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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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Tylers-mum

OMG!! A DOCTOR said WHAT???

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Just doing a google search as you do and came across this by accident. OK, it was in 1999 when this happened but this doctor is WELL known in America for her advise etc.

I cannot believe she said this.....

(I suggest you have a glass of wine before reading). :angry:

 

Dr. Laura Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

 

Thursday, 29 Jul 1999 23:23:05 -0700 Prominent radio talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger today advises a mother with an autistic child to place her child in an institution so that she can "have a life."

A disabilities legal advocate who happened to be listening today sends in this report:

A mother calls Dr. Laura for an answer to one question, "Should I go to my father's birthday party?" Her "moral dilemma" was that her husband did not think they should go anywhere they could not take their child with autism.

Her answer is, "Yes." "Buy yourself a nice dress, and have a nice time at dinner tomorrow night, maybe one of the few nice times you've had at dinner in 8 years. And that's fair." Her answer was also "There's nowhere you can take this kid. There is no place." Then incredibly, Dr. Laura recommends that mother should just put her kid in an institution so she can spend more time with the rest of the family.

 

Here is a close transcript of that segment:

 

DR. LAURA: Denise. Welcome to the program.

DENISE: Hi, Dr. Laura. I am my kids' Mom. I have three children, 6, 8 and 10 and my middle son has autism. He's a non-verbal autistic child, and we've been going through about 10 weeks of some real severe behavior problems with him where he has just gone from doing so well to this complete regression.

DR. LAURA: Do they have any idea why? Any rhyme or reason to these things.

DENISE: We're working on it, we have an appointment with doctors and all . . . And it's just so difficult, I just can't describe it.

DR. LAURA: Is there much left of you for the 6 and 10 year old?

DENISE: No. They're right now with my grandparents, my, my in-laws .(Talks about sending other children to the grandparents) . . . and you know, my parents are worried about me. (Breaks down ... "so sorry.")

DR. LAURA: Right now, I'm worried about you, too.

DENISE: My father's birthday is today and he's having a birthday party tomorrow, and he has invited all the family to a very nice restaurant where right now its just not feasible and they know that, and they want . . .

DR. LAURA: Denise, Denise, I'm going to say something now that you need to hear. You need to have a life aside from this torture. You need to have a life aside from this. Your family needs to have a life aside from this. I suspect you've done more than is humanly possible. There are responsible people who are specifically trained to deal with very difficult kids with very serious problems like your son has. Let them baby-sit so you can go out and have a life sometimes.

DENISE: And that's okay.

DR. LAURA: No, no, it's not only okay. Your 6 year old and your 10 year old deserve it. They are losing out because they're okay. Your husband is losing out because he's okay. You're losing out because you're okay.

DENISE: No, he didn't want to go. He felt if we couldn't go somewhere where we all could go . . .

DR. LAURA: There is nowhere you can bring this kid. There is no place. And that's not fair to the family. And this is what I call unreasonable guilt.

There is reasonable guilt you kicked me in the shins, you should say you're sorry. This is unreasonable guilt.

DENISE: But I feel like we're leaving him out.

DR. LAURA: That's correct. You are. When it's appropriate you leave him out.. If your husband was a falling down drunk they might ask you to leave him home, too. And I would say, That's reasonable. Yes, You are reasonably leaving him out so all of you can have a decent life. Everyone is involved and invested. Everyone has spent an inordinate amount of time and an inordinate amount of money, an inordinate amount of stress. I bet you get every bug that goes around.

DENISE: Yes.

DR. LAURA: Yes, I know. I can hear that. You have to give yourself permission to have a life apart from that. And you know, Denise, this may not be fixable

DENISE: What's that?

DR. LAURA: Your son may not be fixable. In which case you're going to have to think of some kind of placement. He might even become dangerous to himself or somebody else -- and that's not going to be unreasonable either because he would be in a more controlled environment where there are experts in dealing with him.

DENISE: We just don't know what happened to him.

DR. LAURA: Well, you know it has nothing to do with Mommy. You understand that, don't you. Autism has nothing to do with whether you're a b**ch or too sweet. It's an error. Something is wrong in the head. Some people with milder versions . . . Extraordinary things can be done, but some people have serious problems and it compounds, and it can't be fixed . . . So at some point you have to think about alternative situations so this family can have a life and please that's fair to everyone.

