,he had just 2 friends,but sometimes those friends wouldnt want to play with him.He became more agressive,shouting out and lashing out far more,also disrespecting teachers,and hiding under tables.He was in yr 2 for 3weeks and they moved him onto action plus.He got excluded twice before Christmas and his diagnosis came at the same time.

 

Since then he has done half days,was excluded for the third time about 2 mths ago.He has had ed psychs,autism outreach,autism support teachers etc.He is awaiting statement to hopefully move to a special needs school.My other son who is undergoing diagnosis,seems to be coping better in a way,but he is very quiet so this may be a negative with regards to learning,but I hope he can remain in Mainstream.

[trekster]

Badly socially, quite well academically. i found revision sessions confusing as questions were asked without a chance to answer them.

i have no friends from school and only 2 from college. Most of my friends are online or from the asperger social groups.

[mum232010]

i think it all depends on the person going to the school, my 5 yr old has been put on exclusion for over a week now, and then only aloud to do mornings with 1 on 1 support, and not even aloud to socialise with his friends there anymore due to his mager and danger to the other children,

but some people with asd dont have anger issues at all, and may cope well, make some good friends etc.

my sons problem is all the peers in his class are scared of him anyway due to his anger, especially the girls so he doesnt really have any friends at all, and the parents of them have told there child to stay away from him.

 

the best thing to do is try it, you can always change your mind later if you feel it isnt right xxxx

[trekster]

I have Asperger's and went to mainstream school.

 

Academically I did exceptionally well, but I didn't really make many close friends. I did have a few friends though, and although I didn't manage to maintain those friends after school, they did help make school life at least tolerable. I disliked school mainly because I found the whole experience very boring and wasn't ever challenged, which with Aspergers just causes you to switch off. I managed to stick with it and due to my interest in reading I never struggled with school work, I was usually quite far ahead of the rest of the class, hence the boredom. I left school with 11 A Grade GCSE's and I managed to go on to get six A'Level's and to do a degree too.

 

I wouldn't describe school as an easy experience though, It wasn't it was very confusing and ###### difficult. The best I could hope to achieve was to blend into the background really, as socially I didn't have anything like the social skills of my peers. I wasn't bullied very often, but then again I had quite a short fuse when I was a teenager, so I guess the other kids quickly learned not to push too much. For the most part I would describe school as a lonely and rather dull experience. I can't really comment on the benefits or disadvantages of specialised education having never experienced it, but what I can say is that none of my teachers ever even began to suspect that I was ASD at mainstream school, simply because they didn't particularly pay me any attention. I doubt most of them new my name.

 

Zen

 

Wow 6 A Levels i just about managed 3. i was pushed around quite a bit with kids tripping me up. i tried to blend into the background as well. It was the special needs tutor in the last year of school that suspected aspergers, the other teachers thought i was being cheeky.

 

[trekster]

i think it all depends on the person going to the school, my 5 yr old has been put on exclusion for over a week now, and then only aloud to do mornings with 1 on 1 support, and not even aloud to socialise with his friends there anymore due to his mager and danger to the other children,

but some people with asd don't have anger issues at all, and may cope well, make some good friends etc.

my sons problem is all the peers in his class are scared of him anyway due to his anger, especially the girls so he doesn't really have any friends at all, and the parents of them have told there child to stay away from him.

 

the best thing to do is try it, you can always change your mind later if you feel it isnt right xxxx

 

Could he be depressed and trying to cover up being different? Benzoates and various other artificial in his diet or toiletries could be causing this as it did in me.

Have you considered he might have PDA or ODD as well as autism?

[puffin]

I think it depends on the level of support and cooperation from the school

 

DD1 is 14 and has diagnoses of AS/ADHD

 

- mainstream nursery aged 2-5 - OK but up and down as not diagnosed

 

- mainstream school aged 6-11 (Swedish system - 2 different schools)

~ one school very supportive but very small - 60 children and only took children reception- year2

~ other school (age 9-11) very unsupportive head - had great idea of putting all SEN in one class and creating huge sink class - despite high staffing levels DD could not cope - staff had been on some sort of training that was based on physical interventions which was a complete disaster - class ended up being a cross between PRU/Bortstal - external autism expert employed by school encouraged a list of class rules/reward scheme - however teachers broke own rules and one teacher hit DD in face following verbal argument - DD very scared and locked herself in room.

 

- SEN unit age 11-13 - very supportive - great staff - but lacked intellectual stimulation as most children with moderate learning disabilities and DD highly intelligent - at 11 placed in class for 14-17 year olds so that she would work with AS pupil aged 14.

