Lyndalou

Can anyone go with you into school Arno to speak about this suspension? Could your parents arrange something with the teacher of the class or the Headteacher? I can understand that you are very upset about this but have your problems with the class (the chaos and noise) ever been fully discussed with the school. I warrant a guess that it was more that you appeared very aggressive and became quite violent (towards the door) that has landed you with a suspension EVEN THOUGH you feel fully vindicated for becoming so angry. Often, we become angry because we are trying to keep in check all of our emotions, get confused about why we are getting so upset and like you, if you are trying to get away and can't then things reach boiling point very quickly. Is there anything in writing that the school is meant to provide in order for you to be able to keep calm, concentrate and not become overly anxious? The question still remains as to how to go back into that classroom after this episode and I absolutely agree with Oxgirl that sometimes you just have to fight the fear and face the difficult situation. However, I think you need to fully discuss your current problems with the school first. I have been in similar situations and it is terrifying but it often is the only way to learn to deal with it. I do think though that you would need to apologise to the teacher and the other student before any resolution can be made. This is not saying you were entirely in the wrong but all sides in a disagreement need to take responsibility for their own actions (even if other parties do not apologise) and this does not make you look weak, it actually shows that you are a strong person to address your own difficulties.

Hi John and welcome to the forum

Hi again Of course you are worried and it's totally understandable. You are in a situation that is totally new to you and experiencing things that often don't form part of 'normal' parenting. You are seeing your other kids having difficulty coping with the behaviours your wee one is showing and his little brother is getting attacked. Do the twins share a room? Is he actively seeking out his brother to bite him or is his brother coming near and being bitten? It does sound like it's getting very hard to handle so I do think it's a case of trying to see in what situations the lashing out or biting is happening in order to try to minimise it. These behaviours will be caused by something but they can also just become habit and if it provokes a reaction it could be that that is the reason...he might simply like watching the reaction on his brother's face, not necessarily to be 'bad' but just because it's interesting (my son used to do this a lot and still does sometimes). Or it could be that he gets too near and 'in his face' and it's a way to get space back. However, you can't have your other children getting hurt. My son went through a 'bitey' phase but I think he was a bit older. I must admit that explaining to him did no good and he kept on doing it and one day he bit down hard on me and I just reacted and bit him back. I'm not advocating you do this tbh but my son didn't bite me again! I can also understand that you don't want to worry your family. It probably wouldn't hurt to speak to someone you trust though as simply going through the assessment process can be hard and it would help to have some emotional support. I took my mum to a couple of appointments during the assessment process and both sets of grandparents are kept informed of developments as they happen now. If you are on Facebook you might want to look at the Autism Discussion Page - you could read the information and there's no need to comment - and the author has had a lot of experience of working with children across the autistic spectrum. There are a lot of other pages on there too but some are complete bunkum from my point of view but I've no qualms about advocating this page. Lynda

Hi Jayone Unfortunately, I was turned down for an assessment for a formal diagnosis - a mixture of the GP thinking she could 'diagnose' me and then passing her views onto an unsympathetic Psychiatrist who disagrees with adult diagnosis and a consultant who has limited understanding of how AS can manifest in females - so I'm self-diagnosed. Part of the reason I'm strongly advising you to get all the information you can and get support is because of my own experience. However, you already have had a professional involved who has formed an opinion based on their work with you and tests they have conduced so you stand a good chance of having your concerns taken seriously - if you could get the report the CPN did then I think that would be helpful too. My son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at just under 3 years old. This is what led me to researching ASD in general and then ASD in females in particular. In some ways my little boy is very different to me; he has a speech disorder and uses a lot of echolia whereas I was a precocious speaker (I was still echoliac though and drove my mum mad!) but in many ways he's very like I was as a child like with his musical ability and being sensory-seeking in terms of jumping, swinging and spinning. What led me to seek an assessment is that I had been looking for 'answers' to my problems for a very long time and suddenly, in front of me I saw a description of myself! A lot of the assessment for ASD is based on early development and normally this requires some input from parents or other significant adults. It has to be 'proved' that the onset of symptoms was before 3 years of age - things like repetitive behaviours and 'unusual' play and/or lack of imaginative play come into account. Again, you can find all this information - it comes under descriptions of the 'Triad of Impairments' - on the NAS and other websites. Prepare well and be clear about the difficulties you have and you can do no more! Lynda