DENISE: That's what my family has been saying. And that's not abandonment.

DR. LAURA: That's appropriate placement. There's a difference. One visits, One does stuff, one takes the kid home sometimes on holidays, you go on little expeditions, bring him little gifts, whatever he's capable of experiencing and enjoying and functioning in. But don't beat yourself over the head. Buy yourself a nice dress, and have a nice time at dinner tomorrow night, maybe one of the few nice times you've had at dinner in 8 years. And that's fair.

DENISE: Thank you, Dr. Laura.

DR. LAURA: I'm really sorry. I think you folks have gone above and beyond. Not everything can be fixed.

DENISE: But we're going to try to help him as much as we possibly can.

DR. LAURA: That's right, and that may mean a different setting. . .

DENISE: I don't want to go there yet.

DR. LAURA: Well, don't forget other kids suffer from lack of attention, and that's no less serious.

DENISE: It's such a terrible balance.

DR. LAURA: Yes. But you understand that these are normal kids who need some semblance of a normal family life. They are going to go out into the world and do the important things in the world. And if they're not given their best opportunity, then we're losing three. And its not abandonment, it's just apportioning the time and effort.

 

:angry::wallbash::angry::wallbash::angry::wallbash::angry::wallbash:

Edited by Tylers-mum

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Lynden   

See if she'd just ended it at getting some help so she could have time for the rest of her family sometimes - but then you read on and what a load of b****cks! Its an error - wrong in the head - you wonder why people get off with saying stuff like that on air!! :angry:

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hmm..well,so this doctor just knows exactly what this family need despite only talking to the mum on the radio!!!how about offering to get her some numbers for help with respite care,or just some practical advice about the family dinner like what the mum rang up for :angry: ignorance will never die will it. :rolleyes:

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Paula   

Ive actually had my parents telling me i should just shove my son in a home then i could get a life and start liveing.

 

Worse thing they ever said was that they hoped my sister would have a son then finally theyd have a grandson they could be proud of a right grandson as they put.

 

Other little gem that my mother beleive it or not once said was if only youd had an abortion pity you didnt know before he was born.

 

I was left speechless and fumeing.But i said nothing.Cried my eyes out at home though and thought if this is what his grandparents think then how the hell can we expect the world to accept hm.

 

 

The drs comments are terrible but its even more heartbreaking when the comments come from youre own family.

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It is a scary thought, but what Dr Lauras is saying represented mainstream opinion on Autism (or any other diability seen as severe) until about 30-40 years ago.

 

The documentary 'The Autism Puzzle' (Repeated on Tuesday after 'My Family and Autism') started by looking this approach. It is a sign of how far we have come that everyone now instantly recognoses that her remarks are out of order and unacceptable. A few years ago her remarks would have gone unnoticed.

 

Simon

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OMG Paula, that is UNBELIEVABLE!!! thud.gif and must've hurt like hell!

 

My family have said some hurtful things but nothing compared to that! :crying: I am so sorry you have had to put up with that. Your son can be happy he has you as his mother and if his own grandmother thinks that of him, then bye bye is what I'd say! beat.gif

 

((((HUGS)))) Paula. You are a WONDERFUL mother and don't you ever think otherwise. hugs3.gif

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Paula   

Its hard to beleive but my mother did say those things.

 

My son was born with a condition known as bi lateral choanal atresia.A serious congenital birth defect.It was a bloomeing nightmare.He had to have loads and loads of operations.

 

Anyhows one day i was at my wits end.Id a husband working long hours a 2 year old daughter and my son with this condition and everything it brought.At the time we hadnt realised he also had learning difficulties and autism that came later.I was in tears and desperate for a break and i phoned my mother crying and begging her to come and stay in the house for maybe an hour so i could get out and relax.

 

Her reply was hes youre son get on with it.May i point out that she hasnt a job and wasnt working at the time and only lived 5 minutes away in a car which she also had acess to.Shortley afterwards i had a nervous breakdown due to the stress.Againe i was told to pull myself together and get on with it.

 

I later went on to realise i had bi polar disorder.Thats a carry on in itself.

