Kazzen161

Mother in need, I haven't spoken to him yet, but T (being ever so tactful, like a typical Aspie!) was talking very loudly about them and their bikes, and that they always park their cars in front of our house, so they can get the bikes in and out of the garage + that they often leave their bikes parked in front of our drive whilst waiting for their biking buddies to arrive - and didn't hear him this morning. The neighbours over the road are all RAF personnel, and most of them don't have children. They are typical young couples - loud music and little thought for the neighbours. I did complain to one man cos he was still drumming at 11pm - he obviously didn't realise how loud it sounded - but I haven't heard any drumming from his place since + knocked on another's door cos they had all their windows open and loud music playing at 11pm gone - it seems likely I interrupted an "intimate" moment - but he apologised, and turned music down (could still hear a few moans and groans though!). Karen

I had to call out the Police once, and he did say that he could take T on a tour of the cells if necessary. I don't think it would have deterred T, but the Community or Schools Police Officer will often help you out by saying what you think your child needs to hear. Karen

>>After listening to what you all have to say it seems that because my son did not have a "label" at the time his statement was issued then he was classed as high incidence, but how he has recently got a diagnosis of Aspergers then possibly he could become low incidence? In our County, no this would probably make no difference. High incidence just means there is a lot of it about - it has no correlation to need. So once AS would have been low incidence - now it is classed as high-incidence. As the others said - where the money comes from SHOULD make no difference to the provision. If lunchtime support is specified in the statement- he should get it, regardless of how it fits in with the TA's. If it just says 20 hours per week, they can use it as they like - but common sense would say 4 hours a day. At his next annual Review you could try to get the statement changed to say one trained TA only. It does not matter where the money comes from - what is specified in the Statement must be provided. Karen

In our LEA (same as yours?), if the AS child is "autistic" they get a low incidence statement, and the school gets funding from the LEA. If the AS child is "not autistic", they get a high incidence statement and the funds come from the schools delegated funds. From what I have seen being "autistic" AS means flapping, repetitive speech,etc. In terms of what each child needs, it is no different. Karen

I have three boys - two have AS, and so far although I have planned what we will do I have not been able to get all three to agree to go - if two want to go, the other one doesn't! I am really bored too, and very fed up. The boys will go to their Dad's for a week (I can't wait!!), but that is the only respite I will get. The kids aren't going to sleep until gone 11, so I am getting no time at all to myself. And the lovely person over the road who insists on running his motor(super)bike for several minutes before he leaves at 7, is really getting on my nerves!!! Karen

I'm in Alton, Hants. I am surprised to see so many people from Hants - some just down the road. Williamsaffire - why not just go to the LEA Offices instead of trying to telephone - but I warn you - their security is tight! I presume the Basingstoke people know about the two support groups that run in Basigstoke. Smileymab - my ex was stationed at Sandhurst for a few years - he once had to fix Princess Margaret's car! Karen

SS will be very glad for you to use Direct Payments IF you do qualify for help. I have never been able to get help, as AS is not considered a disability here, and we are also classed as a well-off area so SS have very little funding. If you use Direct Payments, you will have to do the NI and accounts, unless you can use an agency. Karen

I have just asked for our visit - unfortunately the relevant man is now away for an unknown amount of time! Hoping to get someone else here before T goes back to his residential school. Karen

My eldest has always loved babies, and he was very good with the Twins when they were little. He loved coming to see the scans. When I was about 7 months pregnant, we chose a small teddy for each of the babies, and he looked after them (on the shelf in his bedroom). When he came to the hospital he brought the teddies, and they had a little present for him too! Karen

Xmas is easy - we get him more Xmas lights to add to his collection! T liked Capsela and Knex, which is easier to put together and take apart than meccano. A few years ago I bought T all things he wanted (non-toys) and one toy (a barking/jumping dog). He said thank you, and then a few weeks later said woudl it be Ok if he gave it to the Twins. He said "I don't know why you keep buying me toys, cos you know I won't play with them". I know I was only buying a toy cos I felt he ought to have something "fun", but I don't bother anymore, and he is very happy with a filtration system for his pond or a new drill! Karen

The statistics are showing that more than half of first DLA applications get turned down now, but many are won at appeal - so definitely worth appealing. Karen

We are on first day of hols, and already I want to walk out! I can't sit down for more than a few minutes, cos I have to go and stop a fight - I can't have the radio or TV on cos I can't hear what they are up to - I am hating it. We will probably go out tomorrow, which might be better, but then I come home exhausted and still have to cook the tea, wash and iron and clean! I wish we had another bedroom, then I coudl separate the three of them. At the moment the one I wuold choose to get rid of is my hormonal NT son. He has got to the stage where he doesn't seee why he should have to make allowances/adjustments for his two AS brothers - so life is worse than usual. Karen

