nightingales

Hello Star, Forgot to say, at age 4 he had a new playgroup leader who has since told me that she knew he was autistic from the first day she met him (maybe she should have told us, but she was generally brilliant with him, so I'll forgive her).

Hello Star, We had no suspicions that there was anything 'wrong' at an early age, but a family friend who first saw him when he was two and a half immediately asked if we'd considered having him tested for autism. She was going mostly on his lack of eye contact and general 'style'. We dismissed the idea at the time, thinking that she was unfairly contrasting his rather reserved, professorial, pedantic manner with the exuberantly friendly style of her own two boys. C at this age hated Playgroup, finding it hard to settle in and hard to leave (hated change). He couldn't bear the scratchy crinkly feel of the painting aprons, or the squelchiness of finger paint or playdough. He never played with the other children, though he would sometimes chat to the adults. He would fiercely resist being part of 'circle time' or doing things when other children did. he wasn't aggressive, just upset and immovable in his dislikes (still is!). Does any of that help? As you say, they're all different, and I'm sure more people will be along in a minute with other experiences. All the best, L.

Had to put this under 'cheering' -- Yesterday, driving all three kids to littlest one's swimming lesson after the usual stressful, bad-tempered attempts to get out of the house with everything, I skidded the car in the rain. We spun completely round and ended up facing back the way we'd come BUT by some miracle we ended up on the grassy strip between the carriageways, in the only bit without a signpost or other nasty sticky-up pillar, out of the way of both traffic streams. Everyone was a bit winded from the seatbelts but fine. HURRAY! Both boys were white with fright, but DD just wanted to do it again! Drove on very cautiously in a much more child-loving frame of mind than ten minutes previously (I'll admit I'm still shaking a bit as I type!)

...one swam lengthways round town ghrps

my sons don't exactly cooperate kgfyr

Reminds me of when MY son was in Reception too... I found the head + posse of teachers waiting for me to tell me that C must understand that he had to stand still in the playground while the building contractor's lorry DROVE THROUGH IT at PLAYTIME!!!!

Just a thought about the ducks -- has he been listening to reports about bird flu? My boy picks up on anything like that. Lins

Been there and got the T-shirt! here's what seems to have worked for us: Keep going often. Book his appointment and yours separately if you can, so visits are more frequent. Yes, I'd tell the dentist that he has 'suspected' AS, or ASD, whichever -- and remind them before each visit. Ours were very helpful once we did that, giving us appointments at very quiet times, seeing him without a wait, and not coming out with all that 'now then, be sensible, a big boy like you' rubbish that we'd had previously. Use shameless bribery for afterwards -- where's the nearest toy shop, newsagents, post office...?! We've progressed gradually through watching someone else, to getting in the chair, having teeth 'looked at' (no contact!), then counted, and finally (sort of) polished. He's now 9 and could really do with a brace on his second teeth, but I think we'll have to creep up on that one veeeerrrry slowly One good thing: the horrible thought of having to go more often does encourage him to scrub his own teeth pretty vigorously! Good luck.

Well, my 7-yr-old NT son has truly appalling handwriting, my favourite example being the outside of his 'zpellinz' [sic] book, but we're finally getting more than three words to the line, so there's hope. On the colouring in: does your child know that you have to stop the pencil yourself at the lines? My AS boy didn't realise this until told -- he thought there was something about the black lines themselves that was meant to keep the shading inside, and was frustrated that his pictures 'didn't work'. Just a thought! Lins

Fiorelli, Your post really hit a nerve. I've just found out today that my middle (NT) son has been systematically bullied all term, ever since moving into a mixed-age classroom, and I'd missed the signs completely. I only found out today because one of his older brother's friends came to find me at home time to say that he was hiding in the cloakroom crying. Two other children then told me (quite casually) who had probably caused it, and his older (AS) brother said 'everyone knew' that these particular kids always picked on A. Luckily the head was still there and we took it straight to her. A has been sent to her several times this term as punishment for being 'easily distracted' in class, and she was fairly horrified that the reason hadn't come out before. Surely, if your son is constantly being picked on, the others in his form will know about it, even if, like ours, they haven't thought to mention it? Even if he doesn't want to complain -- and he may be too scared to, rather than too used to it -- perhaps they could get at the facts that way. Maybe the head could try asking WHO hits him rather than WHETHER they do (worked on mine). I'm off to give my red-eyed boy an extra hug. Best wishes to yours, L

Had to vote 'male' here, as C's male teacher last year was outstanding. It's not that the other (female) teachers don't try, but he was the most caring, thoughtful, calming and trust-inspiring teacher a child could meet. He exacted respect and instantly suppressed attempts at teasing C. By the end of a year, C was relaxed in a way he'd never previously been at school, and Mr X described him as 'witty, challenging, but a real pleasure to teach.' He's now left to train for the church -- or perhaps instant sainthood!