 

My family support has been to be blunt cr*p!!!!!!!!

 

Im currently waiting for my son to possibly have yet another operation to help him breath.Ive to go to Leeds general againe in January.Im dreading it.More operations more upset and even though my son has said hes fed up about not being able to breath through his nose he doesnt fully understand the paine that is involved in these operations.

 

No doubt my mum will use her usual words of comfort which go get out and about enjoy yer self whilst hes in the hospital forget about him.Thing is he cant be left alone ill have to stay with him.Im dreading it all.But ill cope.Yer have to.

 

Ive often said if she wasnt me mother id have disowned her long ago.

Shes that daft that she still beleives our son cant read and write i keep telling her he can.That hes intelligent but she insists hes thick.

 

I wont ramble on because i could for hours at the upset i feal towards people who should have offered support and understanding.

 

Paula

Edited by Paula

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Kerre   

Ouch, that really, really sucks.

 

I often wonder what my dad's mum thinks of me. I don't think my mum's mum is aware of a problem :blink:

 

But I shouldn't really talk about myself. I have a tendency to do that :(

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Paula, please don't take this the wrong way but my Mum has done far less than your mother has done (verbally I mean) and i disowned her in July of this year, not spoken to her since! If it makes you feel better, then maybe a cut-off would do you some good?

I was fed-up of waiting for the next ear bashing, the next confidence kick etc. I am 30yrs old and I put my foot down to her, she didn't like it but TOUGH!! I haven't spoken to her since.

 

My son was in and out of hospital for the first year of his life, I slept there 24/7 and iin the end, I was even dreaming about the place! :angry: I asked time and time again for someone to PLEASE come stay with him so I could have a break away from the hospital. I had excuse after excuse. The longest stay was 6weeks!! :(

More recently (2yrs ago), T had a bad fall which resulted in a decompressed skull fracture that required surgery. I had been up for 36hrs with NO sleep and I was a walking zombie. At this particular time, there was my mum, her firend, my brother, SIL and their 2girls visiting. My other sister then joined and I begged them to stay so I could go home to just get SOME sleep. They said they'd stay for a bit (WooHoo!!!). Got to the carpark with my sister whom was driving me home and half way home, my mobile rings. it's my brother saying 'You'll have to come back b/c the nurses are pulling their hair out'. WTF?? I never aksed for them to look after him, I asked my family and fiurthermore, i had been gone less than 15mins!!

How I got through that, I'll never know but you do b/c you have too, even if it is at the cost of your own sanity! :(

 

Again, (((HUGS))) for you Paula. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Edited by Tylers-mum

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Guest flutter   
Guest flutter

i am a horrible person

i advocate if it messes wih you and yours you dump!!!!

hense i havent spoke to my parents for a few years

they annoy me, and i pass my inadequeacies ect indirectly on to my kids,

would love to be able to tell them bout dd disag, only cos i knows they thought like many i was doin something wrong with her!!!

I am now learning to scan read, adn not read what will bother me

C xx

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Suze   
:o:(:( ............Paula...and Tylers mum.. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> ....for you both,so sorry you,ve had your hearts broken by those who are closest to you................back to this doctor???? :shame: .......................the only thing I agree with her on is that this family needed some respite care, and the other kids needed some time with mum.But if that had been me, dad would have stayed with ASD son, and I,d have taken the other 2 for the meal.Hope this family got some help from the relevant services :pray: .

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This is all so very sad.

 

Dr Laura's advice is very bad, especially as it was obviously not what the mother wanted. I wonder what she did in the end?

 

Paula - keep strong >:D<<'> And I guess that goes for all of us :)

 

Daisy

Edited by DaisyProudfoot

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elaine1   

###### me! scuse my french. this woman is a nutter. :angry:

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Dr Laura is a woman who has made her living out of controversy. Her TV show was dropped from the airwaves after a concerted campaign.

 

http://www.stopdrlaura.com

 

She thrives on attacking/undermining anyone who has any kind of 'difference' and is in my view, beneath contempt.

 

Simon

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Paula   

Tylers Mum.

 

You sound like youve been through a hell of a ringer too.You know its a good job us mums and dads are made of strong stuff.