 

- age 13-14 dual schooling with some lessons in SEN unit and others in mainstream - built up from 20% mainstream at start of year to around 85% mainstream now - good TA who helps with organisation - aim is for 100% mainstream after the summer

 

 

 

[purplehaze]

Mainstream at first then started to fail in secondary & is now achieving in an individual outreach group from a special school and is staying on in 6th form

[smiley1590]

i struggled hard wasn't easiest thing was bullied alot and didn't have many friends was socially excluded and isolated i suppose discrimated against! it lowered self esteem i was so unhappy i cried every night as didn't understand why i so lost and cionfused!

 

XKLX

[ScienceGeek]

I went to a mainstream secondary school, one of the biggest in Kent. It had many upsides and downsides, I was pretty much constantly bullied throughout my time there, there were a lot of misunderstandings and I did backslide quite a bit during the transition. That being said I am still friends with my best friend from secondary school, 15 years later. My achievements were pretty average but I was capable of a lot more, but I had a breakdown in the last couple of years of secondary and found it hard to cope with the environment there. I think if I had gone to the special school that a lot of family members went to I wouldn't have been challenged academically and would have come out with a lot less than I did in mainstream.

[baranigirl]

DP started off in yr 7 ok and by yr 8 was refusing to go, he got a dx of dyslexia 2 months before sitting his GCSE's and failed all of them as he hadn't been to the lessons! But that was 15 years ago he left so things have probably changed a lot since then

[daniels-mum]

My son is YR 7 now at Mainstream Secondary, he has settled well, better than I would have imagined. He is average academic ability, although I think he is starting to strugle with the work as it has stepped up a gear in last month or two, this is something I need to keep an eye on.

Has statement with TA roughly 50-60% of time. The fact he has settled so well largley down to the TA who is lovely.

He is still isolated and school confirm he makes no attempts to socialise but that has been the case all his life so nothing new there.

I did go and look round a Resourced Unit which was amazing to see and such a fabulous place, however I knew that he it wasnt right for him at this time, he wants to stay where he is which I suppose speaks for itself.

I do however realise that it may not be like this all the time and I dont take anything for granted. If things changed in the future I would have to think about things, but for us its been quite a positive experience, although I would say its far from easy dealing with SENCO's, LAs etc etc.

 

 

[trekster]

Mainstream at first then started to fail in secondary & is now achieving in an individual outreach group from a special school and is staying on in 6th form

 

Pleased to hear

[trekster]

I went to a mainstream secondary school, one of the biggest in Kent. It had many upsides and downsides, I was pretty much constantly bullied throughout my time there, there were a lot of misunderstandings and I did backslide quite a bit during the transition. That being said I am still friends with my best friend from secondary school, 15 years later. My achievements were pretty average but I was capable of a lot more, but I had a breakdown in the last couple of years of secondary and found it hard to cope with the environment there. I think if I had gone to the special school that a lot of family members went to I wouldn't have been challenged academically and would have come out with a lot less than I did in mainstream.

 

i concur as that would have been my case as well.

[Martin Howe]

I went to a mainstream school as well, simply because in my time, nobody in the UK had ever heard of Asperger's Syndrome and special needs education, or what passed for such in the 1970s and early 1980s, was only used for the really badly disabled children.

 

The usual stuff, bullying or occasiaonally popularity, oddness, standing out from the crowd, etc. As secondary school, they used to put me to work in the school library during long lunch hours, because I had my head in the clouds of physics and astronomy and just could not relate to the mundane everyday things that other kids did in the playground. I did play chess for the school a few times, but found it difficult to cope with kids from other schools. Had no real friends and college then university was the same; I keep in contact with only one or two people now. The real problem was jobhunting after university, but that's best kept for another thread on its own.

 

As to help or assistance, a typewriter for school exams, but nothing else. The child autism clinic arranged the typewriter, but missed the aspergers of course as this was 1978-1981 and nobody over here in the UK had heard of it. I did apparently see a child psychologist at 9yo because of my oddness, but instead of saying "Let's find out what this is.", apparently they told my mother "Oh, he'll grow out of it!"; probably no money in the kitty. Lucky this isn't America or I could sue them

 

 

[Gordie]

Hi, Candyfloss.

 

I'm the friend of the friend of your aunt that recommended this forum to you, so basically I'm the reason you're here.

 

As I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until I was 20, I went through all my school years in mainstream school.

 

Academically, like zenemu above, I did great, which seems somewhat surprising to me now. I got 1 A*, 8 As and 1 B in my GCSEs. (Yeah, okay - I'm bragging! Still not as good as zenemu though. ) It was after school, into college and university, that my studies went downhill because of the lack of structure. The structured environment of school did wonders for me, I think, not that I knew that at the time, never having experienced anything different. I think I revelled in excelling amongst my peers in my class - I'd say that had a lot to do with what kept me going and kept me motivated to succeed at school - the fact that if I ever did badly in anything, I'd never live it down, I had such a reputation. Couldn't afford to turn up late, couldn't afford not to have done my homework ... not because I feared the teachers, but because I feared the reaction of the other kids!