Hi Jayone If you go on the NAS website there is information on it about how best to approach your GP if you would like to request an assessment for Aspergers. You are able to print out this information which you can then take along to the GP with you. However, I would suggest that it might be helpful to take someone along with you to the appointment if you think you might not be able to get over what you want to say. I make this suggestion because I took this information to the GP and it wasn't even looked at - unfortunately GP's may not be particularly clued up on what Aspergers is and how it appears in adults. If you have been under mental health services for anxiety and depression, you might have an advocacy service in your area who could provide an advocate to go along with you to the appointment. You would need to meet the advocate first though if you wanted to do this as they would need to discuss your situation with you so they could support you in a helpful and meaningful way. When you make your GP appointment, you might also want to consider asking for a double appointment if you can so you can speak without feeling totally rushed. At my GP surgery your appointment 'slot' is 10 mins but you can discuss a lot more and be much more thorough if you have 20 mins! Remember, that the GP is NOT the expert. They might have had some experience of working with people with ASD or they might not. Either way, they refer on to the professionals who can assess you who have expertise in the field. All the best Lynda

I must admit Gary, I find this quite difficult with regards to trying to think of adaptations which could cover a wide range of issues affecting those with ASD. Perhaps it's because it's open ended and I'm not quite sure where to start. If there's one thing that I would probably think straight off the top of my head is the strip lighting you find everywhere (maybe not quite so much now?). Our kitchen at home is quite dim - it is to the back of the house and doesn't get much natural daylight. We deliberately went for 'daylight' bulbs which I've found do replicate daylight quite well and don't have a buzz! Every workplace I've been in and most shops seem to have flourescent strip lighting and they are awful...glaring and buzzing... which does make you more stressed than you need to be!

Hi Mummyof 6 Welcome to the forum. I hope you manage to find some answers and support here. Do you mind giving an indication of where in the world you are? From what you are saying, you are doing everything right by following up with the Paediatritian for an opinion and advice. Something that jumps out at me is the fact you say your son has always been very independent and never stays still. I can't relate to the regression you describe with regards to body contact and speech but my son was always very 'independent' and never stopped moving from very little. At this age he repeatedly did puzzles (which he was very good at) and became interested in making 'lines' on the floor of his toys or household objects. He also began to 'stack' things and could get very upset when things wouldn't balance etc and was always very interested in switches and buttons at the same age as your son. I am mentioning these things as you may be seeing some evidence of this which can be interpreted as not playing in a 'typical' manner. My son also had very limited pointing and waving and would tend to tug on a sleeve and direct to things he wanted rather than indicate by pointing. If your son has had a number of health issues from birth then this will have to looked into to see if any problems have been caused by this although what you are describing could also fall under some of the symptoms of ASD. Sensory problems can be a big part of having ASD. It's possible that your son is avoiding body contact if he has over-sensitivity to touch for instance. If he is being touched when he is finding this difficult (I'm only surmising here) or feels frustrated in any way, this might be the reason you are seeing him become so distressed. My son loves being touched, hugged and tickled but there are also times he can become very upset and angry if he is touched when he doesn't want it. All I can suggest right now is try to look for the things that 'set him off'. Although I appreciate it will be upsetting for you to back off from your little one if he is not wanting hugged, this might mean that he will not feel 'threatened' and therefore not lash out. If it looks like he wants to be on his own, give him some space for a while. Be aware that your other children coming into his 'space' might also be upsetting for him especially if he is doing his own thing. My son is old enough now to explain to him that it is unacceptable behaviour to lash out at his sister but equally I also take my daughter out of the situation if she is 'crowding' her brother and I can see the signs that something is building up. All the best Lynda

Hi Rob Thanks for posting and welcome to the forum. It'll be great to hear about your progress - it sounds like quite a challenge! Patrick sounds like a lovely lad and with your support, I'm sure he'll manage to get through this difficult time. Lynda

Hi Whitestar, welcome to the forum

Hi Concernedmammy Really sorry to hear you've found yourself in such a terrible situation. I have no idea how things work in practice in Kuwait but if your husband's company has offered private education for your son, is there any way they can help with gaining a suitable school place? Are you able to go to the British Consulate to inform them of the despicable way your son has been treated and the obvious discrimination shown with regards to his needs if this is a British school? Do they have any proof that your son had the difficulties they say he has in maths if he needs to be of a certain academic ability to gain a place at the school? Not that it ought to matter if they are meant to provide places to children with special educational needs but... I'm also wondering, does it have to be a British/English curriculum? Would your son be eligible to attend an international or American school even? He has already attended two schools and must be very confused and upset but would there be any harm in going somewhere he is simply accepted and supported? Is there any way you could just take a 'break' with regards to schooling until something suitable can be found? Just to explore and discover what there is in Kuwait, incorporating 'teaching' in a subtle and informal way? Is this possible? I don't know if there are issues surrounding being an unaccompanied female etc...pardon me if I'm thinking out of turn. I'm thinking that it might diffuse the tension a bit and if you, your husband and your son are calmer then it might then be time to start reintroducing the idea of 'school' in whatever form it takes. I also once read an article about home schooling and the parent said that the kids routinely met up with other homeschooled children to do 'projects' together. This was in the US so I have no idea if there are some kinds of homeschooling networks you could access in the area. I know that one of the members on the forum knows a lot about 'alternative' schooling. If they don't see this thread, I could drop them a line if you'd like? Lynda <'>