 

I feal a bit guilty about whingeing on now because i think all of us have difficult stories to tell.

 

 

>:D<<'>

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Guest hallyscomet   
Guest hallyscomet

Tylers Mum,

 

When I read that the only thought that came to my head I cannot repeat as it would be banned ....

 

Oh, I had that dished out to me, I couldn't believe my ears. But unfortunately some parents are faced with really having to consider this - if there are any of you here reading this these are for you >:D<<'> >:D<<'> luckily my boy improved with medication it took him from this to mainstream school. :wub:

 

Paula - >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> my family is just like yours honey, there are no words to describe them. Tylers mum I just read yours too - join the club we have a lot in common, I guess you have read a few of my rants about my family Helps to get it out Tylers Mum and Paula :wub:

 

I received a Christmas card from my brother with a brag note in it, haven't spoken with him in years, my first reaction was to rip it in halp and post it back to him, then I realised the support I received from this forum has helped me to forget these ignorant p brains so I ripped it up into many little pieces, I felt bad for a moment, then thought NO I needed to do that. These are for you Paula >:D<<'>

 

and any one else that needs one >:D<<'> >:D<<'> group hug all round.

 

Hailey :wub:

Edited by hallyscomet

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Paula   

Thing is for me if i do kick of about stuff to my parents let ripp so to say.Because they know ive got a diagnosis of bi polar disorder (manic depression) all i get is oh heck youve gone loony on us againe bettr go to the drs.So i cant win.

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Just an observation. Having travelled with my ASD boy in the US my perception is that there is a lot less tolerance by the general public of where and where not you can go, and a lot less awareness of disability generally.

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Paula - I think Tyler's mum might be right about cutting them off (at least for a while)

 

After a particularly jaw-dropping argument I stopped talking to my mum for about 5 years. Best thing that ever happened in our relationship, and she's much better behaved now. Had to do the same with Z's parents when Com was born - and they're much better now. And it was a huge weight off us.

 

The thing is that at the moment your parents are not just no use, they're adding to your problems. There's no law forcing you to keep contact, and even though the general assumption is that grandparents are helpful and supportive, if in reality they're not then there's no logical reason to keep on suffering. It'll be their loss, not yours.

 

Whatever you decide to do stay strong and best of luck in January

 

nemo

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as an aspie myself this makes me bloddy angry does any one know this dr email im going to email her

 

no dr has the right to tell a parent to dump there child (im not a parent and eaven i know that) i think i will ask my mum to put a complaint in the newspapper about this

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as an aspie myself this makes me bloddy angry does any one know this dr email im going to email her

 

no dr has the right to tell a parent to dump there child (im not a parent and eaven i know that) i think i will ask my mum to put a complaint in the newspapper about this

 

Dr laura was a TV Doctor who made a career out of making controvrsial remarks. These remarks and others led to a campaign against her and she was taken off the air.

 

 

Simon

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Check out the following transcript. This is what Dr. Laura said about a 12 year old lad with Tourette's:

 

(LS = Dr. Laura, M = Michelle, a caller)

 

LS: Well, it depends what the wrong thing being done is or if it's just a matter of opinion and preference. So let's hear what it is.

M: Well, um, the one sister that's getting married, she and her fianc� have decided to exclude my nephew

 

LS: And how old is your nephew?

M: My nephew is twelve years old.

 

LS: Because?

M: Because he has some disabilities that I think they're afraid of ...

 

LS: And what disability is that?

M: He has Tourette's Syndrome.

 

LS: And he's not under control?

M: Uhm, nnnaa, off and on. Off and on?

 

LS: So you think it is correct to be mad at them, that it's their wedding, that they'd like to not have a kid who's physically under, uh, a lack of control and will scream out vul-gar-i-ties in the middle of the wedding and you think it's wrong to exclude them? Michelle, you smoke something funny?

M: No, no, but just being the only one, you know ...

 

LS: Well gee, if you line up your other relatives with Tourette's we can keep them home, too, but since this is the only one, and he's not under control, it is out-rageous to call that, quote, a disability, that should be tolerated at a wedding!!!

M: Ya?

 

LS: F-YOU AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PRAYERS!

M: Exactly, and that could possibly ...