 

Socially, I had a fairly decent circle of friends for most of the time I was at school, whether it be at primary or secondary school. That suited me fairly well - I was never gonna be the most popular of kids, but I think I was at least respected by most people, probably for my academic ability. That's not to say I wasn't bullied ... regularly ... not just because of my Aspie ways, but because I'm also unfortunate enough to have ginger hair, as you can see from my avatar ... never a good thing if you don't want to stick out like a sore thumb. But it wasn't all bad. I suppose it just depends how obvious your Asperger's is to other people. And of course I didn't even know had an autistic spectrum disorder then. I just thought I was a bit different - a bit more than just shy, but obviously I couldn't put my finger on what the issue was. I think, somehow, I just managed to adapt my eccentricities and hide them so that they didn't look too unusual. I still know a few of those I would call "friend" now, partly (but not entirely) thanks to Facebook - indeed one of them recently invited me to his 30^th birthday party coming up in July. I have plenty of other school "acquaintances" on my Facebook friends list too, but that's probably more just because they recognised my name than because they were a friend of mine! I even had the pleasant surprise of an apology from a few of them, for being immature and picking on me in our school days, which was nice. Nice to see people seeing the error of their ways and growing up.

 

Anyway, I can't think that I'd have been any better off in any kind of specialist school really. I needed pushing, and that's what mainstream school did for me. I suppose it gave me a bit of self-confidence in a way too, being so much more academically proficient than a lot of the other kids - maybe I thought, "At least I'm more intelligent than they are, even if they've got the social advantage on me!"

 

James

[Shnoing]

I went to mainstream school - got my dx at age 36 - and did quite well academically (ok, I'm in the 98th percentile). I had the feeling that I started to "get" something about social situations around age 18 - pretty late.

 

My son is being sent to a (not yet named) special school - he starts school this autumn.

[jo4themo]

Hi there

My daughter, N, went to mainstream playgroup (she was dx with AS a few months before her 6th birthday but had mobility problems from a young age eg didnt walk unaided until she was 3) and coped OK, although she never played with the other children and spent a lot of time in the book corner she would join in with art activities and would play with construction toys at the tables. She went to our local primary school until the end of Year 2, when rather than going onto the junior school she went to a special school. Socially she really struggled at mainstream , she never had any friends although several of the other children tried to be friends with her, she spent every playtime reading on a bench, she was very anxious and her behavior deteriorated (she would pinch, hit etc). She started at her special school on the understanding that she would maintain links with the local mainstream school, and at the end of Year 2 she went there once a week. It was meant to build up a whole morning once a week but she never lasted more than an hour before her LSA took her back to her special school as she wasn't coping. Now she is special school all the time and is much more settled - she has a few friends, will play some games with them in the playground, albeit on her terms, and her behavior has got a lot better.

She entered mainstream school a very bright girl but hardly learnt a thing whilst she was there as I think she was just too anxious., whereas at he current school she is ahead academically of all the other children in her class.

As her parents we spent many hours wondering where would suit her the best, but decided on special school as even though she may do better academically at mainstream, in all honesty we don't think she would as she would be so stressed and anxious. Her happiness is what matters and she is def more happy at special school, although she is never goignt o love school - she was recently asked as part of her Statement Review what she enjoyed about schoola nd she said "When it's lunchtime and when we play outside and I can hunt for bugs"!! LOL

However, I have a friend who has a son who is a year older than N who also has AS and he has gone to mainstream all his life and managed to cope with it and make a few good friends - he is now at mainstream secondary.

[MelowMeldrew]

I have to say it was a total failure from day one, it was the hardest 6 years pre-special school I have ever had in my lifetime. It was absolutely useless and caused us much heartache/anger and endless lobbying to get him out of mainstream in defiance of the LEA's inclusive policy, we opposed because we had to. He shut down, would not even hold a pen let alone write anything with it, he was left to play on his own and we cried at the gates every afternoon picking him up, it was awful. He lost a vital 6 YEARS of formative education which we can never regain. I still want the social worker's head on a plate and the LEAs. We also had to threaten the language therapist, and GP with legal action to get him the support he needed. I have no faith in any of them much. I am very angry at mainstream in my son's case, it was obvious from day one there was no way he would cope with it... He is getting support now, and there is no way I would allow the LEA to change that at all, we may even challenge their suggestion he attends college later, I would need considerable re-assurance of support before I would agree. So far I am against college because I cannot see viable support there. I'd teach him myself first.

[AdamJ]

I have Asperger's and went to mainstream school.