The thought of juggling with chainsaws sends chills through me I must admit Alain

Hi Alain and welcome to the forum

To all members It has been flagged up that there are times when people are writing posts but when they are trying to put them onto the forum they are being lost. Understandably, this will be upsetting and frustrating if people have spent some time formulating their posts. It is thought that a server problem could cause this to happen. The forum co-hosts have requested that if this happens, in order to investigate what has happened they would need the exact date and time the problem occurred, the name of the topic and the member's name. If you have this problem and would like it investigated, could you contact one of the moderators with this information and we will pass this on. Many Thanks The Moderating Team

Hi Chickengirl Linnet is right - there are a lot of us out there. 16 was definitely a difficult age for me so I can get where you are coming from but you have described yourself as an intelligent and interesting young lady who has a lot to offer the world. Perhaps you haven't heard of Temple Grandin. She is a very well known high functioning autistic person who has made a dazzling career out of her 'obsessive interest' which is cattle. She is one of the world's foremost experts in humane cattle slaughtering practices. So, don't 'down' yourself for what you are interested in. However, if you really struggle to talk to people about everyday things then you might be able to access a social training type course locally - could you get in touch with a local autism group (not necessarily NAS but they run SocialEyes,a social skills training course in my area) and they could give you advice on coping with your anxiety too. You might neverfind it easy but it can definitely get easier to get on with others if you can learn some basic skills and techniques for 'small talk' and have some idea of what people mean when you are meant to 'read between the lines' of what they are saying then you will probably not feel quite so anxious. I also understand the 'boy' thing and these feelings are very difficult to cope with. I used to shake uncontrollably and cry in toilets whenever I saw a boy I had a brief relationship with at your age and this went on for a long time. No-one knew how badly affected I was by our breakup - I was convinced we were meant to be together forever. However, try to employ your logic in the situation you are in. Has he been nice to you and is the main reason you have fallen for him so badly? The thing is, this is NOT the basis for a relationship (and I'm only saying this to you because at your age I thought this was enough) and your worth should not be based on the interest or lack of interest in you of a boy. I know it's easy for me to say but if you are spending lots of time on your own you are feeding this obsession (and this is what it is) so try to find something else to do that can take your mind off of this. Again, as Linnet says, you will get there...it just takes time. Take care Lynda

Hi Jazzy'sMum. Hope you enjoy your time here - welcome to the forum

Sometimes the smallest things you remember the best. Comments from little people can be so honest and pure

That's lovely Smiley

Hi Echo Are you trying to contact your local branch of the NAS or the National Helpline number? I can understand your frustration - nothing worse than being kept on hold or worse still getting through and then getting the annoying message that tells you to phone back another time and then you get cut off! Also, 14 days seems like a heck of a long time. Fingers crossed you got through.... Lynda

No time right now to comment on the post but really sorry you've had so much trouble trying to post (and losing everything!). I know the feeling - it's happened to me more than once. I'm not sure if it's my computer or a glitch on the forum. I'll report it and see if there's some problem needing fixed. You could also pop a little something in the techie support bit as someone may be able to shed some light.

Hi Juls77x Hi and welcome to the forum. I live in the Aberdeen area but my son is quite a lot younger than yours so he doesn't attend support groups within the age range you need. However, there are a few groups in the area which might be suitable that you and/or your son could access. Last year, there was a lot of focus on asking parents of children and teenagers with ASD and also adults with ASD what they wanted regards to services and support in the area. They are looking to create a One Stop Shop for people to go to to get information and advice but I don't know how far this has got in getting set up. However, if you've never had contact as yet with NAS Aberdeen branch it might be worthwhile contacting them to be put on the mailing list for monthly updates about what is happening in the area - Margaret.Clark@nas.org.uk I'm happy for you to pm me if you'd like. Lynda

Hi Ebichu64 I've been on Citalopram a couple of times and for me it definitely helped to even my moods out. You do have to be pretty on top of taking them at regular times or there can be side-effects. If I forgot to take mine then I would be dizzy and 'spaced' and if I forgot to refill my presciption and went without for a couple of days then I had strange feelings like my head was floating above my body! So, I would suggest sticking with the medication to see if it takes the 'edge' off your panic attacks until you can get them under control and especially since you are getting yourself into such a state even anticipating speaking to your boss. I'm glad you are finding ways to relax and that your partner got home safe and sound. Lynda

Hi Echo and welcome to the forum

I found 'Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety - A guide to successful stress management' by Nick Dubin to be easy to read and helpful for me. It describes many reasons as to why anxiety is a common problem for people with Aspergers and suggests different strategies to manage anxiety. The author advocates CBT but also getting to know/understand and put in place good personal strategies to 'self help'.