 

LS: Right, so they are under all of their RIGHTS to not want that to happen and for your other sister to say, my child, out of control or not, is outrageous. You're siding with the *wrong* sister, if you have to side at all. You picked the *wrong* sister.

M: Really? Well I mean I haven't ...

 

LS: I said it three times and then explained it out once. Now you sound surprised.

M: I'm sorry, I just feel bad?

 

LS: Well, I'm going to come to your party and just scream F-YOU, F-YOU, F-YOU every five seconds and see if you want to invite me back.

M: Ya, but I guess if someone was in a wheelchair, and they might need special ...

 

LS: What does that have to do with it! We're not talking about somebody in a wheelchair!

M: No we're not.

 

LS: If you broke both his legs and he was in a wheelchair, of course he should be invited and your sister would not be uninviting him.

M: Ya..

 

LS: What she doesn't want is the F-You-Hmm. Right?

M: Yea ...

 

LS: And you think she's wrong to not want that in the middle of a church. Isn't she a terrible person?!

M: It's not a church but it's still not the point. I see your point

 

LS: Yes. It's inappropriate behaviour no matter what's engendering it. And if he's not under control with medicine or behavioural mechanisms, then he shouldn't be there.

M: She wants to stay home with her kids ...

 

LS: Well she can be that way if she wants. She can punish the whole world, because of this unfortunate affliction of her son. She can now punish everybody else who doesn't want to call this normal. It's not normal!

M: I know, it's not normal?

 

LS: And it's not nice. And it's sad. It is very sad. But there are certain events, you know what, you're not going to be allowed in the Bolshoi Ballet, if you're in a wheelchair.

M: Should she explain that, as to why they're not coming to the wedding ...

 

LS: I suggest you talk to your sister who has the Tourette's kid and say, "Look, we love your kid, I love your kid, you love your kid, that's not the point, but there are certain things your kid cannot participate in now that he's not under control, and you need to be understanding past your own kid. You need to know there's a world out there that has entitlements also, not just you. You need to not demand that the world make believe that your kid doesn't have Tourette's."

M: Yea ...

 

LS: We can't make believe. She goes to doctors, right? She's trying to fix it, right? That means there's something wrong, right?

M: Yes

 

LS: If he had flaming TB and was sneezing and coughing all over the place, would we bring him into the wedding?

M: Oh, I see ... Ok.

 

LS: Is that discriminatory against TB?!

M: Uhm, ya, I see your point ...Well, ok, I will forward your information along to her. I mean, she has not asked my opinion, I just ...

 

LS: Well then, as I said in the beginning of our call, keep out of it. If you're asked, put your arm around her and do the, "We love him, you love him, but we have responsibilities to other people, not just to our injured children."

M: Should she tell them? Because they're coming in from out of state during this time ...

 

LS: Should who tell what? You have all these pronouns, dear, I don't know who you mean.

M: Attending the wedding.

 

LS: I'm sorry, I still don't know what you're talking about.

M: It's just my sister has chosen ...

 

LS: Which sister?

M: The sister with the Tourette's child, has decided, you know, that, you know, that their family will not attend.

 

LS: Ok, then I'm sure she has sent the RS-VIP back that they're not attending. Keep out of it, woman. I'm Dr. Laura, 1-800-DR. LAURA. Comparing that to somebody simply in a wheelchair? Come on! You know? When there are things that you have to deal with in yourself, your children, your spouses, that doesn't alleviate you of an obligation to the community at large. You have to balance that. And there are certain times and places that certain things just won't fly. As I said, if he were under control, not a problem. Not a problem. There are people with Tourette's who have the proper medicine, they have learned behavioural modification, and they-are-un-der-con-trol. And if they feel that they are not, they can walk out of the room, do what they need to do, pull themselves together, come back in and par-ti-ci-pate. But if you're not under control, then you have to be compassionate to other people, and sensitive to them also. It doesn't go just one way. I know in our society it does. But that's silly

 

 

This thread makes interesting reading on the issue:

 

http://p082.ezboard.com/ftourettesyndromen...opicID=14.topic

Edited by IAmNotPrinceHamlet

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who evea / when eva it was she dont know jack about asd lol

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docs dont care about you they just do there job badly[/size][/size]

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