Waccoe, Read your post and just cracked up! Glad to see it's not just our house after all... L (Oops, sorry, Bid, our mice have hijacked your thread)

...and get the dead mouse off the carpet before she arrives! Don't ask... L xxx

Hi all, Can't be much help, but I do feel for you. C's obsessive fears are currently taking over our lives. He's been on the waiting list to see someone about possible OCD for over a year, but they don't have the staff to see him until after Christmas. Meanwhile, the only advice we've had is 'Don't reassure too much, it can make it worse' [??] and ''Downplay it and stay calm.' OK. We have a child who's currently refusing to wear his coat because it touched his brother, who touched a yew tree (2 years back); to eat at the table because of lead contamination; to eat AT ALL if there's a fly in the room, because of 'germs'; to use his duvet, because it's been on the sofa (can't even remember what's wrong with the sofa!); and to sit in the car, on the chairs, or near the bedroom wall.... I could go on, but you get the picture. If we force him, he screams in absolute terror. And what the *%$� we do about it (in nice calm voices and whilst getting the other two off to school, of course)? This is a thin, cold and frightened child -- just how much 'downplaying it' can he take without actual starvation? Phew, that feels better -- I'm off to read them a story (he's off sick with a cold, wearing pyjamas with cardboard sellotaped over the top, daren't ask why, and playing with little sister's Barbie lego for her). best wishes to T, L xxx

Yep, let's see if we can see eye to eye on this... no, sorry, let's make that 'look at it from his point of view'! Thanks! L

Hi all, my 9-yr-old's IEP (supposed to be reviewed next week, but clashed with school trip to war museum, oh joy) has as its first target 'Make agreed and increasing number of eye contacts within given period (LSA to count these)'. C's father goes on and on at him about it too ('Look at me... no, look at me,' generally followed by 'Don't stare at me like that, it's rude'). AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH! L xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Techno-babes, hmm? When C was nearly 3, he was fiddling with the fridge magnets (assorted letters and shapes) and rather smugly came up with 'ww.co.uk', sticking in large red circles for the dots. I was pretty startled, and said 'Good grief, he's spelt out a web address with inch-high dots!' 'What's an inch, Mummy?' says C. Times change... L

Maybe not helpful, but I work from home as an editor and proofreader. Much of it arrives by email or post. It can get a bit isolated, and you might prefer something that's mostly home-based but does get you out a bit. I know there is training available from SFEP, the society for Freelance Editors & Proofreaders, but it might be expensive. I also know people who do bookkeeping, accounts or payrolls from home for things like local playgroups, and our local school does evening classes in that (not my kind of thing though!). Is there anything you could teach -- French conversation, computer skills for the local silver-surfers, beginners' piano, wrestling...? Start-up costs would probably just be a postcard in a few shop windows. Watch the house insurance, though -- my work counts as 'clerical', which is OK, but you do need to inform them. Good luck!

Hi, Us too. I just assumed our younger (NT) son was fine -- confident, lively, loud, pretty much textbook child, everything that C wasn't. Then he got expelled from Beavers for appalling behaviour. Ooops. I've spent the summer trying to get better acquainted with him, if that makes sense! True, he doesn't have C's inbuilt problems, but he does have: stressed parents broken nights a brother who worries all the time about poisoning and the end of the world embarrassment at school (his friends tease him about C's 'baby' behaviour) restricted leisure because of places C won't go and, of course... homework SATs annoyingly cute hair (aaaah) and an irritating little sister. Enough for one perfectly ordinary brat to deal with, I think. Funnily enough, ten minutes a day to play Twister or peel carrots with him has worked wonders. Failing that (some days I have NO uninterrupted minutes), try tickling? All the best! Lins

Hi Beth, I've come late to this topic, but it sounded sooo familiar. We had a teacher two years back who said C was 'perfectly fine with her' (ignoring the previous years of battle to get him to go at all, and then to go into lunch, assembly, PE...). After a couple of months things came to pieces, as she'd decided without consultation that it was time to 'be a bit firm with him' and make him 'pull his socks up'. She even started writing comments in his work along the lines of 'Come on C, everyone else in Class 2 is expected to do this!!'. Basically, she felt he could do perfectly well without all this mollycoddling, and removed all his support and 'privileges' (for which read essential ways of coping in school). Result? He couldn't see why she 'didn't seem to like him any more' -- and she suddenly had a seriously stressed, flapping, growling, headbanging OBVIOUS PROBLEM in her classroom. It's good advice to stay calm and assume they meant it kindly (personally, kindly sympathy makes me want to growl... the same teacher later told me 'We're all very sorry for you, you know', and I just about resisted biting her. How dare she say that about our child!). On the other hand, it's also good advice to make sure they aren't assuming he can be scolded out of all this newfangled autistic nonsense by a bit of good firm handling! Good luck!

just a thought -- my son's teachers have agreed that if he can genuinely do one, he doesn't need to do the lot! (Thye're still pondering how to prevent the others finding out, though...)

Lucas, Thank you! I think quite a few of us may have been misunderstanding your earlier posts on what autism ISN'T (I certainly was). Would you say, then that autism is binary -- you either are or are not -- rather than 'part of a continuous spectrum', as we so often hear? Lins

Hi Kay, My kids aren't very like your little girl, but she does remind me of myself at her age. Substitue books for computers and you couldn't tell the difference. One astute teacher commented on my school report (aged about 6) that 'My only concern is her utter lack of social contact'. My parents robustly refused to believe that this could be a problem. Amongst four children, they felt one quiet one just had to be a good thing. In fact, my mother (bless her) still puts it down to eyesight: 'You never talked to anyone because you couldn't see them', followed by 'When you got glasses, you were too self-conscious about them to talk to anyone' (?!) and ''You preferred books to people because you could see them better.' It was only after ds's diagnosis that I began to question their version of my childhood... Your little girl sounds lovely, though -- bet I wasn't that sweet! Lins

Hi, Maybe my experience is not typical, but when I found out about the PP and phoned them for advice during the statementing process, the man I spoke to was very offputting. He interrupted when I was still trying to explain what I'd phoned for and said, 'Why do you think you need us? We're here to help parents with communication problems who need an advisor. You sound like you can do your own explaining.' Wish he was right!

Brilliant! Advice from my dh (very good flautist) is NOT to get one with open holes (if that's what she meant?) as he has one, and it's far harder to play than the 'ordinary' sort -- he's looking to change it for ane with closed holes! My little boy had his first ever clarinet lesson yesterday. The cat was last seen packing its suitcase...