One thing to consider - is it a primary only MLD school, or a full-age range one? My friend took her AS son out of mainstream at 7, and he went to a very good MLD junior school that had a lot of expertese in ASD. She fought to keep him out of a not so good all-age MLD school. He has now finished Year 5, and she has just been looking for a secondary school for him. He has done really well at his current school and is now happy to go to school, but they have had to make special arrangements so he can be taught at an appropriate level. He did a day visit to an independent specialist school, and he loved it. He wants to go there now, as he has started to realise he is not the same as the other childrne at the MLD school, and he felt he fitted in well at the specialist school. It does not look as if it will be possible to get him in there for sept, but hopefully next year he will be able to. If he had been in the all-age MLD school, it would have been very hard to get him out (we know from someone else's experience)- as it is a junior school only, the placement has to be reviewed in Year 6. He would have the opportunity to do the full range of GCSE's at the specialist school, instead of only art and maybe maths GCSE's at the MLD school (and he is very bright, especially in geography and science). Karen

The "AS and difficult moments" book is very good. When you look for signs you are looking not for just what happened immediatley before they lost it, but in the hours (sometimes days) leading up to it. Once you can recognise your own individual child's signs (eg: they become childish and giggly/ they bark like a dog/ they get hot feet), you can say to your child "You need to go and chill out because you are giggly/etc". Gradually the child comes to recognise the signs for himself, and can chose to go and calm down. Once the child has got to meltdown stage, there is no reasoning with them - they are out of it. You can do nothing to stop it at this stage, the child has to go through the meltdown to come out the other side. You need to see the signs and stop it getting to that point. Karen

Re: schools list - I would not expect it to be just a list of schools that have places available now - you would need to ask the school when you talk to it. I would also not rely on the LEA list being comprehensive - do your own research eg:www.oaasis.co.uk has a page about finding a special school, giving a link to Gabbitas etc. Karen

I thought I had something for T to do for three weeks and then he would be at his Dad's for a week, but the things are not now going to happen - so got 4 weeks+ with 2 Aspies who like doing different things and a hormonal NT - oh what fun!! Karen

I am taking amitryptiline. I started on 25mg at night, but that made me feel very nice but like a zombie, which is no good with three boys to look after. I am taking 10mg at night at the moment. The last time, I saw a different doctor and he said it is such a low dose it can't be doing anything, but it seems to be enough for me, so I don't see any point in changing it. Karen

Things that begin "he must..." eg: He must learn to compromise (preferably within 6 weeks, with no help!). Someone said to me the other day "You should try having a full-time job and raising a family", when I said I haven't had time to do any gardening - she obviously imagines I sit at home filing my nails all day! She is someone who has known me for 7 years, and she hasn't got a clue! Karen

So if the Teacher says "jump off that cliff" your son is not allowed to say no? If he is a typical Aspie, he will replace the "no" with something a little less polite!! Why can the Teacher not ask him to do things - just say "Now it is time to ....." or "Do you want to do x or do you want to do y?", etc. I don't like that target eg: in terms of child safety, there are occasions when it is appropriate to say no to an adult. Altogether, some ambitious targets for a 6 year old. Karen

In the Govs Guide to the Law, it says the gov body may appoint a committee to monitor SEN, the CoP says it can be one Governor or a sub-committee. The school's SEN Policy should specify what arrangements they have made. The letter looks fine. Karen

So what are CAHMS suggesting? You could look for a residential school that offers drama or the opportunity to join a drama group local to the school, or that will be weekly residential so he can continue with the group at home. Karen

A case of verbal bullying at the Junior school was addressed much as you say - the child was moved to another school by the parent in the end, but this led to the anti-bullying policy being rewritten to state that bullying could also be verbal. Ask for a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy. Karen

I sometimes say something like: Some people would .......... Do you think it would be better if...... He will often say "no" or "go away, I don't need your help". But if I just leave him to it, he will often try out what I have suggested, and then pretend he thought of the idea himself! Karen

www.bbc.co.uk/ the GCSE revision section www.schoolsnet.co.uk www.learn.co.uk (can't remember the age range for this one) Karen

I have read quite a lot of different books over the years, and they all have something to offer. The Tony Attwood book is the best one. I have also read the Ken Hall one (Aspergers, The Universe and ???). It was very easy to read, and quite funny. I read ????Eating/peeling? an Artichoke a while ago, and although there was nothing new in it, it reminded me of some things that I had forgotten about. Another good one if your child has meltdowns, is Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments by Myles and Southwick. It helped me to understand the Rage Cylce and how to intervene to prevent a meltdown. Karen