 

Academically I did exceptionally well, but I didn't really make many close friends. I did have a few friends though, and although I didn't manage to maintain those friends after school, they did help make school life at least tolerable. I disliked school mainly because I found the whole experience very boring and wasn't ever challenged, which with Aspergers just causes you to switch off. I managed to stick with it and due to my interest in reading I never struggled with school work, I was usually quite far ahead of the rest of the class, hence the boredom. I left school with 11 A Grade GCSE's and I managed to go on to get six A'Level's and to do a degree too.

 

I wouldn't describe school as an easy experience though, It wasn't it was very confusing and ###### difficult. The best I could hope to achieve was to blend into the background really, as socially I didn't have anything like the social skills of my peers. I wasn't bullied very often, but then again I had quite a short fuse when I was a teenager, so I guess the other kids quickly learned not to push too much. For the most part I would describe school as a lonely and rather dull experience. I can't really comment on the benefits or disadvantages of specialised education having never experienced it, but what I can say is that none of my teachers ever even began to suspect that I was ASD at mainstream school, simply because they didn't particularlly pay me any attention. I doubt most of them new my name.

 

Zen

 

Zen's experience matches mine, nearly word for word.

 

As part of my recent AS assessment, my clinical psychologist asked my mother for my school report. It was the first time anyone had looked at it since I left school and it was surprisingly clear from all of the teachers' remarks how noticeably my mood and interest levels declined continuously from the first year to the last. By the end, I couldn't wait to leave. The prospect of university was simply too terrifying for me.

 

[keith1]

Zen's experience matches mine, nearly word for word.

 

Mine too. School was fine. I never enjoyed it until the last year when I gave up on classes and started getting invited to parties. Never got bullied maybe because it was a middle class village and you could always gain coolness if you were good at indifference and sarcasm. University was overwhelming, I dropped out within two weeks (finished an Open University degree years later).

 

Seems a common story, either you stay good academically or you get decent socially, but maybe it's too much to do both.

[Gordie]

Seems a common story, either you stay good academically or you get decent socially, but maybe it's too much to do both.

Yep - pre-16, entirely academic ... post-16, half-decent socially, all gone wrong academically. I think I preferred my pre-16 life though.

 

James

[LS2242]

Hi there

 

My 9 yr old son is in mainstream school, however is not handling it very well. He masks things in school so on the whole they dont see a problem, but we do when he gets home and is comfortable in his surroundings. Children can be mean to him as they see him as different (I wish I knew how they did perseve him, as this would give an indication as to where he may need help) Things are getting so bad for us at home that we are considering a specialist school. Or a mainstream school but with a good support network for children with ASD. He has no real friends and no one he can confide in and just muddles through the day. He is ok acadically but not socially.

 

 

This may not be of help, i think it all depends on age also. Senior school is a different ball game to you primary school. At senior school kids are going through hormonal changes as well as trying to socialise and make new friends, although advice is good I think you need to follow your gut instinct. you know your child better than anyone.

 

Sorry I could not be of more help

[trekster]

I have to say it was a total failure from day one, it was the hardest 6 years pre-special school I have ever had in my lifetime. It was absolutely useless and caused us much heartache/anger and endless lobbying to get him out of mainstream in defiance of the LEA's inclusive policy, we opposed because we had to. He shut down, would not even hold a pen let alone write anything with it, he was left to play on his own and we cried at the gates every afternoon picking him up, it was awful. He lost a vital 6 YEARS of formative education which we can never regain. I still want the social worker's head on a plate and the LEAs. We also had to threaten the language therapist, and GP with legal action to get him the support he needed. I have no faith in any of them much. I am very angry at mainstream in my son's case, it was obvious from day one there was no way he would cope with it... He is getting support now, and there is no way I would allow the LEA to change that at all, we may even challenge their suggestion he attends college later, I would need considerable re-assurance of support before I would agree. So far I am against college because I cannot see viable support there. I'd teach him myself first.

 

College might surprise you, i went out of county and took a 45min bus ride to a different college that was much better than school.

[trekster]

Zen's experience matches mine, nearly word for word.

 

As part of my recent AS assessment, my clinical psychologist asked my mother for my school report. It was the first time anyone had looked at it since I left school and it was surprisingly clear from all of the teachers' remarks how noticeably my mood and interest levels declined continuously from the first year to the last. By the end, I couldn't wait to leave. The prospect of university was simply too terrifying for me.

 

i passed my exams on mainly adrenaline as i was hyper on tranx at the time.

 

i found my education improved about 2001-2003 when City of Bristol college gave me a chance. i literally decided on the bus home late in May that i was going to uni the next year to become a dietician for autistic children. i still haven't got there and im almost at the end of my bphil.